The path leading toward the center of Thriller Bark was paved with cracked, uneven cobblestones. The dense fog of the Florian Triangle hung low to the ground, obscuring the dead trees and the crumbling stone walls that lined the main road.
The center group, led by Monkey D. Luffy, walked at a brisk, casual pace. The team consisted of Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Franky, Nami, Vivi, Mini Merry, Sunny, and Usopp.
Rather than taking the lead or guarding the rear, Usopp walked perfectly in the dead center of the formation. He gripped his high-tech Transforming Bow tightly, his eyes darting back and forth, ensuring he had a highly capable meat-shield in every possible direction.
"Keep your eyes peeled," Sanji said, lighting a cigarette. "This island is a giant ship. That means every shadow could be a trap."
"It's just a graveyard," Zoro grunted, his hand resting on the hilt of his swords. "If something moves, cut it."
"You two are so violent," Nami sighed, holding her Clima-Tact ready. "Just focus on finding Gecko Moria and getting Brook's shadow back. We don't have time to mess around."
"Hey look!" Luffy pointed ahead.
The cobblestone path widened, cutting directly through a sprawling, ancient cemetery. Hundreds of crooked tombstones jutted out of the dark earth. As the group approached, the ground began to tremble.
The dirt on several graves shifted. Slowly, rotting, bandage-wrapped hands burst from the soil, gripping the edges of the tombstones.
"Zombies!" Usopp shrieked, instantly diving behind Franky's massive metallic legs. "They're coming out of the ground!"
Three zombies pulled themselves halfway out of their graves, their jaws hanging open as they let out low, raspy moans.
"Uuuughhh... flesh..." one of the zombies groaned, its glowing eyes locking onto the crew.
Luffy didn't break his stride. He walked right up to the first zombie.
"Oh, you guys are awake early," Luffy said casually.
He placed a flat hand on the top of the zombie's rotting head and simply pushed downward.
Thud.
The zombie was shoved straight back into the dirt hole it had just climbed out of.
Luffy walked to the next one, pushing it down by the shoulders. "Go back to sleep."
He moved to the third one, pressing his foot on its head and stepping on it to push it back into the earth. "It's not morning yet."
The rest of the crew stopped walking, watching their captain treat the undead horrors like annoying alarm clocks.
"Did he just... push them back in?" Vivi asked, blinking in confusion.
"That's our Captain," Sanji exhaled a puff of smoke. "Completely devoid of common sense."
For a second, the graveyard was quiet. Then, the dirt shifted again. The three zombies, highly insulted by the casual dismissal, popped right back out of their holes, looking much angrier this time.
"GRAAAH! WE ARE THE UNDEAD!" the lead zombie roared, waving a rusty sword. "YOU CANNOT JUST PUSH US—"
BAM! BAM! BAM!
Luffy's fist blurred. He delivered three swift, incredibly hard punches directly to the tops of their heads. The force of the blows drove the zombies entirely back into their graves, packing the dirt tightly over their heads.
"Didn't I tell you to sleep?!" Luffy yelled, crossing his arms and glaring at the patches of dirt.
The zombies, despite lacking functional nervous systems, possessed enough residual survival instinct to realize they had just been assaulted by a monster. The ground remained perfectly still. Not a single finger twitched. They played dead.
Seeing that they were not coming out again, Luffy's angry expression vanished, replaced by his usual cheerful grin. He crouched down and gently patted the dirt on top of the first grave.
"Good night," Luffy said pleasantly.
He stood up and resumed walking down the path as if nothing had happened.
"He... he bullied the zombies into submission," Usopp muttered, adjusting his ghost-hunting goggles. "I don't know whether to be relieved or terrified."
"Just keep walking," Zoro sighed, following Luffy.
They continued their trek through the cemetery. The fog grew thicker, reducing visibility to a few dozen feet.
Suddenly, a low, guttural growl echoed through the mist. It wasn't the raspy moan of a zombie. It was the deep, vibrating snarl of a massive predator.
"Halt," Franky held out a massive arm. "I hear something big."
From the shadows of the fog, a massive shape emerged. It stepped onto the cobblestone path, blocking their way entirely.
It was a dog. But it was easily the size of an elephant, covered in patchwork fur and thick, ugly stitches. The most alarming feature, however, was the fact that it had three distinct heads. Two of the heads looked like massive, snarling hounds. The third head, sitting on the far right, inexplicably looked like the head of a fox.
"A three-headed dog," Vivi noted calmly. "Like the mythical Cerberus."
"Wait, why does the third head look like a fox?" Franky squinted.
