'Thank you so much, Ose,' he thought, tears of joy nearly streaming down his face. 'All of my patience. All the times I said "no" to awkward fumbles in the back of a Honda Civic because I was waiting for "the one." It has paid off. It has paid off so hard. If you want me to burn dead animals, or light candles in a circle, or dance naked in the woods under a blood moon, just let me know. I got you, you sexy, awesome, naked leopard friend.'
"HOW MANY TIMES DO I NEED TO SAY SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR YOU TROGLODYTES TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?!"
The howl tore through the room, shattering a glass globe lamp and plunging one corner into darkness. Marchosias stood at the head of the table, chest heaving. His fur was standing on end, making him look twice his size. His teeth were bared in a snarl that promised immediate, lethal violence. His amber eyes burned with a mixture of rage and desperation. He looked around the room, challenging anyone to speak, to breathe, to even think about interrupting him.
He was terrifying. He was magnificent.
Zac adjusted his robes, biting his lip. 'God, the wolf is so hot when he's angry.'
The problem was, the intimidation wasn't working. Or rather, it was working, but it was fighting a losing battle against biology. The demons cowered slightly, yes, but their eyes… their eyes kept sliding away from the terrifying Alpha and back to the small, virgin human sitting at the table. They were moths, and Zac was the only lightbulb in the universe.
Marchosias saw it. He saw the glaze in their eyes. He realized, with a sinking feeling, that shouting wasn't going to fix this.
"This is unprecedented," Marchosias said, forcing his fur to lie flat through sheer force of will. "Something our deceptive President seems to toss our way often." He paused, waiting for a chuckle at the wordplay.
The room was silent, save for the sound of Skarg heavy breathing and Bune's middle head making a low thrumming noise like a purring chainsaw.
Marchosias sighed, a long, weary exhalation. "Tough crowd. As I was saying… the Royal City. Intelligence indicates they have been developing a new magical detection system. A tool to root out corruption."
"Sounds like a Halphas problem," Andras yawned loudly, examining his talons. "Scouts and spies and all that boring nonsense."
Marchosias glared at the owl. "As I was saying, this tool has been kept secret. Even our most persuasive tempters have failed to bring back any reliable information. They get close, and then… silence."
"So you're sending in the virgin to fuck the inventor?" Skarg asked earnestly. "I thought the Holy City had plenty of virgins. If they're running low, they can just shift the marriage age down a few years. Humans are gross like that."
Marchosias looked at the caribou with profound exasperation. "Why in the nine hells would we send the Avatar to fuck a human inventor, Skarg? Use your brain for one second."
Skarg shrugged massive shoulders. "People say all sorts of things to each other when they screw. Best way to get info. Everyone knows that."
Marchosias pinched the bridge of his muzzle. "No, Furfur. Just… shut up."
"Hey, fuck you!" the buff deer-man bellowed, half-rising from his chair.
"Sit down!" Marchosias groaned. He turned back to the table, his expression grave. "The detection system relies on spiritual resonance. It detects the stain of sin. The mark of demonic congress." He pointed a claw at Zac. "The Avatar's greatest asset is not his magic, nor his lies. It is his state. The power of the President's Seal seems to be… dampened, masked by his holy purity. To the wards of the city, he reads as completely human. Completely innocent."
Zac felt a strange chill trickle down his spine. While his conscious mind was currently busy undressing Bune… Did the scales continue all the way down or if there was a softer underbelly… his subconscious finally picked up on what the wolf was saying. The words floated in the air, ominous and heavy.
Marchosias gestured to Zac. "Look at him. I thought it was just one of Ose's tricks, a joke for when the Avatar arrived. You know how that tree-cat likes to disguise things."
The group nodded in agreement.
"I thought he was some escaped feed stock when I first saw him," Skarg admitted. "If I hadn't seen the mark, I would have eaten him. Never would have known he was a demon-sworn asset."
