The massive, heavy wooden doors of the towering gothic palace splintered and crashed inward, kicking up a thick cloud of dust that rolled through the dark, cavernous entry hall of Thriller Bark.
"HELLO!" Luffy yelled into the darkness, his fists raised and coated in a faint sheen of Armament Haki. "WE'RE HERE TO BEAT YOU UP!"
The Straw Hat Vanguard—Zoro, Sanji, Franky, Nami, Vivi, Usopp, Merry, and Sunny—stood behind their captain, weapons drawn, muscles tense, fully prepared for an army of zombies, giant monsters, or a terrifying Warlord of the Sea to descend upon them.
They waited.
The dust slowly settled. The echo of Luffy's shout faded into the cavernous ceiling.
There was absolute, deafening silence.
No battle cries. No trapdoors opening. Just the quiet drip of water from somewhere deep inside the castle.
"Did nobody hear me?" Luffy blinked, dropping his fists slightly. He took a deep breath, puffing out his chest to yell again. "I SAID—"
Clap, clap, clap.
The sound of slow, heavy, echoing footsteps approached from the grand staircase in the center of the hall. The crew instantly raised their weapons again, Zoro stepping slightly in front of Vivi.
From the shadows emerged a colossal figure. He was easily twenty feet tall, shaped bizarrely like a massive, pale onion. He wore a gothic, bat-winged coat, a cravat, and boots that looked too small for his proportions. Stitches ran across his neck and face.
It was Gecko Moria, one of the Seven Warlords of the Sea.
The Straw Hats braced themselves. They knew his reputation. A man who stole shadows, built zombie armies, and ruled the Florian Triangle with an iron fist.
But as Moria stepped into the light of the entryway, he wasn't scowling. He wasn't laughing his signature, menacing laugh.
He was smiling. A wide, incredibly accommodating, almost nervous smile.
He stopped a few feet away, rubbing his massive, pale hands together like an eager merchant trying to make a sale.
"Welcome, welcome!" Moria greeted them warmly, bowing his head slightly. "Straw Hat Luffy! And the illustrious Straw Hat crew! Please, come in! Don't mind the doors, they were getting old anyway!"
Luffy froze. He lowered his fists completely, tilting his head to the side. A look of genuine confusion washed over his face.
"Huh?" Luffy blinked.
Zoro's eye narrowed, his hand gripping Wado Ichimonji tighter. "What kind of trick is this, onion-head?"
"No trick!" Moria insisted, holding his hands up defensively. "Just a warm welcome to Thriller Bark! Make yourselves at home!"
Luffy scratched the back of his head, visibly struggling to process the situation. "Wait a minute. I don't get it. I thought you were a bad guy. I thought you were gonna attack us. What are you doing? I am here to fight you!"
Moria blinked, feigning innocence. "Fight me? Whatever for, Straw Hat? We have no quarrel!"
"Yes we do!" Luffy pointed an accusing finger at the giant Warlord. "You took Brook's shadow!"
Moria paused, his brow furrowing as he searched his memory. "Brook? Brook who?"
"The skeleton!" Luffy clarified. "The afro skeleton! He runs on water and drinks tea! You stole his shadow, and I want it back!"
"Aaah!" Moria snapped his fingers, realization dawning on his stitched face. "The humming skeleton from a few years ago! Yes, yes, of course. I remember now. So... you want his shadow back, is that it?"
"Yes!" Luffy nodded firmly. "I want him in my crew! He's gonna be our musician! But he needs his shadow back before we can leave this foggy place!"
Moria didn't hesitate.
"Okay," Moria said simply. "I will give it back to you."
"Eh?!" Nami, Usopp, and Franky shrieked in unison, their jaws hitting the stone floor.
"Really?" Luffy smiled widely, his anger vanishing instantly. "That's great! Give it here!"
"I would love to, truly," Moria said apologetically, gesturing with his hands. "But right now, I have sent the body that possesses his shadow out on an errand. He's a samurai zombie, very reliable, but he's currently patrolling the outer graveyard. I will return the shadow to you the very second he comes back. You have my word as a Warlord."
