Chapter 240: A Certain Intelligence-Lowering Halo Called Pure LoveHaru was leisurely swirling the red wine in his glass, but his gaze sharply caught Megumin's crimson-glowing pupils—that light was beginning to flicker slightly, increasing in frequency like a flashlight about to run out of power."Crap, the effects of the Frenzy Fruit are about to wear off."Haru's heart skipped a beat; he knew Megumin all too well.This girl's first reaction upon waking up definitely wouldn't be shyness; instead, she would first check where her staff was, and then send everyone present who had witnessed her disgraceful state straight to the heavens.He quickly set down his wine glass and glided to Kazuma's ear like a ghost, his tone as urgent as if he were urging a suicide squad to charge:"Hey, Kazuma! Listen up, Megumin is about to wake up! Take this chance, give her a quick peck on the forehead, finish your hero's farewell script, and then we'll jump out the window and escape immediately! Any later than five minutes, and you'll be meeting Aqua at the Resurrection Temple!"However, to Haru's surprise, Satou Kazuma—who usually ran faster than anyone at the first sign of danger—seemed to be completely enveloped by a certain intelligence-lowering halo called 'Pure Love'. A never-before-seen solemnity, even carrying a hint of tragic heroism, appeared on his face as he wore that sequined suit."No, Haru. I refuse."Kazuma brushed off Haru's hand, his eyes fixed intently on the girl before him whose gaze was beginning to blur but who was still clutching his sleeve."If it's just this level of deception, then what's the difference between me and those succubi in dreams? I, Satou Kazuma, may be scum, but I'm also a man with dignity! This atmosphere, this timing... I'm going to officially confess to her! I'm going to win over this Crimson Demon Clan brat fair and square in reality!""Huh? Are you serious?"Haru's eyes widened as if he were looking at a madman."You call that winning her over? That's just giving yourself away! Didn't you see the red light in her eyes has already turned pink? That's the precursor to a brain crash and reboot!"But Kazuma could no longer listen to any advice.He took a deep breath, took hold of Megumin's burning small hand, and even knelt on one knee upon the expensive velvet carpet."Megumin! Listen up!"Kazuma's voice echoed in the silent rooftop restaurant, carrying a tremor of someone who had thrown caution to the wind."Even though you have a terrible personality, are a screw-loose mage who only has one shot in her, and call me a shut-in all day... But! But that... I actually don't hate it at all! If anything, I want to carry you home every day after you've cast Explosion Magic! So... so listen well, I, Satou Kazuma, have a thing for you!"Silence.A deathly silence.Aqua, who had been feasting like a glutton, stopped her movements, holding a chicken drumstick in her hand as she stared blankly at the scene.And at that very moment, the last of the red light in Megumin's eyes completely extinguished, replaced by a clarity called reason.She first looked around at the luxurious decor in confusion, then looked down at the kneeling, deeply affectionate Kazuma. Finally, memory fragments flashed wildly through her mind like a revolving lantern—the wine, the nonsense, the hugging, and that ear-splitting "I have a thing for you" just now.Megumin's small face turned from pink to deep purple at a speed visible to the naked eye, and wisps of steam even began to rise from the top of her head."Ka... Kazuma..." Megumin's voice trembled, the result of a mix of bewilderment and extreme shame and indignation."You... just now... what did you say? And... why am I here... what is with these disgusting clothes?!"Haru silently backed up three steps, casually grabbing the back of the collar of Aqua, who was still watching the show."Aqua, get your defensive magic or resurrection spells ready; the next scene might get a bit bloody."Haru had already prepared himself to endure a level five earthquake or even be blown directly outside the city of Axel; he was even looking for the nearest emergency exit.However, the development that followed left his jaw completely dropped.He saw Kazuma—the guy who usually gave a vulgar laugh just from making eye contact with a girl—now seemingly possessed by some indescribable thing called the 'Protagonist Halo'.Not only was he not intimidated by Megumin's murderous gaze, but he instead let out a low, magnetic (or so he thought) growl. Under the shimmer of that golden sequined suit, he lunged forward, extending his long arm and roughly yet tenderly locking the still-steaming Crimson Demon Clan girl into a tight embrace."Shut up, Megumin! Right now, I don't need your Explosion Magic, and I don't need your sharp tongue!"Kazuma buried his face in Megumin's shoulder, his voice muffled yet carrying an overbearing authority that brooked no refusal."I know you want to kill me right now, but before that, listen to my heartbeat! Who is it beating this fast for? Can't you feel it?!"Haru sucked in a breath of cold air, nearly dropping the Recording Crystal in his hand."Holy crap, those lines... which outdated shoujo manga did this guy copy them from? And what's with this 'overbearing CEO' tone? It's so disgusting, it's reached the absolute peak of being scum!"However, the thing that caused Haru's worldview to truly collapse happened.Megumin—whose pride was greater than the power of her Explosion Magic and who usually bristled if her head was even touched—actually let her staff slip silently onto the carpet the moment Kazumahugged her.Her red pupils, which had been full of shame and anger, actually began to grow moist and hazy after a brief contraction.She didn't struggle, and she didn't even utter her trademark "perverted shut-in" line.Instead, she reached out her slender little hands and, somewhat hesitantly and tremblingly, wrapped them around Kazuma's gaudy golden suit, huddling into his embrace like a startled kitten."Ka... Kazuma..."Megumin's voice was so soft and sweet that Harudoubted if she had been swapped out by Aqua."You... big idiot... words like that... things like this... wouldn't it be fine to do them in a dream... why... do you have to be so troublesome in reality too..."Despite saying it was troublesome, her small face, which was already so red it looked like it might drip blood, buried itself deep into Kazuma's chest.The entire top floor of the Starry Sky Towerinstantly fell into a bizarre silence filled with pink bubbles."Hey, Haru."Aqua poked Haru's waist somewhat perplexedly while stuffing the last piece of a dinner roll into her mouth."Are those two playing some new wrestling game? Why isn't Megumin blowing him up? Is Kazumacovered in some kind of delicious jam?"Haru silently recorded this entire scene into the crystal, even giving a close-up of Megumin's small hand tightly clutching Kazuma's back.
