Zheng Daniu puckered his lips.
"What's so great about mash bread anyway? It's just flour! I don't want the bread — I want meat. Lamb. Real lamb."
The shopkeeper forced a laugh.
"Sir, I can't just serve you a bowl full of pure lamb… I'd go bankrupt!"
The other five soldiers at the table chuckled.
"Come on, Big Ox, don't bully the shopkeeper. You'll eat him out of business."
Their laughter carried out the door — just enough for Zhao Ying, passing by with her horse, to hear. She peeked inside, relaxed when she saw it wasn't her own cavalry causing trouble, and decided to stay and watch the spectacle.
Daniu blinked in confusion.
"Wait, giving me extra lamb means you lose money?"
The shopkeeper sighed miserably.
"Of course! Lamb's expensive. In good years, one jin costs about eighty coins. But this year's been a disaster — it shot up to eight hundred! If not for Gaojia Village sending over flour, it'd still be impossible to afford. Now it's back down to four hundred coins a jin.
See, I only add a few thin slices to each bowl. That's why the price is fifty coins. If I give you more, I'll be eating losses, not lamb!"
Daniu looked utterly lost. He turned to his comrades.
"Four hundred coins… how much is that in silver taels?"
"Four qian," one replied.
Daniu scratched his head.
"And four qian is… how much exactly?"
"…Brother," another soldier muttered, "it's impossible to have a normal conversation with you."
One grenadier pulled a small sliver of silver from his pocket and placed it on the table.
"Here, Big Ox, this little piece right here — that's four qian."
Daniu pinched the tiny shard between his fingers and squinted at it.
"Huh? So one jin of lamb costs this little silver? Scared me half to death. I heard 'four hundred' and thought it was a fortune!"
Everyone: "…"
Then Daniu fished out a massive silver ingot, slammed it on the table with a bang — at least five taels worth — and grinned.
"Shopkeeper! Take it. Bring me as much lamb as that'll buy. Forget the mash bread!"
Everyone stared.
The shopkeeper stood frozen. Was this really just a grunt? That kind of spending… he'd mistaken him for an officer.
One grenadier leaned close and whispered, "Big Ox, you can't just throw money like that. That's enough to buy yourself a pretty maid. Don't waste it on one meal."
Daniu burst out laughing.
"Buy a maid? You trying to get smacked by Tianzun? Even if Tianzun allowed it, I wouldn't. You can't eat maids! I'd rather eat happily than hoard silver!"
A sudden snort-laugh came from the doorway.
Everyone turned. Zhao Ying was standing there, reins in hand, amused beyond measure.
Daniu waved cheerfully.
"Zhao Instructor! You caught us! Come on, sit down! My treat!"
Still laughing, Zhao Ying stepped in, swung herself onto a bench beside him, and said, "I heard you say you wouldn't buy a maid. Why not?"
Daniu answered seriously, "Can't eat one."
Zhao Ying raised an eyebrow, smiling wickedly.
"For men, maids can be eaten."
Daniu shook his head solemnly.
"No, no. I don't eat human meat."
She blinked, then burst out laughing for real this time. So the fool genuinely didn't get it — which somehow made him more entertaining.
"Big Ox, you've been in Gaojia Village a while, haven't you?"
"Heh, sure have! Not one of the first forty-two founders, but close. My Zheng Clan came in soon after. Helped build the main gate, chopped logs for the sculptors, even drove the public solar cart for a while — ha! Feels like a lifetime ago."
"No wonder you've got money," Zhao Ying said with a grin. "Tianzun's rewards were generous back then. You must still have plenty of silver saved, right? That's why you're throwing it around like this?"
"Plenty? Nah." Daniu scratched his neck, cheerful as ever. "That was my only ingot. Just spent it all. I'm broke now! Hahaha!"
Everyone: "!!!"
The five grenadiers exchanged glances — their broke commander just treated them to dinner? Embarrassing.
Zhao Ying frowned, half-incredulous.
"Wait. You spent everything? What happened to your savings?"
Daniu patted his belly with pride.
"I ate them."
Everyone: "…"
At that moment, the shopkeeper came back carrying a huge platter piled with lamb. He slammed it on the table — thud!
Daniu didn't bother with chopsticks. He grabbed a piece bare-handed and shoved it straight into his mouth.
"Waaah—good stuff! So good!"
"Hey! Dip it in the sauce first!"
"Careful, you're spilling soup all over your armor!"
Zhao Ying burst out laughing again. What a sight — a genuine roughneck with the heart of a golden retriever.
She'd never liked those delicate scholar types. Give her a big, honest fool like this any day.
She grabbed a hunk of lamb herself and bit into it.
"Ha! Eating big, that's living!"
"Hahaha! Zhao Instructor, you're my kind of person! Eat up!"
Daniu clapped his meaty hand on her shoulder — casual, friendly, and utterly unaware of the shocked stares from the soldiers.
They exchanged awkward glances. Sure, Zhao Ying might look like a half-wild gorilla in armor, but she was still a woman. What if she yelled harassment?
But they needn't have worried. Zhao Ying didn't even blink.
"Daniu, you're all right. Come on, bottoms up!"
"Eh? But we're on duty! I might be dumb, but even I know no drinking while deployed."
"It's tea, you oaf."
"Oh! Then sure!"
They clinked bowls with a satisfying clonk and downed the tea like ale — heads tilted, mouths wide open, completely unbothered by decorum.
Zhao Ying chuckled between bites.
"So, Daniu, if you've spent all your silver, aren't you worried you'll never find a wife?"
Daniu laughed.
"No girl likes me, and I've never liked any girl. Guess that evens out."
"What? A man like you — and no woman's interested? They must be blind!"
The five grenadiers collectively broke into cold sweat.
(No, Instructor Zhao… with all due respect, you're the blind one. He's literally been canonically blessed with the title of "Idiot" by Tianzun himself — and just spent his life savings on lunch.)