Luffy's smile widened into his signature, ear-to-ear grin. "Shishishi! Awesome! You're a pretty nice guy for a giant onion!"
"Luffy, wait!" Nami lunged forward, grabbing Luffy's arm and pulling him back. "Are you crazy?! He's a Warlord! He steals shadows for a living! He is absolutely up to something!"
"Yeah!" Usopp raised his transforming bow, aiming it at Moria. "This is a classic villain stalling tactic! He's probably setting up a trap door right beneath our feet!"
Sanji lit a cigarette, his eye fixed on Moria. "Why are you being so cooperative? A guy with your reputation doesn't just hand over a prize because we asked nicely."
Moria looked at the tense, suspicious crew. He let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a rolled-up newspaper. It was the morning edition of the World Economy News Paper.
He unrolled it, showing the front page to the crew.
ENIES LOBBY ANNIHILATED! STRAW HAT PIRATES DECLARE WAR ON THE WORLD!
"Do you know what I like to do, Straw Hat?" Moria asked, his voice deadpan. "I like to sleep. I like to sit in my castle, let my zombies do all the work, and live a very comfortable, very quiet life in the fog."
Moria pointed a massive finger at the newspaper, specifically at the combined bounties listed on the front page.
"Your crew has a combined bounty exceeding two billion berries," Moria stated flatly. "You sailed into the most heavily fortified judicial island in the world. You burned the flag of the World Government. You systematically dismantled the most elite assassination squad the Marines have to offer. You have literal Giants of Elbaf in tailored suits. Your sniper can apparently generate impenetrable energy shields."
Moria lowered the paper, looking Luffy dead in the eye.
"I am a lazy man, Straw Hat. I very much value my life and my castle. I have absolutely zero desire to fight a crew of psychotic, government-toppling monsters over a skeleton's shadow. Furthermore, I am actually a fan of yours. It takes real guts to punch the World Government in the mouth like that. I respect it."
The crew stared at him. The logic was completely sound. It was the most pragmatic, sensible thing a villain had ever said to them.
"See?" Luffy laughed, looking at Nami. "He just doesn't wanna fight! He's scared of us!"
"I prefer the term 'tactically cautious'," Moria corrected smoothly.
"Don't let your guard down, Luffy," Zoro warned, his hand never leaving his sword. "A coward with a trap is still dangerous."
"To prove my good intentions," Moria offered, stepping to the side and gesturing grandly toward the double doors leading deeper into the palace. "I have prepared a feast for you. The finest food Thriller Bark has to offer. Please, be my guests while we wait for the samurai to return."
"A FEAST?!" Luffy's eyes instantly transformed into massive, sparkling stars. A torrent of drool cascaded from his mouth. "Where?! Lead the way, Onion-guy!"
"Luffy, NO!" Nami yelled.
Moria turned and began walking down the hallway. Luffy immediately sprinted after him.
"Stop him!" Usopp shouted.
Zoro, Sanji, and Franky lunged forward, grabbing Luffy's hand and wrist to hold him back. They dug their heels into the stone floor, pulling with all their might.
"Hold him back! It's a trap!" Franky roared.
But it was completely useless. Luffy didn't stop running. His rubber arm simply stretched backward, elongating like a massive bungee cord as he continued to jog cheerfully after Moria down the hall.
"It's no use!" Sanji grunted, sliding across the stone floor as the tension in Luffy's arm threatened to snap them all forward. "His center of mass is already in the dining room!"
"Let go before he slingshots us into a wall!" Zoro ordered.
They released his arm. SNAP. Luffy's arm rubber-banded back to his body, propelling him even faster down the hall.
"Gomu Gomu no... BUFFET!" Luffy cheered, disappearing around the corner.
"Damn it," Nami groaned, rubbing her temples. "We have to follow him. Keep your weapons ready. If anyone so much as looks at us funny, we burn this castle down."
