It was August, 15, 2001. In the far away outskirts of Antalya. In the eastern Mediterranean region of Turkey. Tucked away from the outside world was the one of the Kaplan country estate. Dağ tepe sarayı (Mountain hill palace) The manor was classy, chic--and timeless on it's own. The mashup of old, northern European and Turkish architect, further enhanced the aura of the place. With its intricate, glass stained windows with elaborate, whimsical lattice patterns and the grand garden of nobility kept by gold-gilded gates. The palace was a sanctuary for the Kaplan families for centuries. Many of the families reserve the place in order of their given month.
Ayse Azra! do not let her catch you! came the teasing yelling of Burak Dogan.To his daughter. The petit girl was dressed in a light, cotton attire with puff sleeves and a flared-A line skirt which flew in all directions of a compass. The movement of the baby was alike a cute duck. Her hands were fisted into a soft curl as she then gave her mother a gummy smile. Burak Dogan, wanted to see the reactions of his wife. His hunter eyes darted as Meryem--ran, following her daughter. Her face casted a soft smile. Though she dropped it and gave a glare towards her husband. He looked away whistling after giving an insufferable smirk.
Though soon he to got up. Quickly he sprinted and picked the girl in one swift motion. "Ahg, got you now!" he laughed and cradled baby Azra as Meryem also joined them, breathlessly. "Finally... took you long enough" Dogan then extended her to Meryem. Though her palms shot up, just between her and his chest, "Nah uh, Mr. Yildiz" she arched her brows, "You put a baby in me and made me carry her for a year--now its your turn" she stated, her hands on her hips. Burak didn't say a word--he only had a small grin. He craned his neck to meet her level as he raked his eyes over her pouty lips and porcelain skin. Meryem locked eyes with him, her heart pounding.
"As you wish, sevgilim" (My dear) his voice came out, hoarse. A slow smile formed on her face as she then leaned in. Before he could say anything else, she pressed a peck on his cheek. A quick one. You know the ones that will leave you utterly speechless and makes you aching for more. That kind of one.
Burak's mouth parted yet nothing came, he blinked once then twice. She then laughed seeing his ears turning a hue of red. He ran a hand throug his hair, fingers grazing the area of the kiss. "Well... if that was my reward, then I will gladly do it"
Burak... she shook her head. She turned to baby Azra, giving her a soft pinch. "She looks so much like you" Dogan murmured, watching them both. Meryem tilted her head, her lips curling. Yes it was indeed true. Azra looked more like her then her father. With her lush lashes and hazel eyes--though only her raven hair was shared with her father. Then-- Azra's whole body wiggled as she thrashed her tiny fists in Burak's arms. She lets out a soft, breathy giggle and began to doze off.
"May God always make her smile"... Meryem murmured. "My sweet girl" He only inched in closer, "Ameen" (Like Amen*) he then grazed Meryem's face. She looks up at him. At how his eyes were on her and her only. She gazed at him as if to memorize his face, "May you be as well"
Then--"Maybe it is good like this... her having my face"... Burak's brows furrowed, "Why do you say that?" his eyes pressed. "Sevgilim... I have no trouble remembering you" Of course he didn't worry about remembering Meryem. After all--he breathed her. Like a mad man in love. Like a man who could never get enough. He would gaze on to her face and sleep. Not even in crowds or in a alone sanctuary--his eyes never left hers. He savored her-and Meryem knew it the best. Though she looked to the ground then up. "She will remind you of me" He shook his head and clasped her face with one hand. "No... may God never show us your absence" he pressed. She smiles a graceful smile. "I hope so"
The following years were like that, serene with none to worry about. Ayse Azra Yildiz was soon enrolled in school and just like that, 6 years had gone by. 6 years of love.
At this time, at one particular evening. When maids were less in number. Meryem Azra Yildiz cradled her child. Ayse. They sat by the fireplace of the estate. She then set Ayse on the fluffy rug. She slumped to the floor, her hands clutching around a doll.
