Uchiha Fugaku watched the backs of his clansmen as they drifted out of the shrine, their moods shifting like sparks in oil. One minute furious, the next arguing about whether children should eat fried chicken for breakfast. Typical Uchiha chaos. As clan head, Fugaku knew their temperaments well enough not to take any of it to heart… but knowing didn't make the job easier.
Especially not when he saw Uchiha Tobika walking out arm-in-arm with Elder Ryoichi, shoving an entire food bucket into the old man's arms like a bribe. Fugaku exhaled a long, weary sigh.
This clan was going to be the end of him.
…
Outside the shrine, Tobika crunched on a chicken bone, eyes drifting sideways toward Elder Ryoichi.
"So, Elder Ryoichi… when are we staging the coup?"
The elder nearly tripped.
"C-coup!?" He looked around wildly before hissing, "Don't tell me you brats cut me out of the leadership?!"
"No?"
"Then why doesn't the elder council know anything about a coup?!"
"The Hokage chair never reaches us. So if we don't stage a coup, what are we doing? Meditation?"
Ryoichi stared at him in horror.The boy's brain had rotted. That was the only explanation.
He hugged the family bucket protectively and spoke in a grandfather's whisper."Tobika… I am your second grand-uncle. Your parents died early, but I am still alive. Next time these… dangerous thoughts appear, think of your poor grand-uncle first."
Tobika nodded thoughtfully."I know you're my second grand-uncle. I'm asking: when do we start generating the coup ideas?"
Ryoichi glared with the exhausted fury of a man who had already lived through three wars.
Was it trauma? The boy had lost all his teammates in the war. At eighteen, he was old enough to marry but still carried an empty, lonely core.Men without emotional anchors tended to drift toward bad ideas.
Ryoichi patted Tobika's shoulder and walked away.He didn't trust his heart to survive more of this conversation.
Tobika stood there, stroking his chin as he headed home.By now, he was certain: the Uchiha currently had zero intention of revolt. Things were uncomfortable, but not coup-worthy.
Which meant…
Could Fugaku be the one who eventually pushed the clan into rebellion?
Tobika narrowed his eyes at the direction of Nanga Shrine, remembering a certain elder whispering about Fugaku's nature:
A man who valued the Uchiha's future above his own life. A man strict to everyone, including himself. A man willing to sacrifice anything for the clan's prosperity.
If such a man saw no future… a coup became plausible.
And those eyes he'd awaken—those alone could distort anyone's sanity.
Maybe he needed to investigate Danzō instead.That walking war crime was always a problem.
…
The Next Day – Ninja Academy
"Iruka!"A purple-haired girl leaned toward him, whispering excitedly while staring at the classroom door."You think we'll be on the same team? Who do you think our instructor'll be?"
Iruka shrugged nervously."Probably a chūnin. Maybe a tokubetsu jōnin… maybe, just maybe, a jōnin."
"Hah."A pale-eyed Hyūga girl scoffed."The war isn't even over. No jōnin has time to babysit children."
Knock. Knock. Knock.
The classroom froze.
The door slid open.
A dark-haired man in black combat gear and a green jōnin vest stepped inside, holding a folded sheet. His expression was calm, almost lazy, but his presence filled the room.
"Umino Iruka. Uzuki Yugao. Hyūga Hana."
The three stood as if facing execution.
The jōnin gave them a small smile."Follow me."
The three exchanged helpless looks, especially after noticing the fan-shaped Uchiha crest on his back.
A jōnin was good.An Uchiha jōnin was… worrying.
…
Tobika led them to the rooftop, then turned and stuffed his hands in his pockets.
"I'm Uchiha Tobika. Combat-type jōnin. I like cooked food. Raw food is acceptable.My recent hobby: journalism.My dream: surviving until I'm old and wrinkled."
The three blinked.
Iruka stepped forward first."I—I'm Umino Iruka. I like Ichiraku ramen. I hate wasabi. I… like hot springs. My dream is… to become a teacher."
Tobika nodded and turned.
"I'm Uzuki Yugao," the purple-haired girl said, blushing. "I hate greasy food. I like flowers. My dream… can I not say it?"
"Sure."
"…eh?"
She stared at him. Uchiha weren't supposed to be this easygoing.
Finally, the Hyūga girl stepped forward.
"I'm Hyūga Hana. I like bananas. I hate milk. I like spacing out. My dream is… freedom."
Tobika glanced at her forehead seal.
A caged bird.That explained everything.
"Well then," Tobika said, forming a random hand seal. Three Family Buckets thunked onto the ground."Most instructors run dull tests. Bells, teamwork, that stuff. I don't bother."
The three leaned forward hopefully.
"You pass by finishing these buckets. Fail, and I send you back to the Academy. The Fourth Hokage forced this assignment on me, so I don't mind returning you."
"…This is it?"They stared.
"Of course not."
He vanished.
When he reappeared, he carried milk, wasabi, and mystery oil.
Their souls left their bodies.
Tobika tore open the milk carton with his teeth and poured it into a bucket.The chicken drowned in white liquid.
Hana whispered through tears,"Please… enough… that's enough…"
Then he coated each leg with thick wasabi.Then brushed them with oil that dripped like poison.
Tobika handed each of them a bucket.
"Lesson one. A ninja has no 'foods I hate.'Oh, by the way…"He hopped onto the railing casually."I'm excellent at medical ninjutsu. I swore never to use it again, but vows are for outsiders. If you get food poisoning, I'll fix you."
"Eat. Even if you'd rather repeat a whole year."
They looked down.
Milk-marinated, wasabi-drowned fried chicken dripping unknown oil.
A culinary jutsu of suffering.
Half an hour later—
"Urrgh!""Blegh—!""Guh…!"
The retching woke Tobika from his nap.
He eyed the empty buckets and grinned."Congratulations. You're now genin."
"L-L-sensei, my stomach…" Yugao whispered, trembling.
Tobika knelt beside her, green light glowing from his hand. After a moment, he blinked.
"…Those shady merchants. I said 'bring any low-grade oil,' and they gave me fish oil."
That explained the disaster.
He tied his jōnin vest around her waist."You're going to have major diarrhea. Go sit in the restroom for half a day. Don't touch the stains on your back. They're not easy to wash."
Yugao reached behind her—"…so much oil…"
She ran for the stairs in mortified silence.
Tobika pointed at Iruka and Hana.
"You drank too much milk. Restroom.""And you—too much wasabi. No restroom, but buy laxatives. Trust me."
After healing them, Tobika wiped his sweat and stared at the sunset.
"Being a teacher is hell. It's only day one and I already want to retire."