I woke up in a room darker than a night sky without stars. There was nothing—no walls, no floor, no ceiling. Just darkness. Not the comforting kind that comes with closed eyes, but the kind that presses in, heavy and absolute. My eyes were open. I knew they were. And yet, no matter how long I stared, nothing appeared.
I couldn't feel anything either. No cold. No warmth. No weight to my body. It was like existing without proof that I existed at all.
If anything, the darkness deepened, thickening with every passing moment. And though I couldn't feel my body, I knew my heart was racing. I couldn't hear it. I couldn't feel it pounding in my chest.
Where am I? What even is this place? How did I end up here? I can't remember. I tried to rake my brain to remember.
I was heading home after a night out with Amy and Soo. We were laughing. The streetlights blurred past the windows and then—
The car.
The crash.
Metal screaming.
Glass—
My thoughts fractured, breaking apart before I could hold onto them.
Panic began to rise, sharp and sudden.
And then—
Doors opened.
I was certain they hadn't been there before. No outline. No seam in the darkness. But now they stood before me, cutting through the void like a wound, spilling light that felt inevitable.
"Welcome to Purgatory," a voice said.
Purgatory? Does that mean… I.. am dead?
An angel stood beyond the threshold, expression smooth and unreadable.
"You shall be judged by four," they said. "The four beings most impacted by your actions: the one you were the most cruel to, the one you were the nicest to, the one who was saved by your actions, and the one who died because of your choices."
I laughed once, sharp and hollow. Just take me to hell already.
A pocket of light bloomed beside the angel, smearing something dark within it. The darkness stepped forward, and the light sealed shut behind it.
It was her.
She stood silently, watching me. Smaller than I remembered—no, not smaller. Lower. As if she had always existed slightly beneath my line of sight.
Her eyes met mine, wide and impossibly familiar.
My chest tightened.
I wanted to reach for her. I wanted to touch her.
I wanted to say her name, but it caught in my throat.
She knew me. I could see it in the way she held still, in the way her gaze never wavered. Even after six years.
"The one you were the most cruel to," the angel said.
Cruel.
The word felt wrong. Violent.
"You left," the angel continued. "During her final years, you chose absence."
I swallowed hard.
"You did not come back."
Because I was selfish. Because I was afraid. Because I couldn't watch her fade.
"She waited," the angel said. "Every day. When the door opened, she hoped it was you."
It never was.
I had hated myself for that once. Then again. Then forever.
The angel turned slightly.
"Your next judge: the one you were the nicest to."
I barely heard them.
The memories I'd buried surged back, relentless and sharp. Every quiet moment. Every habit. Every promise I didn't realize I was making.
I couldn't forgive myself.
And neither, evidently could she.
Light shifted beside us.
I couldn't care less who i was the nicest to because as long as—
And she appeared, again. It didn't make sense at all?
"You loved her more than you loved yourself. It was evident in the way you did everything for her. She knows, you'd have taken a bullet for her. You showed her unconditional love, every day."
What? It doesn't make sense… Though it was true. I loved her more than I loved anyone in the world.
Flashes of us surfaced without warning.
Early mornings when she waited by the door like the world wouldn't start until I was ready.
Quiet nights when her presence filled the room so completely I never felt alone.
The way she followed me from space to space like my shadow.
She was with me in everything I did. And I wouldn't have it any other way.
I cried because I had been happiest then.
Because life felt gentler.
Because everything had been survivable, as long as she was near.
I could have survived anything with her by my side.
Love is a powerful emotion, indeed.
"Your next judge: the one whose life you saved," the angel said.
And she appeared again.
I didn't understand anymore. I didn't have the strength to.
"You brought her home," the angel continued. "Her alternate fate was a life without love."
My knees buckled. More than me saving her, I think she saved me.
"And now," the angel said softly, "the one who died because of you."
I broke.
I cried until there was nothing left in me. Everything hurts. Every memory, every choice, every goodbye I never wanted to say.
"You pulled the plug," the angel said.
I shook my head. "I didn't want to."
"She wants you to know it was okay," the angel said. "She was in pain. And it was time."
Silence settled between us.
"It's time for you to go," the angel said.
I didn't care where. I would go anywhere with her.
She moved then—finally. She leapt forward, and I reached out, and after six years, I held her in my arms. And she wagged her tail. Her big brown eyes now wide with excitement, and she licked my face.
I'd go anywhere with her, as long as it meant we could be together.
My best friend.
My child.
My dog.
My companion.
My last love.
Evie.