"Haiiyaaah! So predictable!"
A young man's face was glued to his phone, its blue light showing his frustration and boredom as he watched a fantasy series about immortal cultivation.
The show featured a handsome antagonist young master whose upper dantian had been shattered by the main character himself. Because of it, though he still had his cultivation, he could no longer improve it.
"You bastard! How dare you do this to me!" the young master shouted. "I'll return this humiliation tenfold!"
The young man scoffed as he watched. "You really—" he adjusted his pillow, ready to continue his commentary. "He's the main character!"
With a sigh, he leaned closer to the screen. "Trust me, going back will only make things worse for you. Your followers are the ones who kidnapped his childhood sweetheart and gave her to you. When he sees them, he'll think you're the one who took her—the mastermind behind the whole thing. He'll go crazy, like a dog with rabies.
"Also, to protect himself, he'll use the orb he secretly got from the Azure Cloud Sect to call the sect spirit beasts guardians. They'll wipe out these Lin Family followers of yours for sure and protect him from your higher-ups. Then, with his Idle Cultivation System, he'll get stronger until he can take down your entire Lin Family."
He paused the drama, freezing the image on Lin Youming's furious face.
"If I were you, I won't go," the young man said lightly, "I'd just enjoy life."
He grinned.
"As a young master, it's better to live comfortably without worry. Eat well. Sleep well. Maybe even build a harem."
He nodded to himself, he was clearly pleased with the thought of it.
"And if I get the chance, I would search for a way to rebuild my damaged upper dantian in my forehead," he continued. "Yes… There are some pills that can restore the body, ancient pools, or maybe an immortal doctor hiding in a cave somewhere."
Then his lips twitched.
"Come on! Don't be like the typical young masters in every cultivation story... Please be different! Unlike other young masters, we share the same name, so please stand out from them! Don't pursue the main character! He has already crippled your upper Dantian; don't give him a chance to cripple your middle Dantian too, especially your lower Dantian. Otherwise, you won't be able to perform in bed with women!"
Sigh.
On the screen, the young master turned around, clearly preparing to march toward his doom.
The young man felt an inconceivable helplessness.
"Yep. Whatever. Go die."
Suddenly, he saw the body of the young master in the drama freeze. Then, he clutched his head in pain for some unknown reason. Then, just like that, he passed out once more.
The young man found it peculiar and funny.
"LOL. See!? Your head is still reeling, and yet you're so impatient to take revenge!?" But he suddenly paused his commentary as the entire drama froze next. Then, strangely, the screen went black, then turned white, then gray.
Out of nowhere, the screen started to spin with strange colors, almost as if it was pulling him in.
"Huh?"
His phone started to shake. He let go, but it didn't fall. It suspended in the air. Causing his eyes to go wide.
Then---swoorp!
He was sucked like dust.
Next thing he knew, he heard people shouting around him.
"Young master!"
"Young master is breathing!!"
Light suddenly shined on his face. He tried to move, but pain… it was all over his body.
"He's awake! Quickly, inform the others!"
Footsteps hurried away with excited murmurs. The young man forced his eyes open. Above him, an old ceiling carved with cloud patterns can be seen.
"What…" His throat burned as he spoke. "Where am I…?" He tried to get up. He still remembered being devoured by his phone. Where could he be this time?
But then, the room erupted in gasp again.
"He spoke!"
"The young master spoke!"
Young master?
His vision sharpened, and then he almost scrambled backward in his bed because of the somehow familiar faces, not from his own world but from the drama and cultivation series he had mocked just moments ago.
"No…" he whispered.
He looked around quickly.
Wooden furniture.
The faint scent of incense.
Silk curtains swaying gently in the air.
These…
All these somehow caused a chill that immediately crept up his spine.
"You," the young mansaid suddenly, forcing himself upright despite the pain. "Bring me a mirror."
The room fell silent.
The servants exchanged uneasy glances before responding quickly.
