Haru…
makes me
Sooo…
SOOO…
happy.
MY HEART JUMPS.
A hot, dizzy feeling spreads between my legs as I stare at the pictures I took of him when he never noticed.
Not even once.
A clueless boy.
I lie back on my bed, pressing my phone to my chest—right above my racing heart.
Haru…
feel my heart…
it's racing…
All because of you…
A giggle spills out before I can stop it.
A soft sigh follows.
And an image plays in my head—
On that rooftop…
"Ever since the day you saved me… I can only do one thing."
I smile. "Love you."
Love you.
Love you.
The words sing in my head over and over…
I close my eyes, and memories bloom—
Following him home…
The arcade.
The moment he won me… that pink bear.
The things I did to it.
Oh god…
The way he smiled…
Made my insides heat up.
It felt…
Soo
GOOD…
A smile stretches across my face.
I blow out air like my chest is boiling steam, my thighs tightening at the thought.
Then—
A sick twist coils in my stomach—an intrusive thought crawling out from the shadows of my mind.
That disgusting…
DISGUSTING…
BITCH!—
KUROZAWA.
My hands clench tight.
No. No,
it's fine.
Haru said he loves me.
My mind drifts back—me holding the knife to his neck, squeezing—
My breath hiccups, giddy.
A wrong, warm feeling curls in my stomach
How can I…
be soo—
clueless…?
Haru was only protecting me.
Protecting me… from her.
Because she was being a nuisance.
A whore.
Yes, that's it…
She's a whore.
Just like her mother.
A laugh bubbles out of me, and a wave of relief washes over me.
Now I see why my Haru gave her those chips.
So she would leave him alone…
Right?
RIGHT!!!
YES…
THAT'S IT!!!
He loves me.
We are one now.
I lift my wrist. The carved lines gleam back at me.
Beautiful.
My carvings.
But…
there aren't enough.
Not yet.
I need more.
More proof.
More devotion.
Haru deserves to know how he fills my world.
He'll worry, right?
He'll cry.
He'll tell me to stop.
He'll beg me.
The thought rushes through me—a sweet, electric ache.
A giggle bubbles in my throat.
I reach under my bed, pull out my small pocket knife, and lie back again.
The blade touches my wrist.
Slice. "Haru…"
A ball of pleasure bursts through my body.
Slice. "All for you…"
The pleasure spreads.
Slice. "Take me…"
My insides reach their boiling point, about to spill over—
I'm going to lose myself in it.
Three deep lines.
Deep enough for him to see how sincere my love is.
Warm liquid trickles down.
Thick.
Glowing.
So much love.
If only you were here, Haru.
It's been days.
Days without hearing your voice.
Days without seeing that confused little face.
It feels like months.
Years.
I climbed up to your roof… your window.
But the blinds were closed.
You keep them open for me.
So I can see you sleep.
I knocked.
And knocked.
Haru…
Where are you?
Haru…
don't leave me.
"HARU!!" I scream, tears streaming down my face.
I grab my phone.
Open LINE.
Call. Text. Call again.
Again.
Again.
"Haru… pick up… don't leave me alone…"
My hand shakes toward the knife—again.
Slice.
Slice.
"Feel better…"
Slice.
"MAKE ME FEEL BETTER!!"
More lines.
More warmth.
More love.
Slice—
Beep.
…
Haru…
Picked up…?
Silence…
I hear his tiny breath—panting like a dog.
A sudden rush of joy floods through me.
"Consume you…" I murmur under my breath, barely aware I said it.
I want to consume you.
Swallow you.
Tas—
"Hello?" he says. Calm.
I jump.
He's calm…
Too calm.
My chest tightens painfully.
Why aren't you panicking for me, Haru?
Why aren't you crying for me?
Ask if I'm okay.
Say you love me.
I swallow air that won't go down.
"Haru… I didn't think you'd answer… I called… I think over two hundred times… and I never got an answer—"
Say it, Haru.
Say you didn't leave me.
Then he speaks.
"Oh… no, I was in the hospital. I suffered trauma to the head… slipped on the stairs."
His voice fades to static, like the world just hit mute.
All I can see is Kurozawa—her name stamped across every lie he's trying to feed me.
…
What?
He's lying.
Haru… why are you lying to me?
Were you with her?
With that dirty bitch Kurozawa again?
That FUCKING WHORE—
I'll have to wash you.
Yeah!!
Wash you clean from her filth…
My face tightens, muscles pulling into a frown.
I have to sacrifice again.
The spell has to work…
It has to, this time.
My mind races.
A goat…
No… there are no farms around here.
A cat…?
A memory flashes—
That black cat walking near my house every morning.
Yes. A cat.
They must want that.
If I feed them…
They'll grant my wish.
They'll listen.
Yes.
A smile stretches across my face.
