Chapter 79: The Jackpot of Jeopardy
The Bureau's budget had always been a 7.5% mystery, but at 09:00 Cycles, the mystery became a Gamble. The marble floor of the Grand Lobby rippled and transformed into a vast, textured surface of silver foil. A giant, celestial coin—the size of a man-hole cover—descended from the ceiling, landing with a heavy clink in Ne Job's hands.
"Commissioner," Assistant Yue buzzed, her hybrid chassis flashing like a Vegas neon sign. "THE. DEPARTMENT. OF. FINANCE. HAS. RUN. OUT. OF. ADJECTIVES. AND. INK. THEY. HAVE. DECIDED. TO. 'GAMBLE'. THE. BUREAU'S. OPERATING. BUDGET. ON. A. SINGLE. ROUND. OF. 'COSMIC. SCRATCH-OFF'."
The High-Stakes Surface
Underneath the silver foil lay the Bureau's future. If they scratched off three matching symbols of 'Stability,' they would receive funding until Chapter 100. If they revealed three 'Void' symbols, Section C-7 would be liquidated into a pamphlet.
"I'm a 100% man of logic, not luck!" Ne Job shouted, looking at the giant coin. "Who authorized this? Was it the Oracle? The Architect?"
"Don't look at me!" Ao Bing cried, currently balancing on a 'Multiplier' tile that was spinning at 45 RPM. "I only gamble on structural integrity! This is pure Narrative Chaos!"
The 7.5% Luck Factor
"Pip! The wrench! Give me a 'Lucky Streak'!"
"I've only got a 'Rusty Bolt,' Boss!" Pip yelled, dodging a shower of silver shavings as Ne Job began to scratch the floor with the edge of the giant coin.
The first symbol was revealed: A SILVER STAPLER.
"Good!" the Muse cheered, her hair flashing a hopeful, emerald green. "That's 1/3rd of a 'Functional Budget'!"
The second symbol was revealed: A SILVER STAPLER.
"One more!" Junior squeaked, jumping up and down. "One more and we get new coffee filters!"
But as Ne Job moved to the final square, the floor began to vibrate. The 'Audit Spirits' from Chapter 73 appeared in the rafters, chanting: "House always wins! The house always wins!"
The Odds of the 'And'
Ne Job reached the final square. He scratched. The silver foil peeled away to reveal... A VOID SYMBOL.
The Lobby turned a sickly, flickering gray. The budget didn't just vanish; the furniture started to turn into cardboard cutouts.
"We lost!" Ao Bing wailed. "We're going to be a low-budget webcomic by noon!"
"Wait!" Ne Job roared, his silver plume glowing with a defiant, gambling violet. "The game isn't over! I haven't used my Bonus Round!"
"There is no bonus round in a scratch-card, Commissioner," the Finance Ghost droned from the ceiling.
"There is if you have a Semicolon!" Ne Job countered.
The Jackpot Hack
Ne Job didn't accept the 'Void' symbol as a full stop. He slammed the Semicolon down between the second Stapler and the Void.
KA-CHUNK!
The violet energy of the Semicolon acted as a 'Wild Card.' It didn't just match the staplers; it connected the 'Void' to the 'Budget,' turning the 'Loss' into a 'Tax-Deductible Anomaly.' The floor didn't just sparkle; it exploded in a shower of gold-leaf memos and 100% premium ink. The symbols on the floor re-arranged themselves into a new, unauthorized prize: THE INFINITE REFILL.
The House Loses
The Finance Ghosts shrieked and dissolved into receipts. The Bureau's furniture solidified into even higher quality mahogany than before. Assistant Yue received an upgrade that allowed her to type in 16 million colors.
LOG: CHAPTER 79 SUMMARY.
STATUS: Jackpot won. Budget secured (and then some).
NOTE: I have banned all forms of gambling in the Bureau, except for 'Professional Guesswork.'
OBSERVATION: When the odds are against you, change the rules of the game.
P.S.: Pip spent their 'Bonus' on a 7.5% larger wrench. It's now the size of a shovel.
The Muse leaned over his shoulder, her hair back to its electric-neon blue. "You're quite the high-roller, Ne Job. What are you going to do with all that extra 'Narrative Capital'?"
Ne Job looked at the Semicolon. It was glowing with a rich, golden-violet.
"I'm going to invest it in the future, Muse," Ne Job said. "Now, why is Assistant Yue sounding a 7.5% alarm and why has a Giant Silver Statuette of me appeared in the Lobby, and why is it currently starting to walk?"