I could feel their questions weighing on my back as I dressed. Ronan usually kept spare clothes for me with him, since I was prone to losing them. I could also feel the weight and anger of the gaze of the crowd behind me. I hadn't expected anger. I thought they would be simple to sway. They seemed desperate, and usually, desperate people were easy to manipulate.
"What is the name of the woman in the woods?" I asked, turning back to Miss May.
"How would I know?" she snapped. The fury in her eyes was intense, burning through me like a wave. She would have been formidable in her youth if this were the fire that still burned in her.
"We both know who I am talking about."
Her eyes narrowed, baring her teeth at me. I knew I wouldn't be able to force answers from her without breaking her, and I doubted my already less-than-willing mate would forgive me if I did.
"Very well," I turned to the crowd, raising my voice, "A hundred gold coins to the person who tells me the name of the woman in the woods."
A ripple of unease went through the crowd, their murmuring voices an annoying buzz around us, but not one person stepped forward. As infuriating as I found it, it was admirable how loyal they were. Unless they meant to try and keep her from me. The thought pulled a snarl from deep in my chest, a feral sound that silenced the crowd once more.
"I have other ways of gaining the information," I told them, expecting greed to win, but still there was only silence. "Fine. We will be back in three days. For your sake, you'd better hope she is here when I return."
Her absence throbbed in my chest. The thought of living her behind was unfathomable, but I kept my word. I regretted giving it with every fiber of my being now. I had underestimated them and her. My patience was razor-thin; if we stayed much longer, I would snap and start hunting her.
"Alpha?" Ronan asked, concern heavy in his tone. I didn't turn to look at him; her scent was in the air, she had been here. She was still so close, if only I could…
"We should go," he said, dragging me back to sanity with a hand on my shoulder.
I sighed and climbed onto the back of my nervous horse. They were trained to be steady beasts, but even they could feel how close I was to losing control.
"She rejected you, didn't she?" Miss May said cruelly, her lips pulled back in a sneer. "She didn't want you. Why would she? You are a monster."
I felt the sting of her words, like a bee's barb embedded in my skin. I shouldn't have felt it. I was immune to it, above it, but there it was, the heavy poison threatening to push me over the edge. I took a deep breath, letting her see my rage.
She just continued to smirk, completely unfazed by my anger. Behind me, I could sense Ronan's unease. If I gave in to rage now, it would be a bloodbath. I would have to take out more than just the old woman, and I really didn't want to hurt them.
This was my fault, as much as it hurt my pride to admit it. I had let resentment keep me from my duty, and this was the price of my neglect. A just punishment.
I didn't answer her, I turned my mount away, leading my men back the way we had come. My fingers ached from how tightly I gripped the reins. Turning away from her felt like tearing flesh from bone. They rode stiffly, hands resting on their swords, ready should they attack, but I knew they wouldn't. For the same reason, I didn't hurt them. Killing me would hurt her. I had no doubt it was the only reason they let us go untouched.
Every step away from the village was torture. I slumped forward, clutching my chest. The sensation felt like claws in my flesh, trying to drag me back to her.
Ronan rode up beside me, putting a tentative hand on my shoulder. Darin rode up on my other side, shielding me from view, and whispered, "What is wrong? Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine," I growled out, shaking off the feeling.
There was silence between us for several moments until the Outskirts fell away, and we passed the heavily guarded gates into the rings of Blackspire.
"So… a mate, huh? Considering how little you give a shit about women, I gotta admit, I am more than a little surprised," Darin admitted, trying to sound light-hearted, but I could sense his unease.
I grunted in repose, not feeling like explaining myself to him.
"You know there is a pretty good chance she is going to run, right?" he added, exchanging a look with Ronan.
"Then you'd better go back and keep an eye on her, hadn't you?" I snapped, turning to glare at him.
"Why me?" he whined, but he looked more amused than upset by the idea.
He didn't even bother slowing his horse, tossing his reins to Ronan and jumping down gracefully.
"I will send word through the line if anything happens, but if I die, you better believe I am coming back to haunt you," he called, then disappeared like he had never been there.
"One of these days I will get used to seeing him do that," Ronan grumbled.
"I won't," I chuckled, despite my dark mood. I felt better knowing Darin would be watching her.
"You said she healed you? You don't think she could…" Ronan trailed off, his voice cracking.
I knew where his thoughts had gone.
"I don't know, but when we get her back, you have my permission to ask her," I sighed, knowing I owed him that much, even if the thought of sharing her, even for this, pained me.
"The council isn't going to like this one little bit," he sighed, like I had just made his life harder, and I had.
"Like I give a fuck what they think," I muttered. "I didn't pick her, the goddess did."
He just hummed in agreement, unhappy with me. He was hiding it well because of the men at our backs, but I knew once we were alone, I was in for an earful. Ronan wasn't above scolding me if I deserved it.
The ride back to Obsidian Tower was a subdued one. The jet black spire jutted from the ground like teeth in the distance, the towers spiraling high to meet the sky. I looked up at it, feeling empty. It was cold, dark, and lonely after what I had left behind.
I had always loved my home; pride would swell in my chest when I looked up at it, glistening like a jewel, a symbol of power passed down from generations. Now it was cold. No warmth filled me, just a deep, empty ache.
Ronan's eyes burned into the side of my head. I turned to him, glaring. "Will you stop that?"
"No," he shrugged, "You look ready to snap. I am just ready."
"I am still in control," I snarled, riding faster.
He didn't say anything—obedient, silent—but I could feel Ronan's eyes itching between my shoulder blades. Tracking every twitch. Waiting for me to snap.