Chapter 241: The Most Precious LuxuryHaru watched the young couple in front of him who were deeply immersed in their own pink bubble of romance. He glanced sideways at Aqua, who was sticking her butt in the air while trying to rummage under the table for expensive food. He felt deeply that his awareness as a captain was truly too high."Helping Kazuma escape singlehood and then having to handle the aftermath... I'm practically the Saint of Axel."Haru laughed self-deprecatingly, then his eyes sharpened as he began to execute his plan to clear the room.He walked over to Aqua, pulled out a massive erischeck from his coat, and flicked it skillfully between his fingers, making a crisp paper sound."Hey, Aqua. Since you've had your fill, as a continuation of the victory feast, I just heard downstairs that a new high-end tavern called 'Choice of the Gods' has opened in Axel. Not only do they have premium sparkling wine flown in, but they also have an unlimited dessert tower specifically for beautiful women."Aqua's movements froze instantly. Like a cat catching the scent of fish, she whipped her head around, her eyes sparkling with a light brighter than crystal."Choice of the Gods?! Unlimited desserts?! Haru, have you finally realized this Goddess's nobility and decided to offer me tribute?!""Of course. This check is enough for you to drink until tomorrow morning. But the condition is that you leave right now, immediately, to enjoy your Goddess's Night. You are absolutely not allowed to come back and interrupt the wrestling game over there, understand?""No problem! Leave it to me! Haru, you're such a good person—no, you're this Goddess's most devout believer! I'm going to drink that shop dry right now! Hahahaha!"Aqua snatched the check, not even bothering to say goodbye to Kazuma, and vanished through the restaurant entrance as a blue blur.Having gotten rid of the biggest third wheel, Haruturned around to find Darkness.Upon seeing Darkness, he deliberately slowed his pace. His leather boots made steady, dull thuds on the carpet, each step seemingly treading on Darkness's taut nerves.He walked behind the Crusader, lowered his head slightly, and spoke into her bright red ear in a low, judgmental voice."Darkness. Peeking here like an outsider... Does this feeling of being neglected, ignored, and even treated as mere background scenery make you feel very... pleased?"Darkness's body trembled violently. She whipped her head around, her eyes full of daze and longing, her voice as fragmented as if she were begging for mercy."Lin, Haru... What... What are you saying... I'm just... Ugh... That's right! This sense of shame from being completely ignored... is simply wonderful!""In that case, rather than peeking at someone else's drama here, why don't you come somewhere with me?"Haru reached out and roughly grabbed Darkness's wrist, which was clad in expensive armor, forcibly dragging her out of her indulgence."There are still many dangerous places in Axeltonight. As captain, I need a meat shield who can withstand all sorts of malice and humiliation. Are you... willing to accept this date full of uncertainty and social risk?""A d-date?! And one full of risk and humiliation?!"Darkness's face turned so red it looked like it might bleed. Instead of struggling, she leaned into Haru's pull, nodding with a dazed look in her eyes."Please, you must take me! Whether it's an alley full of thugs or a strange tavern where I have to dance in public... As long as it's your command, Haru, I—I'll do anything!"Haru looked at this masochistic knight who had completely entered her 'mode,' the corners of his mouth curling into a confident arc.He looked back at Kazuma, who was still holding Megumin and refusing to let go, thinking to himself:"Brother, I can only help you this far. The rest is private time between me and this perverted knight."Haru pulled Darkness through the late-night streets of Axel.Though it was late, as the starting town for Adventurers, the roadside stalls were still steaming, and all sorts of odd-looking Adventurers were walking arm-in-arm outside the taverns.Haru didn't take her to any magnificent places; instead, he specifically chose to walk through chaotic alleys filled with the grit of everyday life.Darkness's heavy and expensive silver armor glinted in the moonlight, looking completely out of place among the mercenaries in worn leather armor or those going shirtless.Many passersby cast stunning yet slightly lecherous glances her way. This caused the usually high-and-mighty Lady Lalatina not to feel offended, but rather to breathe more rapidly due to the distress of being gawked at by such vulgar people.Haru stopped at a stall selling fried sweet potatoes, bought two pieces, and stuffed one into Darkness's gauntleted hand.He looked at this noble lady, who was incredibly beautiful under the moonlight yet had 'please bully me' written all over her face, and suddenly asked:"Hey, Darkness. I've always wanted to ask. You're the daughter of the Dustiness Family, one of the top families in the kingdom. Hanging out with a group of unreliable people like us who worry about food money, roll around in the wild, and get caught up in these nonsensical farces... Don't you really feel wronged? Clearly, as long as you nodded your head, you could be enjoying afternoon tea in the capital's castle instead of being gawked at by a bunch of drunken men here."Darkness was stunned. She looked down at the steaming, slightly dusty sweet potato in her hand, then up at Haru's eyes, which seemed exceptionally deep in the night.She was silent for a moment, then suddenly revealed an extremely bright yet somewhat pervertedly satisfied smile."Wronged? What are you saying, Haru?"She took a light bite of the sweet potato, even accidentally getting a few crumbs on the corner of her mouth."Life in the capital was indeed elegant, but no one there would roast me without hesitation like you do. No one would cause such despair-inducing trouble like Aqua, and certainly, no one would... drag me through the streets in such a crude and overbearing way."She took a step forward, almost pressing against Haru's chest, her voice lowering with a hint of trembling excitement."Those nobles were always polite to me, treating me like a fragile piece of art. But by your side, I'm just a useless knight with a zero percent hit rate, a hopeless masochist. This feeling of being looked at like trash, being disliked by my companions yet tightly bound to them... to me, that is the most top-tier luxury of all! So, please... please continue to be this unreliable, and preferably lead me into even deeper desperation!"Haru looked at her expression, which was on the verge of breaking down, and sighed helplessly, though the corners of his mouth turned up slightly.
Chapter 242: A Gentle ExecutionHaru looked at Darkness's face—distorted by extreme excitement yet exceptionally moving—and the mischievous thought in his heart suddenly subsided for a moment.He remembered that this seemingly hopeless masochistic Crusader actually bore the burden of her family and, in private, was an overly gentle fool who would sacrifice herself for the safety of her people."Always seeking the ultimate humiliation and desperate situations? Darkness, your way of defending can occasionally be quite exhausting."Haru murmured softly, then reined in his previous scum captain persona, his gaze becoming softer than ever before.He suddenly stopped, elegantly reached out, and gently brushed away a small sweet potato crumb from the corner of Darkness's mouth.His movement was very light, his fingertips grazing her burning skin, eliciting a pure heartbeat that didn't belong to the pleasure of being mistreated."The humiliation segment ends here for tonight, Lalatina."For the first time in a private setting, Haru seriously called out her real name, his voice clear and gentle."Since you find afternoon tea in the Royal Capital hypocritical, I'll show you how a true noble should enjoy her night in Axel. Tonight, you aren't some meat shield or masochist; you are simply my date."Darkness froze as if a paralysis spell had been cast on her.This sudden, malice-free tenderness was more overwhelming for her than the most vicious curses."Lin... Haru? What did you just call me? And... what's with this attitude? Quick, look at me with that disgusted gaze! Otherwise, I...""Shh. This is the captain's order."Haru interrupted her with a smile, then naturally crooked his arm, gesturing for her to take it."Chest out, head high, show the presence of the heir to the Dustiness Family. Our next stop won't welcome a pervert who does nothing but pant heavily."Haru brought Darkness to a quiet lakeside on the outskirts of Axel.It was far from the hustle and bustle of the city; the lake surface reflected the brilliant sea of stars, and a breeze blew by, carrying away all restlessness.Haru took out a clean picnic cloth from his bag and spread it on the grass. Then, like a magic trick, he produced a bottle of high-grade Nectar Wine—said to be a treasure of the Elven Race—that he had bought at Wiz's shop, along with two crystal glasses.He led Darkness to sit down, gently poured her a drink, and then raised his glass."Though there's no castle terrace, this starry sky belongs to you alone. Darkness, for this one night, you don't have to protect anyone, and you don't have to long to be hurt by anyone. You just need to go back to being the Lalatina who likes the stars, likes sweets, and occasionally feels lonely."Darkness held the glass, looking at the shimmering reflections on the lake. The frenzy in her eyes gradually faded, replaced by a tenderness called serenity.She lowered her head somewhat bashfully, her golden hair falling over her chest, her voice barely audible."This feeling... is so strange. Even though there's no sense of shame, my heart... it feels fuller than being ravaged by monsters. Haru, you're truly a terrifying man... Is this some higher level of mental torture you're putting me through?"Haru smiled and sat down beside her, watching the starry sky together."If you must interpret it that way, then consider it a gentle execution."The breeze brushed over the lake, creating