I couldn't feel my legs beneath me anymore.
I remained on the floor, staring at Pearl as tears continued to fall from my eyes.
Her words kept repeating inside my mind.
Akira is alive. Alive.
After all those months of believing I had lost him forever, after every night I had cried myself to sleep, after every morning I had woken up wishing the war had never happened, he was alive.
I slowly raised my head and looked at Pearl.
"Where is he?" I asked, my voice barely coming out. Pearl didn't answer. I crawled closer to her, my hands trembling.
"Pearl… where is Akira?
Is he still in Japan? Did he leave?
Did he go back to the war?"
My questions came one after another, but Pearl remained silent. The pain in her eyes frightened me more than her words had. Suddenly, Pearl pulled me into her arms. I broke completely. I grabbed her tightly and buried my face against her shoulder, crying like a child.
"Please!" I whispered between my sobs.
"Where is he?"
Pearl held me so tightly that I could barely move.
"I beg you,"
she whispered, her voice shaking.
"Please forgive him."
I pulled back slightly and looked at her through my tears.
"What?" "Please forgive Akira," she said. "He made us insist that he was dead. He made us lie to you."
Her voice cracked.
"He knew you would search for him. He knew you would destroy yourself trying to find him." I shook my head, unable to accept it.
"Then why didn't he come to me?" Pearl looked at me with tears in her eyes. "Because he believed staying away from you was the only way to keep you safe." I shook my head harder.
"That isn't his decision to make."
"I know," Pearl whispered.
"I know." She hugged me again and pressed my head against her chest. "But we're soldiers, Amane. We grow up learning that people die.
We learn to bury friends, brothers, parents, and people we love. We are soldiers. We are born to lose the people we love most."
Her words cut through me. I closed my eyes, and when I spoke, my voice was broken. "What about me?"
Pearl became silent.
I looked up at her. "What about me?
I was hated by my own parents. I spent my childhood believing there was something wrong with me. I thought nobody would ever care if I disappeared." My hand pressed against my chest as I struggled to breathe. "And then one day, one person came into my life and gave me a reason to live. He gave me hope." Tears rolled down my cheeks again. "And now you're telling me to kill that hope again?" Pearl couldn't answer. She simply wiped the tears from my face and gently pulled my head against her chest. Her fingers slowly moved through my hair.
"You are like my little sister," she whispered. "If I lose you, Amane, I don't think I'll ever recover. You are the last sign of Akira I have in my life. You're the last piece of him that I can still hold."
I wrapped my arms around her tightly, and for a long time neither of us spoke. We simply cried. Two women sitting together in the middle of the night, holding each other while everything we believed about the past collapsed around us. Eventually, exhaustion began to take over.
Pearl gently helped me onto the bed.
"Try to sleep," she whispered.
I nodded and lay beside her. I wrapped my arms around her, pretending that I needed her comfort just to fall asleep. Pearl smiled faintly and slowly ran her fingers through my hair. "Good night, little sister," she whispered.
I closed my eyes and pretended to sleep. I remained completely still while Pearl's breathing gradually became slower. I waited patiently, listening to the quiet room until I was certain she had finally fallen asleep.
Only then did I open my eyes. Moonlight entered through the window and fell across Pearl's peaceful face. I looked at her for a long time.
She had protected me, lied to me, cried for me, and carried Akira's secret while watching me suffer. Despite everything, she had never stopped treating me like family. Slowly, I sat up and moved closer to her.
Pearl didn't wake. I gently slid my fingers through her hair and leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on her forehead. A tear escaped my eye as I whispered,
"Thank you for treating me like your younger sister. I love you more than you could ever imagine." I paused, my voice trembling. "But after knowing Akira is alive… just one more glance at him is enough for me."
I knew what I was doing was wrong. I knew Pearl would try to stop me. I knew Akira might have wanted me to stay away. But after everything I had lost, I couldn't simply lie there and pretend I didn't know. I needed to see him. Even if it was only once. Even if he didn't speak to me. Even if he looked at me and told me to leave.
One glance.
That was all I wanted.
I slowly stood beside the bed and looked back at Pearl one last time. "I'm sorry to hurt you, my queen," I whispered.
Then I turned toward the door. For the first time since the war had taken Akira away from me, I wasn't walking toward a memory.
I was walking toward the possibility of seeing him again.