"Yes, young master."
Minutes passed slowly. Finally, a servant returned, holding a polished bronze mirror with trembling hands.
The young man grabbed it immediately.
The cold metal pressed against his fingers as he raised it.
The face reflected back at him was not his own. It had sharp brows, pale skin, and cold, arrogant eyes. It was a flawless yet infuriatingly familiar face—Young Master Lin Youming.
"What the—!"
He scrambled back and almost fell off the bed.
"This face…"
He grabbed his cheeks. "It's…" He turned his head left and right and paused again to look at himself, "this…" then touched his nose, hoping it might change. "Exactly the same."
The servants could only stare at him, confused and a little afraid.
Meanwhile, Lin Youming let out a hollow laugh.
"Oh hell no.
"I was criticizing this idiot earlier, and now I've become him?"
He stared at the mirror again.
"Don't tell me the heavens want me to show them what a real young master shall be."
A furious voice interrupted his thoughts.
"Young Master!" a subordinate shouted. "You lost consciousness twice because Chu Feng probably used unfair tactics to defeat you!"
"Yes!" another yelled. "He definitely cheated; otherwise, that bumpking wouldn't have been able to hurt you!"
"We must kill that brat!"
The room quickly filled with rage and murderous intent as they recalled the incident where their young master had caused trouble for Fent Chu—no, Chu Feng.
In the end, he got beat up and had ended up with his upper Dantian crippled, a condition that would be challenging to fix even with their powerful background.
Lin Youming stared at them, stunned.
These idiots still want to go after Chu Feng?
I just got here. I don't want to court death!
He raised his hand.
"I won't go."
Silence fell instantly.
"Huh?"
"Young master?"
"I said," Lin Youming repeated calmly, "I won't go."
Inside, his thoughts raced rapidly.
Right now, my upper dantian is crippled but can still be fixed. If my middle and lower dantians are destroyed too, everything will be over.
"But—" someone tried to argue.
"Youre listening to me, right? I said… I won't go," Lin Youming said again.
Their faces turned pale.
"Why…?" one asked shakily.
"I changed my mind," Lin Youming replied calmly. "I'm tired today."
Inside, he sneered.
What can you do?
Especially now, when I'm still concussed and know that bastard had a system.
However, his subordinates looked worried, probably because they had something in their mind. "But if you don't go—"
A shout suddenly erupted and interrupted them from outside the room.
"Young Miss is here!"
The tense atmosphere shattered.
Curtains parted on their own as a girl entered with several maidservants around her.
She wore light robes trimmed in silver, and her unique poise made it clear she was now in charge of whatever was going here. Her presence even silenced the subordinates who had been arguing around Lin Youming just moments before.
Lin Youming frowned.
Young miss?
He looked at her carefully, searching his memories. But… nothing clicked.
The girl ignored all formalities. She glanced at him lazily, then she noticed something, "Hmm?" her brow furrowing for a moment. Then, as if convinced, she stared intently. After that, her expression turned sour.
"So you are Lin Youming?" and cold say, "Average."
Before Lin Youming could even process the insult, she lifted her chin.
"I want a divorce."
The room exploded into gasps.
Lin Youming swallowed hard.
Divorce?
Who?
He opened his mouth, about to ask who she was… But then… a translucent screen suddenly appeared before his eyes.
[ Ding!
[ Harem Pampering System activated.
[ Dote on your wives and become invincible.
Lin Youming froze.
System…?
Wives…?
[ Mission: Convince your second wife, Shangguan Wanwan, not to divorce you.
[ Reward: Title of Cripple Cultivation.
[ Punishment for failure: Permanently lose one of your Monkey Peaches. ]
"…Monkey peaches?" he muttered blankly.
Before he could think further, a sharp, horrifying sensation struck between his legs.
Lin Youming stiffened. One of his testicles suddenly contracted, and then, unmistakably, he felt it vanish.
His face immediately lost all color.
"...What the hell."