Chip
Go after what you want in life, they say. And the only thing I ever want in this life is for my best friend, Charles, to be mine.
Charles has been my best friend for as long as I can remember. And weirdly enough, I've always been in love with him.
Charles is funny, smart, kind, handsome and a rare gem. I love seeing the dimples on his cheeks when he smiles. I love being around him. I love it when he touches me. I love the way he makes me feel.
In fact, I'm so helplessly in love with him that I'd be willing to do anything just to make him happy.
Of course, Charles doesn't know that I have undying feelings for him. But he does know that I'm gay. And the fact that he's cool with it makes me fall more and more in love with him.
I might be delusional, but sometimes I like to believe that he's somehow in love with me, too. Like I said, I might be delusional.
Right now, we're at a bar in New York City, having the night of our lives on the dance floor, and I'm here dying in envy as Charles rocks dance with this pretty blonde-haired chick.
Charles never engages with a lady unless he really likes her. And from the looks of it, I'm pretty much convinced he does like her.
The way his eyes sparkle, the way they look at her, his laugh… he might have fallen in love at first sight for all I know.
I glanced away for a second, and when my eyes returned to them, they widened. Charles was kissing the blonde girl, like, shoving his tongue down her throat, almost as though he wanted to swallow her.
Charles has always been a man of principles. He never gets cozy with a girl unless he… unless he…
I couldn't stand watching, so I stopped dancing, turned around and left the bar, blinking back the tears that threatened to spill out.
The bustling air of New York hit my face as I stepped out. The bar was a rooftop bar. An acquaintance of ours had just set it up and invited Charles and me to attend the opening. So, here we are. From where I stood, I could see the busy crowd below, practically looking like insects.
I heaved a deep breath, resisting the urge not to break down in tears.
"Hey, Chip, what's up?"
I caught my breath sharply upon hearing the voice. I'd recognize that voice anywhere, even in my sick bed.
"Nothing." I turned around, forcing a smile.
There stood Charles, in all his glory, looking as ravishing as ever. He had a streak of sweat running down his face, and his hair was slightly wet, scattered all over his forehead, making him look more… hotter. From the way his chest continuously rose and fell, you could easily tell he was out of breath.
God, he's so dreamy!
"What are you doing out here?" He enquired cheerfully, coming to stand beside me. He rested his arms on the banister rail and stared out into the bustling city. "Weren't you enjoying the party?"
"No, no. That's not it." I responded sharply.
"Then come back inside," He grabbed my hand and was about to pull me back in, but I stopped him.
"Wait, let me just get some fresh air," I said, wringing my hand free.
The feel of his skin on my skin always does something to me. Either I have butterflies in my stomach, or I feel my blood rush to my face, or my adrenaline rises. Yes, that's the effect that Charles Parker has on me.
"I'll join you in a bit."
"Then I'm staying here with you till then." He stated, returning to his previous position.
"You were having a great time back in there," I said carefully.
"I know, right? She's awesome!" He exclaimed, and judging from the tone of his voice, he was excited. I don't think I've seen Charles this excited in a long, long while now. "Her name is Abby, she's fun and great, and also, he works at Graces."
"Is that so?"
"Yes! I like her already!"
"Oh?"
"And I also got her number."
"That's… that's great," I said, trying to sound happy for my dear friend, meanwhile, I was dying deep inside. "Good for you."
"Yeah." He chuckled lightly.
"So um…" I paused, then cleared my throat, hesitating. "How was the um… how was the kiss?"
"Hmm. It was… wow!" He answered energetically, "It was everything, man. She has the sweetest, softest lips ever, and I doubt that there's any other person in the world whose lips taste sweeter than hers."
There was something in the way he said those words that made me lose my mind. My brain… yes, I'm gonna blame it on my brain… took it like more of a challenge, and it wanted to prove him wrong. That Abby's lips weren't the sweetest lips ever.
So, I leaned forward. And softly pressed my lips against his.
God, it was the greatest thing ever. My body was already on fire, and I could feel my adrenaline already rising.
And then when Charles kissed me back for the slightest tiniest econd… I wanted more than just a kiss. God, it made me go all kinds of crazy.
He placed his hand on my chest, gently pushed me back with a surprised look on his face.
"Chip, what are you…"
"I love you!" The words escaped my lips before I even knew it.
He now had confusion written all over his face.
"Wh-what?" He stuttered, taking two steps backwards. "Chip. Wh-what are you talking about?"
I should have kept my mouth shut. I should have told him to forget what just happened. But instead, I went on.
Maybe it's because I'm tired of being in an unrequited love. I don't know.
"I've been in love with you since… forever, Charles." I finally confessed my feelings, acutely aware of the drum my heart was hitting. "The reason you don't see me going out with any guy is that... you're the only one I have eyes for. I love the way you touch me, even though it may not mean anything to you. I love your cute dimples when you smile. I love your sparkling white teeth. I love everything about you, Charles. I love you. It's you. It's always been you."
He blinked in confusion. There was a pause as he stood there in utter shock and absorbed the news.
I was scared as heck as I waited for him to respond, the gnawing feeling of regret burning in my chest. I was already trembling from head to toe.
Whatever Charles says or does will determine the direction of our friendship.
"Chip, are you drunk?"
"What? No, I'm not. I don't even drink alcohol, Charles."
"So you're serious?"
I nodded. "Dead."
"Whoa." He blurted out, staring everywhere but me as his hand raked his dark hair, "Um… I um… I have to go."
He turned and began to head to the elevator.
"Charles, wait…"
"Please, don't follow me!" He didn't shout. But there was an intensity to his voice. "I just need to… um… think."
He turned and walked into the elevator, which instantly slid shut.
Thousands of thoughts ran through my mind.
Does Charles hate me now? What will become of our friendship? Will he ever want to see me again? Why did I even kiss him? Why did I even confess? I'm such a fool! Did I seriously expect a straight guy to suddenly turn gay for me? That only happens in stupid fiction novels and not in real life. Just how delusional could I get? God, what do I do?
I figured I might possibly go crazy if I kept letting these thoughts run through my mind, so I returned to the bar and stepped onto the dance floor.
I joined the crowd. Danced like never before. Drank alcohol for the first time. Tasted like hell, but I couldn't care less. I kept on drinking anyway. Kept on drinking. Kept on dancing. Till I couldn't feel my legs anymore.
And then I took the weight off my legs by sitting on a stool by the counter. I felt terrible, but at least too intoxicated to overthink.
"Whisky on the rocks."
That voice beside me made me glance up sharply. It wasn't just the fact that the voice was calm yet had a tone of repressed fury laced to it; it was also his presence.
And there he was…
The Devil.
Except, I didn't know at the time.