Chapter 65: Maid Dragon's Self-Training
Kouya could almost see the invisible notification above Vigne's head flashing, "Affection -1." The look in her eyes alone felt like it could shave years off his lifespan.
Ah, another misunderstanding…
Why are there so many misunderstandings in this cursed world! It's like the universe itself exists to make him look guilty!
"Eh? Are they really that big?"
As a dragon who had lived for who knows how many centuries, Tohru had absolutely no sense of human modesty. To her, outside of Kobayashi, everyone else was basically background scenery—comparable to stray cats and dogs wandering down the street.
So right there in broad daylight, in front of everyone, she casually slipped her hands under her chest and lifted. The heavy mounds swayed like living entities, trembling in slow motion. The sight alone nearly caused a small earthquake in the collective sanity of everyone present.
The soft plop sound of flesh shifting sent a tremor through the air. Gabriel choked on her drink, Raphael adjusted her glasses to hide her grin, and Satania's jaw almost hit the floor.
"That's impossible! There's no way something like that exists naturally! I—I refuse to lose to a dragon! This is cheating! That's not a chest—that's a weapon of mass destruction!" Satania shouted, looking like she'd just had her worldview shattered.
For a demon whose pride was built on the belief she could surpass anyone, this was a defeat worse than any battlefield loss—a complete, humiliating, and permanent surrender.
"They're big? Hmm, most of my kind are like this. Maybe it's you all who are too small?" Tohru said, tilting her head with a bright smile. The innocence in her tone only amplified the verbal explosion.
"Impossible!"
Satania staggered back as if struck by divine lightning, her spirit visibly leaving her body before she sulked off to the corner to draw invisible circles on the ground.
"And when Kanna grows up, she'll have the same size too," Tohru added matter-of-factly.
Kouya's eyes instinctively turned toward Kanna... only for a deadly glare to slice through him like a knife. He froze instantly. Vigne's face was calm, but the storm brewing in her eyes screamed, 'You're dead if you keep looking.'
"Ahem... may I ask, Miss Tohru, why exactly did you decide to become a maid?" Raphael asked, tilting her head, her voice full of fake politeness.
Tohru smiled wide, her tail swishing behind her like a happy cat. "Because it was the promise I made when I met Miss Kobayashi—it was destiny!"
"Destiny…?" Raphael repeated, raising a brow.
"That's right!" Tohru puffed her chest again—dangerously so. "It's thanks to Miss Kobayashi that I learned the true meaning of my existence."
Kouya groaned inwardly. 'Please stop saying things that make people misunderstand!' Everyone around her was already giving suspicious looks.
"Being able to sleep while hugging Miss Kobayashi every night, and watching her eat the food I make—that's my greatest wish in life!"
Your dream is way too pure and dangerous at the same time! Other dragons would roll in their graves if they heard this!
"So if it's Master Kouya, it's fine too." Tohru giggled mischievously, her chest bouncing with each laugh. "Since you're Miss Kobayashi's relative, you can enjoy special services too!"
Damn it! I don't want your so-called service! That kind of 'hospitality' could kill a man faster than poison gas!
And stop throwing around words you don't even understand! "Special service" sounds way too erotic in this context!
"I didn't really know what maids were supposed to do at first," Tohru continued earnestly, oblivious to the surrounding chaos. "So one day, when Miss Kobayashi went to work, I decided to study online. I found a strange site where humans were discussing 'The Self-Discipline of Maids.'"
There's actually a website like that?! Who even makes these things?!
"It said, 'A true maid must always fulfill her master's desires, anytime, anywhere—whether in the bath, on the balcony, or even on a train.'"
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?!
That's not self-discipline—that's porn education! A whole damn hentai forum disguised as 'maid training'!
A bathroom or balcony could already get you arrested, but a train?! Who the hell writes this filth?!
"That's why, compared to that, letting Master Kouya bury his face for a moment doesn't seem like a big deal. One person even said using my chest might be better—"
"Pfft—" Kouya nearly choked to death.
I'm seriously going to die of blood loss before this conversation ends!
You actually listened to those degenerates?!
What's next—serving drinks from your cleavage?!
"They also said I could take off my clothes and place food on my body so the master could enjoy eating directly from me."
WHAT?!
That's not training—that's nyotaimori! The cursed art of human sushi platters!
Kouya recalled reading about that once. Some old guy had died of a heart attack during one of those events.
Old man, you didn't die from heart failure—you died from culture shock!
Who the hell thought that was elegant?! Serving sushi off someone's stomach isn't classy—it's just unsanitary! If the diner has OCD, it's a one-way trip to a mental breakdown!
And to think this nonsense tradition has existed for over a millennium in Japan. Back then, nobles thought that eating food off a young woman's skin would make them more vigorous. Yeah right! If strength came from sushi belly buffets, sumo wrestlers would be gods by now!
And thank god Japanese dishes are usually cold. If this happened in China, imagine a steaming bowl of hotpot dumped onto someone's stomach—instant cremation!
"I thought they were very wise. They knew so much and called themselves 'old drivers,'" Tohru continued innocently. "But Miss Kobayashi told me drivers are people who drive cars. They didn't look like that."
Ah, they drive alright—straight into the pits of depravity. The kind of drivers who need a license for moral crimes.
"So I asked them a lot of questions, and they patiently answered me."
Why would you trust strangers on the internet?! Ask Kobayashi next time, not the pervert council of online degenerates!
"But then they started saying weird things. One of them even asked me to meet in person to 'watch goldfish together' and promised to teach me how to be a proper maid."
WHAT. THE. HELL.
"Watch goldfish," my ass! He just wanted to ride a dragon—and not the fantasy kind!
Kouya stared, horrified. "Please tell me you didn't go."
Tohru shook her head with a small smile. "Humans are strange. I could tell he had bad intentions, so I didn't agree."
Thank every god in existence! Those guys weren't 'enthusiasts'—they were predators with keyboards!
By the time Tohru finished her disaster of a 'maid education,' silence had swallowed the group. The only sound was Satania quietly weeping in her corner.
"Tsk. Men really are disgusting creatures like you, Scumbag-kun," Raphael said with a smirk, elegantly crossing her legs as sunlight reflected off her stockings.
Hey, don't generalize! Not all men are perverts—well, not that kind of pervert!
And what's wrong with lust anyway? Desire drives progress! Civilization exists because someone somewhere wanted to impress a girl!
"Gross," Gabriel muttered, resting her chin on her hand. "Single guys should just be wiped out."
WHAT?!
Being single isn't a crime! I'm not leeching off you!
Apologize to every lonely man out there, you judgmental angel!
Kouya sighed deeply and turned toward Kanna. Among all of them, only this blue-eyed little dragon remained innocent.
Kanna blinked up at him, her gaze calm and pure, like the reflection of the sky in still water.
And then, just as he began to relax, she tilted her head slightly and said in her tiny, sugary voice—
"H."
"Master Kouya… so H."