The group cautiously followed the path Moria and Luffy had taken. They moved through dimly lit, gothic corridors adorned with creepy portraits and cobwebs, eventually arriving at a massive, ornate set of dining room doors.
They pushed them open.
Inside, the banquet hall was spectacular. A long, mahogany table was piled high with incredible amounts of food—roasted meats, towering cakes, massive bowls of pasta, and exquisite seafood. The room was lit by grand chandeliers, casting a warm, inviting glow.
Luffy was already seated at the head of the table, aggressively shoveling a whole roasted turkey into his mouth. "Dish ish sho good!" he mumbled through a mouthful of bones.
Standing near the table, holding a delicate, gothic parasol and floating a few inches off the ground, was a young woman. She wore a black and white gothic lolita dress, pigtails, and a crown. Small, translucent ghosts hovered lazily around her.
"Welcome, welcome, I am Perona!" Perona greeted them, a mischievous smile on her face. "Please, take a seat! Did you like my hollows?"
Usopp froze, his eyes locking onto the small ghosts floating around her. He pointed a trembling finger at the girl.
"You!" Usopp shrieked. "Those negative hollows outside... those were yours?!"
"Horo horo horo!" Perona laughed, her signature, echoing giggle filling the room. "Yes! I wanted to play a prank on the famous Straw Hat Pirates before you arrived! I think I succeeded beautifully, don't you?"
Zoro's face flushed dark red. The memory of his depressive breakdown on the bridge flashed in his mind. 'I should have been born a sea cucumber...'
"You..." Zoro growled, a vein throbbing violently on his forehead. His hand dropped to his sword. "I'm going to cut you."
Before Zoro could draw his blade, a localized tornado erupted in the dining hall.
FWOOSH!
Sanji spun into the room like a drill, his legs moving so fast he literally hovered off the ground. He flew straight past Zoro and landed perfectly on one knee in front of Perona, sliding a bouquet of red roses—seemingly pulled from thin air—toward her.
"PERONA-CHWAAAAAN!" Sanji swooned, his visible eye replaced by a massive, throbbing heart. "Your hollows did not just drain my spirit, they hollowed out my very soul to make room for my burning love for you! Such terrifying power hidden behind such breathtaking, gothic beauty! Please, charm me again!"
Perona blinked, her expression entirely deadpan. She just stared at the hurricane of romance with absolute, complete disinterest.
"You are very loud, Mr. Cook," Perona said flatly, twirling her parasol and accepting the roses simply because they were handed to her. She showed zero interest in his fiery passion. "But I suppose I can accept the tribute. Horo horo horo."
Suddenly, Usopp marched into the dining room, his tan ghost-hunting jumpsuit zipped up tight. He leveled his high-tech vacuum nozzle at the hovering hollows, then looked at the hearts spinning around Sanji.
"Stand aside, citizens!" Usopp declared, flipping a switch on his backpack that caused it to hum loudly. "God Usopp is here to banish the evil spirits!"
He paused, his goggles darting back and forth between the ghosts and the lovesick cook.
"Wait," Usopp whispered loudly to Nami. "Do I vacuum the ghosts, or do I vacuum Sanji to save him from himself?"
"Vacuum Sanji," Nami deadpanned, not even looking up from checking her weapons.
"He's hopeless," Vivi sighed, though she smiled as she took a seat at the table next to Nami.
"Alright, fine," Nami muttered, carefully inspecting a plate of pasta for poison. She took a small bite. Her eyes widened. "Actually... this is really good."
As the group cautiously began to eat, the heavy double doors to the banquet hall swung open again.
"Gebabababa! We found the dining room!"
Dory and Brogy, still in their tailored black suits, ducked under the doorframe and stepped into the room. Behind them walked Oimo, Kashii, Ace, Chopper, and Caroo.
Leading them was a strange, round man wearing a white lab coat, fishnet stockings, and a bizarre pair of goggles. It was Dr. Hogback, Moria's chief surgeon and butler. He was sweating profusely, dabbing his forehead with a handkerchief.
