On a path near the entrance of a small forest, a somewhat luxurious carriage pulled by two horses went bouncing along the potholes of the road. Inside, three people were each focused on their own business: one was sleeping, another was impatient with crossed arms, tapping his foot on the floor, and the last was reading a book. Upon finishing a page, the latter was the first to break the silence after several hours of travel.
{Xehal} "I can't believe these obvious writer self-insertions are trending. Look at this protagonist, all invincible and powerful. Not a single mention of his harem or his shampoo-commercial-worthy hair." -he finished speaking with a sigh, closing the book-
{Risch} "Aren't our lives self-insertions too?" -he asked, raising an eyebrow-
{Xehal} "What are you even saying?" -he smiled, throwing the book at his head-
Risch laughed as he moved to dodge the book, but the carriage came to a sudden halt. The abrupt braking caused his head to bounce, and the book smacked him right in the forehead. Outside, a group of bandits blocking the path eyed the carriage's details. One of them approached timidly, raising a sword with a slight tremble and said:
{Bandit 2} "Get out and hand over your belongings."
One of his companions stepped up behind him and punched him in the back of the head.
{Bandit 1} "I left you in charge of the threatening dialogue today, and that's the best you could come up with?" -he scolded, growling-
{Bandit 2} "Sorry, my nerves got the best of me." -he tapped his index fingers together nervously-
{Bandit 1} "It's okay, Qarl, I forgive you." -he smiled and patted him on the head-
Two people stepped out of the carriage. One with a grin that seemed to go from ear to ear, full of confidence and expectation, with short hair as red as fire. The other had an expression struggling between disappointment and anger, his head without a single "foolish hair" on it, shining under the sunbeams filtering through the trees.
{Xehal} "Why are you so happy?" -he reproached his companion, pointing at him with disgust at his expression given the situation-
{Risch} "Isn't it exciting?! A bandit encounter on an escort mission!" -he clenched his fists, and a small flame seemed to ignite in his eyes-
{Xehal} "Since when is being intercepted by bandits exciting?" -he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest, looking at the bandits with annoyance-
The bandits watched in disbelief while they chatted, noticing a third person stepping out of the carriage.
{Nique} "Is the problem solved yet?"
His clothes looked expensive at first glance, and his neck was adorned with a gold necklace and jewels that looked capable of costing a year's worth of earnings just by looking at them.
{Bandit 7} "Hey, that guy looks like some kind of noble or something."
{Bandit 4} "True." -he said, pulling small throwing knives out of his bag-
{Risch} "Haha! Do you really plan to face us with those tiny rose thorns? They're only good for dodging!"
As Risch stood tall with his hands on his hips, goading the bandit to attack, the man threw the knives. Risch dodged them effortlessly by simply stepping aside.
{Risch} "What did I tell you?!"
With pride, Risch puffed out his chest until he felt someone tap his shoulder. Turning around, he saw Xehal pointing behind him.
{Xehal} "Risch..."
{Risch} "Eh?"
As he turned, he found Nique's body on the ground, bleeding from the small knives stuck all over him.
{Risch} "a."
---- Let's go back. ----
My name is Xehal.
Well, actually, it's the name I was given upon arriving in this world. What do I mean by that? I don't even know. All I know is that after a massive white light hit me, total darkness followed. Then I opened my eyes to realize my body was just a black silhouette, facing a... guy? with the same characteristics but much larger, who called himself:
{God of Darkness} "I am the God of Darkness."
{Xehal} "Huh?"
{DDLO} "God of Darkness. That's me. The God of Darkness." -he raised his arms, trying to look cool-
{Xehal} "Why should I care? Where am I?"
We ended up arguing for a while until he finally gave in and told me the situation. Basically: I died, though now I'm alive, but at the same time, I'm not. God, gods are so complicated.
He told me that, by default, I ended up with him as my "host." Since the other gods had already taken someone else under their wing, I was left with him. Again, by default. It feels like I'm repeating myself, but I still haven't processed the massive stupidity of what he's telling me. Fight monsters? What was my previous world like? Why can't I remember anything yet still have such a distinct personality?
{DDLO} "Anyway. I'll give you the power of the Darkness element as my blessing. It's super chaotic and hard to control—even deadly if you don't use it right, like right now. But it's epic and very versatile. Yup." -he nodded, as if he had just said the coolest thing ever-
{Xehal} "Wait, wait, that doesn't sound convincing..."
{DDLO} "Alright, now let's start the tutorial. You know, where you learn the basics of fighting."
