Gao Chuwu was getting married to Xing Honglang.
The news moved like a gust of wind, ripping straight through Goajia Village in a blink.
Gao Chuwu's official rank wasn't high—just a battalion commander of the Grenadier Camp—but he was one of the original Forty-Two from Goajia Village. Every single step of the village's growth had his footprints stamped all over it.
Summoning Shansier.
Repairing the city gates.
Fighting Bu Zhanni.
Building Dao Xuan Temple.
Taking down Zheng Yanfu and Zhong Guangdao.
Launching the public-transport Sun Carts.
Developing agriculture.
Raising the village militia…
Trying to count his merits was an accounting disaster.
The rewards he'd received were just as uncountable.
And unlike Zheng Daniu—who ate every reward the moment he got it and never saved a copper—Gao Chuwu handed everything to his parents to store away, earmarked neatly for one thing only: getting married.
Raise soldiers for a thousand days.
Use them for one moment.
That moment had arrived.
Preparations began the day before the official wedding. Five hundred banquet tables were set up. Two hundred women were hired just to cook. Everyone pitched in—food, ribbons, red paper, wedding room decorations—working themselves half to death. The main fortress of the Gao clan roared all night long, completely incapable of calming down.
At the auspicious hour the next day, Gao Chuwu led his best man Zheng Daniu, along with Flat Rabbit, Zheng Gouzi, and their old militia brothers, to fetch the bride.
A wedding procession obviously needed vehicles.
The lead car was driven personally by the groom and best man: Sun Cart No. 1, the oldest of them all. Gao Chuwu and Zheng Daniu were also the oldest drivers still qualified to touch its wheel.
The moment the cart rolled out, many elderly villagers burst into tears.
The old village chief pointed at the vehicle and sighed, flooded with memories.
"When the Dao Xuan Tianzun bestowed this cart upon us, Goajia Village was tiny… really tiny… We hadn't even finished the cement road to Zhengjia Village yet… And the first time these two idiots drove it, they almost smashed straight into the wall of the Five-Color Prison."
Zhong Gaoliang, who had rushed back from Huanglong Mountain Prison just to attend the wedding, grinned broadly.
"I was still doing reform labor back then! Hahaha! When I saw Gao Chuwu and Zheng Daniu driving straight at the wall, I nearly pissed myself. Now I tell my story to over seven thousand inmates every day—tell them to behave, work hard, earn sentence reductions, and come out to live good lives like mine."
The old village chief chuckled. "And how are those seven thousand inmates doing now?"
Zhong Gaoliang said, "After hearing Yizhangqin relay the Tianzun's words, they finally understood why their men died—because they did evil and got punished by Heaven. Once they accepted that, there was nothing left to hate. You can't exactly pick a fight with Heaven. They also realized why they were imprisoned—sharing loot stolen by criminals still makes you an accomplice. This was Heaven's trial for them. Now they obediently accept Heaven's arrangements."
The old village chief nodded. "That's good. That's very good."
At that moment, Sun Cart No. 1 roared to life.
The two idiots shouted with heroic enthusiasm, "Off to fetch the bride!"
The sunshade was only lifted a little, letting the wedding car creep forward. The distance was simply too short—Xing Honglang's plastic mansion sat right next to the Gao commercial district.
If they drove too fast, they'd arrive before the vibe could even ignite.
Even so, the procession still reached her gate quickly.
The doors were tightly shut.
Gao Chuwu knocked.
From behind the door came Zhao Ying's voice.
"No red packets, no door."
The groom's party sucked in a sharp breath.
"Oh no. Captain Zhao is guarding the door. This won't be easy."
Flat Rabbit yelled, "Whoa, Captain Zhao! What are you doing guarding the bride's door?"
Zhao Ying laughed loudly from inside.
"I'm the bridesmaid today. Want this door opened? Every single brother in my cavalry battalion gets a red packet."
Flat Rabbit protested, "Whoa! That's robbery! We can't afford that. Looks like we'll have to force our way in."
"Go on, try," Zhao Ying laughed. "Let's see if the cavalry battalion is scared of you."
Flat Rabbit bellowed, "Brothers, draw your—"
Before he finished, a massive fist swung in from the side.
Bam.
Flat Rabbit hit the ground.
A masked Cheng Xu stepped out.
"Draw your ass. You really want to fight the cavalry battalion? Idiot. This kind of situation requires strategy."
