Bai Yuan turned at the sound of the voice.
When he saw Flat-Rabbit, his face lit up—just a little.
"You're already out of bed?" he said. "That's good news. Means death hasn't finished its paperwork on you yet."
Flat-Rabbit puffed out his chest. "Still alive. Still causing trouble."
Bai Yuan smiled, then paused.
"…Wait. Your name was…?"
Flat-Rabbit's expression collapsed. "Flat-Rabbit."
"Right. Flat-Rabbit," Bai Yuan said promptly. "I remember. Very clearly."
Flat-Rabbit: "…"
Bai Yuan grew serious. He stepped forward and gave a deep, formal bow.
"Last time, you held the door," he said. "If you hadn't, I would already be dead."
Bai Yuan was famously bad at matching faces to names, but he was not the sort to forget a debt. This bow was deliberate, heavy with meaning.
Flat-Rabbit waved both hands. "Hey, hey. Don't do that. Anyone would've done it."
"No," Bai Yuan replied calmly. "They wouldn't."
Flat-Rabbit glanced at the weapon in Bai Yuan's hands. "You're studying firearms?"
Bai Yuan lifted it—a flintlock bird-gun, oil-darkened, clearly modified from an older matchlock.
"This is a bird-gun fitted with a flintlock mechanism," he said. "According to Mister Song, the bird-gun is accurate enough to shoot birds out of the sky. That's how it got the name."
He sighed.
"…But no matter how I use it, I can't hit a flying bird. Frankly, it has no accuracy at all."
Flat-Rabbit blinked. "Uh… that sounds complicated."
Bai Yuan shook his head. "It's worse than my bow."
Flat-Rabbit instantly broke into a cold sweat.
"Worse than your arrows? Then maybe—maybe—let's not rely on it."
Bai Yuan narrowed his eyes.
"What's that look supposed to mean?"
Then he straightened, offended.
"Archery is one of the Six Arts of a gentleman [1]. I take it seriously."
He smiled faintly.
"Tell you what. I'll put an apple on your head. From a hundred paces, one arrow. Clean hit."
Flat-Rabbit went rigid.
"No. Absolutely not. Please. Let's not experiment with that."
"You don't trust me," Bai Yuan said mildly. "Guards. Put an apple on his head."
Flat-Rabbit nearly screamed. "Dogzi! Run!"
Zheng Dogzi spun the wheelchair and bolted like his life depended on it—which, frankly, it did.
They fled the firing range in a blur.
Hoofbeats thundered ahead.
A cavalry unit—over a hundred riders—charged past them in full armor, lances in hand, Kaiyuan bows strapped to their backs. At the front rode a woman in heavy armor, her presence overwhelming.
Flat-Rabbit recoiled. "Who in the world is that? Since when does Gaojia Village have a woman like that? For a second I thought it was Chi Lang."
"That's Zao Ying," Zheng Dogzi said. "She joined us when we were protecting the Saintess in the county seat. She commands the cavalry battalion now. She's terrifyingly competent."
Flat-Rabbit watched the cavalry thunder by, eyes shining.
"…I kind of want to join the cavalry now. Spear, horse, battlefield—don't you think that fits my aura?"
"You just said you wanted to join the Armored Grenadiers."
"I'll join the grenadiers first," Flat-Rabbit said confidently. "Then the cavalry. Then I'll throw grenades while riding a horse. Think about it. Unstoppable."
Zheng Dogzi fell silent.
It sounded powerful.
It also sounded deeply wrong.
Just then, another cavalry unit rode past—but this one was… less impressive. The riders looked stiff, pale, and visibly terrified.
"These are the newly promoted cavalry," Zheng Dogzi explained. "They panic the moment the horse speeds up. Fighting on horseback? They're nowhere near that yet."
He glanced at Flat-Rabbit.
"If you joined now, you'd look exactly like them. Just trying not to fall off."
Flat-Rabbit snorted.
"Hmph. Cavalry's useless for mountain raids anyway. Forget it."
Zheng Dogzi: "…"
Northern Shaanxi. Mizhi County.
Li Zicheng stood in a dim room, gripping a dagger. Blood dripped from its tip.
His wife, Han Jiner, lay dead on the floor.
She had cheated on him. Put the green hat on his head.
So he killed her.
The door creaked open.
His nephew, Li Guo, stepped inside, took one look, and let out a low whistle.
"Uncle… you killed her?"
"I did," Li Zicheng said flatly. "Why keep her?"
"She deserved it," Li Guo said. "But killing her means the authorities won't let this go. What now?"
Li Zicheng thought for a moment.
"We run."
"Where to?"
"To Huanglong Mountain," Li Zicheng said slowly. "There's a righteous army there. Their leader's called Wang Zuogua. They say he's a real man. Ten thousand followers."
Li Guo nodded. "Let's do it."
That night, they fled Mizhi County and headed south.
In the second year of Chongzhen, an unemployed youth killed his adulterous wife and took the road to banditry.
At the same time—
A rider galloped straight into Gaojia Village, reins snapping tight before Bai Yuan.
It was Inspector Fang Wushang.
Bai Yuan jumped. Even Li Dao Xuan, gnawing on a massive beef bone nearby, raised an eyebrow.
"Again?" Li Dao Xuan muttered. "This man really hates waiting."
Sure enough, far to the southwest, over a hundred soldiers were still jogging toward the village. Fang Wushang had simply outrun them.
"What's happened?" Bai Yuan asked.
Fang Wushang barked, "Instructor Bai, why are you still relaxing here? Mobilize every militia unit—villages, towns, all of them. We're going to war."
Bai Yuan's heart sank. "What now?"
"Days ago," Fang Wushang said, "General Wang Cheng'en, under orders from the new governor Liu Guangsheng, defeated the bandit Fan Shanyue at Heyang County. Fan Shanyue surrendered."
"That's good news," Bai Yuan said cautiously.
Li Dao Xuan snorted inwardly. Good news? With no food or land to resettle them, surrender just means delayed disaster.
"The problem," Fang Wushang continued, "is that Fan Shanyue's men didn't behave. On the way home, they occupied villages, looted the countryside—called it 'collecting grain.' When questioned, they said they had nothing to eat."
Li Dao Xuan sighed. Exactly as expected.
"These men come from Chengcheng County and neighboring Baishui County," Fang Wushang said. "They'll pass through our lands. We need militia to stop them."
Bai Yuan straightened. "Understood. We organize immediately."
Historical note:
Records disagree wildly on Li Zicheng's early career. Some say he joined border troops first. Others say he defected to different bandit leaders. No source agrees with another.
So the author chose the simplest answer: ignore them all and send him straight to Wang Zuogua.
Trivia & Cultural Notes
[1] Six Arts
The classical Confucian curriculum: rites, music, archery, charioteering, calligraphy, and mathematics. Archery wasn't about accuracy alone—it symbolized moral discipline. A missed shot implied inner imbalance, which is why scholars took bad aim personally.
"Wearing the Green Hat"
A common idiom meaning being cuckolded. In Ming times, it was one of the deepest humiliations a man could suffer, often provoking violence.
"Collecting Grain"
A euphemism used by surrendered or semi-legal troops. Officially requisitioning supplies; in reality, sanctioned looting when logistics collapsed.
Kaiyuan Bow
A standardized military bow used from the Tang onward, known for durability and mass production—less elegant than civilian bows, but brutally effective.