Who was there… behind Lior…
It was no one other than…
Akuma Eidoriku.
"…"
Standing there, staring fixedly at the delicate catboy. He looked at him with a powerful emotion in his eyes.
Lior was paralyzed, his eyes opened wide as he stared at his young master. He was shocked to see him in his room at such an hour of the night.
Fear… fear…
His tail, his ears, his eyes, his fur—everything tensed at the same time. His whole body was reacting to Akuma's presence.
What was he doing here? It was night, and it made no sense.
Lior wanted to form a word, but his mouth simply wouldn't move. It stayed open in sheer disbelief.
They looked at each other… both of them…
Both beings, servant and master, stared into each other's eyes, each with a different emotion.
Lior couldn't understand the reason for his master's visit; fear flickered in his eyes.
Akuma stood there with an inscrutable gaze; it was impossible to tell what he was thinking.
Remember… remember!
Lior was bewildered, but he had to react—his master was standing before him for a reason. He had to move, stand up, do what any servant does before their master, show him respect.
Move…
[Lior: Ah… uh… y-young master…]
Lior uncovered himself and stood up as he spoke.
[Lior: Uh… ahem… d-do you… do you need something?]
Lior stood face to face with Akuma, looking him in the eyes.
[Lior: I-it's… very… late… and…]
[Akuma: …]
[Lior: F-for… why did you come to see me?]
[Akuma: …]
Lior asked a question, but Akuma didn't respond—he only stared at him without any visible emotion.
Lior felt increasingly afraid, terrified of doing or saying something that might displease his master.
They stared at each other—Lior nervous, Akuma emotionless.
[Akuma: …]
[Lior: Y-young… master, nya?]
[Akuma: …]
The catboy's tail hung low, swaying slightly back and forth; his ears were fully upright, and his eyes looked at his master with small, hesitant flickers.
Akuma watched… Akuma watched him…
He had him right in front of him. At last, he could be with him.
The reason—his reason—everything came down to this…
Seeing him from head to toe without looking away. Seeing him fearful and submissive. Seeing him with his legs slightly crossed, covering the most exposed areas. Seeing him so delicate, so pretty. Seeing him before him with lovely feminine attributes, while knowing he was a man.
Seeing him… seeing him…
Touching him… touching him…
Touch… touch…
Take… take…
Mine… mine…
[Lior: Y-young master…]
Akuma felt the desire—felt what he had wanted for so long.
[Lior: I-is something wrong?]
He wanted to do it; he couldn't hold back anymore.
[Lior: C-can I help you with something?]
Looking at him—defenseless and submissive.
[Lior: A-are you alright?]
He wanted to feel that pleasure Chiyo no longer gave him; that was why he wanted Lior.
[Lior: Y-young… master?]
Lior stood there, facing Akuma.
Akuma took a step forward…
[Lior: Y-young master… are you—]
[Akuma: …]
[Lior: Ah…]
Akuma grabbed Lior's arm. The catboy startled, his tail moving to coil around his leg.
[Lior: M-master?]
[Akuma: …]
He grabbed his arm… he grabbed his arm…
And…
And…
[Lior: M-master—]
[Akuma: …]
[Lior: W-what are you do—]
[Akuma: …]
He looked him in the eyes.
And…
In a movement full of passion…
Akuma…
Grabbed his face with both hands…
"…"
"…"
"…"
And kissed him.
"…"
"…"
"…"
[Lior: Mmhgmm?]
"…"
[Akuma: …]
[Lior: Mghgmmm!]
"…"
[Akuma: Mhm…]
[Lior: Mghm…!]
"What?"
[Lior: Ahgm]
"…"
[Lior: Ah!]
[Akuma: …]
"…"
Lior lost his balance and fell back onto the bed, along with Akuma on top of him.
"…"
[Lior: Hah… nyahg?]
[Akuma: …]
"…"
Akuma was on top of Lior, in a rather compromising position. The catboy was frightened and at the same time disgusted; he didn't understand what was happening—everything was happening so fast.
"…"
[Lior: M-master… Sir Akuma?]
[Akuma: …]
[Lior: …]
Akuma was over Lior, pinning his wrists against the bed. He stared at him, right in front of Lior.