{Xehal} "Ah, I see. How thoughtful." -if I had eyes, I would have rolled them- "Though I have this bad feeling..."
{DDLO} "You'll only face one enemy with your incredible power from the best darkness element god; it'll be easy. It's easy, you'll feel it naturally. It's like: fwaaaa!, fuuuush!, aaaahhhh!" -he made chaotic gestures with his arms while spitting out those sounds-
{Xehal} "What is that supposed to be?!" -he grabbed his head-
{DDLO} "Let the party begin!"
Almost choking on euphoric laughter, he clapped his hands, and a hole formed beside me, expanding to twice my size. It was a portal. That god had no defined shape, but on his smooth face, eyes and a mouth opened in a brilliant white, forming a massive grin. I really don't like this guy.
I stepped through the portal only to be transported... a few meters from where I was a moment ago. I could hear the god of idiocy's laughter echoing through the vast white space.
{DDLO} "You fell for it!" -he threw himself to the ground, bursting into laughter-
Is this moron five years old? I looked ahead, where another portal was forming. Out of it emerged a humanoid figure. Was it... Me? Honestly, my existence at that moment was just a humanoid mass of shadow, but seeing it gave me the feeling of looking at a reflection. On its black face, those white, glowing features opened. My counterpart wore a horrific grimace, a smile charged with madness.
Black smoke began to sprout from its arms, like a liquid fighting against gravity. I see, that's the Darkness. Now the trick would be knowing how to use it myself. I looked back and forth between the shadow and the moronic god, but their dark faces with white mouths and eyes remained static.
The shadow rushed toward me.
{Xehal} "Wait, wait, time out! AHHHHH!" -I said calmly—yes, total calm—expecting a training montage, but it ignored me and launched black spheres-
I dodged six by a miracle, but the seventh tore off my right arm.
{Xehal} "Hey, it doesn't hurt." -he said, looking at his side as another arm emerged from his body-
Since I'm a shadow, I ran toward him with a suicidal mindset. He responded by firing spheres in every direction. I'd like to say I dodged them, but they hit almost all of me until only my head was left. My opponent leaned down, picked me up from the ground, and positioned my head in front of his face. If it weren't for the fact that I have no mouth—just a white line—I'd spit on you. But this time, the white expression he showed was the total opposite of before. His eyes squinted, and his mouth formed a soft, curved line; it was a warm smile, as if he looked at me with affection. The god's laughter echoed, and my head was crushed.
Now, I'm facing the God of Idiocy, rolling on the ground while laughing.
{DDLO} "You're terrible! HAHAHAHA! Alright, you finished the tutorial. You're entitled to an additional blessing; would you like another element? Consider it a bonus for the laughs."
{Xehal} "Well, I think I like lightning or—"
{DDLO} "Great! You'll have darkness and lightning. You could have asked for immortality or something. Your humility makes me so happy!"
{Xehal} "Hey, what do you mean immor—?"
Muted by the sudden disappearance of my mouth, I began to fade away. Which is weird, because I didn't have a mouth to begin with.
{DDLO} "Good luck, Xehal."
Xehal? Was that my name? Before disappearing, I made sure to raise the middle fingers of both hands at him.
When I opened my eyes, I was near a large stone wall with guards standing before a wooden gate. I looked at my reflection in a puddle: I'm a kid. I must be about 11, but I have no hair. Another joke from that idiot god? I walked toward the guards, faking a scared expression. I noticed that on their spears, just below the tip, they carried a light green gem that glowed faintly. I told them I had been mugged and hit with a stick on the head, and that I had lost my memory, probably from the blow.
{Guard 2} "If you lost your memory, how do you know you were mugged and hit?"
Ah, a smart one.
{Xehal} "Because when I woke up, my head hurt, there was a stick next to me, and I don't have any money on me."
They looked at each other and agreed to escort me while one laughed, saying "How foolish," and adjusted his spear. I don't think I can beat these guys. Though, more importantly: Why haven't I had hair since I was 11? Was I always like this? Is this a new body, or is it based on my previous life? Did I even have a previous life, or am I just a puppet in some strange game by that god?
Many questions, but oh well, what can you do? The guards took me a few kilometers from the city to a village called Finisterreh. I was adopted by an elderly ex-adventurer who taught me how to fight, because apparently, someone who lived that long in a job where you die young is trustworthy. Or so the guards said when they basically tossed me into his house to save themselves the trouble.
Anyway, today, at fifteen years old, I can finally register as an adventurer. For some reason, it's something I haven't been able to get out of my head since I first heard of it, as if it were a desire carved into my soul. A remnant of my previous life, perhaps?
