[A lot has happened within the past few days.
Well, not exactly.
Most of what happens is around other people instead of me.
While I'm just hearing and observing.
...
I want to belong somewhere.
Yet I hesitate to be close with them.
Because I am me.
What I want is to be with them, not ME with them.
...
The point is.
I need to be open.
I need to be vulnerable.
I need to open myself to outsiders.
But that is not me.
That will never be me.
And I will always acknowledge it.]
"..."
I look at my writing one last time as I close my diary, letting out a sigh of relief for finally managing to let out my frustrations.
This is the only thing I write in my diary, it's not surprising since I tend to keep everything to myself, even my diary still feels like a new book if I just take care of it a little more gentler.
"...Sunday huh, guess I need to sleep early for school tomorrow."
I put my diary in the selves, and then put another cooking book in front of it to hide it.
It's not like my room has anyone to disturb me.
But it makes me feel secure.
So I just do it anyways.
I let out a big yawn while stretching my body, at the same time fixing my messy clothes after laying on the floor for so long.
It's always been a habit of mine to act like a kid when nobody's watching.
It's fun to be a kid. And much more fun when you try to act like one.
Oh well, it's a secret of mine. It would be very embarrassing if people know my habit even though I'm already 17 years old, secrets are meant to be embarrassing either way.
Do I call it a habit? Or is it just me being immature among my peers?
Whatever it was. I don't hope for this habit of mine to die.
I open my room, what I see is the same as always.
messy clothes on the floor, unclean tables full of unnecessary scrap of paper.
I remember trying to find new hobbies... Origami perhaps? Well I sucks at that for sure.
I can try to fold the paper and the last thing I fold is my own pride.
Thinking about it again, I also try cooking as my habit. But I remember again that I'm not the type that eats every 4 hours...
But I do like eating my veggies.
Veggies after all what makes me continue to live without being sick, save me some time to do more stuff than just lying on the bed.
For example, lying on the bed.
"*Sigh*"
I look around my messy living room, no matter how much I try to pick up the clothes, I always accidentally throw it on the floor again.
What can I say, my schedule is always full.
School stresses me out and for that, my house will be my social energy charger.
"Oh well."
I pick up one of the clothes to change to.
It's easy to differentiate the dirty clothes and the clean ones.
Because after all, even if I'm unbothered, I'm not the type of person that burdens myself just because I'm lazy.
Why bother folding clothes just to save a little space when in the end you're going to wear it?
Just stuff it in the closet and we chill.
Cleaning and organizing are two different things.
"God I'm so smart."
I praised myself as I grabbed the towel on the old chair.
Usually, I always just hang the towel on the hanger so it can dry easier.
But it's because yesterday that I put it on the chair.
The reason being is obvious...
"..."
And the obvious one thing that makes me stare at it for so long.
The small replica of the ancient statue made of clay on top of the table.
"... Should I call it small or average if the size is around 20 cm? Pftt."
This replica is a remnant of my late grandfather's work. He was a clay artist.
He was planning to give it to me when I was around 6 years old before unexpectedly dying from a car accident. Surprisingly, only this replica survives the accident. All his other works get destroyed while trying to deliver it to his other antique shop.
I grab the replica and blow the dust off its head and shoulder.
No matter how much I look into this replica, the color is always a bit weird. Grandpa has a weird choice of color when creating this...
"If I try to put it in a way that can be understood... It doesn't feel or look like clay... The color is just weird, let's just bear with it."
I put the replica on the top shelves of the living room. The color of the shelves has a comfortable green coloring, it makes anyone that looks at it feel safe.
...
These shelves were made by my father, who has long divorce mom, and he left us with these shelves as the last connection. I was only 4 years old at the time.
...
...
...
Why the hell do I need to point it out?
That was stupid of me.
Anyways, time to take a shower!
It's been around 5 hours since I last took it, because I've been crawling around in my entire room like a caterpillar. God I love being lazy.
As I'm walking towards the bathroom, a sudden sound of an object fall behind me.
I look back, only to find the replica is the cause of it.
"That's weird... The replicas aren't that light to fall on their own, do the shelves have a problem?"
I touch the shelves to check if there's any problem, but everything seems fine and structure.
"Hmm, weird... Do the replicas don't like to be on the shelves, it rather jump? Hehe"
Whatever it was, it wasn't that serious, I put the replica on the floor.
"If you want to be on the floor, I make your wish come true then."
I pat the replica head as I walk towards the bathroom, closing its door.
...
...
...
*Creak*
The bathroom door opens one more time, as my head slowly peers out, looking at the replica back.
"I'm watching youuuuu...."
I slowly pulled my head back to continue the shower, after finally closing the bathroom door.
...
...
...
*Thud*