She gazed at her daughter, tilting her head. "Ayse"... she turned her head, brown eyes flicking adorably, "Yes... mummy?" Meryem smiles, "How is your new school...? did you make any friends?" The toddler nods and continued to play--though she stops and frowned.
Seeing that, Meryem's brows furrowed, "What is it sweetie? why did you stop?" Ayse didn't answer her--at least not immediately. "Mummy... why do other kids have a brother or a sister?" she asks. Meryem's lips curled. "So... that's what this is about?" Ayse pouts, "They play with each other and have so much fun while I am just... in here"
Meryem smiles then rose up, she sat beside her daughter on the floor. Her hands skimming over her back then her hair. "Would you like to?" she asks. Lowering her voice. Ayse snapped her head to her mother, "R-Really...?" Meryem nods, "Really" ... her eyes fall to the floor then to at clock. It was 9:15--just few minutes before Burak arrives.
She then took Azra to her room and tucked her into bed. "Sleep tight, honey"... a whisper then followed by a smooch to her forehead. Ayse giggled, "I love you mummy"... she says. Meryem hummed, "I love you to sweetheart, now... sleep"
With that she left the room. Meryem stood by the counter--just few steps away from the door as time passed. Soon it was 10:49. Meryem's eyes began to weigh her down as her head also began to drop in weary. Though she quickly straightened her shoulders. Her fingers were numb from the cold granite tile as she then gazed at the clock. He was still not here.
A sort of bitter feeling crept her throat. She wasn't sure if it was fear or--the fact that she was expecting. Just then--the front door creaked opened. Meryem shot up to her feet. Burak Dogan, walked in. His hair, tousled. The usual sharpness of his eyes, gone, his jaw was a sharp line, Hardened by the hours. Tiredness clung to him like a fume as he gazed at her, his wife. Meryem finally reached and stood in front of him.
"Burak"... a murmur left her rosy lips. He inched in closer, "M-Meryem"... he sighed then dropped his head to the nape of her swan-like neck. He then nuzzled his nose against her clavicle. Meryem's mouth parted, though she held him. His alluring scent quickly hugged her. Her hands then trailed over his pectoral, feeling in the low thrum of his heart. B-Burak...? He didn't reply. Not that instant. Meryem... he whined. She couldn't help herself but let out a soft chuckle. To that he shot her a look and parted just slightly.
Burak... she clasped his face, "You seem more grumpy than our daughter"... He smiles, a faint smile. "You think so?"... Meryem nods then leans in. She pressed a soft peck near his lips. This one being just a second longer.
Burak's eyes widened that instant, he gives her a dazed smile. Showing of the dimples which she adored. "Hmm... Meryem you... really do wonders" She chuckles then finds his palms, "come on... I need to tell you something" he hums as she guided him to the main hall.
The couple soon sat down in the living room. Him across her. Meryem sets both her hands on the table, her eyes low as if to find the right words. Burak watched--few. grueling seconds passed. "Burak"... he leans in. Yeah? she looks to the ground, "I have something to say" He smiled and bought his fingers to her cheek, "You said it sweetheart" She shot him a look. Her heart skipping a beat. "I didn't"... she shook her head. "Well... then say it" he grazed her face, "Whatever it is"... his voice, sincere.
Meryem nods her head then sighs, "I... am pregnant" Burak's brows shot up, "Pregnant...?" She nods, looking away. "Hah?... Burak lets out a breath, his eyes widened. "So, that's why you have been throwing up" She nods* "God... if only you weren't so much of a--mad man? he asks holding back a chuckle. --Cave man... a quick murmur. Burak raised his brows, Gosh... that hurts... Meryem couldn't help but laugh with him. Just from the fact that he didn't deny her calling him that. She gazed at him in adoration. Burak Dogan... her husband, her mad, admirer. He smiles* she did the same back. The one who had avoided her and hated her as if she were his mortal enemy. She was... though now? neither the two.