"Fosfosfos..." Hogback laughed nervously, gesturing to the table. "Please, right this way, esteemed guests. The master has prepared plenty of food."
"Hey guys!" Luffy waved a chicken leg at them. "The food here is great!"
"We ran into a little trouble outside," Ace noted, taking a seat next to Luffy and grabbing a plate of ribs. "The graveyard is full of weird animals. We saw a dog-penguin and a pig-lion."
"We punched them!" Chopper added proudly from his seat, stuffing his face with cake. "They were trying to bite Caroo, but Dory squashed them with his shoe!"
"QUACK!" Caroo nodded vigorously while eating a bowl of rice.
"Ah, yes, the... the local wildlife can be quite aggressive," Hogback stammered, his eyes darting nervously toward Moria. "My apologies for the inconvenience. Please, eat as much as you like! My servants will attend to your every need."
On cue, several stitched-up, decaying zombie waiters shambled forward, carrying silver trays of extra soup and bread. As one particularly rotting zombie leaned over the table to pour Sanji a glass of wine, a loose bandage and a fake eyeball dropped directly onto the pristine white tablecloth next to a plate of pasta.
Sanji froze.
The lovesick, swooning aura around the cook vanished instantly, replaced by the white-hot, explosive fury of a professional chef.
"WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS?!" Sanji roared, grabbing the terrified zombie waiter by its tattered collar and lifting it completely off the floor. "You think you can serve food in my presence with rotting hands?! Where is your hairnet?! Did you even wash your hands with soap?!"
For the next ten minutes, the dining hall was subjected to a brutal culinary exorcism. Sanji lined the undead monsters up against the stone wall, aggressively forcing them to scrub their hands with boiling water and lemon juice, screaming at them about cross-contamination. The zombies, despite being mindless walking corpses, looked genuinely traumatized by the blonde cook's wrath.
"He's scarier than the ghosts," Chopper whispered, eating his cake very politely so Sanji wouldn't yell at him.
The banquet was soon in full swing. Despite the weird atmosphere, the food was undeniable, and the crew was starving. Moria sat at the far end of the table, quietly sipping wine, visibly relieved that he wasn't currently being beaten to a pulp by the men who leveled Enies Lobby.
Ten minutes later, the dining hall doors opened for the third and final time.
The room naturally quieted down as Ben walked in. He wore his unbuttoned floral shirt and dark trousers, his silver-white hair tied back neatly. Walking beside him, her arm looped comfortably through his, was Nico Robin. She looked radiant, her newly styled hair catching the chandelier light, a serene smile on her face.
They looked less like pirates invading a Warlord's castle and more like a couple arriving at a high-end dinner party.
They walked to the center of the table. Ben pulled out a chair for Robin, helping her sit before taking the seat beside her.
Sanji, who had been busy checking the zombies' fingernails for dirt, froze. He slowly turned his head. His eyes locked onto Ben and Robin.
The fork in Sanji's hand bent completely in half.
"MAGICIAN!" Sanji roared, his golden, Super Saiyan aura of pure jealousy flaring to life, scorching the carpet beneath his feet. "YOU SNEAKY, SILVER-HAIRED THIEF! YOU MONOPOLIZED ROBIN-CHWAN AGAIN! WHILE I WAS DEFENDING THIS CREW FROM GHOSTS, YOU WERE ON A PRIVATE STROLL?!"
"It was a very pleasant stroll, Sanji," Ben smirked, taking a sip of water. "The graveyard architecture is quite romantic if you have the right lighting."
"I'LL KILL YOU! I'LL BOIL YOU IN STEW!" Sanji screamed, vibrating with rage.
"Sit down, Cook, before you burn the food," Zoro grunted, tossing a bread roll at Sanji's head.
"Shut up, Marimo!"
