Mercer coughed, "I'm not hiding anything..."
"Yeah, you're blatantly being a scumbag, and no one can do anything about it, but I..." Lucy said angrily halfway, then suddenly sighed in frustration, "What should I do then?"
"I can't handle it... Mercer, you know I'm a person with a lot of insecurity. How do you think a troublesome woman like me feels seeing the person I like getting cozy with someone else?"
Lucy spoke candidly, for the first time having an earnest conversation about her feelings and troubles: "Sometimes I try to be understanding, try to think you're in a tough spot, because everyone is not just a friend, but also family, comrades.
Rejecting anyone means making them sad, even potentially jeopardizing the stability of the team.
But on the other hand, I can't understand, even if just for the sake of team stability, shouldn't you treat everyone equally and deny all of them?
Besides, you know I... I care about you a lot, but when Rebecca actively cozies up to you, you'd rather glance at me for a reaction than gently push her away, enjoying it all the while...
Including the matter with Qiwei... I don't even know what's going on between you two, is it really just... a simple roommate relationship?
Mercer, do you really care about me?"
Her questioning left Mercer a bit at a loss for words. He looked at Lucy's expression, and after a moment, he sighed and decided to tell her honestly what he thought.
"First, I do care about you..."
Mercer answered seriously, sat up straight, and looked directly into her eyes:
"Secondly, about Rebecca... okay, I'll explain it to her, at least until you reach adulthood, I'll keep a certain distance from her... but actually... how to put it..."
Mercer hesitated, finally just saying, "Just as Rebecca said, we're doing work every day that offers no future; no one knows if the end will be as smooth as I hope.
I... I'm pretty confident, but sometimes I wonder if I make a mistake, would I be leading all of us down a dead-end path?"
He uncharacteristically showed a lack of confidence, sighing, "I've never studied politics, nor do I understand business, and am not used to street violence, not used to bloodshed...
At the start, I could only approach everything with a mindset like playing a game, in order to acclimate myself.
But over time, I find it increasingly difficult to face reality with this game mindset, and what comes with it is the pressure of being the leader of the team, or even a...
Savior of the world, this identity pressure often feels like it's suffocating me.
All of you are advising me not to rush, not to overthink it, and even most people don't quite agree with my so-called 'savior' mindset, wanting to change the world.
Most of you are just thinking, 'Okay, since he says so, and it's for a good cause anyway, let's just follow him all the way', and that's the mindset following me.
And me? I'm actually quite confused myself."
Mercer lowered his eyelids, speaking softly with some helplessness, "Sometimes I think about calling it quits, making some money, inventing something, then joining a big company, or simply finding a place to enjoy an early retirement with financial freedom...
But the mere thought of what might happen terrifies me, I don't dare to stop."
"What things?" Lucy pressed, unconsciously moving a bit closer to him, reaching out to gently hold his hand.
"For instance, the upcoming Fifth Corporate War? Or the threats to humanity from rogue AIs? Or... some of my own secrets."
Mercer glanced at Lucy and finally decided to just go with the truth: "Even Kyoko knows I'm quite different from the old Mercer, there's a reason for all this, and I want to find that reason, figure out what exactly happened."
"Tell me, if I took you all and retired, but soon after, a world war broke out, a nuclear war wiped everything out, what good days would we have then?"
Mercer began talking about his concerns:
"Or if rogue AIs decide to dominate humanity, all networked devices lose control, those rogue AIs taking over all nuclear buttons, manufacturing facilities, and humankind is forced back to a century ago..."
"For many people, they don't even need to worry about these things; even I sometimes think, to hell with it, what does this have to do with me? If the sky falls, there are taller people to hold it up, right? Why is it up to me to be the savior?"
But then I think again, what's the difference between this and leaving my life and death to others to decide? When the sky falls, taller people should hold it up, but truthfully, to this world, am I not one of the taller people?"
Mercer held Lucy's hand, sighing, "So whether it's with Rebecca, or Qiwei...
My attitude is the same, hoping to enjoy what we can before everything is lost; seize the day, after all, that's the mainstream idea of this world.
Who knows if I'll succeed? Who knows if tomorrow I'll be assassinated by some agent popping out of a corner? Or hit by a nuclear bomb from Arasaka Saburo?