"What!? Are you okay!?" I scream playing this out.
Tell me the truth, Haru.
Tell me I'm wrong.
Tell me I don't have to do this again.
"Yeah, I'm… fine," he says calmly.
A whisper curls into my ear—
"He's lying to you…"
Deep. Hoarse. Strained.
My chest tightens. I grip my phone hard.
HARU YOU FUCKING LIAR.
"Good… Haru…" I breathe out. "...I missed you."
I add quickly, voice trembling—
"I was so scared something happened to you… I… I even went to your house. I knocked and knocked but no one answered—"
The whisper returns, slithering:
"He's hiding from you."
My face twists, fury building—
until—
"…oh. Yeah. Sorry," he says.
My heart melts instantly—
shooting away every bad feeling.
My heart melts instantly, washing every bad thought away.
There.
There it is.
He—
He finally said it.
A smile stretches across my face.
Good.
I'll… reward you.
My special love.
I end the call and instantly video-call him.
The thrill of my heart jumps outside my chest.
He answers.
I shove my face close so he can see all of me—
My messy hair.
My swollen eyes.
My puffy cheeks from crying.
He looks so cute in the corner of the screen.
So… delicious.
I lick the crusted folds of my lips.
I want to crawl into your skin.
My breath quickens.
"Haru… can I show you… my love?" I whisper.
He nods.
He actually nods.
I can finally prove it.
I lift my wrist.
There.
Look at it, Haru.
Feel it.
"Haru… my love for you… all for you."
His breathing stutters.
Yes.
He's moved.
I look at his small little face, the way his silver hair sticks out, that shocked look…
He understands.
"Mina… what—?" he starts, but I cut him off.
"Haru," I smile, angling my wrist closer so he can see how far my love goes. "My love… all for you."
He stares silently—sweating, breathing fast.
He must be moved…
In shock…
Yes, Haru… this is all for you.
"Haru… please… never leave me…" I say, pressing my wrist closer and closer. "I'll make deeper ones… I will… if that's what it takes to show you how much you mean to me."
I lower my wrist and lean toward the camera again.
"Haru," I giggle, "I did it for my love. To show you how much you… mean to me."
His eyes widen.
Good.
Understand me.
Then—his phone drops.
I hear him panting.
"Haru…"
"Haru…"
"HARU!!" I scream.
"SHUT UP!" he yells.
…
My heart is ripped open.
My mind empties—only those words echo.
No…
No, that's not Haru.
That isn't him.
He wouldn't talk like that.
Never.
Not to me.
My eyes fill with tears instantly.
"You got me here in the first place! Is it your only fucking goal to make me suffer!?"
No… Haru… stop… please…
I did it to show you.
TO SHOW YOU ME!!!
"You tried to kill me… and now you're showing me THIS shit? Like hell I wanna see that!"
…
What.
What did you just—
No.
No no no no—
Haru…
I slam the hang-up button on impulse.
Curl into myself.
No.
No.
The same words replay in my head.
Hands over my eyes.
That wasn't my Haru.
Something else said those words.
Not him.
Not my boy.
Not my love.
It must've been the spell.
Yes.
THE SPELL!!!
I made a mistake.
Sacrificing that dog—
They don't like dogs. Probably.
My mind goes back to my original plan—
Yes. A cat.
A cat will do.
I cry, even though I know that wasn't my Haru… but for some reason it… it felt…
Felt real…
...
Time fades.
Eventually, crying myself to sleep drags me under.
Knife still in my hand.
Dreaming of him calling my name again.
The Next Morning
I wake up hollow.
Empty.
But…
I still put on my uniform.
I bandage my wrist—deep cuts burning under the wrap.
A reminder of my devotion.
I leave early.
Before anyone can bother me.
I check the cat's spot near my house—the short wall it sleeps on.
…
It's not there.
My heart tightens. I stare at that spot.
"Fucking cat," I whisper.
I walk past the wall toward school.
It'll be back.
And when it does—
I'll be there.
At School
I walk into the entrance—quiet, only a few students.
I step in.
Change my shoes.
Run upstairs to the rooftop.
I climb over the small gate.
Onto the ledge.
A view of buildings and the track yard below.
Everything…
Everything is dark in my eyes—
Black and white.
Cold.
Muddy.
Wind brushes my cheeks.
Lonely.
Tears gather.
A thought blooms in my head—
If I jump… will Haru come save me?
Like last time?
Yes.
He will.
He must.
Because he loves me.
A small laugh trembles out of me, mixing with quiet sobs.
"Haru… you'll save me… won't you…?"
I stand there.
For hours, it feels like.
My legs don't exist.
My heart doesn't exist.
Nor my mind.
The only thing that brings color…
is…
Haru.
Footsteps echo behind me.
My heart leaps—
Is it Haru?
I turn.
…