The time has started to pass so quickly like it's flying, and I wanna—I really wanna hold it, grab it, but I can't, I really can't. The more I try to catch it or stop it, the faster the time passes, and now I finally made myself understand that no matter what we want in our life to happen, the only thing that happens in our lives is never what we want—it's always what our destiny plans for us, what our fate really decides for us.
And now it's almost been three long weeks since I got into this job and into this dormitory, and till then I haven't received any message or any call from him. I daily saw his glimpses, his videos that his fans always post on Weibo, where they capture him going to shoot for dramas and coming out of the set after shooting. Maybe he got busy in his new projects, but did he forget me? Did he really? I asked myself. Did the time we spent together mean nothing? Did he really forget our moments that we made to cherish for life? Did he really?
This is the first time after meeting him that we got separated from each other for this long, and yes, we got separated with a promise—with each other—Yuan's Shiza's promise and Shiza's Yuan's promise. Was that mean nothing to us now? Did he move on from me?
I tapped on my head myself and said, "Zhao Shiza, what the hell are you thinking? You always overthink, and this overthinking will definitely land you in big trouble." I think because of the shift of place here in this dormitory, in this new life and new job, I got loose my mind to think and wasn't able to think properly. That's why my mind is directing me somewhere else. I think I should make more CAD drawings and work on my remaining projects. The more busier I get in my work, the lesser I miss him—and yet I am saying it, but still it's just a lie that I am telling myself just to hold myself.
Then I took out my laptop from my bag and sat on my study table and switched on the study lamp on my table while starting to work on my project drawing files. Everyone here is sleeping in the dormitory at this midnight. Everyone is sleeping so soundly, and the Shanghai night has hit the peak time of the night, which is twelve. And at this time, Shanghai must be awake, but the people in Shanghai who need to wake up early to work harder the next day are sleeping to make a better tomorrow for themselves—and this is how Shanghai is.
But at midnight, people have cravings, like eating an ice cream—but look at me, look at me, I am having the craving to meet my Yuan Yuan. A tear splashed in my eyes, and carefully I didn't let it fall down from my eyes, because there is nothing wrong in it, nothing bad has happened. This is life—he has his own, and I have my own. We already knew that this separation time would definitely come in our relationship, but never thought that it would come this soon—I have never, I really have never, I said it to myself while putting down the flap of the laptop.
And then I wiped the tears on my cheeks, which finally fell down from my eyes. No matter how hard I tried, it didn't get controlled, because it's my Yuan's tears—I am missing him really too much. How can I really be able to control my tears for him when I miss him this much, too much? And after all, crying is really not a sign of weakness—in fact, it's a sign of how much a person can endure and has the ability to endure the most painful yet most beautiful emotions in themselves, and I think—I really think—that I am handling it pretty well.
Then I started focusing on my drawings and started making the furniture layout for my project. Then while making it, a thought came into my mind—just a thought which came from nowhere—it was just that when will I get a chance to design our home? But the moment it came into my mind, I immediately washed it away and said to myself, "Zhao Shiza, this is too early. What are you planning? Stop it here only and get focus on your work." After saying it to myself, I started making my drawing layouts, and while making it, I drifted off into deep sleep without even knowing.
And the morning hit the windows of my new dormitory, which has become my new home for the past three weeks. Here I didn't make any friends. There is only one girl who lives with me in this dormitory, and she is Jiang Xin. She always remains quiet and only does her work and speaks only as much as needed. She is a very quiet person, but for the past three weeks, she hasn't said anything to me. No matter how late I work by keeping the lights on, no matter how loudly I speak, she never complains about anything. She just comes here, sleeps, wakes up, eats, and does her job—nothing more than that.
The life here is a bit boring, unlike the life in my Shanghai university days, which was so vibrant and every day used to be filled with new excitement. But those are all my wonderful memories of life that I will always cherish—but sadly, it's gone now, and now I have to make my present worth living.
Today is not a sunny day in Shanghai. The day started with rain today, and my favourite weather is back finally. The moment I opened my eyes, I saw the window right in front of me, which was filled with the droplets of rainwater on it. I ran towards the window and opened it and let the rain come on my face. Finally, after many days, I felt very happy, and as I always say, the rain pulls me towards the positivity of life, and yes, I can say now that there is still hope left—hope left for everything and anything in life, I said it while letting every bit of these water droplets from the rain fall on me while closing my eyes to feel it perfectly.
Then suddenly Jiang Xin came and closed the window right in front of me and put a big thick towel in my hands and said, "You'll catch cold, and if you do so, then you won't be able to go to the job on time and complete the drawings on time. Wipe yourself."
And after saying this, she left the room. Today, this is the first time Jiang Xin spoke to me from her own will. Although she is a very hardworking girl and also one of the students of my professor, as he employed her here just like he did with me, but today she sounded like my own Xin Xin—the way she used to care for me. I still remember, and like her name, which is very similar to her, today she literally behaved like an elder sister of mine, and getting that warmth and care from her is something that I hadn't expected.
I smiled while thinking this. Then a thought came into my mind—not just a thought, but a long-lived thought which always lives in my mind and pops up in such situations only—the thought that how much time has passed, but no one has called me or messaged me on my WeChat. Do they really not bother about me? I asked myself this question.
No, Pa also didn't call me. Did they all forget me? Does hiding the maths test result paper deserve this much punishment and this much distance from my own family? I asked myself this question again and again in my mind.
Then suddenly my phone rang, and it broke all the illogical thoughts which were going around my mind. And when I went to pick it up from my study table, I saw that Wang Ruoxi was calling me after so many months since she left Shanghai. I picked up her call immediately, very happily, as my bestie was calling me after such a long time, and I said to her, "Long time no see, so finally Miss Wang Ruoxi, the most busiest girl in the whole China, got time from her busy schedule to talk to her bestie," I said to her a bit teasingly, sarcastically.
But her voice on the call was very off-sync. She didn't answer my question. She just said, "Zhao Shiza, didn't you see Weibo today?" she asked me.
"No," I replied.
"Zhao Shiza, I think you should check it. There is something going around on Weibo since morning. Please let me know when you see it, and please be relaxed. Whatever happens, I am with you," she said.
I immediately opened my Weibo, because Wang Ruoxi's tone was now making me worry to the core, and the moment I opened Weibo, I saw…..