"GRRRRRRR!" All three heads bared their fangs, saliva dripping from their massive jaws.
Nami gripped her baton. "Luffy, wait! Don't just run up to it!"
"Yes, please remain cautious, Luffy-san!" Vivi warned, taking a defensive stance with her spear.
"It looks incredibly dangerous!" Usopp yelled, aiming his bow-rifle. "Let me shoot it from a safe distance!"
Luffy ignored them completely. His eyes were wide with pure, unadulterated excitement.
"A DOGGY!" Luffy cheered, sprinting directly toward the massive, snarling beast. "It's so cool! I want to pet it!"
"LUFFY, NO!" Nami screamed.
Luffy ran right up to the center head, raising his hand to pat its snout.
The center dog head didn't hesitate. It lunged forward, opening its massive jaws, and clamped its teeth down perfectly over Luffy's entire head and upper torso.
CHOMP.
Luffy's body hung limply from the dog's mouth, his legs dangling in the air.
"IT ATE HIM!" Usopp shrieked, grabbing the sides of his face.
"I TOLD YOU TO BE CAREFUL, YOU IDIOT!" Nami scolded, stomping her foot in frustration. "Why do you never listen?!"
From inside the dog's mouth, Luffy's muffled, entirely unbothered voice echoed out.
"Mmph mmmph mph!" (Don't worry, I will take care of it!)
Luffy's arms, which were pinned awkwardly against his sides inside the jaws, managed to stretch out through the gaps in the dog's teeth. He raised his hands and began to gently, rhythmically tap the outside of the dog's snout.
"Mmph mmmph," (Good doggy,) Luffy's muffled voice continued. He started petting the beast's nose affectionately. "Mmph mph mph." (Now open your mouth.)
The three-headed dog stopped growling. The center head, which currently had a rubber pirate captain lodged in its throat, blinked its massive eyes. The other two heads looked at the center head in total confusion. They had never encountered prey that actively petted them while being eaten.
Curiosity overriding its aggression, the center dog head slowly opened its jaws to see what the strange rubber man would do.
Luffy dropped to the ground, completely covered in thick, viscous dog saliva. He wiped his face with his sleeve and turned back to his crew with a massive, triumphant grin.
"See?" Luffy pointed at the confused beast. "What a good dog."
Then, without missing a beat, Luffy wound up both of his arms, stretching them far back.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
He delivered three rapid, devastating punches, hitting each of the three heads squarely on the nose with the force of a cannonball.
The massive dog yelped, all three heads whining simultaneously as the beast was driven to its knees by the sheer blunt force trauma.
"Behave," Luffy commanded, crossing his arms and glaring at the dog.
The terrifying Cerberus immediately slumped onto its stomach. It tucked its tail between its legs and let out a pathetic, high-pitched whimper, looking up at Luffy with wide, submissive eyes.
"He tamed it," Sanji said flatly. "With brain damage."
"It is highly effective," Vivi smiled softly.
Luffy hopped onto the back of the massive dog, sitting comfortably on its stitched fur. "Awesome! Now we don't have to walk! Come on, guys! Get on!"
"Ooh! A mount!" Merry cheered. She grabbed Sunny by the hand. "Come on, little bro! Let's ride the beast!"
The two ten-year-old androids, wearing their tan ghost-hunting jumpsuits and vacuum backpacks, effortlessly leaped onto the dog's back, sitting behind Luffy.
"Mush, doggy! Mush!" Luffy pointed forward.
The giant three-headed dog, thoroughly terrified of the rubber man on its back, stood up and began to slowly trot down the cobblestone path toward the distant palace. The rest of the crew walked alongside them, keeping a steady pace.
"This is a great dog," Luffy laughed, patting the fur. "What should we name him? I vote for Meat-Eater!"
Sunny's blue eyes flashed with a rapid stream of data. "Activating Fauna-Translation Protocol," Sunny announced cheerfully. He looked at the whimpering dog. "The biological specimen requests that you do not call him Meat-Eater. He says his name is Cerberus, and he politely asks that you stop hitting his noses. He also says he has a severe migraine and misses his cozy kennel."
"It's not about the migraine, Sunny," Merry said. "It's about the presence. Rolling up to the enemy base on a three-headed mutant dog? That's maximum disrespect. This is a very good whip, Captain."
"Right?!" Luffy grinned. "He's a great whip! Good boy, Whip!"
"He says please stop calling him Whip," Sunny translated helpfully.
As they rode further down the path, the scenery began to change. The graves grew larger, and the architecture shifted from a simple cemetery to a more ornate, gothic garden leading up to the main gates of Gecko Moria's massive palace.