The following months were like this--Azra kissing both Dogan & Meryem goodbye before going off to school. The monthly hospitals visits and the coffee after. Azra also began to notice her mother. She looked different. When her mother explained it to her. Her eyes lit up. She would be getting a sibling soon. Families from both sides rejoiced and celebrated Eid (A Muslim celebration)
It was way past noon--just before breaking the fast. Inside the Yildiz estate. The Grand hall was draped with the scent of musk and something else more. As this was the last 30th day of fasting. The last 30th day of waking up early to prepare to fast. The last day of gathering with the family as everyone will return to work or school. The last day of a filled mosque.
The inside of the hall was something out of a movie. With its Persian rug coated floors, soft glow of the Victorian style lamps, chandelier and a the large ceiling--the warm walls of the manor hugged any partaker's of hospitality.
The chatter of the people flowed down the table as servants in crisp uniform, stayed out like shadows. There, beside Meryem sat Burak Dogan. He held her hands beneath the table and smiled as he gazed at her in a dazed manner.
Asiye--Meryem's mother, Ayse's grandmother sat little Ayse on her lap. She hugged her close, murmuring softly. Ayse was adorable, she was the eye-candy of the table. Her playful wit bought laughter even admits the weariness.
"Buyuk anne... Bir erkek kardeşim olacak mı?" (Grandmother, will I have a brother?) Her marble eyes glinted as she faced her grandmother. The people around her smiled and gave Meryem a glance. Asya leaned in, her frail, fingers tucked away a strand of Ayse's hair behind her ear. Her eyes darted down then, "Yes, my sweet girl... though what matters the most is your mother giving birth to a healthy baby" Ayse replied in quick nods, "We will pray for them... right?" Asya clasped her face, "Yes we will, tatlim" she replied, smiling warmly. She then looks to her husband who were listening to them.
Then--the call to prayer went off as they began to break their fasts. After reciting prayers. Though with just half way in. Meryem's hands shot up to the swell of her belly. Her brows creased as an unbearable pain pierced through her.
Agh*... a soft whimper--Burak's eyes fell to her. "Meryem... his hands hovered over her back. Mr. Altan seeing her daughter's distress, "Meryem... daughter, are you okay?" Asya snapped her eyes to her.
Meryem shook her head, her face turning pale, "I-I t-think it is happening"... "Right now...?" Burak murmured. "Come one"... They both rose up. Then they all did. Phone calls were made and in the middle of the rush, Ayse clutched at the hem of Aysa's robe.
"What is happening to mama?" she asks. Asya's eyes darted in worry, she then looked down, quickly she wrapped her arms around the little girl. "Nothing... its nothing, lets pray that your mother and father returns with the good news"... Ayse nods, her eyes falling.
Burak hit the road. His grip on the steering wheel increasing by the second as his hunter eyes flickered to the backseat. To her, Meryem. She arched her head back, the pain hitting her like a terrain. It was unbearable indeed. Though this was a whole new level of pain.
Her brows creased, her face... tear-streaked and her body was slick with sweat. She knew this wasn't like before. This was entirely different. Her first pregnancy had been easier--though she was still hit with the same sort of pain, this one is just not it.
B-Burak... a broken plea, "H-How long...?" she choked out. He ran a hand though his hair, eyes darting to the front then to her, "Not too long... don't worry"... His gaze darted. The cars, lights, buildings--they all seemed... to be hazy. --And even the sky... that dark pastel of grey mixed black. It looked angrier.
Burak's heart raced, he took a sharp turn. The entire ride was filled with her breathy whimpers and him murmuring God's name. His carved face was fixed like a statue.Trying desperately to not break down. Vehicles honked* Yet--the sound of his heart slamming against his ribs were louder.