By the time we broke through the city streets, I was hanging on by a thread. I dismounted in one harsh motion and stormed into the Obsidian Tower like a thunderstorm made flesh. Wolves threw themselves out of my path, necks bared, eyes wide. No one dared to breathe wrong.
I was known for my temper.
But this?
This had them scrambling.
Alden rose from his desk the moment I approached. His blue eyes went round with terror as I shoved past him and slammed my office door shut.
Finally silence.
Finally, no eyes on me.
I dropped into my chair and pressed my hands over my face, leaning back until I was staring at the carved obsidian ceiling. Her scent still clung to my skin. Her wide, terrified eyes were burned into my mind like a brand.
Madness.
This was actual madness.
Three days?
I could barely survive three hours.
I wasn't going to make it.
Jumping to my feet, I stormed to the door and slammed it open. Alden gave a startled whimper and bowed so fast I thought he might faint.
"Alpha? How…how can I serve you?"
"We keep records of the citizens of the Outskirts, do we not?" I said, ignoring the dozen clerks staring at me like I'd sprouted horns.
"O-Of course, Alpha," Alden squeaked. "Every year we take a census, and taxes are collected accordingly."
"Cut the taxes by half for a year. We'll reassess next winter. And send food. Clothing. Supplies. Today. Send extra guards too, but tell them to use non-lethal force unless absolutely necessary."
Alden looked like I'd slapped him with a fish.
"If… if you are certain, Alpha?"
"I am."
I whirled back toward my office, but paused, sticking my head out again.
"And have the Luna's Quarters cleaned and prepared. Full wardrobe in all sizes, she's small, but err on the side of excess."
Alden blinked at me. Hard.
"Once w-who is here, Alpha…?"
"My mate," I growled, genuinely offended he couldn't tell. How could everyone else not feel the shift that had torn me apart?
"R-really?" he breathed, as if I'd announced I'd suddenly ascended to godhood.
I didn't dignify that with an answer.
I just slammed the door. Again.
I drummed my fingers on my desk, waiting impatiently. He knocked politely fifteen minutes later, laying several thick tombs before me.
"I brought the last two years, but I can bring more if you need," his voice shook, his entire body trembled like a leaf.
"This is fine for now," I grumbled, leafing through the first one, skimming over names and descriptions.
She told me she was the only healer; it was the only clue I had to her identity. Mentally kicking myself for not asking when I had the chance, I read each name, holding my breath until I saw spots.
"Are you alright, Alpha?" Alden asked, startling me back to reality.
I took a huge gasping breath and looked up at him. I had forgotten he was still there, and apparently, he had been trying to get my attention for some time.
"What?" I managed to say, head still spinning.
"If you want, I can help you look, if you know what you are looking for?" he repeated, eyes softening. "I know how overwhelming the first few cycles can be."
"Right, you have a mate, uh…" I said, forgetting his name in my haze.
"Garrick, that is right, my husband," he said, patting me on the shoulder.
"What do I do? How can I relieve this…pressure?" I asked, rubbing my temples.
Alden turned several shades of red, settling on a deep purplish color.
"You… what I mean is… You can…" he stammered, making a strange gesture with his hand, turning, if possible, an even deeper shade of purple.
He gave me a meaningful look like I ought to know what he was saying. I tilted my head at him curiously. "What?"
"You know, you…relieve yourself…" he said, swaying like he was ready to fall over.
"No, I don't know, that is why I asked," I said, narrowing my eyes at him.
"Please, don't make me say it," he begged, booking ready to pass out or combust.
I raised an eyebrow at him, "Spit it out, already."
He covered his face with his hands, making a pathetic whining sound, and mumbled a word.
I frowned at him, finally understanding. I had never had those sorts of desires before. Women were next to invisible to me at the best of times and an annoyance most of the time.
I scratched my chin thoughtfully, wishing that I hadn't sent Darin away. He was the only one amongst the three of us who cared about women in the slightest. Ronan was as indifferent as I was.
"Can I go now?" Alden pleaded, looking very disgruntled.
"Fine, search this, tell me if you find a healer," I ordered, handing him the other tomb.
He took it and fled, as if afraid I would ask him more questions.
We searched through years of records, but none of them said anything about a healer. I tossed the volume I was searching at the wall with all my might, nearly knocking over a lantern.
It was well past midnight, the hush of the night only disturbed by the turn of pages and Alden's occasional yawn.
"Still nothing," I snarled, gripping my head in my hands.
"I do recall the outskirts had a healer once, a true healer, but that was well over a decade ago," Alden said, closing the book he was searching.
"Why didn't you mention that four fucking hours ago?" I snarled at him, baring my teeth in frustration.
"Well, I didn't think it was relevant, she is dead," he said matter-of-factly. Shrugging his shoulders. "There was an accident in a mine, and she passed in that, I believe. Your father had intended to bring her here to the Obsidian Tower, but she had resisted."
"What was her name?" I snarled, ready to snap.
"Oh, I don't know. We could maybe look back ten years and find out, though."
The look I gave him had him jumping up so fast it was almost comical, or it would have been if I wasn't ready to snap. He bustled back quickly after and handed me the book, flipping the pages to the right page.
"Here it is, Violet Salvi," he said, pointing to the name.
But I wasn't looking at the name of the dead healer. I was looking at the name that followed it under family. Her daughter, Lilliah Salvi.
I said the words out loud, and I knew in my soul that it was right. That was her.
Lilliah was the name of my mate.