The shadow of Dimitri followed me back to the orphanage. I could still feel his gaze on the back of my neck like he was watching me. It sat in the corner of my mind like a heavy uninvited guest. For three days, I couldn't pick up my violin. Every time I looked at the wood, I remembered those cold ocean eyes staring at my soul like it was waiting for me to break.
The orphanage felt colder after the gala.
"Look at our cute little star," Claire said, blocking my way in the hall. She kicked my coal bucket and the sound of the stones hitting the floor made me jump.
"You think you are one of them now? Just because you played a few notes for the rich makes you think you're something better than the gutter rat you are?"
"Just let me pass, Claire," I said.
"Or what?" She yanked my hood and grabbed a fistful of my hair, forcing my head backwards until my eyes watered.
"You are still one of us, Isabelle. They only wanted a show. A freak show and you are the perfect clown to hire with your hair to match. Once they are bored, they will throw you out and I'll be the one holding the door."
I shoved her as hard as my trembling hands could.
"Believe whatever makes you sleep," I shot back as I fixed my hood, picked the stones scattered on the floor back into the coal bucket and walked away before she got back on her feet.
I could hear her cursing as I ran out of the hall.
A week later, the sound of an expensive car vibrated through St. Brigette's walls. Sister Marianne appeared, looking like she hadn't slept in a year.
She had been like this after Madame Beaumont's visit. Whenever I asked her about it, she said, "Isabelle, some secrets are not just hidden, they are buried. When you try to dig them out, they break you down to your soul. You are here because the Lord loves you and doesn't want those secrets to break you."
"Isabelle," she whispered. "Director Rousseau is here for you."
"Director Rousseau? The same Director Rousseau of St. Aurelia Academy?"
"I can't answer that, Isabelle. Let's not keep the gentleman waiting," she said, picking up my bow from the floor and placing it back into the case.
I walked to the entrance. Director Rousseau was sitting in the chapel wearing a suit that cost more than the orphanage roof. His gaze was locked on me as I approached.
"Hello, Isabelle. We meet again," he said, offering a smile. "I hope you still remember me."
"Oh yes, I remember you, Director Alexandre Rousseau," I replied.
"Excellent," he said. "I won't take much of your time. Your talent shouldn't be wasted here, Isabelle."
"It's a pity you grew up in the orphanage and didn't have the opportunity to be tutored by music professionals. Your talent is one of a kind. That's why St. Aurelia Academy is offering you a scholarship. Housing, clothing, music lessons from the best teachers, and a future. Everything will be taken care of."
What am I hearing? A scholarship to St. Aurelia Academy? Everything including my future will be taken care of. This feels too good to be real.
"Isabelle? Isabelle?" Director Rousseau called out, snapping his fingers at my face to bring me back to reality.
"What… I mean… why me?" I stuttered. "A scholarship like that… without doing anything?"
"You did something amazing," he said, adjusting his glasses. "We saw real talent and we want St. Aurelia to nurture it. That's what we do."
I looked over at Sister Marianne. Her eyes were screaming don't go.
"Can I think about it?" I asked.
"I would love to give you time," he said, checking his wristwatch. "But I need your decision today. The new session starts in a few weeks."
I don't belong in a place like that. I can't even walk around with my hair open in public, let alone attend a prestigious school.
I was about to turn down the offer when I caught a glimpse of Claire hiding by the chapel window, listening.
I was about to turn down the offer when I caught a glimpse of Claire. She was hiding by the window of the Chapel, eavesdropping on our conversation. Oh Good Lord, Claire. How could I forget Claire? Goosebumps rise across my body.
I don't want to stay anymore. I want to leave so at least I can get rid of myself for her, since that's what she wants. My existence has been a thorn in her side. I want to prove her wrong.
I want to lose the hood and not hide my hair anymore. I want to walk freely like everyone else. At least if nobody wants me, I want to want myself. I took a long breath.
"Yes. I'll go."
"Wonderful choice, Isabelle," Director Rousseau said, smiling like my choice was one thing he had been waiting for.
"When do we leave?"
"Not today. We need to prepare the paperwork." He opened the suitcase beside him and brought out several documents. "You'll be ready for St. Aurelia in three weeks. Congratulations, Isabelle. Your future awaits."
I turned to Sister Marianne. She had stopped praying the rosary. Her head was bent over the pew like someone begging the Lord for mercy.
Three weeks passed in a blur.
A representative from St. Aurelia came with paperwork for Sister Marianne to sign. They brought school supplies, expensive notebooks and textbooks, a brand new laptop, a smartphone, and other things I would need.
Claire had gone quiet, which was suspicious. Whenever I passed the halls or worked on chores, I could hear whispers. They said I seduced Alexandre Rousseau to get into St. Aurelia.
That was definitely Claire's work. I ignored them and continued my chores.
The morning I was leaving for St. Aurelia finally came. Director Rousseau sent a car to pick me up.
I couldn't stop the tears as I packed my things. I tried to see Sister Marianne earlier that morning, but she refused to open her door. I took one final look at my room. My rusty bed frame, worn bedding, cracked mirror, and creaking floor.
This had been my whole life. I removed my hood and placed it on the bed before closing the door behind me.
Claire and the other girls were waiting in the hallway.
"Go on then, ghost!" someone yelled.
"Keep looking over your shoulder!" Claire called out. "They are going to break you, Isabelle. And don't expect us to be here when you come back crawling."
I got into the car, but their words felt like a cold weight over my chest. I thought I was being saved. I didn't realize I was changing the cage.
The spires of St. Aurelia Academy looked like teeth against the grey sky.
As the car pulled in, I watched the students. They moved with easy, expensive grace I didn't understand. I gripped my old violin case, feeling the cheap fabric of my coat like a neon sign.
As I stepped out of the car, they stared like I was an alien from another plane. Especially the girls, whispering into each other's ears and giggling about it.
My room in the hostel was bigger than the entire dorm at St. Brigette's Marble, Silk and a view that felt too wide and too open.
On the bed lay my uniform, a navy skirt and a blazer with a gold crest. I touched the fabric. It was soft.
I sat there as the sun went down, watching the long shadows stretch across the floor. I thought of Sister Marianne's shaking hands and Claire's bitter face.
I felt grateful. But it was a heavy kind of gratitude. I looked at the gold crest on the blazer and fell back onto the bed.
Finally, I was free from the shadows. Or that was what I thought.