Cheng Xu snorted inwardly. Still talking about the Six Arts of a Gentleman? What era do you think this is? It's the Ming Dynasty—dogs wouldn't study those anymore.
He said aloud, "Mister Bai, I'll keep it simple. If the bandits on Huanglong Mountain go attack another county, it's not my business. But if they enter Chengcheng County, then I must intervene. So for the next few days, I'll… 'impose' on Baijia Fort."
Baiyuan understood perfectly. "Impose" meant freeloading—eating free meals until the bandits left. It was old tradition: when the imperial army passed through, they ate at the richest local household. If not, they might pillage the commoners instead…
But if they pillaged and the local civil officials filed a complaint? The military officer could lose his head. If they freeloaded from someone powerful and offended a big clan? Also lose his head.
Everyone was basically dancing on a tightrope.
Still, Baiyuan didn't mind hosting troops. Having official soldiers stationed in the fort was beneficial. Even if they'd likely run at the first sign of real battle, their mere presence was deterrence. If the bandits got scared and never attacked—that was the best possible outcome.
He smiled. "General Cheng, your presence here is a blessing for me and for every commoner within ten li. Please, come in."
Cheng Xu led his soldiers inside. The fort's walls were mid-renovation—thicker, taller, stronger—but manpower was limited, and progress slow. At this stage, the walls were still more gentry mansion than military fortress. Nowhere near enough to withstand thousands of bandits.
Dozens of retainers and over a hundred militia members stood on guard with bows. Every corner tower had sentries watching the four directions with full focus.
Cheng Xu surveyed everything. Not bad… but nowhere near enough. Even with my hundred men added, we'd still be paying respects to my great-grandmother in the afterlife if five or six thousand bandits attacked.
Great-grandmother, your descendant is still young. If the bandits come, I'll definitely be the first to run. Please don't blame me for tarnishing the Cheng family name.
As he was lost in these noble thoughts, a sentry on the corner tower suddenly shouted down, "Master! Master!"
Cheng Xu nearly jumped out of his skin. "What? Are the bandits here!?"
Baiyuan looked up. "Speak!"
The sentry called out excitedly, "Gao Chuwu is here!"
"Gao Chuwu?" Baiyuan blinked. "Who?"
The sentry wiped sweat. "That big dumb guy from Gaojia Village—the one who's visited us several times."
"Oh! Him!" Baiyuan clapped. "I remember clearly."
The retainers exchanged looks. 'Clearly'… sure.
The sentry shouted again, "Gao Chuwu and Zheng Daniu arrived driving a huge carriage—loaded with immortal-made trebuchets!"
Baiyuan's expression lit up instantly. "Immortal-made trebuchets? The same type we used against Wu Shang Mingwang?"
The sentry nodded. "That one!"
Baiyuan burst out laughing. "Open the gates! Quickly—go welcome them!"
The sentry added, "The cart is too big, sir. It won't fit inside. They'll have to stop outside the gate."
Cheng Xu stood there listening to this bizarre conversation and felt like he'd wandered into a fever dream. A carriage delivering trebuchets? Since ancient times, trebuchets were built on-site using logs. At best, the Mongols had Huihui cannons with wheels pushed by soldiers.
He'd never heard of transporting trebuchets by vehicle. How big would that even be?
Without another word, he sprinted up the wall, climbed onto the corner tower, and looked out.
What he saw almost made his jaw hit the battlements.
A massive vehicle—nearly nine zhang long—thundered toward the fort, its colossal wheels crushing the dry grass on both sides of the road, dust shooting up in clouds. The momentum was terrifying.
"…What in the hell is that?" Cheng Xu whispered.
The deputy joined him. "Boss… I just remembered. When we ambushed the Little Overlord's rebels, a strange vehicle suddenly appeared, ran him over, and drove off. Could that be…"
Cheng Xu shook his head. "That one was much smaller."
"But the weird panels and black wheels are the same," the deputy insisted.
He was referring to the solar panels and rubber tires.
Cheng Xu narrowed his eyes. They DO look the same…
He whispered, "Watch. Say less. Let's see what demonry Baijia Fort and this contraption are plotting."
Solar Vehicle No. 3 pulled to a stop at the gate. Gao Chuwu and Zheng Daniu hopped down and greeted the Baijia retainers cheerfully.
Baiyuan rushed out, immediately organizing manpower to unload the giant trebuchets.
Each trebuchet measured two zhang by two zhang and weighed a ton. But the folk of Baijia Fort were used to hard labor. They tied thick ropes around the machine, dozens pulling together, while several climbed onto the cart to pry it forward with long poles. Slowly—inch by inch—the massive machine slid downward…
Cheng Xu smirked from atop the wall. "Idiots. Dropping a trebuchet from that height? When it hits the ground it'll break into splinters. Those things are delicate—"
Before he finished—
BOOOOM.
The trebuchet hit the ground.
But instead of shattering…
It bounced.
Boing. Boing. Boing.
Q-elastic. Perfectly intact.
Cheng Xu froze. "What kind of unholy trebuchet is THAT?"
One by one, the giant trebuchets were unloaded. Workers placed logs under them as rollers and pushed them into the fort. In no time at all—ten trebuchets stood ready.
Baiyuan was ecstatic. He grabbed Gao Chuwu. "Thank Tianzun for me!"
Gao Chuwu scratched his head like a happy Labrador. "Okay! We gave you the trebuchets, so we're heading back!"
After sending them off, Baiyuan called out, full of spirit, "Bring me the strongest farmers in the fort! I'll teach them how to use these!"
Cheng Xu leaned over the battlements, arms crossed, ready to sneer. These colorful, unserious-looking things… not even one tendon cord on them. How are they supposed to throw anything? Completely useless.
He was promptly slapped by fate.
Under Baiyuan's command, a stone was placed in the giant spoon. A big hammer struck the trigger—
The plastic arm silently flexed—
WHOOMPH!
The stone shot high over the fort wall and exploded into the open field outside with a thunderous impact.
Footnotes
① Fun Fact — The Military Freeloader Tradition
When imperial soldiers traveled, they ate at the richest household. If the richest household was poor… everyone else suffered.
② Fun Fact — That Fort Gate Problem
The Solar Vehicle No. 3 is basically an ancient-world cargo truck. Most Ming-era fort gates were NOT designed for giant sci-fi machinery.
③ History Note — Trebuchets Normally Built On-Site
Classical trebuchets were usually assembled near the battlefield. Transporting them whole was almost impossible—unless you had modern materials.
④ Fun Fact — Q-Bounce Trebuchet
Real ancient trebuchets would explode after a drop from that height. Plastic ones? They bounce like rubber dumplings.
⑤ History Note — Ming Militia Culture
Communal militia (tuanlian) often relied on farmers and laborers. They were strong, untrained, and could move insanely heavy things when necessary.
⑥ Fun Fact — Cheng Xu's Survival Philosophy
His three rules of life:
If danger appears, run.
If responsibility appears, dodge.
If a miracle appears, stare at it and swear loudly.