The cat stared back, not understanding…
[Lior: …]
He looked at him… his face…
[Lior: …]
He looked at him… his eyes…
[Lior: Ah…]
He looked at him… his smile…
"…"
"A smile…"
A smile…
He didn't have it before…
[Lior: …]
"…"
Lior looked at his face and saw his eyes. Akuma stared straight into his.
Both of them—one over the other—like an animal hunting its prey. Lior was restrained by the wrists and his legs were immobilized. He was completely pinned against the bed. He couldn't move; there was nowhere to go.
They stared at each other—a predator and prey, ready to be taken.
Motionless…
Subdued…
[Lior: Master…]
[Akuma: …]
Served…
Taste…
[Lior: Master]
[Akuma: …]
Bite…
Tear apart…
[Lior: Master!]
[Akuma: …]
Take advantage…
Enjoy…
[Lior: MASTER!]
[Akuma: …]
Savor!
Use!
[Lior: MASTER, WAIT!]
[Akuma: Ah…]
TOUCH!
GROPE!
[Lior: NO! NO!]
[Akuma: Ah… yes…]
EAT!
EAT!
[Lior: NO! LET ME GO!]
[Akuma: Yes… yes… YES!]
FEEL!
FEEL!
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO!]
[Akuma: I've got you… YES! YES!]
PLEASURE!
PLEASURE!
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO!]
[Akuma: NOW YES!]
TOUCH!
TOUCH!
[Akuma: I WANT!]
USE!
USE!
PLUCK APART!
PLUCK APART!
[Akuma: …]
TAKE!
TAKE!
NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW! NOW!
[Lior: Ahg… NYO!]
[Akuma: HA!]
[Lior: NO… AH!]
Lior was flipped over, placed face-down against the bed. His hands were restrained by the wrists, leaving him defenseless. His legs were being pinned by Akuma's legs, preventing them from moving. He was in a position of total submission, occasionally biting the sheets.
Akuma was on top of him, preparing to do it.
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO RIGHT NOW!]
Lior struggled with all his strength, but it simply didn't work.
The catboy wanted to escape—he had to escape, he had to free himself, he had to move.
Now!
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO!]
He couldn't. Even though he moved his arms desperately and with all his strength, they didn't budge. Along with his arms, he tried to kick, but his legs wouldn't move either.
[Lior: NO! NO! LET ME GO PLEASE! I DON'T WANT THIS! LET ME GO!]
Lior was desperate. Fear, anguish, terror—everything consumed him. He was trying to escape, but he couldn't.
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO PLEASE! NYA!]
He screamed for someone to come rescue him. He screamed to get away.
No one…
No one was coming!
[Lior: PLEASE! HELP ME!]
Help…
Help!
HELP!
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO! DON'T TOUCH ME THERE!]
Akuma was lifting his skirt.
His master was going to take advantage of him. He couldn't do anything—he was cornered no matter how you looked at it. His strength wasn't enough, and his desperation only made things worse.
[Lior: LET ME GO! LET ME GO!]
Lior moved with brutal ferocity, but it wasn't enough—he couldn't move.
[Lior: NO! NO PLEASE! LET ME GO NOW!]
Akuma was touching something.
[Lior: NO! NO!]
Akuma brought something closer. Lior knew very well what it was. His thoughts blurred, and his tail was grabbed by a hand that yanked it hard.
[Lior: GYAAAGH! IT HURTS! LET GO OF IT!]
Lior's tail was pulled forcefully, making the catboy let out a painful yowl accompanied by tears.
Akuma's left hand was placed on the demihuman's neck, and his right hand held the tail like a belt. He pulled, using pain to subdue the cat.
[Lior: AHGG! I CAN'T BREATHE WELL! LET GO, YOU'RE GOING TO CHOKE ME!]
Lior was being painfully pressed against the bed. Even though his hands were free now, they couldn't reach anything and only got to a dead point. He couldn't defend himself—he was finished.
[Lior: …]
Once again, he felt something behind him.
[Lior: NO! NO! DON'T BRING IT CLOSER! LET ME GO, LET ME GO!]
His mind went blank, thinking only of what might happen to him, and he struggled again with ever greater force.
Akuma was close—he was about to do it.
[Lior: MOVE! GET OFF ME! DON'T DO ANYTHING!]
