I had always been quite bad at hiding my emotions, so when Bianca began walking toward me, my first instinct was to freeze and scrunch my face like I'd just stepped in a large pile of dog shit.
"Wow, it's been ages," she said as she came to a stop in front of me. Her hand grazed my forearm where I'd rolled my sleeve up. As if on cue, images of her bent over my former teacher's desk began playing in my mind. The sound of their bodies slapping together, his grunts, and her loud moans rang in my ears as if I had just freshly discovered them. I pulled my arm away.
She must have registered my revulsion as she took a few steps back, her smile faltering. I should have known she would act like she hadn't caused me immense pain five years ago, back when the world was still ours, and the promise of a bright future shone like the sun over our heads.
She'd thrown away a lifetime of security with me for a lousy teacher who could never provide for her what I would have provided if she'd just waited. Sure, I wouldn't have married her right out of College, but the promise had still been there. I had been serious about us, and, back then, most of my peers had only been serious about who they would sleep with next, running through several girls like it was some kind of sport. But no, the thrill of riding an "experienced" dick had been far more enticing to Bianca. Her relationship with her father hadn't been the greatest, so I had convinced myself her "daddy issues" were partly to blame for it.
What had been worse than my bruised ego was my shattered heart. As a young man with all the girls I could dream of at my feet, I'd only wanted Bianca. I'd been so certain about our relationship at the time that I'd have staked my inheritance on it. In hindsight, that would have been a terrible waste.
Seeing how smitten I'd been with her, the old man frequently made jokes about me being someone else's son, as the men in his family had never missed an opportunity to "sow their oats" while in College. I'd cringed hearing his exact wording at the time. I almost wished I'd been a little more like him and my uncles back in their college days.
Wrapping her arms around herself as if the room had gotten colder, she said, "I wasn't aware you worked here."
"Yeah, I work here. As a matter of fact," I clutched the folder and books in my arms tightly to my chest, "if I don't leave now, I'll have a bunch of really angry teens on my hands."
There was a short pause between us where the energy between us felt palpable. She looked like she was waiting for me to ask her what she was doing here, but I didn't want to encourage further conversation between us.
"It looks like we'll be seeing a lot more of each other, then. I'm teaching a creative writing class for students who plan to study it for their undergraduate degrees."
"Well, good luck with that," I said coldly, not bothering to look her in the eyes. Without waiting for her response, I exited the teacher's lounge, mentally kicking myself for letting Bianca distract me long enough to be late to my class.
I stopped outside the door to my lesson, placing both hands on my knees and taking a deep breath. I'd spent years in therapy after our break-up, and yet, seeing Bianca again had unravelled something deep inside me, something I thought I'd buried forever. I pictured her hurt look when I had pulled my hand away as she'd reached out to touch me. Somehow, it hadn't felt as good as I'd once imagined it would. I shoved aside the pity building in my chest. There was no way I would let Bianca past my defences ever again. She had lost that chance several years ago.
I straightened and pushed the door open. Something told me this wouldn't be the last deep breath I'd need today.
I had told myself I wouldn't look, but the first thing I noticed almost immediately after entering the classroom was that Jade was missing. I released a breath, thankful I wouldn't have to think of clever ways to avoid her all day.
As I taught my class, some students, mostly the girls, eagerly paid attention to me while others were busy looking out of the large windows overlooking the courtyard, sketching in their notebooks or doing other things that didn't require focusing on me. My job was to teach for the next eight weeks, so I wasn't bothered about uninterested students. Their lack of interest wouldn't affect my salary.
Just as I was about to address Alistair — he had complained the material was so boring he felt like passing out — the classroom door swung open. I'd almost gotten used to the thought that Jade might be off sick, so seeing her in the flesh shook my core.
Her presence was unnerving in ways I couldn't describe, and as our eyes locked for a brief moment before she made her way to her seat, I felt the world tilt on its axis.
"Ms. Berry, I'm going to have to write you up for being late, I'm afraid," I said when I finally recovered.
"Do as you must," she replied, flashing me half a smile. Her lips were the same shade of red as the night before. I fought against a torrent of images from last night, trying to wrestle their way into my thoughts, each one more powerful than the last. It had happened once, and I was determined not to let it happen again.
When I was sure everyone had a copy of the required reading material on their desks, I instructed the class to discuss the passage from my last lesson and excused myself. If I was going to survive the next forty minutes in the same room as Jade, I needed to be fully armed, and right now she had the upper hand after completely obliterating my defences by simply walking into the room.
On my way to the bathroom, I spotted Bianca hurrying down the hallway, a bunch of papers in one arm and her long, blonde locks bouncing around her with every step. I pictured her in her Grimwald uniform when we were still an item, the way her long, tan legs had looked against the grey of her skirt and the whites of her stockings. She had been the school's chosen ambassador for Grimwald during our final year, a year when she'd been almost recognisable after one summer apart, where she had fully grown into herself. I'd always seen her, but that year, I saw her again for the first time.
The jolt of Bianca colliding against my chest drew me out of my thoughts. In the next moment, the papers she'd been holding onto were flying everywhere.
She bent down to grab the papers that had sailed down to the floor, apologising profusely and oblivious to the fact that I'd been the one she had crashed into.
I reached for a few papers that were still floating in mid-air, and sat on my haunches to help her with the rest. When she finally looked up, she flinched like she'd just been zapped by lightning.
"Oh, hi," she said, shuffling the papers I had just helped her gather into the stack in her arm and tucking a lock of hair behind her ear.
I got up and dusted my trousers. "Hi," I responded, holding a hand out to her. The gesture surprised me.
A few years ago, I would never have dreamed of paying her any attention after what she did, let alone helping her with anything, and here I was extending her a hand as if I was throwing her a life jacket in the middle of a sea storm.
Bianca looked at my outstretched hand. It seemed like she was contemplating whether it was safe to take it. When she eventually accepted it, I dragged her up, the full force of the gesture knocking her into my chest again. We stood like that for a second, our eyes properly meeting since seeing each other earlier that morning.
From my peripheral view, a figure standing a few metres away from us caught my attention.
The sight of Jade instinctively made me take a step back from Bianca like I had been caught doing something I shouldn't.
"I need the loo," she said, not waiting for me to answer. She walked past us and continued down the hallway, her scent bringing on a wave of new images from last night as I stared after her.
"I should get going," I heard Bianca say. Turning my attention back to her, I noticed a flash of something that looked like regret cross her eyes, but then it was gone. Without another word, she left me standing alone like a lost puppy, wondering if she had noticed anything strange about my interaction with Jade. Not wanting to torture myself with further questions or send my thoughts into a spiral, I headed in the direction of the teacher's lounge. It was safer to use the toilets there, as I wouldn't risk running into Jade again. I couldn't risk losing my job. The students weren't bad, and neither was the pay, and if teaching them for the next few weeks was all I needed to do to get back into my father's good graces, then I would do that. My only problem was that I already felt dangerously close to crossing the line a second time.