layers of fine golden light. Occasionally, the crisp chirping of insects came from the grass, sounding like nature's accompaniment to this silent midnight.Haru slowly stood up, brushed the grass off himself, and under Darkness's somewhat confused gaze, he straightened his collar. Then, like a perfect court gentleman, he bowed elegantly, right hand over his chest and left hand extended flat, palm up."Beautiful Miss Dustiness, though there is no lavish orchestra or marble dance floor here, the starlight has taken its seat for you, and the evening breeze is tuning its instruments. Might I invite you to use this place as your stage and share a dance with me?"Darkness's hand holding the wine glass shook violently, and the Nectar Wine nearly spilled onto her fair thighs.She looked up at Haru's face, which wore a gentle smile under the moonlight, and felt as if her soul had been captured by some magic."D-Dance? With me?"Darkness's voice was a bit hoarse. She flusteredly set down the glass and scrambled to stand up, but the friction of her heavy armor parts caused several untimely metallic clanks."Haru, y-you're joking, right? You've seen me fight on the battlefield... I-I'm a fool who misses even when swinging a sword! For something so elegant, I'll definitely step on your feet, trip you into the mud, and end up putting everyone in an extremely awkward position..."At this point, an unnatural blush rose to her cheeks again, and her gaze began to wander."Ooh, but if it's in this romantic atmosphere, being despised for being a terrible dancer, or even being pushed down onto the grass and scolded... t-that also seems...""There are no 'ifs', Lalatina."Haru took her hand—the one wearing the metal gauntlet—with a firm grip and, with a slight pull, tugged the tall Crusader in front of him.His other hand naturally circled her slender yet powerful waist, pulling their distance close enough to hear each other's breathing."Don't think about those masochistic scenarios. Close your eyes, feel the direction of the wind, and feel my steps."Haru's voice whispered in her ear, possessing a reassuring magnetic quality.He began to move.There was no rousing beat, only the faint rustle of their boots on the grass.Haru's dance steps were extremely steady; he used his keen senses to precisely guide Darkness's center of gravity.Surprisingly, this Crusader who always lost her way on the battlefield actually displayed a startling sense of coordination in Haru's embrace.Her originally stiff body gradually relaxed under his gentle guidance, her long golden hair tracing beautiful arcs in the air as they spun.The moonlight spilled over her silver armor, reflecting a soft halo that made her look less like a perverted knight and more like a holy Valkyrie stepped out of an epic."See, you're doing great."Haru led her through an elegant little skip and praised her softly."Right now, you are more elegant than any socialite in the Royal Capital."Darkness gripped Haru's shoulder tightly. She didn't dare open her eyes, simply allowing herself to drown in this never-before-experienced tenderness of being cherished and guided.Her heart pounded incessantly; it wasn't the excitement of being mistreated, but a pure maidenly flutter she had never felt before, making her almost want to cry.
Chapter 243: I'm Taking Over Your FutureThe lakeside breeze seemed to become tactful at this moment, gently brushing across the tips of the grass, creating a rustling sound that served as nature's most tender accompaniment.Haru slowed the speed at which he spun Darkness, and their dance steps transitioned from initial experimentation to perfect harmony.Haru could feel the slight trembling of the delicate body in his arms, a reaction woven from extreme nervousness and unprecedented throbbing of the heart.He slightly tightened his arms, bringing their distance so close that they could almost feel each other's body heat through their clothing and armor."Lalatina."Haru's voice was extremely soft, yet it was like a magical incantation exploding by Darkness's ear."Open your eyes. Look at me."Darkness's long eyelashes fluttered violently, like a butterfly struggling to emerge from its cocoon.Finally, under that gentle call, she slowly and somewhat timidly opened those eyes as clear as blue sapphires.The moonlight spilled unreservedly into her eyes, reflecting Haru's face—at this moment, there was no mockery, no scumminess, only eyes full of tenderness.At this moment, time seemed to freeze.By the lakeside of Axel late at night, there was no noisy Aqua, no useless Kazuma, and no perverted knight who shouted all day about being ravaged by monsters.There was only a man and a woman under the starry sky, their souls meeting in the purest silence.Darkness stared blankly at Haru; she had never seen such an expression in his eyes before.He wasn't looking at a useful meat shield, nor an interesting toy, but at a real and beautiful girl named Lalatina."Lin... Haru..."Darkness murmured, her gaze beginning to blur. Her body, originally stiff from shyness, became unusually soft, and she felt as if she were about to melt into Haru's embrace.This feeling made her tremble more than any verbal humiliation could;the weight of being cherished made her more breathless than the heavy pressure of any monster.A thin mist of water rose in the corners of her eyes, not from pain, but from a never-before-touched sense of happiness called being loved, which was submerging her like a tide."The current you is truly beautiful."Haru reached out a hand, his fingertips gently stroking her somewhat hot cheek, his voice low and affectionate."Not as a Crusader, but as Lalatina. Remember this feeling; this is a moment that belongs only to the two of us."Darkness didn't speak; she just instinctively gripped the lapel of Haru's clothes. In that deep gaze, she felt for the first time that if things could go on like this forever, even if she never obtained that perverted pleasure again... it seemed perfectly fine.The moonlight was like white silk, and the lakeside air was filled with the faint scent of Mead and the fragrance of green grass.Haru looked at the Crusader before him, who was completely drowned in this gentle world with a blurred gaze. He reached into his robe and took out the blue silk ribbon he had picked out at the night market stall.The silk flowed with a soft shimmer under the moonlight; that deep blue happened to complement Darkness's sapphire-like eyes perfectly."Don't move, Lalatina."Haru's voice carried an indisputable doting tone as he gently moved behind Darkness.Darkness's delicate body trembled slightly, but she obediently did not turn around.She could feel Haru's slightly cool fingertips passing through her long hair, which was as brilliant as golden sand.Because of the dance just now, her originally tidy hair appeared a bit messy, with a few stray strands clinging to her neck, revealing a breathtakingly disheveled beauty.Haru's movements were extremely slow and light, as if he were handling a rare treasure of the world.His slender fingers nimbly gathered the golden hair, then used the blue silk ribbon to tie it into an elegant and crisp ponytail at the back of her head."There."Haru walked back in front of her, his hands resting gently on her shoulders as he admired his handiwork."This ribbon suits you well. It isn't as flashy as those expensive jewels, but just like the current you, it is pure, resilient, and... so beautiful that one cannot look away."Darkness instinctively raised her hand, her fingertips touching the smooth silk at the back of her head.The experience of having a member of the opposite sex tie her hair and give her a token of affection had an impact far exceeding any words for this noble lady who had never had any romantic experience."A to—token of... no, I mean, such a precious thing..."Darkness's cheeks were so hot they could almost boil an egg. She lowered her head, her voice as faint as a mosquito's buzz."Haru, treating me like this... I will really have an irreversible misunderstanding. If I really... really become unable to leave you, become someone whose heart only beats for you, and never want to be ravaged by anything else again... Will you, will you take responsibility?"By the end, she seemed to have mustered all the courage of her life, raising her head to look directly at Haru. Those blue eyes no longer held perverted desire, but an overflowing, heavy adoration.Looking at her completely fallen state, a real sense of warmth also quietly took root in Haru's heart."Take responsibility?"Haru curled the corner of his mouth slightly, closing the distance between them once again."Since I tied your hair with my own hands, you are already mine. Whether as a knight or as Lalatina, I'm taking over your future."The night grew deeper, and the high walls of Axelcast a massive shadow under the moonlight.Haru held Darkness's hand as they walked side by side on the tree-lined path back to the city. Darknessno longer had her usual madness of wanting to be ravaged by monsters; instead, she was like a young girl who had just finished her first ball, head lowered, fingers anxiously twisting the corner of Haru's clothes, the blue silk ribbon at the back of her head fluttering gently in the night wind.Just as the two were about to step into the shadow of the city gate, a vigorous black shadow suddenly leaped out from the grass at the foot of the wall, weighing a heavy cloth bag that made a crisp metallic clinking sound."Phew, tonight's harvest really isn't bad. Those dangerous things should be left to... eh?"The black shadow stopped in its tracks, revealing that signature silver short hair and the shallow scar on the lower left of her face under the moonlight.It was Chris, who had just finished her work as a phantom thief. She had been proudly counting her spoils, but after seeing the two in front of her, the cloth bag in her hand almost fell directly to the ground.Chris's spirited eyes widened, her gaze lingering on Haru and Darkness's tightly held hands for a full three seconds, then slowly moving upward to land on the obviously newly bought ribbon at the back of Darkness's head that reeked of the'sour smell of love.'
