Inside the cinema
"Seriously? It's this same crappy plot again?!" Hidan groaned, slumping deep into his seat.
"Every damn time it's 'defeat the Great Demon King,' 'save the world,' blah blah blah. Can't they ever just let the Demon King win for once? The guy didn't even do anything wrong this time!"
He grabbed a handful of popcorn, chewing with the energy of a man about to commit a minor crime.
The only thing keeping him watching was the actress—Princess Koyuki Kazahana. Or, well… her "acting." The rest of the movie? Completely useless, in his opinion.
"Honestly, if I were the Demon King, I'd just kidnap the heroine and call it a day. Screw saving the world," he muttered, rolling his eyes.
"Who even writes this crap?"
Across the theater, Kakashi was out cold. From the moment they'd entered, Hidan had slapped a genjutsu on him—nothing fancy, just a quick Sharingan-based hypnosis that dropped him like a sack of rice.
The Copy Ninja was now snoring peacefully near the entrance, completely unaware that he'd been dragged to a movie night.
As for Hidan, he'd rented out the entire back row for himself.
Not because he liked privacy while watching films—no, it was because he really didn't like being stared at when he was "adjusting Kurenai."
And tonight, that "adjustment" involved his fingers buried between Kurenai Yuhi's trembling thighs, her muffled breath catching each time the screen flashed bright light.
Hidan leaned closer, his breath brushing against Kurenai's ear as the movie blared on...his fingers moving inside her pussy even faster.
"Tell me," he murmured, voice low and mocking, "you actually enjoying this more than the film, sensei?"
"Ahhhngh~"
Kurenai's shoulders twitched as she released muffled moans. "S-Shut up," she hissed, trying to keep her voice down. Her cheeks burned, half from anger, half from something else.
Hidan chuckled darkly, his grin sharp enough to cut through the flickering light from the screen as he sucked on her neck. "That a yes? 'Cause you're not exactly pushing me away."
"Mmmmm~"
"Y-You're impossible," she whimpered, refusing to look at him.
Hidan smirked, eyes flicking between the ridiculous movie and the woman squirming beside him.
"Now this is what I call good cinema."
...…
Outside the cinema, Hidan felt his heartbeat finally settle.
Damn, that was close. Public place or not, he wasn't exactly ready for the "everyone gets a front-row seat" lifestyle just yet.
Looking at Kurenai walking Infront with strange wobbly footsteps, he narrowed his eyes.
He still didn't fuck Kurenai out right in the cinema hall.
--
"Ahh… life is good," he said with a satisfied stretch.
Back in his room, Konan was sprawled out across the bed, sound asleep, her hair loose and silver-blue against the sheets. She was exhausted—understandably so.
By the time Hidan walked out of the bedroom, it was already dusk. The sky burned orange, the air calm… until realization hit him like a kunai to the face.
"Wait… crap! I totally forgot that escort mission—protecting Princess Koyuki on her trip to the Land of Snow!"
He slapped his forehead. "Kamui!"
A swirl of space distorted around him, and a heartbeat later, he dropped straight into the Hokage's office.
The Third Hokage blinked. "…"
Hidan blinked back. "…"
"Well?" Sarutobi finally sighed, closing the book in his hand. "Say whatever you came to say."
By now, the old man was completely desensitized to Hidan's sudden appearances—and to the fact that the man always caught him reading something questionable.
Isn't it just Icha Icha Paradise? What's the big deal?
"Heheh…" Hidan rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. He'd gotten too used to Konan riding on his back; now that he had to move on his own, he instinctively used Kamui just to travel across the village. Lazy habits die hard.
But one thing still bugged him—why was this old man always reading those "people-creating" books?
Like, seriously. Was this an academic pursuit? A perverted research project? An unsolved mystery of Konoha's top scholar?
"Ahem, I just wanted to ask," Hidan started, trying to sound innocent, "any missions involving the Land of Snow?"
Sarutobi's face twitched. "Why? You already picked a fight with Kirigakure and killed Ao, and now you're looking to mess with the Snow Ninja too?"
He took a puff from his pipe, visibly restraining the urge to smack Hidan across the head.