Lior's breathing was ragged and constantly breaking. Air fought to enter his lungs, but Akuma's hand severely restricted the flow.
Akuma was in full ecstasy, enjoying watching the effeminate catboy writhe in front of him.
He was going to be his…
[Lior: GYAGH! NO! DON'T PUT IT IN!]
Akuma was on top of him, ready and prepared to do it.
[Lior: NOOOO!]
Lior tried to tense up, to protect even a small part of his body. He couldn't—he was completely subdued, like an animal laid out on the bed.
[Lior: WHRYY-NYAUN! LET ME GO, NYA!]
The catboy growled with fury as a last attempt to instill fear—a wild animal being broken by an abusive man.
Akuma only felt pleasure and excitement from that reaction. He was even more determined now.
[Akuma: …]
Ready…
He was doing it… just a little more…
[Lior: NO! LET ME GO!]
Lior cried and screamed in fury. He didn't want to feel that—he was terrified of it.
He wanted to escape, but he couldn't. Why did he have to suffer that fate?
[Lior: I DON'T WANT THIS! PLEASE!]
He was going to feel it. It was going to hurt.
[Lior: LET ME GO!]
He was afraid—terribly afraid.
[Lior: LET ME GO!]
He wanted to escape…
[Lior: LET—]
"…"
…
"…"
And he felt it.
"…"
[Lior: NYAAHG!]
[Akuma: …]
"..."
...
"..."
...
"..."
...
"..."
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"…"
Someone was hearing…
"…"
Sounds—screams, gasps…
"…"
Someone was listening…
"…"
Moans of pleasure and pain…
"…"
Someone was outside…
"…"
Crying, crying and crying…
"…"
Someone was blaming themselves…
"…"
For everything that was happening…
"…"
Someone was feeling…
"…"
Real sounds, real moans…
"…"
Someone was living…
"…"
Every second, enduring it…
"…"
Someone already was…
"…"
Dominated by the master…
"…"
Someone resisted…
"…"
Against the suffering…
"…"
But…
"…"
That someone learned…
"…"
That it was impossible to live with it…
"…"
Long ago, she had suffered it and had already given up; letting people walk all over her was better than worrying about emotions.
Losing one's sense of touch was salvation. Letting oneself be lost was the right thing. Letting oneself be touched was inevitable. Losing oneself in despair was no longer worth it. Life is not worth it. Luck plays with you. Living is heavy, and lamenting it is useless. Being a slave is awareness. Being a slave is part of being. One is born with life already defined, and accepting it is one's duty. Change is worth nothing; change is impossible. Destiny is lived and fulfilled even when it is not desired.
Losing oneself is the cure to suffering—to pain, to despair, to fear, to terror, to people, to the slave, to the mind, to thought, to living, to the end, to death, to feeling, to touching, to taking, to violating, to running, to arriving, to waking, to eating, to swallowing, to thinking, to enduring, to carrying, to using, to taming, to breaking, to shattering, to peace, to misery, to abusing, to receiving, to drinking, to spitting.
Seeing yourself in the mirror is disgusting…
Seeing yourself is disgusting…
You don't recognize yourself, because you have changed, and your suffering will come back to collect its due wherever you go. Innocent or guilty, you will live in misery and despair.
Hitting yourself is useless; you will never wake up, because what you are living is not a nightmare—it is the raw and cruel reality that the world has imposed on you simply for being born.
Just breathing, after so much…
Just feeling, after so much…
You become a stranger to yourself and lose yourself; every abuse to your body and mind changes you, until you accept that it will never change and that your destiny forces you to think this way.
Getting used to it is the only way you have to survive, because any other emotion you feel will remind you of every time your hope has betrayed you. Because losing oneself is the reason one remains standing, and feeling any emotion only makes you go backward.
Because feeling is a disgrace, but as a human being you don't want to die, so you keep clinging to every ledge on the mountain, to keep going and going, climbing. If you look back, you will see your corpse, and the fear of dying will keep holding you, until you decide it is time to collapse.
You will live and live in misery and betrayal, because you, as a selfish being, want to live.
That is why stopping wanting, feeling, holding on, and simply climbing is better than suffering, even though you realize that either way you suffer, and that suffering is your life—your reason has been created from the moment of your birth.
