Wonderful.
I was a potential scumbag.
I stared at the man sitting across from me, looking all pitiful and abandoned like some big dog left out in the rain. If I hadn't promised him, maybe he would have met someone else by now and gotten himself a real wife.
I swallowed hard, closed my eyes, and took a deep breath.
"Alright," I rubbed my forehead and sighed. "I'll be your pretend wife."
He blinked slowly. Then twice. "Pretend wife?" His voice rose in disbelief. "But you are my real wife!"
I looked at him calmly and deadpanned. "Pretend wife or no wife at all. You choose."
He pursed his lips, his handsome face scrunching up in wounded disbelief like I was the thug cornering him in an alley and forcing marriage papers on him.
Ugh. Why did he have to be born with that face?
For a very, very dangerous half-second, I almost softened and actually felt guilty. I was almost willing to compromise and say yes to everything he said as long as he didn't look sad.
But then, realizing my dangerous thoughts, I mentally slapped myself.
BAD TANG XIYU!
Since when did you become this lust-driven idiot?! Control yourself!
He sighed dramatically after a long pause. "Fine. We'll do it your way." Then, under his breath, so low I barely caught it: "But in my heart, you'll always be my real wife…"
I narrowed my eyes. "What was that?"
He straightened instantly. "Nothing."
Suspicious, I squinted at him another second before letting it go. "Since I agreed to this pretend marriage, there are going to be rules."
"Rules?" His eyes brightened. "Are they like the conditions I wrote in the contract?"
I immediately remembered those perverted, shameless, physically illegal conditions. My expression darkened. "NO," I snapped. "I will never agree to any of those."
He pouted like I had just crushed his hopes and dreams with a bulldozer. "But wife—"
I raised my eyebrows and glared.
He shrank slightly and pouted, "…Domestic violence…"
I pretended not to hear that. "My conditions are simple," I continued and held up one finger."Number one: No one can know about our relationship."
He nodded slowly.
"Number two: We will keep a certain distance. You don't touch me, and I don't touch you."
Before I even finished, he raised a brow. "But, wife, what if you can't control yourself and throw yourself into my arms?"
I stared at him. Did he genuinely believe I was a woman with no dignity, no self-control?
"You don't have to worry about that," I said through clenched teeth.
"But I am so handsome," he reminded me cheerfully.
"I have seen better."
He gasped dramatically. "Wife, don't lie! That night, you threw yourself into my arms."
"I WAS DRUGGED, YOU DELUSIONAL PEACOCK!" I internally screamed, while outwardly my eye twitched so hard.
If I had known the price of one stupid drugged night would be a lifetime of harassment by a delusional Greek god with insane husband fantasies, I would have thrown myself out a window instead.
I sucked in a breath. "Number three: Since we are in this ridiculous arrangement… You cannot cheat. And I won't cheat either. Deal?"
He nodded seriously this time. "Yes."
I nodded, feeling oddly relieved. Fake wife or not, at least this would keep me out of that woman's trap for a while.
If things ever went wrong again, if that woman tried to set me up with Mo Yuzhen again, I could just throw this handsome walking brick wall in front of me and let him handle it.
I stood up from my chair. The man immediately stood up too and smiled. "Wife, since we have a deal, let's shake hands."
"Alright."
Our palms met, and I noticed his palm was warm and steady. For a moment, it felt like he was sealing something far more serious than a pretend agreement.
Halfway through, I froze. "Wait," I said, frowning. "I don't even know your name."
He lowered his head slightly, the corner of his lips lifting in a slow, charming smile. His eyes softened, and suddenly the air between us felt warm.
"Su Ye," he said, each syllable pronounced like a sinful secret. "Wife, remember my name… Su Ye."
The way he said it should be illegal. It was full of charm, like he was deliberately baiting me. My ears heated before I could stop it, and I quickly looked away.
Why was my heart beating like I'd sprinted ten floors up the stairs?
Ridiculous. Completely ridiculous.
"I'm Tang Xiyu," I replied stiffly, trying to sound composed.
"I know," he chuckled softly.
I blinked. "You know?"
"Mhm," he nodded, looking entirely too pleased with himself.
Just like that, without logic, without sanity—I had a husband whose name I learned after the marriage.
And just like that, Su Ye and I had a deal.
I shook my head and reached for the plates when Su Ye suddenly caught my wrist. "Wife, stop. According to the contract, washing dishes is my job."
I stared at him. "What contract?"
"Our marriage contract," he said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Marriage. Contract.
Right. That ridiculous paper from last night.
"There was a condition like that?" I muttered.
He nodded seriously. "You didn't read it properly. There are many more important conditions you don't know yet." His eyes brightened with excitement. "Do you want to read the rest of them?"
Just thinking about the perverted parts I remembered sent a shiver down my spine.
No. Absolutely not.
"No, thank you. I'm fine." I shook my head very, very fast.
He looked a little disappointed but shrugged and reached for the dishes again. But this time, I stopped him. "Wait," I said, "You cooked, so I'll wash. That's only fair."
He paused, then gave me a soft nod. "Okay."
Just as I took the plates, his phone rang. He glanced at it and stepped toward the balcony. "I'll take this."
I watched him walk out, apron gone, shirt on, but still radiating that dangerous charm that made my heart feel like it needed police protection.
I sighed again.
Great. I have to hide this disaster of a marriage, especially from Yun Si. Because if she found out I accidentally got myself a "husband" after one drunken night…?
She wouldn't stop me.
She would kill me first, then revive me just to scold me again.