Most jōnin instructors spent the first day testing their fresh genin, then marched them straight into D-rank chores the next morning.Uchiha Tobika, however, had performed such an extraordinary war crime on his team's digestive systems that all three had taken medical leave. So Tobika's "Day Two of Being a Responsible Adult" became a surprise vacation… minus the guilt.
Carrying a basket of fruit, Tobika first swung by Iruka's home. The kid's condition was the lightest: throat inflamed, unable to speak above a croak."Ah~ ah~ ah~," Iruka rasped, trying to communicate.Tobika placed the watermelon on the table and nodded with professional seriousness."Iruka, strain your voice less. Rest more. Finish that watermelon and you'll be fine. Doctor Tobika guarantees it."Iruka looked at the watermelon, then at Tobika, with the expression of a child reconsidering all his life choices.
"Rest up. I need to check on the others."With a blur of body flicker, Tobika vanished out the window, heading toward Uzuki Yugao's home.
Her case was… worse. Significantly worse.
He noticed laundry hanging in the courtyard—fresh sheets, towels, even the futon cover.Tobika frowned. "That… bad?"
He knocked."Come in… the door's unlocked…" came a weak voice.
Inside, Yugao sat pale on the couch, clutching her stomach. When she saw Tobika stepping in with a giant durian, she nearly fainted again."L–L–Lord Tobika… why are you here… with that?"
"Because I'm a very responsible instructor," he said, placing the durian down like a priceless offering. "I also personally arrested the swindler who sold me fish oil yesterday. Today I bought the most expensive fruit the store had, exclusively for your recovery."
Yugao stared at the spiky monstrosity and wondered if dying on the battlefield might've been less traumatic.
Tobika sat down and calmly cracked open the durian."Thank you, sensei… but you really didn't have to—"
"You're weak right now. You need proper nutrition," he insisted, pushing the durian toward her. "As a former medical-nin, I know exactly what patients should eat."
Yugao, face heating up, shook her head repeatedly. "No, no! Really—I'll be fine—"
"Yugao," Tobika said solemnly, standing and walking toward her like a doctor approaching a battlefield casualty, "do you know the First Rule of Medical-nin, written by Lady Tsunade herself?"
Before she could answer, he was already beside her.
"Rule One: A medical-nin must never abandon treatment while their teammate still lives. Which means…"He reached forward lightning-fast—She didn't even see him move.
He shoved the durian pulp into her mouth.
Yugao made a muffled noise of betrayal.Tobika placed one glowing green palm on her stomach, the other over her mouth to prevent escape, and continued talking as if lecturing a student.
"When I quit the medical corps, people begged me to stay. Even Tsunade-sama left her gambling table to storm back to Konoha and yell at me. Good times."
Yugao wasn't hearing a word.Her mind had been hijacked by something else entirely:
Why… why does sensei smell like gardenias…?Why is this fluttery feeling stronger than the durian stench…?Am I dying?
She inhaled again involuntarily, and the scent overwhelmed her thoughts.
Tobika waved a hand. "Oi. You good? That shouldn't have been that dramatic."
"W–what?" she blinked, dazed.
"You licked my hand."He held up his fingers, damp.
She froze.
Her soul left her body.
"I was only covering your mouth so you wouldn't spit the durian out. My finances have been rough lately; wasting food hurts me. But licking is… new."
Yugao's face exploded red.
"I—I—I was eating the durian!""Sure. I get it." Tobika patted her shoulder like a veteran comforting a guilty rookie. "In the academy, girls used to swap my lunchboxes when I wasn't looking. One time I saw a girl cooking while drooling directly into the pot. From then on, I only ate two meals a day."
Before Yugao could die of embarrassment, Tobika vaulted out the window.
He didn't get far.
"Tobika-sama! The clan head is looking for you!"
Standing ahead was a young man in standard Uchiha gear, recognizable instantly: Uchiha Shisui.Beside him stood a small boy trying very hard to look intimidating.
Tobika narrowed his eyes."Shisui, why do you play with this kid? The clan head's son still wets the bed."
Itachi's face went dark.He pulled out a kunai and sliced the air twice. "Shisui-nii-san and I are going to the forest to train."
Tobika casually blew into his fist and bonked the boy on the head.
WHAM.
Itachi dropped into a crouch, clutching a swelling bump.Tobika healed it with glowing green chakra and scolded him:
"No unsheathing weapons unless it's training, missions, or war. Do that to someone else and they'll confiscate your kunai."
"Is it too late to learn that…?" a calm voice said behind him.
Tobika froze.
He slowly turned.
Apron.Wide, loose clothes.Long black hair.A very unimpressed expression.
Uchiha Mikoto.
When you hit a child and their mother appears…
Options:
Apologize.
Deny everything.
Hit the mom too.
After a quick risk assessment, Tobika clasped his hands behind his back and spoke with grave sincerity:
"Mikoto-sama, future leaders require exposure to real clan dynamics from a young age. It builds emotional resilience. When Itachi one day becomes Hokage, this foundation will allow him to view the clan with broader understanding. He has great potential."
Even Shisui blinked in stunned admiration at how shameless that was.
While Mikoto was still processing this speech, Tobika shoved the two boys away toward training and turned back to her.
His eyes drifted… downward.
Specifically, to her stomach.
Already rounded. Early pregnancy.
And immediately, Tobika felt a headache incoming.Sasuke number two in the making.
"You—why are you staring?" Mikoto shielded her belly on instinct. Tobika's intense stares during each of her pregnancies had always unnerved her.
"Mikoto-sama," he sighed, "your genetics are remarkable. Truly. Both sons, absolute geniuses… aside from their tragic luck."
He walked past her slowly, leaning in just enough for only her to hear:
"After this one, please stop. The clan can't handle more. If Fugaku refuses contraceptives, I can tie things off for him. I'm discreet. And very skilled. Two sons are enough for our clan's survival."
Mikoto's pupils dilated.
He… he knows it's a boy?
Even the medic-nin today said it was too early to tell.
Her mind raced.All the strange details she'd ignored about Tobika over the years clicked together in ominous alignment.
Is it possible… does he possess some kind of eye that sees the future?
The thought chilled her.
Tobika, meanwhile, walked away humming like he hadn't just implied sterilizing the clan head.