Nyxara
[Seraphelle 3rd, 4310]
It was the next day after I had finished lunch, and I was sipping on a soulroot and honey tisane when my family arrived with smiles and multiple packages. I'm both happy and very anxious about them returning to visit. The fact that they kept their promise to come back today means more to me than I expected it would.
I want to get a notebook or something to journal my thoughts and feelings into soon. My soul feels like it has some truths it wants to share with me. I would love to actually talk out all the trauma I've buried from my other life with a therapist, but unless I want to admit I'm not the Nyxara of this world, it will have to be me and journal therapy to soothe my soul wounds.
The comforting yet cloying scent of the tisane grounded me in the present as I watched them settle into the room, chatting and laughing with each other. Their familiar smiles and inside jokes strangely made me feel both a part of the circle and outside it.
I came to a quiet realization after talking with Aspen yesterday. These people—they look like my lost family, and in some ways, they act like them too. But they're not the ones I knew. Not really. I want to be close, but I can't forget—I'm in a world with rules I don't understand. Memory loss will excuse the parts of me that don't match who the other Nyx was, but it won't protect me from the expectations they'll have of me going forward. Expectations I may not share. Aspen called them my enclave—my family.I want that to be true. I want to trust them. To belong.
I smile at something Keir says, but I don't really hear him over the noise of my thoughts. It's oddly comforting, though—this feeling of being surrounded by people who love you, even if you still feel alone. Maybe with time, they'll feel like home again. Maybe I will too.
When asked by Aspen if I want to join them in the sitting area, I let him and Momma help me move over to a cozy chair. Papa has me wrapped up in a soft, patterned blanket and gives me a warmed mug of brew he gave me yesterday before I can blink 4 times. I gave him a grateful smile. He gave me a gentle kiss on the head before he sat down on a loveseat adjacent to my chair.
I sipped my brew and listened as they told me what they had been up to so far today. This is real. I'm really here with them. I'm so grateful for this chance to have them in my life again. Somehow, someway, I will make this a home for me. I survived without them. Surely I can figure out how to live with them. I acknowledged that my choice to come here will be more complicated than I first thought, but I don't feel discouraged to rise to the occasion.
This engagement to Koba, however, is something that should have been in the fine print. It is infuriating that even crossing into another universe, I can't make a clean break from Koba and Minette. It truly sucks that due to politics and contracts, we will have to go through negotiations to dissolve the engagement. The murmur of voices and the circulation of scented air play as background noise to my turbulent thoughts and feelings. The tink-tink of my manicured nails on my mug barely anchor me to the present moment. I gripped the mug tightly, feeling my rage build. I don't notice how the voices have quieted or that sparks of silver, pink, and lavender appear, floating around my hands.
I want to make Koba and Minette bleed. Aspen talked of doing things the right way, but what about what I need?
"Little one, did you hear anything we've been telling you? You seem distracted. Are you feeling okay?" Momma asks, leaning over to grasp my hand. Looking down at our clasped hands, I couldn't help noticing how the top of her hand looks soft yet feels rough on the palm side. I wonder what kind of work she does to have hands like this.
"I'm sorry, Momma. I was just in my thoughts. I have so many questions about everything, and I don't even know what to ask first." I pulled my hand out of Momma's grasp and snuggled even further into the comfortable chair. Her touch was gentle, grounding—but it also burned. I wanted to lean in, not away, but something in me still flinched before I could stop it.
I let out a slow exhale, trying to calm the storm of thoughts in my head. Since they have arrived, everything has slowly been feeling more intense. Even the warmth of this mug feels like an extra-sensory experience now.
"Dragonfly, are you okay over there? You are making expressions that show you might be feeling distressed." Keir's voice broke through my thoughts, gentle but curious. He leaned forward, eyes narrowed in that analytical way of his. "Your senses are feeling sharper, haven't they? Touch, smell, sound… and your scent is smelling less fragmented. Your sandalwood and black tea scent is coming restored, even if it is a bit sharp right now. But do you all smell that? There is something different about the sandalwood. A bit floral and smokey."
The rest of the family all lean over and seem to take deep inhales through their mouths and noses. The quiet as they process what they smell makes me nervous, but I keep my expression cool.
So I am where the sandalwood and black tea smell has been coming from. It's been coming in random waves, so I just thought it was the room's incense or something. At least I have a soothing scent that I like. Now that he pointed it out, I do notice that the sandalwood doesn't smell like normal sandalwood. The possibility that my scent is unique uplifts my mood a bit. I cocoon myself in the blankets more so I can get a better hit of my scent.
Aspen comes over and waves a scanner wand over me before looking at the result on his tablet. "The scanner says her scent is now dusk-bloomed sandalwood and black tea. It's rare for a scent to change after a person has awakened, but not unusual, especially after a death situation. Nothing to worry about. We are monitoring you and will keep an eye on any significant changes."