As the crew settled into their usual bickering, Merry, who was sitting next to Ben, decided that the atmosphere needed a bit more flavor. The gothic aesthetic of the room, the flickering candles, and the presence of ghosts were too perfect to ignore.
Merry stood up on her chair. She adjusted her sunglasses and tapped the holographic control panel on her wrist.
"Papa," Merry chirped, looking around the dark, moody banquet hall. "The vibe in here is spooky. We need the Halloween track."
Ben chuckled. He raised his right hand and conjured instruments in the room.
A heavy, iconic, synthesized bassline suddenly thumped through the banquet hall.
Dun, dun, dun, dun...
The doors to the hall blew open, a sudden gust of wind extinguishing half the candles.
Merry grabbed a conjured microphone, her voice perfectly matching the eerie, rhythmic beat.
"It's close to midnight, and something evil's lurking in the dark..."
"Under the moonlight, you see a sight that almost stops your heart..."
"Oh! A song!" Luffy stopped chewing, bouncing in his seat.
"You try to scream, but terror takes the sound before you make it..."
"You start to freeze as horror looks you right between the eyes..."
"You're paralyzed..."
Merry hopped off the chair, striding to the center of the room. She began to move, her steps sharp and rhythmic.
Outside the castle, in the massive, foggy graveyard of Thriller Bark, the music carried through the air. The zombies, who were normally mindless, shambling corpses, suddenly stopped. Their ears twitched. The beat resonated with the very shadows animating their bodies.
Slowly, simultaneously, hundreds of zombies turned toward the castle. They raised their rotting arms. They dropped their shoulders.
And they began to dance.
"'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!
And no one's gonna save you from the beast about to strike!
You know it's thriller, thriller night!
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight, yeah!"
Inside the hall, the crew couldn't help themselves. The beat was infectious.
Luffy jumped onto the table, doing the zombie-claw dance move perfectly in sync with the undead outside. Chopper and Usopp joined him, sliding their feet across the wood. Even Moria, sitting at the head of the table, found his massive foot tapping uncontrollably to the heavy synth bass.
"You hear the door slam, and realize there's nowhere left to run...
You feel the cold hand, and wonder if you'll ever see the sun...
You close your eyes and hope that this is just imagination...
Girl, but all the while you hear the creature creeping up behind...
You're out of time!"
Franky joined the center of the room, using his mechanical joints to execute perfect, rigid pop-and-lock zombie moves. Sanji, completely swept up in the rhythm, began to spin around Perona, performing a flawless, dramatic dip right on the beat, even though she was just standing there with a deadpan expression, entirely unfazed by his moves.
Zoro, however, was not dancing.
The swordsman sat in the far corner of the room, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, aggressively chewing on a thick piece of bread. He was glaring at the floorboards, absolutely sulking because Moria's pragmatic surrender meant he didn't get to fight any giant monsters, legendary samurai, or Warlords today. He was itching to cut something, and a dance party was deeply unsatisfying.
"'Cause this is thriller, thriller night!
There ain't no second chance against the thing with forty eyes, girl!
Thriller, thriller night!
You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight!"
Ben smiled, manipulating the magical lights in the room to flash in time with the music, turning the Warlord's dining hall into a full-blown, supernatural disco. Robin laughed softly, watching her chaotic family turn a haunted house into a dance floor.
"Night creatures call!
And the dead start to walk in their masquerade!
There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time!
(They're open wide!)
This is the end of your life!"
Merry spun on her heel, pointing the microphone at the crowd as the music swelled.
"They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side!
They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial!
Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together, yeah!
All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen...
I'll make you see!"
"That this is thriller, thriller night!
'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try!
Thriller, thriller night!
So let me hold you tight and share a killer, diller, chiller, thriller here tonight!"
As the song reached its bridge, Usopp grabbed a megaphone, deciding to contribute the iconic spoken-word rap section with his deepest, most dramatic voice.
"Darkness falls across the land...
The midnight hour is close at hand...
Creatures crawl in search of blood...
To terrorize y'awl's neighborhood!
And whosoever shall be found...