"It's not like that," Hidan said quickly, waving his hands. "I just heard the Snow Country's scenery is really nice. Thought I'd go… sightseeing. You believe me, right?"
Sarutobi gave him a look so dry it could drain a river. "If I believe you, I'll be a ghost. Every time you 'go sightseeing,' a country needs reconstruction afterward."
Hidan scratched his cheek. "...Okay, that's fair."
"There are no missions related to the Land of Snow right now," the Hokage said flatly. "You're disappointed, aren't you?"
"Eh?" Hidan blinked, confused. "But the whole street's covered in posters of that movie—how could there be no mission?"
Then, like lightning, it clicked.
Naruto hasn't even learned Rasengan yet! In the Princess Yukie Adventure, he only used it after the Chūnin Exams!
Meaning—the Snow Country arc hadn't even happened yet.
No wonder there was no mission.
"Damn… guess I'll just wait then."
With that, Hidan sighed, activated Kamui, and vanished in a swirling vortex, leaving the Third Hokage staring blankly at the empty space.
Sarutobi exhaled a long, weary sigh. "I'm too old for this…"
......
In the middle of the night, in front of the cinema—
"A—achoo!"
Kakashi sneezed violently, one after another, before groaning and pushing himself up from the freezing concrete floor.
He blinked blearily, half-asleep, half-frozen, realizing he'd been lying there… for hours.
The streets were silent, the lights dim. The movie long over.
Only the echo of his own sniffles kept him company.
He rubbed the back of his head, trying to remember what happened.
Last thing he recalled...something about watching a film with Hidan
And then darkness.
Then it hit him.
"...Wait."
His eye twitched. His chakra flared.
"HIDANNNN!!!"
The roar echoed through the quiet night like a vengeful ghost, sending stray cats running for their lives.
Somewhere far away, Hidan shivered mid-laugh and muttered under his breath,
"...Tch. Someone's badmouthing me again."
…..
On the streets of Konoha
Hidan was living through what he considered hell on earth.
Accompanying Konan and Hinata on their daily shopping trip.
He had promised to train Hinata to become a proper "lady," and as much as he regretted that moment of weakness, he was a man of his word. So here he was—arms full of shopping bags, spirit half-dead, silently crying inside.
He finally understood something profound that day...women were born with a terrifying, natural talent for shopping.
Even after walking the same streets over and over again, visiting the same stalls, and inspecting the same sets of accessories for the third time, their enthusiasm never waned.
If Konan hadn't been gracious enough to carry half the bags herself, Hidan might've collapsed long ago.
Just when he thought his suffering couldn't get any worse, something caught his eye.
"Huh?" He stopped, squinting at the trio walking toward them. "Sand Village forehead protectors?"
Three teens, distinctive as hell: a scowling redhead, a guy with face paint and a puppet on his back, and a blonde with a giant fan.
Hidan's grin widened.
"Well, if it isn't Gaara, Kankuro, and Temari…"
He instantly put the pieces together. Their appearance could only mean one thing—
"The Chūnin Exams are about to start."
The alliance between Sunagakure and Konohagakure was about to play out in full force.
Ninjas from all over would flood the village: Sand, Sound, Leaf—and in the shadows, Orochimaru waiting to stir chaos and assassinate the Fourth Kazekage.
A smirk crept across Hidan's face. "Finally, something fun."
But before he could run off to meddle in history, he had one last responsibility to handle.
He turned to Hinata, who was clutching her candy bag like a precious treasure. "Alright, little Hinata, head home for now. I've got something to take care of, and I'll come play with you later, yeah?"
"Mm!" she nodded sweetly. "Goodbye, Hidan-nii and Konan-san!"
She waved happily before skipping off toward home, the ribbons in her hair fluttering.
Today, she'd gotten all kinds of snacks and toys, courtesy of her Hidan-nii.
And though she adored being with him, she remembered what he'd taught her...a real lady must know when to behave.
Even her father's words didn't have as much weight as Hidan's anymore.
As she vanished around the corner, Hidan stretched, cracked his neck, and chuckled to himself.
"Alright then… time to stir up some chaos."
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