His eyes widened, just slightly--they arrived to the Istanbul, Tedavi hospital. Upon reaching there, he quickly parked the vehicle. Now, within in the rush atmosphere of the sterile floors--the stretcher was bought in. Pushing it for half the way was Burak.
"H-Hey... you will be fine, look at me"... She did. At Burak, at him. His eyes--ocean blue ones were turbulent. His hands were glued to the cold handle. She reached her hand out--he quickly clasped it. She then placed something, her necklace. "K-Keep it... ah... Burak, I don't think I c-can... He shook his head, "You can do it... canim (my life)" he grazed her face. "My Meryem...
Burak clutched on to the necklace--it was warm, from her hands. Few nurses and a doctor came and took the stretcher away. They conversed to him. One said, "Sir we need to take her in the ICU, right now, this is an early birth" Burak's face fell, "That means its... the doctor's voice came out, "Nothing is for sure, we will see" He had no choice but to let go of her. Their hands parted, fingers brushing the tips as if to reassure... for the last time.
Burak's head swirled, he clasped his face. Chest shuddering. Even he felt as if something is terribly wrong. Meryem never cried this much. Maybe it was because on an older age pregnancy. Though he didn't know. He couldn't. He was just the husband of Meryem Azra--nothing more, nothing less.
---
Back at the Yildiz estate. Ayse Azra was sat on her grandmother's lap by the fireplace. Asya's hands softly patted at her in a low rhythm. Her mind was cloud. The mere calmness of the entire situation bothered the family. Her eyes darted to her husband, Altan. Who panic-called Burak. He sighed and let the phone drop on the cushion.
"No news... Asya nodded. "Perhaps... they just reached the place, honey... don't worry, let's just... hope for the best" Though Altan shook his head. "I... he gazed at Ayse. "Put her back to sleep... I need some air"
Ayse's eyes flickered opened. Her lips fell into a pout as she watched flame burn. Mummy and daddy are not here. Though they will be back. That was what her grandmother said. It provided her some sort of comfort, though that didn't last for long.
In her room, her grandmother set her back on bed. "Sweetie... sleep, I will tell you the news and we can cook together for your mum tomorrow" Her face lit up, "Will we take it to mum?"... Asya nods to that. "Yes... we can" she gives her button nose a teasing poke, "But... you have to sleep right now" Ayse nods, "I will...!"
Asya smiled and pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. "I love you, sweetheart" Ayse nodded. "Love you too... grandma"... she yawned. The little girl soon drifted to sleep, just as she did, Asya's hazel eyes fell. She got up and went to the living room. Upon not finding her husband, she quickly went to the balcony.
As soon as she stepped out, the chilly tiles pricked at her foot--Asya's hands shot up to her face. That night indeed seemed different. Her eyes then went to the shadowy figure that stood to her front. It was her husband, Mr. Altan. He clutched at the railing, shoulders slumping to the ground. She reached her husband without a word, her hands hovered over his back
--"Honey...?" Mr. Altan didn't answer. He sighed, shoulders shooting up then down. "Yes... dear?" Asya's brows furrowed, "Why are you standing out here in the cold?" she asks. "Come on, let's go"... Though he didn't budge, "You know... I don't feel like sleeping" Asya smiles, "Is it because of Meryem?" Altan shot her a look. His hazel eyes flickering towards the night sky. "Who else?"... his voice dropped. "I do not know... Asya... I just feel... bitter" Her hands grazed his back, softly. "Altan... Sevgilim... Don't be like this" she smiles. "Remember how you were when I was in labor?" "How frantically you took me to the hospital... how you cried even more than me?" Altan nodded. Of course he remembered it--after all, it was during the birth of their first child. He had passed out from just seeing in her in the labor room. "Altan... look at me" he reluctantly turned to her. "Don't worry" a soft whisper. "We women have went through far worse... and child birth is just another one" A beat. "Besides... my daughter is strong, Burak will deliver us the auspicious news tomorrow" she stated. Altan can only do so much but nod. Though a faint smile tugged at his lips. Gazing at his wife. His hands reached out to her face, "You know... you somehow turn everything around"... he whispered. Asya smiled as he cupped her face. "My Asya"...
