*TW! Non-con*
They sat on opposite ends of the sofa, barely making eye contact as Ling downed another beer. Er was looking around the room, noticing the state it was in. There was dust settled around the fridge, sink and chairs as well as beer cans they had left out over a month ago.
Ling's hair was uncut and greasy, skin looking as paler than usual, he clearly lost some weight and his nail beds were bloody and bitten. As they sat in silence, Er sighed out loudly and shuffled down the sofa, just a little, as he reached for another can.
"Do you wanna drink something stronger?" He glanced into Ling's eyes, making eye contact, but Ling quickly looked back to the floor. "I'll make us something to eat then...looks like you need it."
Er stood up and went to the kitchen, when he opened the fridge a layer of dust coated his finger tips, inside, he only spotted the rotten tomatoes and nothing else.
"Wow, you really should cook more often haha..." He laughed as he pulled out his phone and scrolled through the delivery app. "Pizza?"
"Sure, just veggie for me, thanks." Ling stood up and walked to the bedroom where he stood in front of the mirror.
He hadn't really looked at himself yet but seeing it now he was shocked. Had he always looked like that? It was like he hadn't slept in days, his eyes bags were so sunken in and dark and the wrinkles around them had doubled since he last remembered looking. His hair was dishevelled and his lips were pale and dry. His coller bones stuck out through his shirt and his trousers fell loose around his hips.
When he went back to the living room, Er had already sat down with the pizza.
"That was a while... Did you take a shit?" He opened the box and started eating; the smell filled the room and the stench of the grease made Ling gag. He turned away and covered his mouth, his eyes squeezed shut as his chest rose and fell.
"Yo, you good?" Er got up to tap his back. As his hand landed Ling shouted and swatted him away, falling to the ground. His legs trembled as he tried to stand back up.
"Sorry, sorry..." He whispered, looking down "You surprised me, let's eat." He sat down and kicked up a slice, folding it up as he lifted it to his mouth.
It tasted so good; he had been living off porridge and soup for so long that it felt like the pizza was the only thing he wanted to eat for the rest of his life. He took another bite, then another, savouring each mouth full, closing his eyes and swallowing it fully before having another.
"Wow, save some for me haha... You must be hungry huh.." Er sat down and ate a slice too, he was a little shocked at how quickly Ling was eating, but he just sat and watched, noticing the grease getting around Ling's mouth.
"Oh, you have a little something there..." He impulsively reached out and wiped Ling's mouth with his thumb, holding Ling's chin, before pulling back quickly. Ling stopped mid chew and looked at Er, his eyes widening even more, before wiping the rest off with the back of his wrist.
"Oh... Thanks I guess." He kept eating before leaning back into the cushions. They weren't as soft as he remembered.
He blinked as he turned to the side, Er had gotten closer to him again, leg brushing against his, hand reaching over to his knee. They stayed like that for a while, Ling didn't push him away, rigidly sitting still; he could hear Er's breathing and watched his chest rise and fall. The ceiling fan whirred and the silent tension stretched out in the room.
"Haven't heard from you in a while... You been busy?" Er stood up and looked out the window the dust and grime on it was so dirty he could barely see outside and the windowsill was covered in cobwebs. "You even been home at all?"
Ling watched as Er's hair moved with each movement, a light brown with subtle streaks of blonde shifting with the wind from the fan. His eyes trailed around his body, looking at his shoulder and the way it tapered down his back into a slender waist; and his arms, muscles tensing as he opened the window.
A breeze of air flew inside the room, stirring up the settled dust causing Ling to cough. As Er ran back to get him some beer from the fridge, they bumped into each other and fell to the floor. Lings knees hit the tiles as he caught Er under him. He leaned in and looked him in the eyes, breath hitting his nose and mouth. Their foreheads touched briefly, before Ling sprung up and collapsed next to Er on the floor, looking away.
His heart skipped a beat, it felt like it was going to fly out his chest. They turned their heads and looked at one another, both panting, breathing from their moths, gazing, taking in the intricacies of each other's faces. Their skin, eyes, the way Er's eyelashes overlapped when he blinked, the way Ling's eyebrows were soft gentle contrasting his sharp almond eyes; and the way the whole room seemed to stop moving when they made eye contact.
Suddenly, Ling got up and turned away, his hands started shaking and he couldn't control his breathing, everything in the room started to move as he stumbled towards the sofa. He felt a bead of sweat drip down his nose and it felt like heart was in his ears. As he fell over, Er sat up and looked at him, concern spreading across his face.
He tried to get up and rush over, but his socks slipped across the ground and he also fell, hitting his head on the table.
"Ah... Fuck..." He pushed himself up and held Lings shoulders, "You good bro?"
~
"I'm sorry... I don't know what happened." Ling was sat on the ground, propped up by pillows with a blanket wrapped around him. He was holding his knees to his chest, looking down to hide his red eyes as Er came back with a cup of tea.
They sat down and watched some TV, not talking much apart from the occasional comment about what they were watching. Er decided he was going to stay the night and was setting up a mattress on the floor. After, they both went out to buy some drinks, the sun was barely setting and they stopped to watch.
It was so beautiful and Ling really took it in. The clouds covered the sky in layers over a pink hue that blended upwards into a bright orange. The warmth of the light washed over the buildings at the horizon and the stars were just within view, sparkling as the moon crept up behind them
Er walked shoulder to shoulder with Ling, occasionally bumping into him as they walked on the road back to his house, laughing and joking right up to the door.
They stopped at the door mat and looked into each other's eyes. The porch light turned on behind Ling; a light glow illuminated his stray hairs.
"I love you." Er blurted out, starting into Ling's eyes, which were getting bigger every second the silence lingered.
Ling stepped back and grabbed his own arms across his body. His shoulders slumped forward as he fell against the wall, knocking over a plant.
"Don't say that... Don't." He rubbed his forehead with one hand and turned around. "Don't fuck with me right now."
"I.. I'm not, I thought... you did too..." Er tried to reach for Ling, to grab his shoulder, anything, to touch him. But he ran away, dropping the drinks he bought and bolted down the stairs.
Ling's mind flashed back to that room.
"Haaaa... This feels so good, I bet it does for you too. Haa, I love you... Ahhhhh, yeah move it like that." The man thrust inside Ling again, grasping his neck, strangling him. Ling couldn't breath, his hands trembled, trying to pull the man off him to take a breath; but he couldn't put anything into his arms; the world was slipping away, he could barely open his eyes and everything was so hazy. He thought he would die right then. His mouth opened for a breath, nothing went in; his lungs felt like they were going to burst but he couldn't do anything. The man just pressed harder and plunged in deeper and faster.
"I love you, haaa... I love you, I love this... I love you."
Ling sat down on a park bench, his hand reached for his neck. He touched it and sighed, his breath slowing as he looked up at the sky. It was dark now and the street lights lit up the small bugs flying around them. His breath condensed in the cold as he lay down on the bench, looked at the stars and closed his eyes.