Silas had the habit of looking people in the eye, but this time, he didn't feel like doing that with the person in front of him.
He took this habit from his grandfather, a severe and honest man who fought in the war of the supers years ago and was one of the few who managed to come back to tell the story. According to your grandfather, a real man looks into the other's eyes when they are talking, because that's how you identify yourself even when the person is being honest and transparent, through the eyes.
Although he never understood the old man very much, Silas always followed this advice because even though it was strange in the mind of a 13-year-old child, it was not something particularly harmful to him, so there was no reason not to keep it. Apart from now, that this habit became impossible to execute now.
One of the few places that Silas thought he would never set foot but that now in this exact same place was a psychological office. No child who considers himself normal and has a stable family situation is able to imagine himself in a place like this. And if there was one thing that Silas was, it was normal.
A normal family, his father, his mother, his older brother, Silas himself, his twin sister and ylhis younger sister. In total 6, 7 if they also counted his cousin who would start living with them because of their studies.
Silas' family was completely normal. His parents were clean people, without criminal records or internal problems, neither was his brother, his twin had problems with anger but other than that she was completely normal, his younger sister barely dreamed of killing a fly and his cousin was too busy fiddling with the phone to be considered a problem. With this kind of family structure, it was impossible to imagine yourself in a place like this.
But there he was, surrounded by bookshelves and walls, sitting in a very comfortable armchair and facing his new psychologist. But why was he there? Well, it's better not to comment.
"First of all, how about we introduce ourselves? "Silas was so immersed in his thoughts that he only remembered that there was someone else there when that same person spoke out.
Even though he didn't want to look into the eyes of the person in question, Silas didn't fail to notice his appearance. A well-groomed man, probably in his 30s, with long hair and an impeccable face, along with equally well-groomed clothes and a pair of generic glasses that you imagine a psychologist would have.
At first sight, a simple and kind man.
"It's normal for some patients to feel uncomfortable during the first session, so I usually introduce myself and talk a little about myself to relieve the environment" While talking, a gentle and sweet smile adorned his features, as if it were a meeting between friends and not a session between doctor and patient.
Silas didn't answer anything. He didn't need it. Not because he didn't like it or was ignoring the professional, but because he knew where this conversation would go with or without his answer.
"My name is Benjamim Freed, I'm 32 years old, I'm currently single and I live in a small apartment with my cat, Sardinha" The mental health professional introduced himsed while keeping his smile.
Silas looked at him still keeping the same bored expression, memorizing the name of the one who would accompany him for an undetermined number of sessions.
"So, I would appreciate it if you also introduced yourself. Even though I already have your file and know why you came here today, I would still like to know something about you coming from your mouth " The man gestured to the boy sitting in the armchair.
Silas was taken by surprise not by the fact that he had to introduce himself, but by discovering that the man already knew why Silas had been referred to him. In other words, he knew about the... " incident "
But the way he looked at him, the way he treated him... was very different from the way his colleagues treated him, and very different from the way he expected to be treated when he discovered that he would have to see the psychologist. That caught him off guard and left him paralyzed for a few good seconds.
Freed realized this, and just stared at the boy while waiting for him to get out of the trance, a very common reaction of younger patients to which Freed was already used.
After finally returning to reality, Silas thought a little about how he should present himself before the words finally came out of his mouth, the first he would say since he entered the office.
"My name is Silas Park, I'm 13 years old and I live with my parents and my brothers, recently with my cousin too" So he thought a little before adding "And I don't have a girlfriend"
"Great, most patients of your age always say they have a girlfriend or boyfriend, I started to think that the new generation was advancing too much" The man let out a small laugh at the end of his own joke.
Silas didn't laugh. It was difficult to maintain the mood in a situation like that.
"So, young Silas," Freed said, and his whole posture changed. The smile on his face remained, but his expression became visibly more serious "Do you know why you are here today? "
"Because I killed my teacher? "The young man shrugged as if that was the most obvious answer in the world.
"That's not what happened"
"No, but it's just that everyone says what happened and I thought it would be the same thing they would say to you," Silas replied.
Freed gave a little laugh as if they were arguing about the weather and not about someone's death: "Let's start slowly, okay? "
Even though it was a rhetorical question, Silas still nodded, giving the man a free pass to continue.
" Dorothy Smiths. Advisor and counselor of Westfield College, your school. A teacher respected and loved by many, having helped many students in difficult situations and having started several projects that have helped and still help many students to this day. In short, a good person, the kind you don't meet every day "
"But unfortunately, two weeks ago, after leaving the school terrace to go towards the teachers' room, her heels broke and she fell... fell to her death"
The more the man talked, the more Silas wanted it to end soon, because he knew where the conversation would go.
"It was a violent fall. Her skull cracked and she had a head injury. Her body was found almost an hour later, with blood covering everything around her. But this is not the most intriguing part "
"The strangest part of everything is that someone was there with her. Someone who saw her fall, someone who saw the blood coming out of her head, someone who saw her dying and simply decided it wasn't his problem. And this someone... "
" Was me" Silas cut Freed still unable to look into his eyes.
"Yes," Freed said now looking more deeply at the young man.
"When the school went to check the surveillance cameras, they saw not only Mrs. Smiths falling, but also you in the same corridor and on the same stairs as her, even though it was class time"
"You saw her falling, but instead of running and calling for help like anyone else would do, you didn't do that. And you didn't even leave, you just stood there, watching her bleed for 43 seconds before going down those stairs, going over her body and going to classes as if nothing had happened " Freed completed fixing his glasses.
The environment seemed to weigh and all this weight seemed to be thrown on Silas' back.
" Silas, I just have one question..." Freed leaned more in Silas' direction " Why didn't you help her? "
There was the much feared question.
Silas didn't know what to answer.
They had already asked him this same question so many times in the last two weeks and yet, he never had a concrete answer.
The truth was that not even he himself knew why he hadn't done anything.
He had seen her fall, he heard the sound of the fall and knew it had been something serious. He saw her bleeding, saw her dying and yet...
He didn't do anything.
"I don't know" The words came out lower and weaker than Silas expected "I honestly don't know"
"I see..." Freed wrote down something on his notepad before looking back at Silas and seeing how uncomfortable the young man was.
He avoided looking into his eyes, he shrank a lot in the armchair, he was shaking non-stop and a thin layer of sweat had formed on his forehead. It wasn't the most violent reaction Freed had ever witnessed, but it didn't mean it was good.
It's never a good idea to put too much pressure on patients during the session, it only creates barriers that prevent them from really opening up.
"You seem a little tense, you don't have to be like this. You can relax, here is a safe space " Freed's words didn't seem to have much effect on Silas.
"I'm not here to judge you, you can think of me as a friend. At most, I will just write down some observations about your behavior in this first session "
" ... Are you serious? "For the first time, Silas allowed himself to look directly into Freed's eyes.
The man recognized the emotions present in the young man's expression. Fear, distrust, a little hope and... worry perhaps?
"Yes. You can open up as much as you want here, because what is said here, dies here "
Silas became visibly more relaxed.
"Okay..." That's all the young man said before getting ready in the armchair.
Freed's smile remained the same as he left for the next questions.
"Tell me, what was your relationship with Mrs. Smiths? "
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Sorry for the first chapter with the unnecessary cliffhanger, I promise that the next one will be more complete and I will explain more things better.