"You bully people."
"I fucking never do that."
"You look down on others."
"I don't."
"You play with people's hearts."
"The fuck I don't."
"You think others don't deserve what they've achieved."
"…Zade… I fucking don't. You don't fucking know me."
Rai's voice cracked on the last word, the anger in it splintering into something thinner, something far less steady. The echo of his voice hung in the air, sharp, ugly, before dissolving into a tense, suffocating silence.
Disappointment pressed heavy against his ribs, dull and persistent. It wasn't just what Zade had said, it was how easily he had said it. Like those words had been waiting there for a long time, ready to be thrown.
Rai's head throbbed.
Had he really looked like that to him?
The thought settled somewhere deep, uncomfortable and unfamiliar. Rai had never cared much about how others saw him. People misunderstood things all the time, it wasn't his problem. He did what he did, said what he said, and that was enough. He had never stopped to question it. Never felt the need to.
And he had never, not once, thought of himself as a bad person.
So what the hell was Zade talking about?
His jaw tightened.
Whatever Zade thought… it didn't matter.
It shouldn't matter.
Rai knew himself. He knew his intentions, his choices, the reasons behind the things he did. That should be enough. It had always been enough.
So why did it feel like it wasn't?
"It's… alright," Rai muttered finally, to himself, the fight draining out of his voice, leaving it rough and uneven. He let out a quiet breath, more resignation than calm. "I don't need that bastard to think good of me anyway."
The words felt forced.
Because the truth sat just beneath them, stubborn and uncooperative, he did care.. Not enough to admit it, not enough to say it out loud, but enough for it to sting.
Enough for it to linger.
Rai stayed still, caught in that strange, foggy daze where everything felt a step removed. The noise around him dulled, the world narrowing until it was just the weight in his chest and the faint ache behind his eyes.
And then, the bastard spoke again.
"Yeah… you're right. Like always. I knew nothing "
Rai looked up, confusion cutting through the haze. That… didn't sound like Zade. There was something off in his voice, something quieter. Regret, maybe.
Did he just mishear?
"The first time I saw you," Zade continued, his tone low, steady in a way it hadn't been before, "you were standing at the school gate with the other prefects. But you looked different. Way neater. Way more serious."
Rai frowned slightly, listening despite himself.
"You ignored the smiles people gave you. You were harsh on students who begged for a chance. You just stood there, so high-headed, so untouchable…" Zade let out a faint breath. "You were… eye-catching."
Rai's brows pulled together.
"And I felt something I hadn't felt in a long time," Zade added. "You looked just like him."
"…Him?" Rai asked, slower now.
Okay… that's new.
Zade exhaled, his gaze drifting somewhere past Rai's shoulder.
He looked… tired.
"My best friend," he said finally. "Well… my former best friend."
The words lingered.
Rai didn't interrupt. Didn't move.
"He used to stand like that too," Zade continued, a faint, bitter smile touching his lips. "Perfect. Clean. Like nothing could touch him. Like he was above everything… everyone."
Rai's chest tightened for reasons he couldn't explain.
"I thought he was amazing," Zade said quietly. "Everyone did. Teachers loved him. Students respected him. He never broke rules. Never bent them. Always did the right thing."
Something hollow twisted in the way he said right.
"But turns out…" Zade's jaw clenched, "…deep down, he was worse than anyone else."
The silence thickened.
"You've probably heard the rumor," Zade went on, voice hardening slightly. "That I beat my best friend half to death and got expelled for it."
Rai had heard something like that. Never the full story.
"I don't like fighting," Zade muttered. "Never did. And with him… I never thought I would."
His fingers curled slowly into fists.
"But he disgusted me."
Rai didn't look away.
"He raped a girl," Zade said, the words dropping heavy and cold between them. "She came to him to deliver a letter to me. Instead… he-" Zade stopped, jaw tightening. "She messaged me. Begged me to make him delete the videos he took."
Rai's breath caught.
"I didn't believe her," Zade admitted, voice cracking slightly now. "Not at first. Because I knew him. He was perfect. The best person I knew."
His eyes darkened.
"And he still became a monster."
The weight of it pressed into the silence.
"I hated him after that," Zade said. "I beat him. I swore I'd never look at him again." A pause. "And I swore I'd never be fooled by people like that again."
His gaze lifted, meeting Rai's.
"And when I saw you… you gave me the same feeling."
Rai's brows snapped together.
"That's bullshit," he said instinctively, though there was less bite in it now.
Zade huffed softly.
"Yeah," he said. "It is."
Rai blinked, thrown off.
"I didn't know you," Zade admitted. "I just saw what I wanted to see."
The tension in Rai's shoulders shifted, uncertain now.
"You standing there, being strict, ignoring people…" Zade shrugged faintly. "It pissed me off. Felt familiar. So I decided you were like him."
Rai let out a slow breath.
"So you just made up a whole version of me in your head?" Rai asked.
"…Yeah."
That simple answer knocked something loose inside him.
The anger didn't vanish, but it changed. Lost its sharp edge, turning into something heavier, harder to hold onto.
Rai ran a hand through his hair.
"You could've just asked," he muttered. Though he knew...that was also some bullshit...Heh! Ask what?
Zade let out a quiet, self-aware laugh.
"When do I ever do things the easy way?"
Rai almost scoffed, but didn't.
The silence that followed wasn't as sharp anymore. Softer. Uncertain.
"…I'm not him," Rai said after a moment. "And I'm not like him."
Zade nodded once.
"I know."
Rai Scoffed.
"…Do you?"
Zade pressed his lips together briefly before answering.
"I've known… for a long time, Rai."
That made Rai look at him again, really look this time.
"If you knew," he said slowly, "then why-"
"I was an asshole," Zade cut in, not even trying to defend it. "And I didn't want to admit I was wrong."
Yeah, that… sounded more like him.
Zade's gaze dropped, his voice losing what little steadiness it had left.
"I took it out on you," he said. "For something you didn't even do."
Rai didn't respond.
Didn't know how to.
Because this, this was the first time Zade had ever sounded like this.
Not mocking. Not cold.
Just… honest.
"I'm sorry," Zade said finally.
The words were simple.
But they didn't feel light.
They settled somewhere deep in Rai's chest, heavy in a completely different way than everything else had been.
And once again-
Rai didn't know what to say back.