Chapter 244: Both a Headache and Adorable"Whoa! W-W-What's going on here?!"Chris let out a suppressed cry of surprise, her expression immediately shifting to one of extreme shock and gossip-seeking. She leaned in like a curious cat."Haru? And Darkness? Both of you in the middle of the night, out here in the middle of nowhere... And Darkness, what's with that expression? That look of a pure-hearted girl who just had a successful marriage proposal—is that really the perverted Crusader I know?!"Darkness was jolted out of her pink bubble by Chris's shout. Her face instantly turned beet red with a 'poof,' and wisps of steam even started to rise from her head.She instinctively tried to pull her hand back, but Haru held onto it firmly."Ch-Chris! It's not what you think! This is just... just the Captain's order! That's right, it's an order!"Darkness defended herself incoherently, but the blue hair ribbon fluttering in the wind was clearly more persuasive than her words.Chris wore an "I get it" expression, circling the two with a mischievous smirk."Heh~ An order, huh. What kind of order requires buying a hair ribbon and walking hand-in-hand under the starlight until late at night? Haru, you're really something, aren't you? To actually be able to take this severe patient whose head is filled with nothing but being ravaged by monsters and train her into... no, I mean, capture her heart like this?"Haru looked at Chris, who was so excited she had even started pulling melon seeds out of her pocket to snack on while listening to the gossip, and shook his head helplessly.He knew that as the avatar of Goddess Eris, while Chris was usually cheerful and cool, she was essentially a kind-hearted girl."As you can see, Chris."Haru didn't let go; instead, he deliberately pulled Darkness a bit closer into his arms and raised an eyebrow at Chris."Tonight is Lalatina's Noble Night. Since you're so free that you're acting as a street lamp here, why don't you do me a favor? Go check if that idiot Aquais being held at some tavern again because she couldn't pay the bill?""Eh? Senior Aqua caused trouble again?"Chris blinked, then showed that trademark helpless smile of 'can't do anything about my senior.'"Honestly, that trouble-maker... But Haru, don't think you can change the subject! First thing tomorrow morning, I'm definitely going to the guild to tell everyone about this! Haha, Darkness actually blushed—this is the biggest news of the century!"With that, Chris playfully stuck out her tongue, leaped up with agile movements, and vanished into the shadows of the city walls, leaving only her bell-like laughter echoing in the night air.Watching Chris's back disappear into the night, Darkness seemed to have the bones sucked out of her; her previously upright back instantly slumped. She covered her burning cheeks with the hand Haruwasn't holding. The gaze peering through her fingers was full of despair, yet it also carried an undeniable girlish sweetness."It's... it's over... everything is over..."Darkness let out a weak wail, her voice trembling violently."Chris has such a big mouth; it'll definitely spread through the whole guild tomorrow. By then, everyone will know that the shameless Crusaderwas actually walking hand-in-hand with the Captain late at night... and even wearing such a cute hair ribbon... Ugh! This feeling of social death, being pointed at by everyone and mocked as a pure-hearted girl... it's just..."Halfway through her sentence, her breathing suddenly became rapid, and that familiar glazed look in her eyes seemed ready to reignite.But just then, Haru's hearty laughter interrupted the perverted fantasy she was about to enter."Hahahaha! Is that what you're worried about, Lalatina?"Haru stopped walking and turned around to look at this Great Knight who was huddled in the moonlight but was still breathtakingly beautiful.He looked at the blue hair ribbon swaying behind her head and her eyes, which were clearly full of fear yet also filled with anticipation. The tenderness in his heart, which had originally been a pretense for the sake of 'capturing' her, now truly surged forth like a bursting dam.It was true; though she was an irredeemable masochist who always made jaw-droppingly perverted requests, she was also the Lalatina who would give up her dignity for her people, stand up for her companions, and even show such a pure smile when treated with kindness."Since you think it's embarrassing, then let's just go all the way with it."Haru stopped laughing, a look of genuine affection appearing in his eyes.He reached out both hands, cupping Darkness's face—which was so red it looked like it might bleed—and forced her to look him in the eye."Actually, I think I've really fallen for you, Lalatina. Not for the meat shield who can block attacks, but for this idiot knight who panics over a single hair ribbon."Darkness's body jolted, and the social-shame theater she had been rehearsing in her mind instantly collapsed.She stared blankly at Haru, her brain completely shutting down at that moment."F-Fall for... me?"Her voice was as thin as silk, filled with disbelief."Not because I'm easy to bully? Not because I want to be mistreated? But... you really like me?"Darkness's eyes quickly welled up, large tears welling in her blue eyes.Looking at Haru's accepting gaze, her inner defenses completely crumbled. But amidst this extreme sense of happiness, a deep sense of self-deprecation and unease quietly crept into her heart."But, but Haru..."Darkness sobbed, as if letting out all the grievances and fears she had suppressed for so long. She avoided Haru's gaze in a panic, her voice carrying a hint of broken hoarseness."You should know, right? I'm... I'm that perverted knight famous in Axel! My nature is just that irredeemable. I crave being ravaged by monsters, I crave being treated roughly, I crave those shameful punishments... those are my truest, ugliest sides!"She gripped Haru's sleeve tightly, her knuckles turning white from the force, her expression looking somewhat helpless."Does a twisted person like me really have the right to accept such a gentle, pure love from you? If... if one day you get tired of my strange fetishes, or feel that someone like me doesn't deserve to stand by your side, then what should I do..."Seeing her conflicted and timid state, Haru didn't show any look of disgust; instead, he chuckled and pulled her into his arms again.This time, he held her very tightly, letting their heartbeats overlap through their armor."Idiot."Haru lowered his head, his chin resting gently on the top of her head, feeling the soft texture of the blue hair ribbon."Why would I want to change you? Your so-called nature is inherently part of you. What I like is the steadfast and reliable Crusader on the battlefield, the noble lady who will do anything to protect the people, and of course—including that perverted masochist whose head occasionally pops up with strange thoughts that are both a headache and adorable."
