Gao Chuwu won in a single move—won being the polite term—then hoisted Xing Honglang onto his shoulder and ran.
The groom's side surged after him like a dam giving way.
At the gate, Flat Rabbit had just managed to struggle upright. He'd barely gotten one line of bravado out when Gao Chuwu came charging in like a runaway locomotive.
In Gaojia Village, there was not a single person who could win a straight-on collision with Gao Chuwu. Even Zheng Daniu could only force a draw.
Flat Rabbit never stood a chance.
Bang.
The Rabbit was flattened again.
A heartbeat later, the wedding party thundered over him, boots drumming his ribs as they rushed for the Sun Car. Gao Chuwu tossed Xing Honglang into the car and laughed.
"Daniu! Drive!"
Zheng Daniu vaulted up immediately. Zao Ying, today's bridesmaid, hopped in right after him—despite being a bridesmaid, she had somehow spent the entire day glued to the best man. Whether she had accompanied the wrong person or chosen exactly the right one was anyone's guess.
The Sun Car rolled toward the main fortress.
Zheng Gouzi squatted by the gate and poked the body on the ground. "Still breathing?"
Flat Rabbit shot upright. "Move, move, move! If we're late, we won't get good seats when the food comes out!"
Zheng Gouzi stared at him. "I worried about you for nothing. I look like an idiot."
They sprinted after the main group.
Five hundred tables were far too many to fit inside the fortress. The banquet spilled into the open ground before it, wide enough that anyone from Gaojia Village could wander in and join the chaos.
Zhao Sheng—nicknamed the Lamp-Lighter, back from Heyang County—was teaching people auspicious lines. He taught one sentence, sent the villager running forward to shout it, then grabbed the next.
"Drums thunder as the bride arrives—five-colored awnings greet the new couple!"
The next villager followed up:
"Lift the curtain, joy upon joy—two hands welcome a jade immortal!"
Both speakers paused, then slowly turned back toward Zhao Sheng.
"Sir… the bride didn't come in a sedan. She came by car."
Zhao Sheng: "..."
On the main platform, Bai Yuan—back from Qiachuan Wharf—served as today's officiant. He had fought hard for the position. A wedding was ritual, after all, and among the Six Arts, ritual was the one he took most seriously.
As the newlyweds were pushed forward, Bai Yuan's expression turned solemn.
"First bow—to Heaven and Earth."
Ordinarily, bowing to Heaven was symbolic at best. In Gaojia Village, it was not.
Everyone looked up.
Above them, Dao Xuan Tianzun's low cloud drifted quietly across the sky.
Gao Chuwu and Xing Honglang straightened their backs and bowed properly.
Li Daoxuan beamed. "Everyone brought gifts. I'll add one of my own—something to share."
He raised a hand. Resting on his golden palm was a six-inch cake, slowly lowered into place. Cream letters across the top read:
Congratulations to Gao Chuwu and Xing Honglang—may you grow old together.
He had ordered it early that morning and personally instructed the shop on the wording.
Six inches—fifteen centimeters—meant nothing in his world. For the Little People, it translated into a cake nearly thirty meters across.
The five-colored frosting alone was something they had never seen.
The crowd went silent.
"So this is what it looks like when Heaven sends a wedding gift…"
"How favored is Gao Chuwu, exactly?"
"Tell me how to live so I can be loved like this," someone muttered, sounding like a rejected poet.
Zheng Daniu sniffed the air. "I can tell just by the smell. This is dangerous. I really want to eat it."
Bai Yuan shot him a warning look.
No eating before the ritual ends.
Ritual, once broken, did not come back.
Zheng Daniu froze.
Zao Ying, however, waited until no one was looking. She slipped behind the cake, scooped a handful of cream, and sidled back.
"Here. Eat."
Zheng Daniu devoured it in two bites. "Amazing. Wait—there's still some on your hand. Don't waste it."
He grabbed her wrist and licked.
Zao Ying's heart bloomed.
Catch a man's stomach, and you catch his heart. He licked my hand. This is basically a promise.
She leaned in and whispered, "Daniu… when someone Heaven favors gets married, Heaven sends cake. If you want more, shouldn't you also—"
A light bulb went on above Zheng Daniu's head.
"I get it! Let's have the village head, Gao Laba, Gao Sanniang, Gao Sanwa—everyone—get married again!"
Zao Ying burst out laughing.
"Next—husband and wife bow to each other!" Bai Yuan announced.
Gao Chuwu and Xing Honglang turned.
Normally, this bow was gentle.
Unfortunately, both of them were built like war machines.
They bent forward.
Thunk.
Forehead met forehead.
Both toppled backward.
The crowd exploded with laughter.
Bai Yuan's face darkened. "It's the final step and you still break ritual? Protecting the Way of the Gentleman is truly—"
He sighed, turned, and swept off the platform. His white robes spun dramatically behind him, leaving only a devastatingly handsome silhouette.
The Way of the Gentleman had failed.
The Way of Looking Cool had not.
Gao Chuwu climbed up, grinning. "Honglang. Ritual's done. We're officially married now. You don't need to be shy anymore."
Xing Honglang reached out. "Chuwu."
He reached back. "Honglang."
They collided in a full embrace.
"Ritual complete! Start eating!"
Five hundred tables opened at once.
The ground shook.
Children and sweet-tooths swarmed the massive cake. Ten zhang across, it was so large no one knew where to start.
Li Daoxuan considered it.
In my world, this feeds four or five people. Here, even if everyone eats freely, it barely makes a dent.
He drew a knife and sliced.
Chunks vanished—one to Chengcheng County, one to Heyang, one to Fengyuan Town, Qiachuan Wharf, Quangou Village, Yangzhuang…
A final small piece appeared inside Huanglong Mountain Prison.
Let everyone be happy today.
(Trivia)
Why are Chinese weddings so… intense?
Blocking the groom at the door isn't harassment—it's quality control
The bride's relatives stopping the groom, demanding red envelopes, and deliberately embarrassing him isn't spontaneous chaos. Since at least the Song–Yuan period, this has been a formal trial of the groom. The message is simple:
Are you willing to pay for her? Are you willing to lose face in public for her?
A man who can smile through this tends to survive marriage better later.
Why must it be noisy? Because marriage is a public contract
In traditional village society, marriage was never just about two people. It reorganized two families—and sometimes the entire village. The bigger the banquet, the more witnesses. When problems arose later, society itself had standing to intervene.
Bowing to Heaven and Earth matters more than bowing to parents
Heaven and Earth represent order, seasons, and survival itself. Bowing to them first declares:
This marriage isn't an escape—it's approved by the world.
In an agrarian society, this carried more weight than written law.
The mutual bow is actually dangerous
Classical manuals specify distance and angle for a reason. Get it wrong, and couples really did crack heads. Hence the old saying: the shared bow must be steady. Romance had nothing to do with it—this was applied physics.
The real purpose of the banquet: distributing luck
The feast isn't about hosting—it's about sharing joy. Meat, wine, sweets, and pastries are spread outward so the couple's fortune is diluted across the community. Luck that's too concentrated is believed to crush its owners.
Why does everyone take this so seriously?
Because in a world without easy exits, marriage was a lifetime institutional contract. The stricter the ritual, the stronger society's grip on the couple.
It wasn't fear of unhappiness—
it was fear of irresponsibility.
So the noise, the chaos, the crowding, the head‑butting and trampling—
are all parts of an old, severe social machine, forcing everyone to treat marriage as sacred… by disguising it as celebration.