I woke to blinding white.
A room without walls, without shadows, without air.A place so bright it felt like needles pushing into my eyes.
For a moment, I wondered if I'd finally died.If this was heaven — though someone like me would never see it.
My vision flickered in and out.My hearing worse than useless.Voices echoed from every direction, layered over each other like overlapping nightmares.
My mother's gentle whisper.My father's disappointed growl.Adam's arrogant snicker.Elizabeth's dying cry.
All calling my name.
— Sammael —— Sammael — wake up —— Sammael — why did you do it —
I clutched my head, nails digging into my scalp.
"How… how is this possible? I killed them all. Didn't I?"A bitter laugh escaped me. "Isn't that a good thing?"
No answer.Only silence — vast, suffocating, peaceful.
And that peace terrified me more than the voices.
My vision finally settled.There was someone sitting in a wooden chair in the center of the room, watching me with hatred and disappointment carved deep into his face.
I stepped closer—and froze.
It was me.
Or rather… the boy I used to be.The Sammael who died in the park that night.
My knees trembled.I couldn't move my body.Couldn't breathe.
"What… what is this? Aren't I Sammael? Didn't Lucifer save me?"My voice cracked."What the hell is happening?!"
The other me smirked and burst into laughter — loud, mocking, cruel.
"I can't believe this illusion worked on you," he said. "You really haven't figured it out yet, have you?"
The white world shattered like glass.
Darkness rushed in.
The floor became rotting wood. The walls twisted into the shape of an old house drowned in shadow. Candles burst into flame on their own, lighting the jester's painted grin.
"Surprise," he said, his voice echoing from everywhere and nowhere."I'm the jester, you fool."
In a blink, he shifted back to his familiar form — the same eccentric creature who dragged me out the first time.
He offered me a hand.
I slapped it away and forced myself up without him.Then dropped into the nearest chair and glared.
"What a pathetic show," I muttered. "Die."
He smiled gently as if my threat amused him.
"Is that how you thank the man who saved you? If I hadn't stopped you, you would've killed your own brother."
He lit a cigarette and exhaled a long ribbon of smoke.
"First day alive again and you want to wipe out your entire family?"
The anger burst out of me uncontrollably.
"Don't you dare twist this around! How the hell did you know what I used to look like? Why were you watching me even before I became a devil? And don't pretend they didn't deserve it — every one of them! So why did you intervene?! What gives you the right?!"
The clown's expression changed instantly.Gone was the playful smirk.
In its place… something tired. And sad.
"Deserve?" he repeated softly."Maybe. I'm no god. No judge."He leaned forward."But when I look at your soul, Sammael… it's more wounded than any of the bodies you left behind."
The cigarette burned low between his fingers.
"And you call what you did revenge?"He laughed, but there was no joy in it."That was butchery, boy. You weren't punishing them. You were destroying yourself. Stripping away what little humanity you had left."
I swallowed hard.My voice barely escaped.
"I… don't understand."
"You weren't killing them," he said. "You were tearing down the last pieces of who you used to be. Because it hurts less than remembering."
He sighed and dropped the cigarette, crushing it with his heel.
"I can't tell you why I watched you. Or why that temple calls your name. Lucifer forbade it. But take my advice?"His painted eyes softened."Let it go. Before it devours what's left of you."
Something inside me cracked.
I didn't even know which of my questions to ask first.Immortality?The temple?My identity?The voices?
In the end, only one escaped my lips. A pathetic whisper.
"Will I ever move on? From my past… from today… from any of it?"
The jester looked almost human for a moment.
"Sammael," he said quietly. "Eternity is long. Longer than you can imagine."He stepped closer and rested a cold hand on my shoulder."I asked the same questions once. Thought I'd drown in regret."
He smiled, but it was filled with sorrow.
"And the truth is… no one forgets. Not angels. Not devils. Not even us."His voice softened to a whisper."The past will haunt us until the end of this hell."