"But what if she is transitioning into an omega? Scent changes and sensory sensitivity are harbingers for an omega transition." Keir interjects suddenly with a hint of excitement in his tone.
His observation earned him a round of groans and side-eyes from the rest of the family. I caught Aspen's quiet sigh and Papa's muttered, "Here he goes again," under his breath.
Aspen pulled out his handy-dandy tablet again, with a patient expression. "Keir, I know you have very strong opinions about our sister's designation. That you believe she should have awakened as an Omega, not a Beta," he says this while scanning the display.
Then he looks up and gives Keir a cool look that makes Keir's hackles appear to rise. "But you need to accept Nyx as she is and not what you expect her to be. You promised to never bring this up again. Do not break your word again. Nyx does not need the confusion, especially not in her current state." The two have a stare-down for a whole minute before Keir nods and breaks eye contact. He stands up from the couch, to walk over to one of the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring out.
So this is an argument that they have had behind closed doors. I bet the other Nyx didn't even know Keir thought she would be an omega. I do feel the way Aspen shut him down and our parents let him is a bit harsh. I will try not to judge them since I do not know the full situation. I will leave it alone while observing things for now.
Aspen watched Keir with a concerned look in his eyes before he turned his focus back to his screen. "Her bio-metrics show she is still within the beta range for essence and hormone alignment. Her essence network is still damaged, and her hormones are fluctuating, which may be why she is exhibiting such sensitivity and scent changes." He places a gentle hand on my shoulder, his tone softening. "You're still adjusting, Nyx. Everything will normalize in time."
I appreciated Aspen's reassuring words, but I didn't need reassurance about my changing body right now. What I wanted to talk about is…what is a Beta or Omega? They say it so casually, as if everyone knows what these terms mean. Also Lux called me a witch yesterday too. Are witches human or …something other?
"Thank you for alleviating concerns I hadn't considered." I try to keep my tone and demeanor pleasant and I appear to succeed. "Now that we have established that my… well everything is fluctuating I would like answers to my actual questions," I stated, setting my mug down to give them my full focus. My gaze flicked from one face to the next. "Who wants to explain what a Beta or Omega is to me? Do these terms mean we are not human?"
Their expressions shifted all at once—concern and something else I couldn't name—and for a heartbeat, I wondered if I'd asked the one question they hadn't wanted to answer.
They exchanged a glance before turning their attention back to me. My attention, however, was drawn to Momma as she drew a circle with a stylized eye crossed vertically onto the coffee table. She whispered, "Zeyr'thaal entara vossin. (Carry the absolute silence into form)"
In that moment, I felt something pass through me, and all external sounds became muffled. I looked around, trying to discern what was happening. But there was nothing to see except Momma's actions. Did Momma just perform magic? How could I forget magic is a thing here! Omg! Does this mean I can do magic?
My grin and sudden squeal must unsettle them; when I looked up, I was met with concerned gazes. Aspen had been making his way back to his seat when he stopped, looking like he was thinking about coming back over to scan me again. I waved him off, hoping he would understand that I wanted him to sit down. He raises a brow at me before settling himself on the couch, keeping his tablet close at hand.
"Are you alright, Emberling? Did your Momma's essencecrafting freak you out?" Papa softly asked, leaning forward. This Papa is just as caring as my other Papa. He gives off a more commanding aura than Earth Papa, but I still feel his caring nature shining through.
I change my possibly manic grin to a smaller smile before responding. "I'm fine, Papa. Momma's . . . essencecraft just surprised me. I suppose you did something to make it so quiet in here?" My gaze shifted from Papa to Momma, who was smiling at me, seeming to have picked up on my suppressed excitement.
"Yes, little one. I created a sound barrier to keep our conversation private. I believe it's best that your… limited knowledge isn't exposed to anyone who might exploit your lack of understanding against you." The carefully chosen words are wrapped in a cool logic and tone that reminds me of them. In this moment I don't see or hear my family. It's them judging me again. My heart tries to tell me it's not them but my mind is ready to defend me from another attack. I see and don't see how I'm causing a shift in the room's atmosphere. I understand caution is needed, but the judgement is unwarranted. For what reason does she feel I should be judged right now?
Even though I know I'm being irrational, I can't stop myself. My tone turns chilly unconsciously. "Understood, Momma. Your forethought is appreciated. To pick up where we left off, I have questions, and if you provided me with answers I'm less likely to be exploited." I sat up in my chair, picking my mug up from the side table. I meet each gaze firmly. I may be physically weak, but I'm not some naive child to be tested for intelligence either.
"First two questions." I paused, making sure I had their full attention. "What is a beta or omega—and how do those terms apply to me?"