Nock nodded sagely. "Yes, but this delicate form is much better. People might be confused if there were two majestic felines running the warband." The lion's eyes suddenly lit up with a thought. He looked over at Zac, beaming. "My dear Zac! Did you contract with Ose because you are a cat person, not a dog person? Is that it?"
Zac opened his mouth, but no sound came out.
"Dogs are humanity's closest companion!" Andras shouted, slamming his hand on the table. "Loyal! Trustworthy! Unlike you overgrown house cats!"
"Canines are the backbone of civilization!" Marchosias barked, seemingly offended on a personal level.
While the demons argued about pet preferences, Zac's mind was walking down a very dark, very upsetting logical path.
Wait, he thought. If the wards detect demonic congress… and I'm the only one who can get past them because I haven't had demonic congress…
The implications crashed into him like a freight train.
My virginity… is the mission asset.
My virginity… is... important.
Before Zac could voice his dawning horror, Skarg beat him to it with a wail of pure, unadulterated grief.
"NOOOO!" the wendigo roared, clutching his head. "YOU'RE SAYING WE CAN'T SLAM-FUCK THIS LITTLE WHORE UNTIL HIS HIPS BREAK?!" He pointed an accusing finger at Zac. "THIS LITTLE TWINK BITCH STARED AT MY COCK THE WHOLE WAY HERE YESTERDAY! THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE STOPPING ME!"
Zac stood up, slamming his hands on the table. "Yeah!" he yelled, desperation overriding all sense of shame. "I could have pretended to be scared when he chased me! He would have caught up! He would have grabbed me, held me up against one of those stone sarcophaguses, and ripped off my clothes!"
The room went silent, save for the heavy breathing of several demons. Zac closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself, caught in the vivid memory of a fantasy that was slipping through his fingers.
"I could have let him slowly breathe his hot, sexy breath on my lower back," Zac whispered, swaying slightly. "Before he bit my earlobe and growled that I was soft… and weak… and that as prey, he had the right to rut me and fill me with his…"
He trailed off, a soft whimper escaping his throat. He opened his eyes.
The demons were staring. Transfixed.
Nock looked like he was about to faint.
Andras had snapped his cigarillo in half.
Bune's middle head was making a sound like a kettle boiling over.
Skarg, in particular, was literally drooling, a string of saliva hanging from his lip as he stared at Zac with the intensity of a collapsing star.
"Avatar," Marchosias said. His voice was flat, tired. He seemed to be the only creature in the room capable of resisting the siren call of Zac's frustrated libido, though his knuckles were white where he gripped the table. "You were sent here to be used for the war. And you will become our spy."
Zac glared at him. "Fine! Whatever! I'll spy! As long as I get to-"
"Our VIRGIN spy," Marchosias barked, cutting him off. "The moment you are deflowered, by demon… or man… your aura changes. You will light up the city's wards like a bonfire. You will be detected, captured, and executed before you can even zip your pants back up."
"Fuck the Holy City!" Zac shouted, pointing a trembling finger at the door. "I don't care about the war! I'm gonna let the deer guy bring me back to the crypt right now, and I'm gonna finally get the dick I was promised!"
Skarg made a hopeful noise and took a step forward.
"No one in this room is going anywhere," Marchosias growled quietly.
The temperature in the room dropped. Shadows seemed to lengthen, crawling out from the corners. The Captain didn't shout. He didn't use the Voice. He simply spoke with the absolute, terrifying authority of a creature that commanded armies of the damned.
"This is not a request, Avatar. This is your mission." Marchosias's amber eyes burned into Zac's. "You signed the contract. You belong to Ose. And right now, Ose needs a virgin. Which means you are staying exactly as you are."
He turned his gaze to his lieutenants, his voice dropping to a lethal whisper.
"And if any of you touch him… if you so much as graze him with an intent to defile… I will personally strip the flesh from your bones and feed it to the lower legions. Am I understood?"