Chapter 245: I'm Finally a Winner TooHe released his embrace, placed both hands on Darkness's shoulders, and stared at her with burning eyes:"Lalatina, listen. As long as it's you, and as long as you're happy, even if you run off tomorrow and get beaten black and blue by a Cabbage, I'll be right there laughing while I watch you, then I'll carry you home on my back. What I like isn't a perfect doll, but a living, breathing, even slightly broken version of you. So, stop thinking about whether you're worthy or not."Darkness was stunned.She had never imagined that her most shameful fetish, which even gave her father a headache, would be called a part of her cuteness by Haru.The heavy sense of guilt that had been weighing on her heart vanished in an instant."Uu... Lord Haru..."Darkness could no longer suppress her emotions. She let out a coquettish whimper, completely dropping all her defenses, and leaned limply into Haru's embrace,"You really are a complete villain... to bully me in such a way... This feeling of being completely accepted is almost... it makes me feel so happy I could die, even more than being besieged by a hundred Orcs..."The cold moonlight stretched their shadows long.Haru looked at the face in his arms, which appeared exceptionally fragile due to her being moved, and slowly lowered his head. As if sensing something, Darkness's sapphire-like eyes widened slightly, then she closed them tremblingly, her thick eyelashes fluttering slightly under the moonlight.When that warmth touched her somewhat cold lips, Darkness's brain instantly exploded with brilliant fireworks.This wasn't the crude biting of a monster, nor the usual horsing around between companions, but a deep kiss belonging to lovers, filled with tenderness and possessiveness."Mmm..."Darkness let out an almost inaudible moan. Her strength seemed to be drained away by this kiss, leaving her only able to cling limply to Haru's shoulders.After a long time, Haru finally pulled back slightly. Looking at the knight before him who was about to melt into a puddle, he wiped the corner of his mouth with a wicked grin."Now, the contract is sealed.""L-L-L-L-Lord Haru!"Darkness was like a cat that had its tail stepped on, suddenly jumping back a step.She covered her lips, steam practically erupting from the top of her head. The blue hair ribbon behind her head shook violently with her movements,"I, I just... that... Today! I'm not going back to the Mansion today! I'm going back to my father's place! No, I'm going back to my room to bury myself! Waaah! This is too embarrassing!"This Crusader, who could block a dragon's breath on the battlefield, actually acted like a little girl who had her skirt flipped. She didn't even dare look back, dragging her heavy armor and running through the silent streets at a speed comparable to a Thief, disappearing around the corner in an instant.Haru stood there, looking at her fleeing figure, and couldn't help but chuckle.It seemed that even a meat shield with the highest defense would still have their guard completely shattered when faced with true damage like sincerity that ignores defense.Haru whistled leisurely and turned to walk toward the Mansion. When he reached the familiar front gate, he happened to bump into Satou Kazumawalking from another direction.At this moment, Kazuma had an extremely rare, almost disgusting normie smile on his face. He was fiddling with a damaged Red Pointed Hat in his hand and humming an unknown, upbeat little tune.Their gazes met in the air.Haru saw a bit of red magic dust remaining on Kazuma's collar, as well as that smug "I'm finally a winner too" expression;Meanwhile, Kazuma caught the smile on Haru's lips that hadn't completely faded, as well as that composed feeling of having just experienced a romantic baptism.Both of them stopped at the same time and stood still in front of the steps of the Mansion's entrance."Yo, looks like tonight's Explosion Magic was quite powerful, Kazuma."Haru raised an eyebrow, his tone teasing."Hmph, right back at you. You actually managed to crack open a female knight as hard as an iron plate; you really are scum."Kazuma chuckled and rubbed his nose. For once, there was no jealousy in his eyes, but rather a sense of mutual understanding between kindred spirits.They smiled at each other, neither of them asking for further details.In this world full of crappy adventures and unscrupulous daily life, this rare moment of warmth tonight might be the best consolation for them to keep going in this chaotic life."Let's go, want to head in for a drink? That idiot Aqua doesn't seem to be back yet.""My thoughts exactly. Let's enjoy some peace while that trouble-maker isn't around."In the Mansion's living room, the charcoal in the fireplace made subtle crackling sounds.Haru and Kazuma were each holding a glass of expensive red wine, leaning back on the luxurious leather sofa, casually discussing the extremely rude topic of how to make ill-tempered teammates become well-behaved.Just as the atmosphere was getting good, the two heavy doors of the Mansion were violently kicked open, accompanied by a burst of cheerful, almost eerie singing."I'm back! Praise Aqua! Praise the beautiful and witty Goddess of Water! La la la~"Aqua walked in with an arrogant stride. Uncharacteristically, she had no mud or wine stains on her. Instead, she was glowing, radiating an air of arrogance as if she had hit the jackpot.Most notably, she was death-gripping an egg the size of a football, which was pure white and covered in profound patterns.Haru and Kazuma looked at each other, seeing an ominous premonition in each other's eyes."Hey, Aqua."Kazuma put down his wine glass, his eye twitching as he looked at the egg,"You didn't buy that egg for a huge sum of money, did you?"Aqua tilted her chin up proudly and patted the egg in her arms hard, making a solid thudding sound:"Hmph, you two mortals who only indulge in romance! Listen up, this Goddess met a destitute traveling merchant at the tavern today. Because he desperately needed travel funds, he painfully sold this legendary dragon egg to me! As for the money... I only spent thirty million eris~"Pfft—!The red wine Haru had just taken a sip of almost sprayed onto Aqua's face.He stood up abruptly and rushed to Aqua in three steps, staring at the thing that looked like an oversized ostrich egg no matter how you looked at it."You spent thirty million... to buy this?"Haru's voice carried a sharp intake of breath, like he had a toothache,"Aqua, do you have some kind of misunderstanding about creatures like dragons? Or rather, do you have some kind of misunderstanding about the word'scammer'?""Ha? Are you doubting a Goddess's eye?!"Aqua glared at Haru huffily, hugging the egg even tighter,"That merchant said this is a unique specimen laid by a Frost Dragon from the Far North! As long as I nurture it with a Goddess's magic every day, it will be my most loyal mount once it hatches! When the time comes, I'll ride a dragon back to the Celestial Realm and see if those guys still dare to laugh at me! This is thirty million for a future Dragon Knight! No matter how you think about it, I've made a huge profit!"