Without the soul for getting down...
Must stand and face the hounds of hell...
And rot inside a corpse's shell!"
Usopp lowered his voice to a chilling whisper.
"The foulest stench is in the air...
The funk of forty thousand years...
And grizzly ghouls from every tomb...
Are closing in to seal your doom!
And though you fight to stay alive...
Your body starts to shiver...
For no mere mortal can resist...
The evil of the thriller!"
When the song finally ended with a dramatic, synthesized evil laugh (provided flawlessly by Usopp), the room erupted into cheers.
"That was SUPER!" Franky posed, breathing heavily.
"Shishishi! Best party ever!" Luffy laughed, falling back into his chair.
Gecko Moria wiped a bead of sweat from his massive forehead. He had never seen a crew like this. They were terrifying, unhinged, and completely impossible to predict. He was incredibly glad he hadn't tried to fight them.
"Well," Moria cleared his throat, trying to regain some semblance of Warlord dignity. "That was... entertaining. The hour grows late. I have had my servants prepare guest rooms for you in the west wing of the castle. Please, rest comfortably. By morning, the samurai should return, and I will gladly hand over the skeleton's shadow."
"Sounds good to me!" Luffy yawned, his stomach finally full. "I'm sleepy."
The crew gathered their things and followed Dr. Hogback out of the dining hall, heading toward the guest wing. They were relaxed, full of food, and ready to sleep in real beds for the night.
But despite the fun, none of them let their guard down completely.
---
Deep within the bowels of Thriller Bark, far away from the music and the banquet, a very different kind of rhythm was echoing through the cold, stone halls.
CLANG. CLANG. SHING.
Sparks flew in the darkness.
Brook panted heavily. His skeletal chest heaved, though he had no lungs. He held his shikomizue—his cane sword—in a trembling, bony grip. He was covered in scratches and his black suit was torn.
"I must... get it back," Brook whispered, his jaw clicking. "For Laboon. I cannot die here... again."
Standing opposite him was a zombie. But not a normal zombie. He wore a ragged samurai kimono, bandages covering his face. He held the legendary black blade, Shusui. He moved with a speed and power that defied his rotting flesh.
It was Ryuma, the legendary samurai of Wano. And he possessed Brook's stolen shadow.
"Yohohoho," Ryuma laughed, the sound an exact, mocking replica of Brook's own laugh. "You are weak, skeleton. You cannot defeat your own shadow."
Ryuma raised his sword. The air around the blade hummed.
"Aubade Coup Droit," Ryuma announced, executing the exact same thrust technique Brook used, but with devastatingly superior strength and precision.
A shockwave of compressed air shot from the blade.
Brook barely raised his cane sword in time. The impact threw him backward, crashing through a heavy wooden door and into a dusty laboratory.
Brook struggled to his feet, leaning heavily on his cane. His bones ached. He was outmatched. Ryuma had his skills, but possessed the physical strength of a legendary samurai.
"I will not yield," Brook declared, his empty eye sockets burning with a fierce, blue, soulful light. "Even if my bones turn to dust... I will reclaim my shadow!"
Ryuma stepped slowly through the broken doorway, his black blade lowered. He radiated the cold, deadly aura of a master swordsman expecting a final, honorable clash.
"Ah!" Brook suddenly gasped, clutching his ribcage with a bony hand. "That last strike... it pierced right through my heart!"
Ryuma paused, his single visible eye narrowing respectfully at the wounded swordsman.
"Even though I don't have a heart to pierce!" Brook raised a bony finger, pointing it at the ceiling. "YOHOHOHO! SKULL JOKE!"
Ryuma just stood there in the dust. The cool, tense, deadly samurai aesthetic of the duel was completely and instantly ruined by how absolutely terrible the joke was.
Ryuma sighed, adjusting the bandages on his face with his free hand. "You are exhausting, skeleton."
"I try my best! Yohoho!" Brook readied his blade once more, the clash in the dark continuing as the Straw Hats slept above.