June had left her room and wandered into the kitchen to make herself a cup of warm milk. Her last resolve to call back sleep as most doctors had advised.
The clock on the kitchen wall ticked past 3 am. By now, she'd normally be buried under her sheets, deep in slumber. Instead, she stared at the stillness.
Her phone rang. Keighley had called again.
June hastily snatched it up before the second ring and swiped to answer.
"Heyyy...I'm really worried about you… it's late, but I can come over," Keighley said, her voice heavy with worry.
June pressed the phone closer, shaking her head even though her friend couldn't see it. "No, it's okay."
"Thank you… I don't know how anyone can be as nice as you," She owed Keighley more than she could ever repay. Every breakdown, every spiral, Keighley had been there, supportive and patient.
On the other end came a small chuckle, warm like a hug. "Girl, friends don't owe each other anything... if anything I owe you more."
June smiled faintly through the ache. That was what she believed friendship was meant to be. That was what she had once thought her friendship with Ryan would have at least looked like.
Ryan was a boy of many faces. To the crowds, he had a charismatic charm that drew people in like a magnet. His smile infectious, personality warm and welcoming. In fact he was rarely on his own. But with June, he was a different guy. Calm, quiet, but even still it always felt like he was performing. It devastated her, but she chose to ignore it.
There were times when she wanted to cross the invisible line he had already drawn for he had long crossed hers from the moment he walked into the wrong classroom.
He crossed it over and over again. June didn't stop him. She loved him being around so much that hiding the fear of him leaving was getting harder.
Ryan had seen many of June worst moments. Especially one that dug out a memory she had long sealed away.
That day Ryan and June walked together outside of the library. Ryan carried June's bag and his. They giggled about a joke Ryan had said earlier. They were about to part ways then June heard someone call Ryan's name.
Shivers ran down her spine, she knew that voice too well.
It was Abel.
Someone June had hoped to never meet ever again but there he was, walking towards them accompanied by someone she had seen in Keighley's accounting class.
June had already slipped behind Ryan. Her hand tightly gripping the back of his sleeve.
Abel walked up to them and fist bumped Ryan. June peeped from behind Ryan's tall frame and caught a clear glimpse at him. He hadn't changed at all except for his hair color. What bothered June was not that he was there, but how he knew Ryan. The thought of them being friends made her stomach churn.
"Who that behind you Ryan?" She heard Abel ask.
"She's really shy around new people." Ryan responded slightly moving to the sides to fully shield June.
"Shy...at campus," Abel scoffed. "See you on our next game." He said as he walked off.
When he was out of sight. June crumbled to the ground. Her breathing heavy and fast. The pain in her chest intensified and the world had begun to spin around her.
Ryan squatted down facing her, his expression worried. He shook her but his words were swallowed up by the piercing sound in her ear, growing louder each passing second.
She got up and ran without stopping to her apartment and shut the door behind her. She slid down on the floor against the wall her hand on her chest her breathing still deep and heavy. She searched for her phone in her bag and called in sick for the afternoon lectures and stayed in her bed.
Her phone buzzed with texts. From Keighley, Ryan and her dad and brother. She only responded to her dad.
She couldn't bring herself to respond to Ryan. Especially after he had seen her in that state. What hurt even more was how she was hiding and Abel seemed to have been living well.
The next morning she woke up to a strange text from Keighley :hey June... You know I don't like Ryan but he's desperately looking for you. I also don't like him hanging around me so I've sent him your way. Hope you don't mind.
She had what now. The last person she wanted to meet was Ryan.
Hardly had she had time to clean up and organize her apartment when a knock came in at the door.
Her phone buzzed with another text.
Ryan: heya...am right outside
She stood at the door, phone in one hand. Hesitant to open.
Another text came in.
Ryan: I've come carrying goods.. I was told someone's a sweet tooth.
Still she didn't open the door.
Another text
Ryan: Blue please open the door... Please talk to me... Or at least have this blue velvet cake.
Click.
The door opened wide. He stood there. In his usual dark clothes. With a beaming smile that never ever matched them. In his hand he held a plastic dish with the a large piece of that dark blue cake June never resisted.
"hey... Can I come in please." He begged, tilting his head slightly.
June hesitantly nodded and Ryan stepped in.
"I figured you probably don't have any appetite, but you've got a sweet tooth. You definitely won't resist this." He said as he handed June the cake.
June slipped in the large sofa in her living room her eyes following him as he found his way to the kitchen. He came out holding a plate which he placed on the glass table next to June, then went back for a knife then for a spoon simultaneously.
He slipped onto the floor next to the table then cut a small piece of the cake and with a spoon he offered it to June who shook her head. "June... It would be a waste if you don't eat it... I had to travel far to get it for you."
She glanced at him. His smile hadn't faded yet, his eyes soft but convincing enough. She leaned forward and swallowed the piece off the spoon.
Like always the sweet taste of the blue berry butter icing melted in her mouth soothing away the bitterness in her heart.
She caught a glimpse of Ryan. His chin now supported by his arm. His eyes not looking away. Had his eyes always had a hint of yellow?
She quickly grabbed the spoon from him and with quick scoops she ate the cake. When she finished. He was now smiling. Not wide, simple and soft.
"Did... did you want a piece too?" She suddenly felt conscious of finishing it all by herself.
"No," he chuckled. "But I would have loved to have a taste of the famous blue velvet cake June loves so much. "
"I am...I am sorry...I should have__"
"It's okay... What matters is you didn't starve to death... that..." He picked up a paper towel and stretched his hand to wipe off the small bits around the corners of her mouth. "That's more important to me."
The room fell silent, a comfortable kind of quiet filled with warmth.
She then glanced at him and swallowed heavily then finally spoke."You must be curious about him..."