Chapter 246: Want to Watch Together?Kazuma's eyes had already started rolling back as he slumped powerlessly back onto the sofa."Haru, give up... This goddess with zero IQ is beyond saving. Thirty million... anyway, it's her own money she's spending~"Haru looked at Aqua's pure (idiotic) expression that practically begged for praise, then looked at the egg emitting a faint fluorescence.Although his intuition told him this was 99% a scam, in a world this absurd, what if this thing actually hatched something..."Alright, Aqua."Haru rubbed his temples, revealing an extremely dangerous, gentle smile."Since you're so confident, I'll leave the incubation of this egg entirely to you. If it ends up hatching a chicken or a rock... don't come crying to me then, understood?""Eh? Ehhh?! Haru, you actually doubt a goddess! How cruel! But it's fine, once my Winter Shogun (a name she gave it herself) hatches, just you wait and beg for mercy!"Watching Aqua wiggle her hips as she carefully carried her thirty-million-Eris precious treasure upstairs, even talking to the egg as she walked—saying nonsense like "Good baby, grow up fast, then help Mommy kick that scum Haru's butt"—Haru and Kazuma sighed deeply at the same time."Hey, Haru, do you really think that thing can hatch a dragon?"Kazuma shook the already empty wine bottle, his eyes hazy as he let out a drunken burp."Heh, if that thing can hatch a dragon, I'll swallow that Cabbage statue in front of the Guild whole."Haru casually tossed his empty glass onto the table. The alcohol hitting his head made his thoughts a bit floaty at this moment."But... thirty million... just think of how much good wine that money could buy..."The two slumped on the sofa for a long while, the spicy sting of alcohol echoing in their throats, stirring up even more heat.Kazuma shook the bottle, and after confirming the last drop had entered his stomach, he suddenly stood up, his body swaying."Out of wine! On such a joyous day (referring to both of them escaping bachelorhood), how can we not have wine! Come on, Haru, while I'm in a good mood, let's go to the tavern next to the Guild and get a few more barrels!""Let's go! Today we drink until we drop!"Haru also slapped the table and stood up, fueled by the alcohol.The two half-drunk normies leaned on each other, stumbling as they pushed open the mansion doors and plunged into the quiet yet joke-filled late night of Axel.The night breeze was slightly cool, clearing their heads a bit as it hit their faces, but the excitement brought by the alcohol only intensified.The two passed through the empty market district. Just as they were about to take a shortcut through a secluded alley toward the bustling street, Harukeenly sensed a slight movement in the shadows ahead.He grabbed Kazuma, who was about to start singing loudly. Using their drunken state as cover, they sneakily pressed themselves against the wall and peeked out half a head.There, in a blind spot where the dim streetlights couldn't reach, a fellow with short blond hair wearing light leather armor was crouching on the ground.It was Axel's famous delinquent Adventurer, Dust.In the dim alley, Dust was sticking his butt out, sprawled behind a low wall like a large golden retriever. He held something that looked like a cheap monocular, letting out a "hehehe" lewd laugh, completely unaware of the crystal-clear drool dripping from the corner of his mouth.Kazuma rubbed his drunken eyes and muttered in a low voice:"Hey, Haru, what is this guy doing? Is he on some high-difficulty Lurk mission?"Haru let out a drunken burp and, emboldened by the alcohol, threw an arm around Dust's shoulder, greeting him loudly:"Yo! Dust! Why aren't you at the Succubus Shop in the middle of the night? What kind of Toad Stylekung fu are you practicing here?""Waaah!"Dust nearly jumped out of his skin, but after seeing it was Haru and Kazuma, he quickly reached out with both hands to firmly cover their mouths. He hissed in a low voice, cold sweat pouring down:"Shhh! Keep it down! Do you bastards want to get me killed? Look over there! It's a real big catch!"With their mouths covered, Haru and Kazumalooked in the direction Dust was pointing.Across the street under the moonlight, a noble lady with hair like silver silk and an elegant aura was slowly walking past.She wore a well-tailored late-night gown. Though it was just her back, that faint sense of aloofness and her graceful curves, catalyzed by the alcohol, instantly turned the three men's eyes into hearts."Whoa... that quality..." Kazuma broke free from Dust's hand, staring blankly in admiration."Indeed, that aura is even more proper than Darkness when she's actually being proper," Harualso evaluated dizzily.Thus, an extremely bizarre scene appeared in the late-night alley of Axel:Three of Axel's most famous Adventurers were lined up neatly, leaning over the low wall, their heads turning in sync with the noble lady's movement, occasionally letting out low, amazed "ohhh" sounds."What kind of disgusting business are you people doing in a place like this in the middle of the night?"A female voice, as cold as ice, rang out eerily from behind the three.The three stiffly turned their heads to see a female Prosecutor, Sena, wearing a crisp uniform with one hand on her hip and eyes sharp enough to execute someone on the spot, standing behind them with a squad of guards.The briefcase in her hand creaked from her grip, and her glasses reflected a cold light under the moon."Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Kazuma, and you, the habitual offender Dust."Sena pushed up her glasses, her tone laced with deep loathing."As heroes of Axel, you're actually leading accomplices to peep at a Noble Special Envoy from the Royal Capital in the middle of the night? It seems I need to re-evaluate your danger levels and invite you to the interrogation room for a cup of strong tea to wake you up.""W-Wait! This is a misunderstanding! We were just researching... researching the city's nighttime defenses!" Dust was the first to jump up and try to run."That's right! We were protecting that lady from being harassed by a pervert like Dust!" Kazuma sold out his teammate without hesitation.Haru, meanwhile, shook his head and gave Sena a drunken, brilliant smile:"Yo, Miss Prosecutor, still patrolling this late? Want to... *hic*... watch together?"The air froze for a full three seconds at Haru's drunken "want to watch together."Prosecutor Sena's face turned from ashen to a deathly cold stillness. The finger she used to push her glasses trembled slightly—not out of fear, but from the extreme suppression of the urge to draw her sword and cut someone down on the spot."Ah... haha... well, Miss Sena, I think I was just possessed by some kind of evil alcohol ghost."Haru suddenly shuddered, his previously chaotic brain instantly clearing up under Sena's murderous gaze.He stood up straight with lightning speed, simultaneously giving the still-dazed Kazuma a hard poke with his elbow, his face assuming a serious expression full of justice and social responsibility.
Chapter 247: Dust Thrown Behind Bars"In fact! This is how it happened!"Haru pointed righteously at the bewildered Dustbeside him, his voice as resonant as if he were taking an oath at the guild."Mr. Kazuma and I were on our way home after buying wine when we keenly noticed a sneaky, suspicious blonde head radiating a serious criminal aura Lurking in this alley! Out of concern for Axel's public order and responsibility for the safety of that noble lady who came from afar, we had no choice but to condescend to Lurk at the base of the wall to monitor every move of this habitual offender from close range!""That's right! Exactly like that!"Kazuma reacted extremely quickly, immediately putting on an expression of deep distress and even pretentiously dusting off his clothes."Miss Sena, as you know, although I, Satou Kazuma, occasionally have some small hobbies, I have always been very clear-headed when it comes to matters of principle! We were just about to subdue Dust before he could commit any further beastly acts when you descended with the radiance of justice! This is simply the perfect cooperation between the law and heroes!""Huh?! What kind of colorful spiral farts are you two letting out?!"Dust's eyes nearly popped out of his head. He pointed at these two comrades-in-arms who had been drooling alongside him just a second ago, trembling with rage."It was clearly you, Haru, who just praised that lady's temperament! And it was clearly you, Kazuma, who said her quality was top-tier! You two bastards were crouching lower than I was just now, and now you're pinning all the blame on me?!"Haru shook his head with a look of pity and said to Sena:"Miss Sena, you see... this behavior of babbling and trying to drag innocent citizens down with him after being caught in the act is a typical manifestation of a criminal's psychological defense collapsing. I suggest intensifying the interrogation; it would be best to have him write a fifty-thousand-word Letter of Repentance.""You—you scum man! And you, you shut-in NEET!"Dust's eyes turned red with desperation, and he lunged at Haru's legs."Miss Sena! I have evidence! Kazuma just said it would be worth dying if he could just touch that lady's dress! Haru even said he was going to record this scene into a Crystal! If I'm going down, we're all going down together!"Kazuma nimbly jumped away and scolded with an air of righteousness:"Nonsense! I, Satou Kazuma, am a man with a girlfriend! How could I possibly say such a thing! This is blatant jealousy and slander!"Sena looked coldly at these three—the heroes and the hoodlum—biting at each other in the late-night alley. The veins on her forehead were practically bulging out. The briefcase in her hand creaked from her grip, and the Guards behind her had silently drawn their batons."Enough!"Sena let out a low shout, putting an end to this ugly war of words."Regardless of who was monitoring whom, gathering on the street late at night and pointing fingers at a noble is a serious crime in itself. Dust, you habitual offender, come back to the station with me! As for you two..."She swept a cold glance over Haru and Kazuma."Given your recent contributions in the Royal Capital, I'll give you a chance to explain yourselves tonight. But that doesn't mean you're off the hook. Tomorrow morning, I want to see a detailed Defense Observation Report in my office, or else... Hehe."Haru and Kazuma waved goodbye in unison to Dust, who was