"Abel?" Ryan leaned in towards her.
"Yes him... Abel."
"Well yeah kinda..." He said touching his nape. "But only if you want to share."
"Yes... I really need to let it out." She sighed heavily her head leaning back. "I feel like I can... Like I can trust you enough to tell you."
"It's okay..." Ryan smiled as he pull himself up. "I won't judge you...I will listen." He added as he sat next to her in the sofa and turned his body towards her.
"Well we went to the same highschool. She started.
"He seemed nice before... When he first came to me, I was a loner, awkward with people... a target for bullies but He brought me into his tribe... Made me feel wanted... He was always there."
She looked down, the pain in her chest returning. " Then he isolated me out... Turns out I was just a bet, a toy he owned, a toy that thought she had finally become human... I ...I was mocked by the same group that welcomed me... I couldn't take the pain and like always, I hid, I ran away... I transferred to another school so I couldn't face him or anyone ever." Her throat tightened, tears that she had been holding in rushed down her face not stopping.
" You know what hurts me more... I still couldn't face him the other day... And I can't erase this fear that you could be another Abel...am sorry."
She felt warm hands cup her cheeks, tilting her head up. "June," Ryan said softly. " Look at me."
June opened her eyes and met his. Looking at her with warm gentle eyes.
"June… I'm not him. And if I ever make you feel like that... Face me, don't ever run away... and I won't talk to him ever again."He said pulling her into a hug gently patting her head.
She smiled, but her fingers gripped his shirt tightly.
A minute later, June pulled away from Ryan, her checks burning. Ryan got up, vigorously brushing his hair back, his ears ruby-red.
"I... should go." he said, as he walked towards the door.
June followed closely behind him.
" Wait a bit, I will walk you down." She said grabbing her shoes.
" No it's okay... You stay and rest." Ryan said as he quickly turned the knob and stepped outside.
" Text me when you get home." She said her voice low.
He nodded and smiled again as he shut the door. Just like that he was gone.
The room felt quieter than usual, Ryan's scent and voice still lingered around June's apartment, the plate with the cake crumbs still in its place on the table. June's lips curled up.
Ryan had left but it didn't feel as empty as before.
No sooner had she reached for the plate than her phone rang. It was Ryan. He heart skipped a beat as she swiped to answer.
"I... forgot something," he said over the phone..
Her brows raised. "You can tell me. I'll bring it to you if you are not far." she replied as she scanned the room.
Her eyes fell on something white on the table.
"A ticket?" She asked over the phone when the read the contents of the paper.
"Ummm... June... " He started his voice with a statter. "There's this carnival the city holds at the theme park once every 6 months. ... So there's like ... there's one this weekend... Would you...like to come with me..."
Her heart started to race again. So loud she was afraid Ryan would here it over the phone.
"I was going to ask earlier but… I chickened out." Ryan added. "So I thought maybe… if I left it there… you'd see it."
June's ears burned. Just them. It didn't seem like a bad idea. " Sure let's go." She quickly replied.
"See you on Saturday then."
Saturday afternoon June arrived at the theme park entrance. She had newly braids, blue and blonde with voluminous curls past hip length. She wore a yellow thin turtle neck blouse tucked in black high waist casual shorts paired with a large denim coat with Ankara straps and sneakers.
Ryan was already there. He wore a plain white T-shirt and denim jeans. Unusually brighter clothes. They suited him more.
June waved to him but he didn't notice, so she walked up to him and tapped him. " Hi,"
He almost jumped...then froze, " Ju-june..." He started a lot recently.
" You look great." He added rubbing the back of his neck.
"You... look.. great.. too." She said her voice almost a whisper.
June didn't know how to respond, it. was the first time she had received a compliment from someone other than family.
Suddenly Ryan took her hand. " Stick with me, wouldn't want you getting lost." He said with a grin.
June wasn't a kid she told herself. But wether it was intentional or not she liked it.
They headed first to the haunted escape room where they screamed together, but June realized she was more terrified of Ryan's high-pitched screams than the ghost actors in the room.
After managing to escape, they dashed through all the different rides, relaxed and a small live band performance, then went back to the rides and games where they won gifts each.
When the sun got hotter, June caught sight of a swimming pool sign leading to not far.
"Wanna swim?" She asked. "It's really hot."
Ryan hesitated before giving her a small smile and nod.
The moment they stepped into the water, he grabbed June's arms, then her shoulders, his grip tight and desperate.
June's heart fluttered against her ribs, a familiar ache that she had started to understand. Ryan didn't seem to notice it. His eyes focused around the pool instead.
"I can't," he finally said breathlessly. "I can't swim...I'm afraid of the water."
June broke into a laugh, she thought he was joking but Ryan's face didn't change. His brow tightened, his eyes darted around endlessly and he hadn't let go of her. It wasn't another one of his jokes. He really was terrified of the water.
"It's okay," she said taking his hands off her shoulders and holding them. "I've got you...I can teach you."
She started with basics but he didn't seem to learn. Every time June asked him to look at her, his eyes darted around the pool instead. His face grew paler and his eyebrows pulled downwards.
Eventually he climbed out. "I don't think I can do it," he said, already wrapping the towel around him. "I don't want to embarrass you."
June left the pool too and followed after him. They had a small meal at an outdoor restaurant. They walked home afterwards, the noise from the carnival faded, the streets were almost empty. Ryan hadn't said a word after leaving the pool.
"Ryan," June started, her voice low. "It's okay… I've got things I'm afraid of too… I could list them if you want me to."
He chuckled softly. "It's okay, June. The pool got really crowded… I didn't want to trouble you. You can always teach me another time." He stopped in his tracks and gently patted her head. "I'll be excited to learn from you."
Her chest tightened, warm flutters spreading through her. She became aware of her feelings in a way that made her stomach both light and heavy. Yet she stayed silent.
Ryan stood beside her looking up at the stars. At that moment she wanted to tell him.
I like the way you call my name.
You make me feel safe.
I think I'm starting to hate you less.
But she was afraid.
Afraid of the eight letters,
the three words.
Why did they feel heavier than everything else she had ever wanted to say..
Dear diary,
I didn't know how to explain what I felt back then,
To care for one so much
Was that what they called love.
How did Ryan feel about it?
~June