"Follow your inner moonlight; don't hide the madness."
- Allen Ginsberg
***
Fear had been a constant companion of Adam's. It might even be argued that it was the one constant in his life till now.
Either it was the fear of getting adopted by strangers, the fear of his future, the fear of what others might think of him, or even the fear of his own expectations he had burdened himself with.
But no matter the kind of fear, he had always risen to the occasion and conquered it slowly but steadily until nothing but dust was left in its place.
Alas, this new kind of soul-chilling terror that seeped into your bones, engraving itself into your marrow and made you question everything you've experienced was a new thing for him.
It was the fear of the unknown, the abnormal and the unknowable. It made your worldview shatter and made you rethink what made you... you.
Adam's view was darkened at the edges, and his breath came in heavy heaves of cough mixed with spittle.
He could barely recognise what was real and what was illusory at this point; his sense of self, self of time and self of reality had been crushed to mincemeat in the previous arduous encounters.
Now broken in spirit and choking on his own spit, he finally couldn't take it anymore, and he finally broke down.
His eyes reddened, and tears began pouring in a downpour, their gentle dripping sounds the only thing loudly echoing in his mind like claps of thunder.
His choked sobs bounced around in the small cabinet, making his misery more evident.
After a couple of minutes of crying, his sound began dying down, and only occasional sniffles were left of the previous emotional downpour.
Still gently checking his throat and letting out quick, short breaths, he pondered in silence.
'That wasn't a dream... something tried to kill me... I might have been dead right now.'
Finally accepting this reality in earnest, all his thoughts of staying in this place instantly evaporated, and his mind whirred with the plans of escape.
'I don't want to stay here a moment longer...'
Finally calming down after an uncertain amount of time, he checked his mobile for the time, and just as he had dreaded, the time was still stuck at three, and even the battery percentage hadn't changed.
After the previous experience, his emotions had been muted a little, and in their place was a maddened, primal frenzy to do anything to survive.
He knew this state well, but he didn't care anymore. Then, with the contrast of his placid eyes hiding a primal madness and the tear-stained face, he looked at the piece of parchment lying next to him, illuminated by his mobile.
He picked it up and began reading it. He read it once, twice, thrice and once again, and threw it to the side.
'Devil's hour... three A.M, veil between dreams... what happened just now, wanderer... is it talking about me?... probably, far off realm... not sure about this, ending of all things... what is it... death?... likely..., fate sealed by my hands... It's asking me to... kill myself..., ageless land... time isn't working as usual... That's probably it...., freedom?.... can I go home?'
He had been a clever child since early on, but this bizarre situation had made him muddled-headed and more than a bit hesitant and terrified.
But as the threat to his life loomed over his head, all the distractions in his head were silenced, and only a single thing remained: that being the desire to live at any cost.
It's said that a wild animal would even chew its own limb off to escape from an undefeatable predator. Right now, Adam was the wild animal who'd do anything to survive.
Fear was a companion of his, and it still lurked at the edges of his mind. But practically the entirety of his rationality was focused on how to survive this ordeal and get out alive; he didn't and couldn't get killed due to his inability to move while being terrorised.
The rational part of his brain had practically shut his emotions off to maximise the chances of his survival; he knew why it did so... he had trained himself for this.
When he was diagnosed with cancer, he spent the entirety of his days in constant fear of tomorrow and always worried if he'd even survive another day.
Gradually, he didn't give a damn about anything anymore and did what he pleased; living a life like that, constantly afraid of every passing moment, was worse than dying a dog's death anyway.
It was probably a mental disorder? But again, it didn't affect his daily life and only reared its head in extremely stressful situations where he was walking on the tight rope between life and death. Even knowing this, he didn't give a damn.
After practically branding the words from the parchment into his mind, he made rapid deductions relative to the context and clues he had.
'This is troublesome... let's see, if time is stopped, then there won't be more than an hour's change in the moon's position from earlier, if this is really some distant reality and not earth, then there'd be abnormalities in the stars, their positions and other living beings... were those rats from upstairs even normal?'
Remembering the memories of what happened to him before waking in this place, a bitter smile appeared on his face.
"I'm already dead... or at least halfway there."
He had put those memories in the recesses of his mind; that's why, when he first tried remembering what had happened to him, he had the nastiest headache; it had been his subconscious trying to protect itself. After all, who would like to remember what they felt at the moment of death?
"I got shot in the abdomen when that hooligan mugged me, and I didn't give him my watch."
After that, he only remembered the buzzing of police sirens and a muffled rhythmic beat of an ECG.
His thoughts were going at a hundred miles an hour as he struggled to come to terms with the situation. Eventually, he sighed and didn't care anymore.
He could move, and his mind was still working; that was all he needed to anchor himself.
"If I'm dead, then I'm the same as those other things here?... Is that why they want to eat me?"
He wasn't sure, but this was the most logical guess from the clues he could gather.
Then, a stifled and deranged laugh left his mouth quietly. If anyone saw him at that moment, they'd definitely think him a madman.
"I'd rather end myself if I already died once, than let something else eat me."
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[A/N]
Yeah... stress isn't good for mental health.
You should learn from this guy.
PS- I'll try to upload daily, but the timing can be anywhere from the middle of the day to midnight.
👋🏻🥱