Flat-Rabbit blinked at the familiar faces crowding around his bed, a crooked grin crawling up his cheek.
"Heh… heh… this rabbit… has hopped back again."
Li Daoxuan was squatting beside a crate, chewing on a box of Gele Mountain Spicy Chicken like a bandit who'd found treasure. Seeing Flat-Rabbit awake clearly lifted his mood—until the guy opened his mouth and started preening again.
Daoxuan couldn't hold it in.
"Yiye, tell everyone—this right here is what they mean by 'good men die young while disasters last a thousand years.'"
Gao Yiye, already in a sparkling mood, burst out laughing. He even mimicked Shansier's dramatic stage-voice as he announced loudly,
"Dao Xuan Tianzun has spoken! Good men die young—disasters last a thousand years!"
The whole group roared.
"Yeah, looks like Flat-Rabbit is definitely a disaster."
"'Looks like'? We confirmed that years ago!"
"Hahaha! Gaojia Village's number-one public menace, right here."
"I'm… in Gaojia Village now?" Flat-Rabbit blinked, then suddenly panicked. "Wait—Bai Yuan? Is he alright?"
Everyone laughed again.
"Master Bai is fine."
Li Daoxuan added, "Flat-Rabbit fought bravely and earned a great merit. The reward: one hundred taels of silver. But… since you still haven't finished paying off the fine for overturning that grain cart last time, the silver will go straight into the village treasury."
Gao Yiye announced the decree with mock solemnity, then burst out laughing mid-sentence.
Flat-Rabbit didn't mind at all. Money had never meant much to him. He only cared about acting chivalrous—food and shelter were all he needed in life.
Then he suddenly remembered something.
"Right! What about the four brothers who were on guard duty?"
The mood shifted instantly. Every face darkened.
Flat-Rabbit clenched his fists.
"Who did it?"
Gao Chuwu answered, "Wang Zuogua's men."
Flat-Rabbit understood at once.
"Wang Zuogua… because we took his horses last time. He couldn't find us, so he went after Bai Fortress and targeted Bai Yuan."
"Exactly." Cheng Xu stepped forward. "Dao Xuan Tianzun was furious. The war decree's already issued. Once preparations are complete, we storm Huanglong Mountain and wipe out Wang Zuogua's gang."
"I'm going," Flat-Rabbit declared immediately.
"Of course you are," Gao Chuwu said. "But not looking like this. Heal first."
"Medicine. Give me medicine. Double the dosage. This rabbit needs to recover now."
Everyone yelled together,
"Double the dosage will kill you twice as fast, idiot!"
Li Daoxuan knew this guy far too well. Flat-Rabbit was the type who couldn't stay put even if nailed down; leave him a moment and he'd run around until his wounds tore open again.
Dao Xuan Tianzun sighed.
"Make him a Zhuge-Liang-style wheelchair. Dogzi will push."
For the modernized Gaojia Village Workshop, this was an easy task. The next day, the wheelchair was ready. Flat-Rabbit was strapped in—literally—and Dogzi pushed him out into the fresh air.
He perked up instantly.
The first thing he saw was a crowd outside the barracks, hurling training grenades—iron shells filled with sand, identical in weight and shape to the real thing.
Gao Chuwu and Zheng Daniu stood at the front. Both swung their arms hard and launched grenades sailing more than twenty zhang away, leaving the new recruits behind them stunned.
Gao Chuwu flashed a wide grin.
"Your turn! Dao Xuan Tianzun said anyone who can't throw beyond fifteen zhang is rejected. Whether you become glorious Armored Grenadiers… depends on your muscle."
The men roared with excitement.
Li Daoxuan had decreed the formation of a new elite force: the Armored Grenadier Battalion, open only to tall, heavily built warriors who could wear full armor and still chuck a grenade like it was a pebble. The physical requirements were brutal.
Becoming an Armored Grenadier meant one thing:
You weren't just strong—you were a beast.
Every soldier, villager, and county militia youth saw it as the ultimate badge of masculinity.
One burly man strutted out.
"Chuwu-ge, lemme try first."
"Sure." Gao Chuwu tossed him a practice grenade.
The guy let out three primal "OHHH!"s, swung his arm, and sent the grenade flying so far it overshot the twenty-zhang marker.
The crowd erupted.
"Awesome!"
"Passed," Gao Chuwu declared. "Next."
The next recruit wasn't so lucky. He was skinny, nervous, and very aware that he was neither tall nor beefy. He mustered all his strength and threw—
"Fourteen zhang," Gao Chuwu said. "Eliminated."
The man collapsed face-down on the ground like a defeated emoji.
Flat-Rabbit's eyes lit up.
"Ah! Let this rabbit try! With my mighty strength, I'll toss one fifty zhang easy!"
Dogzi immediately panicked.
"Don't even think about it! With your injuries, you try that and your wounds will pop open like watermelons."
But Flat-Rabbit, being Dao Xuan Tianzun's official "village disaster," was impossible to restrain. He slipped right under Dogzi's arm, fell out of the wheelchair, and began crawling toward the throwing line.
"Let this rabbit throw… let me throw…"
Li Daoxuan could only massage his temples.
This kid…
Dogzi finally lost his patience. He hauled Flat-Rabbit up, tied him to the wheelchair like a runaway goat, dusted off his hands, and said,
"Let's see you move now."
Flat-Rabbit muttered, "This rabbit… totally could have done it…"
"One more word and I stuff your mouth with cloth," Dogzi warned.
Flat-Rabbit shut up instantly.
Dogzi pushed him past the grenadier trials and toward the far end of the barracks, where a mass of musket troops were training with flintlock guns.
Their drill was monotonous but relentless:
"Load."
"Fire."
"Load."
"Fire."
Again and again, until their motions were automatic—so fast they could fire once every thirty blinks.
And among them stood a conspicuous figure in white—Bai Yuan—practicing with the same intensity, loading and firing with perfect form.
Flat-Rabbit lit up like a lantern.
"Master Bai! You're safe! Thank heavens!"
Trivia Notes (Wikipedia-Style)
• Gele Mountain Spicy Chicken – A famous dish from Chongqing known for crispy fried chicken tossed with dried chilies and Sichuan peppercorn. Historically associated with military rations and frontier spice culture.
• "Good men die young, disasters last a thousand years" – A Chinese aphorism meaning annoying troublemakers somehow survive everything. Often used jokingly in martial fiction.
• Zhuge-Liang Wheelchair Reference – Refers to depictions of Zhuge Liang being wheeled around in folklore and opera when too ill to walk, symbolizing wisdom even in frailty.
• Zhang (丈) – An old Chinese length unit. 1 zhang ≈ 3.33 meters.
Twenty zhang ≈ 66 meters. (An insane grenade throw. These guys are monsters.)
• Armored Grenadiers – Historically inspired by Ming–Qing heavy infantry who threw thunder-crash bombs while wearing lamellar armor. Strength requirements were extremely high.
• Flintlock Training – Early Chinese modernization era saw repetitive musket drills to standardize firing rates. Thirty blinks per shot ≈ roughly 5–6 seconds per cycle, elite level.
• "orz" – Modern internet slang representing a person kneeling in defeat.