being dragged away by the Guards, and shouted: "Dust! Prison food is served three times a day, so you can go in peace!"Watching Dust's expression, which looked like he wanted to swallow them alive, and hearing his curses echoing in the alley as he was dragged away like a dead dog by the Guards, Haru and Kazumamaintained their righteous citizen waving posture with great chemistry until that blonde head completely disappeared around the corner."Ha... phew... that was close. I almost had to go and 'exchange philosophies' with those big guys."Haru breathed a sudden sigh of relief, his previously upright back instantly slumping. He wiped the cold sweat from his forehead; the alcohol had been completely expelled as sweat from the fright."Haru, your acting just now could seriously win an Oscar. A blonde head with a criminal aura? I can't believe you made that up... But what about that Defense Observation Report? I didn't even see what color underwear that lady was wearing... I mean, I didn't even see what she looked like!""Just write whatever for that kind of thing; the point is the attitude anyway."Haru rubbed his temples and turned to look in the direction the noble lady had just left."Although it was late at night, due to Sena's intervention just now, the lady seemed to be walking even faster. Now, only a vanishing silver silhouette could be seen at the end of the distant street.""For some reason, Haru felt that the figure from behind just now had an inexplicable sense of familiarity, but the lingering numbness from the alcohol made him unable to pinpoint why for the moment.""Hey, Kazuma, we haven't bought the wine yet."Haru patted the heavy wallet in his pocket. Although he had been scammed out of thirty million by Aqua, the remaining money was still enough for them to buy up all the Bordeaux Wine in Axel."Are you coming? If I don't drink my fill, I feel like the guilt from selling out Dust just now will give me insomnia.""I'm going! Of course I'm going!"Kazuma leaped up, his eyes flashing with the arrogant light of a Normie."To celebrate us not getting caught, and to celebrate that guy Dust getting to eat free government meals, we must drink until we vomit tonight!"Haru looked at Kazuma's smile, which was showing the early signs of his scum nature, and sighed helplessly."As expected, in this world, so-called heroes are essentially just a bunch of hopeless losers.""However, these absurd days that don't require carrying any guilt aren't so bad.""In the end, the two of them planned to continue at the Adventurers Guild!""In the late-night Adventurers Guild, the air was filled with the fragrance of ale and the musty scent of floorboards.""The once boisterous tavern now appeared somewhat deserted, with only a few veteran drunks snoring in the corners, clutching empty bottles.""Seven or eight empty wooden barrels were already stacked on the table in front of Haru and Kazuma. The two of them seemed to be engaged in some kind of suicidal competition to see who would get alcohol poisoning first.""Haru... let me tell you... Normie... being a Normie is truly great...""Kazuma's tongue was so thick he could barely move it. He was sprawled in a'spread-eagle' position on the bench, one hand still gripping his glass tightly, his eyes staring hazily at the ceiling.""Even though Darkness is a Masochist... even though Megumin is an Explosion Maniac who can only fire once a day... they... hehe... they are beautiful girls...""Yeah, yeah, except for their brains not being quite right, they're practically perfect.""Haru also felt the world spinning. He propped up his chin, trying hard to focus his vision.""Before he could finish, the crisp sound of high heels interrupted their drunken chatter."
Chapter 248: Let Me Stop You"Lord Heroes, although I'm very grateful for your huge contribution to the guild's drink sales, it's already two in the morning."Miss Luna, the guild's Receptionist, was standing by the table helplessly.She had already changed out of her daytime professional attire and was wearing a slightly more casual outfit, but her iconic voluptuous figure still had a strong presence in the dim light.With one hand on her hip, she looked at these two men who were about to turn into puddles of mud and sighed heavily."Yo, Miss Miss Luna..."Haru barely managed to raise a hand in greeting, his smile a bit stiff."Do you want to... *hic*... have a drink together? It's on me. Since Aqua already spent those thirty million, this little bit doesn't matter...""No thanks. I don't want to go handle that stack of complaint letters left by Dust tomorrow morning with a hangover.""Alright, you two, since you've already drunk yourselves into this state, hurry up and get back to that big mansion. If you die at the guild's entrance, tomorrow's clients won't have anywhere to stand."Miss Luna knocked on the table crossly, preparing to reach out and pull Kazuma, who had already slid under the table.But at that moment, Kazuma, who had been like a puddle of mud, suddenly snapped his eyes open.Those eyes, which had been cloudy from alcohol, now revealed a strange, obsessive glint.Like a slippery salted fish, following the force of Miss Luna pulling him, he actually grabbed Miss Luna's long, beautiful legs with a reverse grip, clinging to her like a koala."Hehe... found it... finally found it..."Kazuma buried his face in the hem of Miss Luna's skirt and let out a hair-raising, obsessed giggle."Megumin... you brat... you usually look so plain... how come today... you've suddenly developed so amazingly... *hic*! This touch... this elasticity... have you finally given up on Explosion Magic and turned to practicing 'Breast Enhancement Magic' instead?""Huh?! Where are you touching, you scum!"Miss Luna's mature and steady face instantly turned the color of pig liver. She screamed and tried to shake Kazuma off, but the drunken Kazuma seemed to burst with incredible freakish strength, even trying to push further up."Satou Kazuma! Let go of me! I'm not Megumin! I'm Miss Luna! I'm your guild manager!""Stop lying... this tsundere tone... it's definitely Megumin..."Kazuma intensified his efforts, reaching out with both hands and actually starting to feel his way up Miss Luna's waistline, muttering."Come... let big brother check your explosion core... to see if it's gotten bigger again..."Haru was leaning against the bar trying to stand up, and seeing this scene, his brain, which had been numbed by alcohol, instantly became as clear as if a bucket of ice water had been poured over it.He looked at Miss Luna's hand, which was about to pull out the guild guard's baton, and Kazuma's wretched appearance of being about to be executed on the spot. He was sweating more than the alcohol he had just drunk."Hey! Kazuma! Stop it! That's not Megumin! That's Miss Miss Luna, who could lock you up in Axel Prison for the rest of your life!"Haru lunged forward in terror, trying to tear this horny shut-in off Miss Luna."Miss Miss Luna, calm down! He's just drunk too much! He's usually scum, but he hasn't reached this level of beastliness! Oh no, he's usually this kind of beast, but he doesn't realize he's committing a crime right now!"The silence of the guild late at night was completely shattered by this burst of shrill screams and chaotic physical conflict.Haru pulled hard on the back of Kazuma's collar while also having to watch out for Miss Luna's fist of justice that could drop at any moment.Haru was using all his strength to pull Kazuma's collar, so much so that because he pulled too hard, Kazuma's already flimsy Adventurer's coat let out a ripping sound.Just as he was about to give this beast in heat a sobering punch, due to the angle, he happened to meet Kazuma's eyes buried in the hem of Miss Luna's skirt.There was no cloudiness as expected, nor any of the lack of focus after alcohol poisoning.In that instant, Kazuma very covertly winked his left eye at Haru, and the corner of his mouth even hooked into an imperceptible, winner-like curve.That look was terrifyingly clear, as if saying:[Haru, this is a normie's way of fighting! Since we've spent so much money on alcohol, how can we not collect some interest? Next time it's your turn to pretend to be drunk, and I'll be responsible for pulling you away. It's a rare opportunity, so you'd better find a way to 'accidentally' fall too!]Haru's hand gripping the collar suddenly froze. He felt the corners of his mouth twitching violently, and even the veins on his forehead began to dance.This bastard... this irredeemable, bottom-of-the-barrel scum god of Axel named Satou Kazuma!He's actually pretending to be drunk! He's actually using such a low and shameless excuse to publicly molest the guild Receptionist in front of everyone!"You... you bastard..."Haru cursed under his breath through gritted teeth.He thought he was already unscrupulous enough, but in the face of Kazuma's determination to sacrifice his soul just to get a feel, he found himself as pure as a newborn Slime."Mr. Lin Jin! Hurry! Pull him away!"Miss Luna was ashamed and angry to the extreme, her hands tightly protecting her vital spots, and tears were even welling up in the corners of her eyes."Where... where is he touching! Help me!"Haru looked at Miss Luna's pitiful yet crime-inducing appearance, then at Kazuma's scum-like eyes that said 'brother, I can only help you this far,' and fell into a huge moral struggle.Should he place righteousness above family and just kick Kazuma into the corner?Or should he cooperate with this scum accomplice and also 'accidentally' slip, falling into Miss Luna's extremely broad and warm embrace?"Ah... ah! Miss Miss Luna! This guy's strength is too much!"Haru suddenly let out an extremely exaggerated cry of pain, his body swayed, and his face showed that dazed expression of being incredibly drunk."Oh... why did the floor suddenly become soft... Kazuma, don't pull me, I'm falling too... oops!"With a shout full of acting, Haru let go of Kazuma's collar. Following his gravitational inertia, he opened his arms and accurately lunged toward the empty space above Miss Luna.With that shout full of a sense of justice (and unconcealable private desire), Haru traced an extremely exaggerated parabola.Due to the loss of balance from the alcohol, this lunge was not only heavy and powerful, but because those 'let me do it' words of truth had slipped out, his expression at this moment looked exceptionally distorted and scummy."Kazuma! You beast! Let go of Miss Miss Luna and let me... ah, no, let me stop you!"