-----
That night--the rain quickly turned into a city-wide storm. The fierce wind ripped out posters and other rubbish. Travel was a no go as the highway had shut down temporarily due to the weather.
Now at Tedavi Hospital. Even admits the time, the hallway was filled with the sound of rushed footsteps and doctors in scrubs. The smell of medicine clung in the air.
Burak Dogan--just outside the ICU sat. It had been hours. 13-15, he lost count. He sat there, slouching his shoulders as he grasped his temple in frustration. It had not from the waiting. His eyes flickered to the nurses who came out from the floor. Every time they did--he would look up. He would think that they were to tell him something. Anything.
Though that never happened. "Damn it"... he rose up and quickly strode to the door. There from the round, glass panel--he saw her.
-Meryem Azra, his wife, the mother of his child. Her face was pale beyond recognition. She was strapped in to many devices--which he didn't know the names of. Then there was this screen which showed him-her pulse. Green strikes going up and down without a meaning.
He planted both his palm against the cold door. "Meryem"... a shuddering whisper. He could see her, on that bed. Doctors around--not him. Just as he was about to step back
--"Her pulse is dropping"... Burak's eyes widened, his chest tightened. He saw them trying to resuscitate her with an defibrillator. As soon as the machine landed on her chest--her body spasmed. Not once but thrice.
Burak's chest rose and fell with heavy breaths as tears clouded his vision. Her heart rate was dangerously low as inside. The doctors gave each other a frantic look. The baby was safe but the mother was not.
Burak's mouth parted, dryly. This was his wife, his sweetheart. Who now laid there like a dead. The tears further blurred his vision. Perhaps it was better--as he couldn't bear to see her that way.
When a nurse came to the door, she found him standing there. "Sir... Burak only stepped back and slumped to the metal seat. His hand clenched. This had all been his fault. If only he controlled himself.
Soon, an older doctor came out. Burak stood up yet he avoided his eyes. Though didn't avoid telling him the truth. That was--his wife passed away. Burak's whole word collapsed their and... there. He went back to the seat, not daring to look past the doctor. He then sobbed--not normally but like a man who just lost everything. As that was what he was.
--Life hadn't been meaning full to him...
Flashbacks: When he would ride his motorbike, Corvo--without any interference. Be it, night or day. Rainy or even in a storm. He would drive between vehicles, nearly grazing trucks--yes, life was nothing to him.
Though this is where, a 17 year old Meyem Azra--the same ages as him, just an year ago. She would watch him come home late at midnight during her sleepovers with Esma at the Yildiz estate.
It was in one of these nights. Meryem Azra waited outside the estate's iron gates. Her mother had called for her to return home. So she said her greetings and left.
She was waiting for her ride in the chilly wind. Her eyes darted up the inky night sky. Then at her phone in worry.
Just then she heard the sound of a vehicle. She rolled her eyes looked up--and of course, it was none other then Burak Dogan Yildiz. He wore black jacket and clutched on to a helmet which he probably never used.
She looked away once his Zaffiro--reaches her. Burak Dogan's lips curled, "Oh look... little Mrs. perfect is here"... She glances at him--knowing what he exactly wanted. "I am not in the mood"... she murmurs, looking away. Burak's brows shot up, "Aw... come on" he ran a hand through his hair, "I was just trying to get a laugh out of you, you know... you are always so... kept" She sighed and crossed her arms. "Well... do you think it was working?" "Eh... probably not" he shrugs* "But I tried... try... "By the way... why are you here...? his eyes narrowed. "Don't tell me... did your parents disown you?" he asks, sincerely.