Zhao Ying laughed. "Strategy? I'm not that easy to trick. No red packets, no door."
Cheng Xu said, "Your words, not mine. Men—tie up Zheng Daniu like a dumpling and throw him into the village duck pond. Whenever Zhao Ying opens the door, that's when we fish him out."
Bang!
The door flew open.
Zhao Ying lunged out and shielded Zheng Daniu, shouting, "Don't bully honest people!"
Cheng Xu laughed. "Door's open! Militia—charge!"
Flat Rabbit rushed first, too excited to watch his footing. He tripped on the threshold and face-planted. The Grenadier Camp surged over him, countless boots trampling past…
Only after everyone had run through did Zheng Gouzi squat down and poke him.
"Lord Rabbit… you alive?"
Flat Rabbit sprang up instantly, laughing loudly.
"What's my name? Flat Rabbit! That move just now was my ultimate technique—Flat. When I use it, how could I possibly be trampled to death?"
Zheng Gouzi silently raised his fist.
Yep. This rabbit only understands punches.
While they messed around at the door, the others had already stormed into Xing Honglang's boudoir.
Though the room had the word "boudoir" in its name, it looked no different from a hardened man's quarters. Not a hint of embroidery—just swords and blades hanging on the walls.
Xing Honglang sat inside, face flushed, waiting. When the groom's party burst in, Gao Chuwu grinned.
"Honglang, I'm here to marry you."
Seeing so many people, Xing Honglang panicked.
"I'm not marrying!"
Gao Chuwu knew his future wife was just shy again. She was bold in everything else, but when it came to romance, she was more bashful than a sheltered girl. Times like this called for initiative.
He rolled up his sleeves.
"Then I'll have to snatch you."
Xing Honglang snapped into the opening stance of Jin Red Fist.
"Come on!"
Gao Chuwu answered with the opening stance of Guanzhong Red Fist.
"Then let's go!"
One in a bride's crimson robe, the other in a groom's scholar uniform—they actually started fighting.
The relatives plastered themselves against the walls in terror.
But…
The fight started fast and ended faster.
After a single exchange, Xing Honglang was subdued. Gao Chuwu hoisted her onto his shoulder.
"Let's go! Bride-snatching complete! We're heading back!"
The crowd jeered.
"Tch. Boss Xing held back again."
Li Daoxuan laughed too.
"Hahaha—she didn't just hold back. That was flooding the field."
Wedding Trivia — Why This Chaos Is the Tradition
In late-imperial China, a wedding that went too smoothly was actually considered unlucky.
That's why scenes like this—door-blocking, mock fights, red-packet extortion, and even symbolic bride-snatching—weren't bugs. They were features.
Here's what's really going on under the comedy:
Blocking the Door (闹门 / nao men)
The bride's side deliberately blocks the entrance and demands red packets.
On the surface, it's extortion. In reality, it's a stress test.
If the groom can't:
negotiate,
endure humiliation,
or pay real costs,
then he's not considered reliable enough to take someone's daughter away.
In other words:
Marriage begins with an audit.
Red Packets Aren't Gifts — They're Proof of Capacity
The money isn't about greed.
It's about showing that the groom's household has surplus resources after feeding itself.
A poor family marrying without savings was a social disaster waiting to happen.
This ritual lets everyone confirm—publicly—that the math checks out.
Mock Violence Is a Blessing, Not a Threat
Symbolic scuffles during weddings were common in militia towns and frontier regions.
Why?
Because these communities lived with real violence daily.
A wedding had to prove one thing:
Even here, joy can survive force.
That's why the blows never land seriously,
why everyone laughs afterward,
and why the bride "loses" without losing face.
The Bride Says "I Won't Marry" On Purpose
A woman agreeing too quickly was seen as lacking dignity.
Refusal—especially in front of witnesses—proved modesty, restraint, and value.
Everyone knows she'll go.
What matters is that she doesn't go cheaply.
The One-Move Fight Has Meaning
A fast, decisive end signals balance.
If the groom struggles too long, he looks weak.
If the bride crushes him, he looks unfit.
One exchange, clean and contained, says:
This household will not waste energy fighting itself.
Quiet Wisdom (the kind people didn't write down):
A marriage wasn't about romance—it was about whether two systems could collide once, loudly, and then settle into order.
If everyone leaves smiling,
the union is considered Heaven-approved.