Chapter 7: The Pizza Theorem
Wednesday night. Comics distributed. Money exchanged. Usual routine.
Except nobody's leaving.
Leonard is sitting on the floor near the graphic novel section, reading something. Howard's testing the durability of my desk chair by spinning in it repeatedly. Raj is examining my vintage poster collection with genuine interest. And Sheldon is reorganizing my DC Comics section by publication date instead of title.
"Uh, guys?" I check the time. "I usually close at seven."
"It's 6:45," Sheldon says without looking up. "Fifteen minutes remain."
"Right, but—"
"We should order pizza," Howard interrupts, still spinning. "I'm starving and the university cafeteria was serving something that might have been meatloaf but could have been a cry for help."
"Pizza sounds excellent," Raj agrees. "Stuart, is there a good place nearby?"
"There's Giovanni's two blocks down?"
"Adequate." Sheldon finishes his reorganization and turns to face the group. "However, we must address the fundamental question of topping distribution optimization."
Leonard groans. "Please don't turn pizza into a math problem."
"All decisions can be optimized through mathematical analysis. Pizza topping selection is no exception."
And just like that, we're in it.
Howard argues for maximum topping density. Sheldon counters with the structural integrity concerns of excessive moisture. Leonard advocates for the golden ratio applied to cheese-to-sauce proportions. Raj brings up cultural topping variations and their statistical popularity.
I grab receipt paper and a pen, start sketching diagrams of optimal topping placement for even distribution.
"See, if you use the Fibonacci spiral..." I draw it out. "You can ensure every slice has proportional topping coverage."
Sheldon actually takes the paper from me, studying it. "This is theoretically sound. However, it assumes perfectly circular pizza geometry, which is rarely achieved in commercial preparation."
"Right, so you add a tolerance factor." I'm making this up as I go, but it sounds good. "Say, fifteen percent deviation from ideal circle."
"Point two one would be more statistically appropriate."
"Fine, point two one."
We order pizza. Three large pies with toppings selected through a voting system that Sheldon designed on the spot. When it arrives, we eat while continuing to debate whether our theoretical models hold up against reality.
They don't. The pizza is irregularly shaped and the toppings are distributed with what Sheldon calls "aggressive randomness."
"Still tastes good," Howard says through a mouthful of pepperoni.
By 9 PM, we've moved on from pizza to the philosophical implications of different superhero power sets. By 10 PM, we're arguing about whether time travel paradoxes can ever be truly resolved in fiction. By 11 PM, the topic has somehow shifted to the economic viability of Gotham City's reconstruction costs.
Raj is lying on the floor, using a stack of comics as a pillow. "This place is more comfortable than any bar. No loud music. No crowds. Just... debate and comics."
"It's the perfect nerd haven," Howard agrees. He's claimed my desk chair permanently at this point. "No judgment. No having to explain references. Just us being weird together."
Leonard stretches, joints popping. "Stuart, how'd you set this place up so perfectly? The seating arrangement, the lighting. It's all really conducive to just... hanging out."
I look around the shop, seeing it through their eyes. The comfortable corner with the worn armchair. The good lighting that's bright enough to read but not harsh. The layout that creates natural conversation spaces without feeling crowded.
"I just... arranged things how I'd want them?" I lie. Because the truth is, I don't remember deliberately designing any of this. Stuart's memories guided it, or the tingles did, or some combination of both. "Seemed like it would work."
"It really does," Leonard says. "This is nice. We should do this regularly."
"Wednesday nights," Sheldon declares. "Comics acquisition followed by extended social interaction and intellectual discourse. Location: Stuart's establishment. Time: until Stuart requests our departure or midnight, whichever comes first."
"Are we just... deciding this is a thing now?" I ask.
"Yes," they all say in unison.
And that's it. Decision made. Wednesday nights at the comic shop.
I should probably be concerned about spending five hours after closing just hanging out. But I'm not. Because this—this random, unplanned gathering that turned into mathematical pizza debates and superhero philosophy—this feels important.
After they finally leave around midnight, I clean up. Pizza boxes stacked by the door. Receipt paper covered in diagrams of optimal topping distribution. A forgotten jacket that Howard will probably ask about tomorrow.
My shop smells like pizza and old paper and the particular mix of cologne/aftershave that somehow defines "the gang." The cash register shows a decent day's take. The calendar on the wall has "WEDNESDAY NIGHT" written in Sheldon's precise handwriting, starting next week and extending for the next three months.
They made plans. Long-term plans. That include me.
I lock up and walk to my car, keys jingling in the quiet November night. The streetlights cast orange pools on the sidewalk. Somewhere a dog barks. A car passes, bass thumping.
In my old life, I don't remember having traditions. Just routines. Work, home, eat, sleep, repeat. The same generic existence that ended choking on steak nobody would remember.
But this? Wednesday nights at the comic shop with friends who want to debate pizza geometry? This is a tradition. Something that matters. Something that makes the calendar mean more than just days passing.
I drive home feeling lighter than I have since waking up in Stuart's body. The Bitcoin portfolio might make me rich someday. The comic knowledge might build a successful business. But Wednesday nights—
Those are going to make this life worth living.
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