Chapter 461: That's Your Secret Weapon?
"You all felt it, didn't you? As Impure World Reincarnation bodies, we can clearly sense how false and unreal this ninja world is right now!"
"Come on, help me. Assist me in activating the Infinite Tsukuyomi and recreate a perfect, real ninja world!"
Obito heard Kyūsuke's sigh and saw the expressions on everyone's faces. He thought another chance to talk-no-jutsu people had come, so he immediately launched into a speech.
Except...
Maybe those words could fool someone as simple-minded as Kisame.
But anyone with even a slightly functioning brain could spot the problems in his logic.
Sure, the real ninja world had falsehoods in it. It was possible that reality itself was fake.
Just like the famous "brain in a vat" hypothesis from Shiromo's previous life.
But even then, it was only a possibility.
And what was Obito trying to do?
Infinite Tsukuyomi.
What exactly was Infinite Tsukuyomi?
Setting aside the core purpose of the Otsutsuki harvesting chakra, it was still just an illusionary world.
In other words, he was questioning whether reality was fake, so he wanted to replace it with a world that was guaranteed to be fake.
How was that any different from shooting someone dead to prevent them from committing suicide?
And yet, in the original story, Kisame really had been successfully brainwashed by this logic.
The man hated falsehood and pursued truth, but after a round of Obito's nonsense, he became one of Obito's most loyal followers.
The first-generation Akatsuki members might not have been as strong as Kisame, but at least their brains functioned normally.
Yes, normally.
Not necessarily brilliant, but normal.
Aside from Kyūsuke's bizarre stunt of trapping himself together with intangible Obito inside a Water Prison for no reason, the rest of them were pretty normal.
Even Nagato and Konan had failed to notice the abnormalities, but these people had sensed something was wrong and tried to warn others. In the end, they were intercepted and all killed.
So there was no way Obito could fool them with this kind of speech.
The group exchanged looks, all sharing the same confusion.
Was this guy an idiot?
Didn't he even know how to talk properly?
After all, what had been the original purpose behind the founding of the Akatsuki?
Yahiko's method for achieving peace had been "solving problems through dialogue."
To put it simply: talk-no-jutsu.
But Yahiko wasn't the protagonist, nor did he have protagonist-level strength. His talk-no-jutsu failed, and he died for it.
One body splitting into three.
His corpse was left behind for Nagato to turn into the Deva Path of Pain.
His soul went off to become the protagonist in the Shinigami franchise.
And his voice actor got handed over to Senju Tobirama.
This also showed that the first-generation Akatsuki's expertise wasn't in combat strength.
The later Akatsuki focused on collecting Tailed Beasts, so power was essential.
But the original Akatsuki's goal was negotiation. What they needed was eloquence.
They were all masters of persuasion in the ninja world.
And now this idiot was trying to use his broken logic to convince them to support Infinite Tsukuyomi.
Wasn't that just comedy?
It was so ridiculous that Kyūsuke wanted to shove a cucumber into Obito's mouth to nourish him a bit, and shut him up while he was at it.
...Huh?
Stuffing his mouth with a cucumber?
Kyūsuke glanced at the supplies the kind villagers of Amegakure had sent over.
Weren't these things the perfect tools for punishing Uchiha Obito?
At that thought, a gentle smile appeared on Kyūsuke's face. He turned around and began pulling items out of the bags one by one.
He was preparing to see which one would be best suited for punishment.
"So Amegakure still hasn't changed much under Nagato, Konan, and... whoever else's reforms, huh? It's all vegetables. Don't you people have any meat?"
Seeing that nobody paid attention to his talk-no-jutsu and were instead fiddling with the villagers' supplies, Obito immediately became dissatisfied and started mocking them.
This once again showed how arrogant Obito still was.
If he had been even slightly more cautious, he wouldn't still be unable to properly say the name of the man who had already seen Rin completely naked—Shiromo.
"..."
The moment Obito finished mocking them, Kyūsuke reached into a pitch-black bag and pulled out a wriggling eel with both hands.
Holding the eel, Kyūsuke compared its size against Obito's body in the air.
In the end, he gave up.
The eel really would have been a suitable punishment tool.
But the eel was innocent.
They could torture Obito if they wanted, but why torment an innocent eel?
After careful discussion, the group eliminated several fruits and vegetables from consideration.
First, cucumbers wouldn't work.
They were too brittle and broke too easily.
Cherry tomatoes were no good either. They looked bite-sized, but they burst way too easily beforehand.
In the end, their first brave warrior was chosen.
The banana.
"I heard bananas help digestion and relieve constipation. I wonder if that's true. Back when we were alive, we never got to eat luxury fruits like this."
Each of them held a banana as they slowly approached Obito.
"Wait, what are you trying to do?!"
Only now did Obito finally realize something was very wrong.
"Relax. We just want to help you get some nutrition. Look, the curve of a banana fits human ergonomics perfectly."
The group moved together and began trying to feed Obito bananas.
Obito struggled desperately.
Although his chakra had been sealed and he couldn't resist even these ninja whom he used to slaughter effortlessly, resisting bananas was still easy enough.
With a casual squeeze, he crushed them all.
Without tools, let's see how they invade me now.
But Obito overlooked one thing.
The gentlest and most digestion-friendly bananas had all been destroyed by him.
Which meant they could only use something else now.
"I'm so pissed off! How dare you waste food, especially precious fruit!"
Seeing the mashed bananas all over the ground, Kyūsuke instantly flew into a rage.
When they were children, they could barely afford rice. Fruits were things only rich merchants, officials, and daimyo could eat.
And now Obito was wasting them like this.
"But if you feed them to him, then it's not wasting food anymore."
"And not just bananas. After you finish punishing him with the other items, you can feed those to him too. Then nothing will go to waste."
At that moment, Uchiha Madara kindly offered the group some "helpful" guidance and suggestions.
"Mm?"
Obito's pupils shrank instantly as he stared at Uchiha Madara in shock.
This old bastard is vicious!
"Great idea! Thanks!"
After hearing Madara's suggestion, Kyūsuke became delighted. He called everyone over to gather up the smashed bananas from the ground, rolled them into lumps, and stuffed them straight into Obito's mouth without caring whether they had been contaminated by Obito's bodily fluids.
After finishing everything, Kyūsuke clapped his hands and looked toward the remaining tools.
"Uchiha Obito, originally I wanted to take things step by step. But I didn't expect you to be this stubborn. To avoid wasting more food, and to make sure you enjoy yourself properly, don't blame us for bringing out the ultimate weapon right away."
Kyūsuke picked up a long iron-stick yam, took out a kunai from his waist, and began peeling it.
"Hm?"
Obito became uncertain.
What was that thing?
This was their secret weapon?
That's it?
He'd thought it would at least be a giant durian.
What a disappointment.
(End of this chapter)