And damn it... I don't know anymore. How many people did I pass by after leaving the apartment earlier? I tried to recall.
Thankfully... the only young woman I saw was Yeoju, which is a relief, I guess.
But how is that a relief...
No doubt about it, Yeoju will now see me as the guy next door who reeks of semen every time she looks at me.
It's like I've advertised to the world that I've had sex or jerked off.
I'm so embarrassed I could die. If I had a rope, I'd hang myself.
I showered before going out, but I never imagined I'd have to shower again.
As I explained before, I'm not someone who bathes quickly, but today, I took my time scrubbing my body with hot water from head to toe until every trace of the semen smell was gone.
Am I okay now?
At this point, I'm scared. A woman suddenly claiming to be my wife, my penis suddenly... damn it, getting ridiculously big when I masturbate...
All these incidents related to the semen I've ejaculated are terrifying me.
The Ship of Theseus. If the common sense of the world I knew gradually changes into something unfamiliar, and eventually everything except my consciousness changes... what happens then?
Can I still call that "me"? Or does it stop being "me"? ...My head hurts. I don't know.
I can't pinpoint a clear answer. Everything that's happened has made my head so muddled I just want to rest.
After finishing my shower and drying off, I put on clothes and headed to the living room. Yejin was sitting on the sofa, resting her chin in her hand, staring at me.
While I was showering, she had changed into comfortable clothes, but... despite her casual attire, the way she looked at me was anything but relaxed.
Something feels off... like another storm is brewing. The calm before the storm began to weigh heavily in the living room.
"Hanaeum."
"...Yes?"
"Let's do it."
"Do what?"
"What do you think? Sex."
"...??? Right now?? Here??? All of a sudden???"
"Yeah. Right here, right now."
Yejin, who had been sitting on the sofa, stood up and slowly walked toward me.
The situation was so sudden that I didn't know how to handle it. Damn it... Isn't this a bit too reckless?
After leaving my body covered in bruises like a Holstein cow, the first thing she says is, "Let's have sex"? This is practically an insult.
If Yejin had any regard for my dignity and personhood, she wouldn't be saying we should have sex. She should be apologizing to me first.
"No way. I'm in pain."
Besides, damn it, dignity and personhood aside, I'm seriously hurting from the beating. That kind of lingering, nagging pain? The kind that stabs and aches with every movement, making you not want to move.
It's obvious. Who would want to move when every motion feels like being poked with needles? What I need right now isn't sex—it's crawling into bed and doing nothing but resting.
I just want some peaceful rest.
"No way, I don't want to. Go away. I want to rest."
Yejin began closing the distance between us. The ten steps separating us became nine... eight... seven... slowly shrinking.
I tried to back away to keep the distance, but I felt the hard wall against my back.
Ugh—
And now that I look, Yejin's face doesn't seem normal. Her pupils are dilated, like she's drunk. Her eyes always looked lifeless, like rotten fish, but...
This is different from the usual dead-fish stare. It's like... to be specific, like someone who chugged a bottle of soju and ran a lap around a school field. Like she's intoxicated by something... her eyes are unfocused.
Looking at her eyes, which aren't much different from an alcoholic's, I feel even more repulsed by the idea of having sex with her.
Upon closer inspection, her pale skin is flushed a soft pink, and her breathing is slightly labored. Even from a few steps away, I can clearly hear her rough breaths in my ears.
The academic community considers the scent of semen to be a kind of pheromone, as it acts as an aphrodisiac that can attract women.
Damn it... That passage from KkumuWiki flashes in my mind.
Oh no. Isn't this dangerous?
"...Calm down, okay? I want to rest today. My whole body hurts... I'm sorry. I messed up. So, how about tomorrow night or the night after? I'll do my best then, so please, I just want to sleep today."
She's close enough that if I fell forward, I'd touch her. With her standing right in front of me, a head taller, I can't help but feel intimidated. Plus, the memory of being beaten up makes my body shrink back instinctively.
Yejin's hot breath tickles my head. It's not the kind of breath you'd expect from a person—
It's like the breath of a starving jaguar... the kind of primal, beastly breathing a predator makes.
Sex or whatever, doing it with a woman like this... I genuinely feel like I might die. This is dangerous. Dangerous. I have to escape. My instincts are screaming at me to stop this somehow.
I grabbed both of Yejin's arms with my hands. Her body feels as solid as a rock, unyielding.
"Today's been a lot, so... let's just lie in bed and sleep early."
Holding her arms to keep her from moving, I sidestepped toward the bedroom like a crab.
Seriously, once I get to the bedroom, no matter what Yejin does next, I'm locking the door and barricading myself in indefinitely.
That's the only thought in my head. Right now... the thing is, Yejin was always hard to read, but now she's even more incomprehensible. It's like there's no rationality left in her.
Like a beast. Yeah, a jaguar is standing in front of me.
If there's a jaguar—a predator—there, the only option is to run, right?
And if Yejin had any conscience, she wouldn't be talking about sex right now.
Beating my body to a pulp and then demanding sex like this is, as I've said repeatedly, no different from disregarding my dignity and free will.
Three more steps...
As Yejin closed the distance, I started to widen it again.