I spent the last four years doing various jobs and training with the old man in the forest. It seems it's super abnormal to have two elements like me; although I'm not the only one, it's still a very low number. Thanks, idiot god?
Normally, people are born without the ability to control elements naturally, but they have certain skills they can learn and use with their energy. Then there are others blessed with something called "Divine Unicities," or just Unicities, which grant them all sorts of supernatural powers. Though so far, I still don't know what things are considered "natural" in this world...
And finally, there are those like me: Elementals. People who, from birth, are capable of creating and controlling elements from their own bodies. Usually, it's just one, though there are cases of two or more, and it can be almost any type of element or substance—not just five or six elements.
As I headed toward the village exit, I waved goodbye to the people I had lived with for the past few years; some with tears falling, others giving me gifts for my journey, and some who were happy because I would no longer destroy hunting zones and scare off animals with the explosions caused by my training.
Obviously, with the old man possessing a Unicity and me being an Elemental, the people had no choice but to adapt to us being a natural disaster. They couldn't complain much either since, ever since I arrived and started training, not a single monster remained in the area. We kept clearing more ground around the village, so in these years, no one died from monster attacks, and peace reigned. If you don't count the daily explosions, of course.
A small stone bounced off my head; I turned to look, and everyone turned the other way, whistling. I smiled; I knew who it had been, but there's no time for this. I gave one last wave and left the village.
I was now heading toward the city, where the West Adventurers' Guild was located. Every country has at least four guilds; I say at least because besides the big four headquartered in each country, there are also unique individual local guilds. The four general guilds have pretty easy names representing the four directions: North, South, East, and West. Though they are diminutives, they carry the name of the city—for example, "Tariareth West" is where I'm headed.
Why was I going to the West Guild? Because it's the closest one. First, I'll check all four and then decide which to join. Yes, that's the most sensible thing. Arriving at Tariareth, I sighed; after years, I was back in this place. I wonder if those guards are still hanging around somewhere. I headed toward the nearest guild, asking for directions from the people I passed.
However, when I arrived, something was off. It looked like an abandoned mansion with no banners or distinctions of any kind. Strange, the man I asked pointed me in this direction. I turned to leave when the door swung open and a young girl with grey hair and bright light-blue eyes full of worry and some kind of hope grabbed my arm and pulled me toward her. As if a cry for help were coming from her delicate mouth, with fine features worthy of a royal, she said:
{Elisah} "Wait! You son of a bitch, you can't just leave me like that. I'm Elisah."
{Xehal} "Eh? I'm Xehal."
{Elisah} "You came to register for my guild, right, Xehal?" -she stepped on my foot subtly- "Right?"
I nodded with a cold sweat. What the hell? Was that some kind of power?
{Elisah} "That's what I like to hear. Welcome to the Breakfast Guild!"
With a smile, she tightened her grip and escorted me—definitely not against my will—inside. To my surprise, there were only women inside.
{Xehal} "Are you sure I can come in? Isn't it ladies-only?"
{Elisah} "It's the hero's fault." -she replies, biting her lower lip and squeezing my arm tighter-
{Xehal} "Hero?"
{Elisah} "It doesn't matter! Let's get you registered before he gets here and—!"
The door slammed open.
{Coblan} "Before who gets here? My dear Elisah."
A blond knight in dazzling armor entered with three young girls. Elisah was furious.
{Elisah} "Coblan, you bastard son of a bitch! Shouldn't you be sucking the King's ass or something?"
{Coblan} "Such sweet words... as warm as ever to receive me, my dear."
With a confused smile, he looked toward me, then arched an eyebrow and turned back to Elisah.
{Coblan} "And who's this baldy?"
{Elisah} "None of your business."
{Coblan} "Oh, but it is, my dear. Only those worthy can enter this high-level guild. Letting just anyone in could damage our reputation."
{Elisah} "Oh please, you're just bringing those bitches in to boost your ego, you disgusting drone!"
{Coblan} "Not at all, they have proven they deserve to be part of the guild."
{Elisah} "Based on what criteria?"
{Coblan} "Possessing a beauty so great that they managed to captivate my heart."
{Elisah} "Should I bring you some toilet paper to wipe your mouth? Because everything coming out of it is absolute shit."
{Xehal} "Don't I get a say in this?"
Both turned their heads to look at me.
{Elisah} "Shut up, you piece of crap!"
{Coblan} "Are you still here?"
And so, my adventures with the Breakfast Guild begin.