Meryem internally face palmed herself. She looks away. "I am jus... leaving" He hums. She then shot him a look, "And... wait a minute, why would they disown me...? shouldn't that be your main concern?" Burak scoffs--though, funnily she was right. "Alright"... he raised both hands. "No one is getting disowned"...
After a few second silence. She checks her phone once again--when seeing that there was no sign of any vehicle. He tilted his head, "Are you sure whoever is coming?... because I am not seeing it"
Meryem's lips feel into pout, "Gosh... I am not sure"... She dials the number and pressed the phone against her ear. It rung for few more seconds--then nothing. Her battery was also, almost dead.
Burak leaned over to see. Meryem sensing his shift, she quickly turned--only to have her breath caught. Burak Dogan and her noses almost grazed, he was that close. Her lips parted yet nothing came out. He too gazed at her. Of course, she looked angelic. Especially up this close.
"Burak"... a whisper broke from her. "Damn it"... he backed off. Grazing his hair, "Meryem... she was looking to the ground now up. "Do you want a ride?" as soon as the words left, he clasped his mouth. Meryem's brows raised, "You know I cannot do that"... He nods* "Yes I know... but what else do you got?" She sighs, "I will figure something out but without you"... she didn't even get to end her sentence as a droplet fell on her nose. Burak raised his head, his Adam's apple becoming prominent, "Yeah... go figure" He murmured. He then revved his bike--just as he was about to go past her. "B-Burak"... her voice came out. His foot grazed the ground as he stopped, lips curling before turning around. "Take me"... He smirked, "Ask it nicely... then maybe I will think about it" Meryem huffed, she knew if they prolonged, the rain will surely further damp her clothe. "D-Do you want me to get on my knees and beg?" He hummed, "Well, that's not so much of a bad idea either" Though seeing her glare--he raised both of his palms. "Fine... get in, just don't touch me" Meryem strode to the vehicle without a word. She seated her self just on the edge--making a great gap between them. She then clasped the back of the cold metal. Her finger clenching it to it, "You wish"... a murmur.
His eyes flickered to the side mirror--he chuckled and looked away. "Hold on to it" Meryem's brows furrowed--though she got to know what he meant when he stepped on the peddle and accelerated. With the quick and agile move--the vehicle surfed the through the midnight streets of Istanbul. He gave Meryem a glance, wanting see her reaction. When he did though--she seemed to be holding on. Her face was turned to her right as she stared at the ground. His brows knitted. "Do you drive?" his voice came out, cutting of her thoughts. She looked to the front, adjusting her position. "No... a faint murmur. "I guess I do not have to ask you the same"... Burak nodded. "No you don't" she hummed. "Well... you yourself should be careful, you know... seen enough deaths before" Burak laughed, "Oh, look at you... caring for me?" Meryem only sighed. "Are we there ye-her eyes fell to the manor's gates. She quickly tapped at his back. As soon as her touch fell, his muscle went rigid. His eyes flickered to her in the dark, marble-like, hazel ones. Glinting in worry. "S-Stop here"... He did. Just a second later near a post lamp. She sighed--though noticing her hands. She quickly pulled it away. Heat rose up to her cheek as silence fell. She then got off, he too. Staring at the manor--he nods. "We are here... she looks to the ground. The rain still hadn't stopped as she then gazed at her attire. The clung to her like a second skin. Burak Dogan looked away, he then without a thought slid of his jacket. He extended it to her. "Here... take it" droplets of water rolled of the curly ends of his raven locks* She gazed up at him. Her eyes widened, "No, you need it" though he said nothing and leaned in. Meryem stepped back. "Burak... what are you-he then simply placed it on her shoulders. "Thank me later" She said nothing and watched him leave. Her hands absent-mindedly grazing the leather. Though she never got to return it as that was the last day they ever met before moving away.
Life hadn't been meaningful--not without her. Burak now sat. His face, tear-streaked. Never did he fear of death being so close to him--until he met her...
To be continued>>>>>>>>>>