The fog here was different. It wasn't just weather; it felt heavy, carrying an unnatural chill.
"Papa warned us about this area," Merry said, tapping her headset. "Scanners are picking up ectoplasmic anomalies. Ghost signatures detected."
"Ghosts?" Usopp gulped, grabbing his high-tech vacuum hose. "Real ghosts?!"
From the walls of the nearby ruins, several figures phased into view. They were translucent, floating entities shaped like classic sheet-ghosts, but they had large, hollow eyes and long, drooping tongues. They emitted a strange, hollow laughing sound.
"Horo horo horo..."
"They're coming right at us!" Nami yelled, readying her Clima-Tact.
The ghosts didn't slow down. They moved with surprising speed, darting through the air.
One of the ghosts swooped low and flew directly through Zoro's chest.
"Watch out, Zoro!" Sanji shouted.
The ghostly entity passed seamlessly through Zoro's body, leaving a trail of cold air behind it.
Instantly, the terrifying, demonic aura of the swordsman vanished. Zoro dropped to his hands and knees on the cobblestones. The color drained from his face, replaced by a deep, dark shadow of absolute despair.
"I am worthless," Zoro whispered, his voice cracking with misery. "I should never have picked up a sword. I should have been born a sea cucumber. At least sea cucumbers are useful to the ocean. I am just a burden on the earth."
"ZORO?!" Sanji dropped his cigarette, his jaw hitting the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you?! Did you hit your head?!"
A second ghost flew over the dog's head, passing straight through Luffy.
Luffy froze. He slid off the back of the dog, landing face-first in the dirt.
"I don't deserve meat," Luffy mumbled into the soil, tears streaming down his face. "I am a terrible captain. I should just eat vegetables for the rest of my life. Boiled cabbage... that is all I deserve."
"LUFFY?!" Sanji screamed in sheer culinary horror. "SAYING YOU DON'T WANT MEAT?! THE DEMON HAS TAKEN HIS TASTE BUDS! FIGHT THE VEGETABLES, LUFFY!"
A third ghost aimed for Franky. The cyborg raised his arms to block, but the ghost phased right through his Vibranium plating.
Franky collapsed onto his back, staring blankly at the sky. "I am just a pile of scrap metal," Franky sobbed loudly. "My engineering is a joke. I should just dismantle myself and become a toaster. At least a toaster makes people happy in the morning. I am SUUUUPER useless."
The remaining crew members backed away in sheer horror.
"What is happening?!" Usopp yelled, pointing at the three depressed pirates. "They lost their will to live! Just by getting touched!"
"It must be the Devil Fruit power," Nami analyzed, keeping her distance from the floating entities. "Those ghosts are inducing extreme negative emotions upon passing through a living target. They drain the spirit."
Three more ghosts, giggling their hollow laughs, swooped down toward the group. Two aimed directly for the children sitting on the dog's back, while the third flew straight through Usopp's chest.
The crew braced for the inevitable depression. They waited for the kids to fall off the dog and cry, and for Usopp to declare himself a worthless earthworm.
Merry, Sunny, and Usopp just stood there. They blinked.
Sunny tilted his head, adjusting his goggles. "Huh. That felt a little cold."
Merry patted her chest, checking a gauge on her vacuum backpack. "Zero ectoplasmic damage taken. PKE valences remain stable."
Usopp, meanwhile, just patted his own chest, looking completely bewildered. "I feel... exactly the same. Did it miss?"
Merry and Sunny turned their heads, staring at the sniper with wide, amazed eyes.
"Uncle Usopp!" Sunny gasped. "Are you a highly advanced android with a positron-glider matrix too?!"
"No," Nami sighed, massaging her temples from the sidelines. "He's just naturally that negative. The ghost literally couldn't make him any more depressed than his baseline."
"I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO BE PROUD OR INSULTED!" Usopp sobbed, anime tears streaming down his face. "GOD USOPP'S NEGATIVITY IS INVINCIBLE!"
"Fascinating," Merry her tone shifting entirely to a professional paranormal investigator. "Biological immunity to Class 5 localized depression vapors. Noted. But these entities are still a Class-A nuisance. Sunny, rev the proton-turbines."
"Powering up!" Sunny grabbed his own vacuum hose, flipping a switch on the side of his pack.
The backpacks whirred to life with the sound of high-powered turbine engines.
"Who you gonna call?" Merry smirked.
"Ghost Busters" Sunny shouted.
