"How are you feeling now?"
"Much better. Thank you, Master Onmyoji."
"It is my calling. A duty I must naturally perform."
The man named Abe no Seimei was a rather handsome onmyoji.
He was as kind as could be, and his skills were flawless.
No one had been able to stop my coughing, but the moment he arrived, I was cured.
"Am I completely healed?"
"No. You do not have much time left to live. I have merely boosted your life force slightly to return your body to a normal state."
"...What?"
"Haha. The coming of one's time of death is a frightening thing, is it not? Though I have yet to experience it myself (laughs)."
I take it back. This man is incredibly unpleasant.
"Do not worry. I shall ensure you die a peaceful death. They say it is best to meet one's end in their sleep. I shall cast such a spell for you."
"No, I don't particularly need th—."
"I can see it. A vision of you dying with gratitude... I shall consider your thanks received in advance. Well then, farewell!"
What a madman.
He just up and left like that? Does this mean I have to live the rest of my days in fear of falling asleep?
"He's completely lost his mind!"
I brought salt from my house and sprinkled it outside the main gate. Don't you ever come back.
A passerby noticed this and approached. It was a familiar face.
"Oh? This is a rare sight. Are you going out?"
"Ah, Ms. Sakiko. No. A strange person just visited, so... I was performing a little exorcism."
When I showed her the pouch of salt I was holding, Ms. Sakiko laughed.
"Pfft. With that salt, you mean?"
"Anything other than salt would be a waste."
For whatever reason, Ms. Sakiko was always quick to laugh.
She was thirty years old. A woman married to her work. Though rumors were rampant that she had missed her chance for marriage, that was her own claim.
Working as a mid-level manager for the court orchestra, she was one of my few... friends? Something like that.
Though I call her a friend, we were only on terms to exchange greetings when I happened to go out. Our relationship was not very deep.
"Ms. Sakiko, are you heading to the palace?"
"Yes. A banquet will be held soon. There's not a single day to rest, you know?"
"If you're going to the palace, perhaps…."
I stopped myself before I could ask about Tamamo.
I didn't have the right.
"Yes?"
"No, it's nothing."
Asking what that was all about, Ms. Sakiko laughed again.
Seeing that pure smile reminded me of Tamamo. I felt sad, yet I missed her.
"Ah, you're making that face again."
"That face...? What do you mean?"
As I took a step closer, Ms. Sakiko blushed and stepped back.
"There just is. Such a thing... ...Honestly, you have no idea what's on other people's minds."
Ms. Sakiko muttered to herself, then chided me not to hold up a busy person.
Wasn't she the one who greeted me first?
But I no longer had the vigor to argue the point.
"Take care on your way."
"It's just a stone's throw away. Still, thank you for your concern."
How wonderful would it have been if I could have talked with Tamamo like this?
I still regret what happened.
I will surely regret it until the day I die.
"This is all my karma. To think I tried to act as a parent, when it wasn't my fate…."
I couldn't finish the self-deprecating words.
Absurdly, it was because I remembered what that child had told me—that I was a wonderful parent.
"...Haaah."
I was so bound by that child that I couldn't even mutter to myself as I pleased.
I now realized that I had tried to send Tamamo away not for her sake, but for my own.
I was repeating the exact behavior of a failed parent who thinks they can mold their child as they wish.
"I thought I wouldn't be like that. It's bitter. So much so that words can hardly express it…."
My steps were heavy on the way back home.
*Rustle.*
I heard the sound of someone stepping on grass, but I ignored it. I dismissed it as the work of some child who loved to create gossip.
Father has found a woman.
"...It's a lie. No. It must just be a neighbor."
But what kind of woman could smile so happily?
Could she approach a man she was not related to so unguardedly?
In the short span of two years, the girl had acquired a great deal of knowledge. The various arts of political discourse. Human relationships. Non-verbal communication between the sexes.
Anyone could see it was a warm atmosphere.
Father had grown gaunt. Was that why? He exuded a decadent charm.
His beard was unkempt, and his hair had grown long. It was hard to suppress the urge to immediately neaten his hair and beard for him.
But that was no longer the girl's duty.
"...So now. It's impossible."
The girl resolved to let go of the feelings she had always treasured.
It was a childish dream. It was not what her father wanted.
The moment she made her resolve, tears burst forth. She covered her mouth, which opened to release her anguished heart, and sobbed convulsively.
She had no right.
She had acted as she pleased without even trying to understand her father's feelings.
She'd had the arrogant thought that she could handle her gentle father as she wished. In the end, she had caused a rift between them.
"I'm an idiot. I'm…!"
At that moment, she saw her father turn to head back home.
The girl ran breathlessly behind the wall.
She had secretly come to see her father. It would be a disaster if she were caught.
She knew that if their eyes were to meet, she would freeze like a stone.
What if her father looked at her as if she were an insect? Her world would surely crumble in that instant.
The girl steeled herself and decided to return to the palace.
Thankfully, it did not take long for her to compose herself.
Compared to the time it took to stop her tears, it was but a fleeting moment.
"Still, it's a relief that you don't seem to have any serious illness. Yes."
It was because her father looked healthy.
The girl's father was congenitally susceptible to illness, so she had been very worried.
She hadn't been able to cast her spells on him for two years, so she had expected him to have fallen gravely ill, but that wasn't the case.
The girl let out a sigh of relief. But even as she left, she longed for his embrace.
"Next time… I'll come again."
There would be a next time.
As long as she received the Emperor's favor, the support for her father would not be cut off.
It was alright even if her father did not forgive her.
She believed that if she continued to support him in this way, her father would one day come looking for her.
"...Farewell."
The girl could wait for years, until her father's anger subsided.
But time did not wait for her.
"...…Huh?"
One morning, when Tamamo awoke from an unsettling dream, she realized that she had grown a pair of ears and a tail.