Chapter 249: The Ultimate AssistHaru's face, distorted by "anxiety," rapidly enlarged in Miss Luna's field of vision.At this moment, Kazuma was death-gripping Miss Luna's legs, and her upper body was leaning back desperately to evade his "Explosion Core check." Consequently, Haru's "Justice Tackle" completely blocked all her escape routes."Eh? Wait, wait a minute! Mr. Lin Jin, where is your hand—yaaaaaah!"With a dull "thud," Haru slammed accurately into Miss Luna's voluptuous embrace. The massive impact not only allowed him to feel a softness capable of making any Adventurer lose themselves but also sent the already unsteady Miss Lunacrashing toward the counter behind her.Because Haru had used too much force, his face was buried directly into a field of warm, fragrant softness. Meanwhile, Kazuma, who had been hugging her legs from below, was crushed to the bottom by the impact, letting out a pathetic squelch."So... so heavy... Haru, you bastard... just how much Bordeaux meat did you eat... you're going to squash me..."Kazuma's voice struggled out from the gap between Miss Luna's skirt and the floor. Though he sounded weak, Haru could feel that the guy's hands were still stealthily moving amidst the chaos, trying to find a new "stronghold.""Ugh... So, sorry! Ms. Miss Luna, I slipped!"Haru shouted unclearly, but his face showed no intention of pulling away; in fact, he subconsciously nuzzled in further due to the "shock."He gave himself a massive thumbs-up in his heart:Well done! Kazuma, your sacrifice is worth it! In this moment, I, Haru, shall call you the ultimate assist!"You... you two..."Miss Luna's voice had begun to tremble—not out of bashfulness, but as a signal that her long-repressed sanity was finally snapping.She felt a head burrowing desperately into her chest and a scum clinging for dear life to her legs. In her eyes, these two so-called heroes of Axel had completely transformed into two foul-smelling Slimes."Get... OUT OF HEREEEE!"An astonishing burst of power erupted from the Receptionist's body.Summoning a strange strength from who-knows-where, Miss Luna kicked out her legs, sending the bottom-dwelling Kazuma flying. Simultaneously, she braced her hands against Haru's shoulders and performed a textbook Receptionist Toss, hurling him toward the guild's entrance.Clang!Two figures flew out of the guild doors in a human pyramid, landing pathetically on the cold, late-night street. Immediately after, a thick stack of bills and their coats were roughly tossed out, hitting them on the head."Don't you dare step foot in the guild again today! Otherwise, I'll go to Sena and charge you with molesting a public official!"Miss Luna's furious roar echoed through the silent night street. Then, the guild doors slammed shut, followed by the crisp sound of three locks clicking into place.On the street, Haru rubbed his rear, which felt like it had split into eight pieces. He looked at Kazuma, who was still chuckling foolishly beside him while clutching an unidentified fiber in his hand, and his mouth twitched."Hey, Kazuma. Even though we scored, it looks like we really have nowhere left to drink now."A cold wind blew through the late-night streets of Axel, making both Haru and Kazuma—the two scum who had just been kicked out—shiver in unison.Kazuma slowly climbed up from the ground and brushed the dust off his pants. Where was even a hint of drunkenness on his face?His scum-like smile looked exceptionally radiant under the moonlight, and he even made a couple of lingering grasping motions in the air."Phew, even though we were kicked out by Ms. Miss Luna, tonight's gains are enough for me to write in my diary and treasure for a lifetime."Kazuma turned his head to look at Haru, his eyes sparkling with a lewd light that only men could understand."Hey, Haru. Since we can't drink anymore, going home to sleep in this state of 'hot-bloodedness' (physical) is practically a crime. I've decided—I'm going to that man's paradise. I've still got plenty of money, so tonight I'm going to order a 'big sister next door' type succubus and finish the dream I started!"Seeing Kazuma completely lost in his own fantasies and even starting to drool, Haru stepped aside in disgust."You go ahead, Kazuma. That place is fine and all, but I have more important things to do right now."Haru rubbed his shoulder, which was still sore from the collision with Miss Luna, and looked toward a remote corner of the town."The matter with Aqua's egg is still a potential problem. I plan to head over to Wiz's shop. That useless lich might be terrible at business, but when it comes to magical knowledge and understanding ancient relics, she's way more reliable than that goddess who does nothing but cry.""Tch, you're such a bore. You're actually going to see that lich shopkeeper who's so poor she can only afford salt water?"Kazuma waved his hand with an expression like Haru was missing out on the whole world."Then we part ways here! I hope you have a 'pleasant' evening in that rundown shop full of expired items, while I go to embrace my dream girl! Hahahaha!"Watching Kazuma sprint toward the Succubus Shoplike a wild boar off its leash, Haru sighed helplessly.He tightened his coat and walked alone toward Wizs Magic Item Shop, located at the end of a desolate street.A crooked sign hung in front of the shop in the dead of night, with a faint and dismal light leaking from within.Haru pushed open the door, and along with a harsh creak of wood, the smell of stale magical potions wafted over him."W-Welcome! Even though it's this late, our shop is still... Ah, it's Mr. Lin Jin!"Behind the counter, the beautiful lich Wiz—wearing a long purple dress and possessing a figure that even outshone Miss Luna's—looked up in surprise. She seemed to have been fretting over a pile of unsellable automatic dishwasher prototypes, with a hint of tears from poverty still in the corners of her eyes."For you to come by so late, how rare! Could it be... could it be that you're here to buy these latest-model robot vacuums that explode randomly as soon as mana is injected?!"Looking at Wiz's wide eyes, which were full of expectation (and a desperate desire to escape her deficit), Haru felt his wallet beginning to throb again.Seeing Wiz's face shining at the sight of a big customer yet looking somewhat uneasy due to long-term poverty, Haru's tense nerves relaxed a bit.He sighed and pulled out a beautifully packaged box of high-end snacks from the Royal Capital, radiating a rich creamy aroma."Alright, Wiz, stop pitching your exploding appliances for a moment."Haru pushed the snack box onto the counter and conveniently unwrapped it for her."You haven't had a late-night snack yet, right? This is Angel's Crisps, very popular in the Royal Capital lately. Since I'm disturbing you so late, consider this a thank-you gift."