Merry pointed her nozzle at the nearest floating ghost. "Initiating ghost-trap sequence!"
She pulled the trigger. A powerful, swirling vortex of localized suction erupted from the nozzle. The ghost, which had been giggling a second ago, suddenly shrieked as it was caught in the air current.
"Target secured in the containment stream!" Merry cheered.
"My turn!" Sunny aimed his nozzle at another ghost floating near the ruins. He pulled his trigger, activating the suction.
The ghost shrieked and was pulled toward the nozzle. But as it reached the opening, the ghost suddenly dissolved, slipping right through the plastic tubing and phasing out the back of the vacuum, reforming in the air behind Sunny.
"Containment breach!" Sunny frowned. "The entity bypassed the physical filter!"
Usopp, realizing his own ghost-hunting suit was fully operational (and emboldened by his absolute immunity), stepped forward with newfound courage.
"Stand aside, junior cadets!" Usopp declared, aiming his nozzle. "Leave it to a professional! Do not cross the streams!"
Usopp activated his vacuum, creating a massive funnel of suction. The ghost was caught in the middle, pulled violently toward his nozzle.
But just like with Sunny, the moment the ghost touched the physical components of the vacuum, it phased through the material, giggling its hollow laugh before flying away into the fog.
"Darn it!" Usopp slapped his vacuum. "They're phasing through the containment units!"
Merry looked down at her own vacuum, frowning. She unclipped the containment canister from the bottom of her backpack.
"Let me check the ecto-trap," Merry said.
She popped the lid off the canister. She looked inside.
"Empty," Merry sighed, showing the empty plastic container to the group. "It just phased out after I sucked it in. The vacuum provides the kinetic air current to pull them, but the physical containment unit lacks a spectral dampening field. They lack physical mass."
"So the ghost-hunting suits are useless?!" Usopp cried.
"Against intangible entities, yes," Nami concluded, helping a groaning Luffy sit up. "It seems these ghosts cannot be contained by normal equipment. We will simply have to avoid them."
The ghosts, seemingly bored by their inability to depress the androids or the sniper, floated away over the graveyard walls, disappearing into the mist toward the palace.
Slowly, the effects of the negative hollows began to wear off.
Zoro pushed himself off the ground, shaking his head. He looked around, completely disoriented, before realizing he was on his hands and knees. He stood up quickly, his face flushing dark red.
Sanji, who had watched the entire ordeal from a safe distance, burst into uncontrollable laughter.
"PFFFT—HAHAHAHA!" Sanji doubled over, clutching his stomach. "Oh my god! 'I should have been born a sea cucumber'?! Was that you, Marimo?! The great demonic swordsman wants to be a slug on the ocean floor?! That is the greatest thing I have ever heard in my life!"
Zoro's hand clamped onto the hilt of his sword. A vein throbbed violently on his forehead.
"I'll kill you, Cook," Zoro growled, his voice vibrating with murderous intent. "I'll dice you into a million pieces. You didn't hear anything."
"I heard everything!" Sanji wiped a tear from his eye. "I'm going to carve 'Sea Cucumber' into your gravestone!"
On the dog's back, Merry and Sunny covered their mouths, trying and failing to hide their giggles.
"He really said sea cucumber," Sunny snickered quietly.
"Maximum disrespect," Merry whispered back, grinning.
Luffy stood up, aggressively wiping the dirt off his suit. "I love meat! I don't want cabbage! That ghost lied!"
Franky pushed himself up, striking his pose to regain his dignity. "I AM SUUUUPER USEFUL! I AM NOT A TOASTER!"
"Are we all quite finished having emotional breakdowns?" Nami asked, tapping her foot impatiently. "The palace is right there. Let's move."
The group reformed, leaving the graveyard behind. The path widened, leading up to a massive set of wrought-iron gates that marked the entrance to Gecko Moria's towering, gothic palace.
The building loomed over them, casting long, dark shadows in the foggy air. Gargoyles perched on the battlements, and the massive wooden doors were shut tight.
Sanji was still snickering quietly as they walked up the final steps. Zoro was ignoring him, though the grip on his sword was white-knuckled.
"We made it," Luffy said, stepping up to the massive doors. He didn't bother looking for a handle. He simply pulled his fist back and coated it in Armament Haki.
"Time to get Brook's shadow back," Luffy grinned.
He punched the doors, blowing them completely off their hinges and sending them crashing into the dark entry hall of the palace.
"HELLO!" Luffy yelled into the darkness. "WE'RE HERE TO BEAT YOU UP!"
The Straw Hat Pirates had arrived at the heart of Thriller Bark.