Losing oneself is the faith that keeps people alive; being abused innumerable times simply makes you get used to it. It is the passage of life that disgusts you, but because of your stupidity you want to keep living.
"…"
But…
"…"
But…
"…"
But…
"…"
[Chiyo: He doesn't have to live this…]
Lior at this moment was being tortured, subdued, abused. The cat boy was an innocent person who simply had bad luck. He fell into a black pit that could have been avoided, for his gaze was that of a pure and clean person.
[Chiyo: I could have… prevented it…]
From this moment on, Lior's thoughts are going to change; his mind will be corroded by the poison of society. He will never be able to be the same again, because his trauma will be too great. Losing your pride and being subjected to this situation is the worst fate that could have befallen him.
[Chiyo: Don't cry…]
His tears will fall, his gaze will turn pale, fear will take over, and pain will remain.
He will never forget again…
His trauma, the aberration, the rape—this will stay in his head, and it will be his task to endure it throughout his life.
[Chiyo: His thoughts…]
The world will become hell, and all his days will be routine. Every step he takes will be one step closer to suicide. Walking a tightrope full of thorns overlooking a ravine will be an everyday thing. Suffer and suffer—he will be reduced to an object.
[Chiyo: No…]
Looking at himself in the mirror will disgust him; his body will no longer feel like his own, unrecognizable from the person he used to be. Touching himself and feeling pleasure will be tortures he will face every day, and his fear will turn into something meaningless. He will understand that his life is no longer his and that he will only be a disposable and reusable object.
[Chiyo: Lior…]
He will hear his voice with disgust and remember every sound he made at this moment. He will live an endless hell, live in constant torment that will never leave him.
His life will be obstructed by his miseries and fears; his future will be dictated by the dance of suffering. Every step he takes will be a thousand kicks to his conscience, which will soon break.
His feelings will no longer matter to him; his destiny will not concern him; his life will be his burden until its very end.
[Chiyo: Today… I…]
Looking at yourself and saying no is such a horrible feeling. Looking at yourself and saying, "this body is no longer pure," because your virginity has been taken from you by force. You will feel dirty; you will feel like a whore who sells their body to anyone.
[Chiyo: Don't… think like that…]
That is horrible…
[Chiyo: Lior…]
Life is better than one thinks… right?
[Chiyo: Sorry… s-sorry]
Blaming oneself is useless, especially when you suffer for another person. Chiyo should be aware that crying over this is foolish.
[Chiyo: But I… if I had helped you…]
Understanding that there is no salvation is part of life. All of this is for the boy's own good; he has to stop wanting so that later it won't be so difficult.
[Chiyo: I don't want… no one deserves something like this…]
But life is like this; destiny cannot be changed. Life will go on—he can end it.
[Chiyo: No one should want to die… life isn't made for that.]
Learning to live… is the only reason for your filthy and selfish existence.
[Chiyo: If I had warned him… if I had helped him escape… I don't know… I could have done so many things!]
But you didn't, because you know he has to learn.
[Chiyo: F-forgive me…]
It's not worth lamenting, because the pain will only flare up.
[Chiyo: Forgive me… Lior…]
Living in misery, living in filth. Chiyo should have learned that.
[Chiyo: I'm still crying… over these things…]
She hasn't learned anything; she still has a kind heart. No matter how much she tries and tries, she simply can't.
[Chiyo: Sorry… sorry…]
She's pathetic, you're pathetic, I'm pathetic.
[Chiyo: Sorry…]
She's stupid, you're stupid, I'm stupid.
[Chiyo: Sorry…]
You're worth nothing, you're worth nothing, I'm worth nothing.
[Chiyo: Lior… I'm sorry…]
Whore…
Slut…
[Chiyo: …]
"…"
Chiyo was crying… her arms wrapped around her legs, sitting against a wall, beside the door to Lior's room.
Tears fell; her eyes were closed, her mouth pressed against her knees.
She cried…
Her soul was in anguish; she heard all the unpleasant sounds from the other side of the wall.
She cried…
Moans… of pain, of anguish, of sorrow, of fear, of terror—each moan marked a sentence upon Lior's mind. Pleasure would mix with trauma.
[Chiyo: …]
Alone, she sat there crying.
Alone…
Alone…
Alone…
She cried.
Alone…
Alone…
Alone…
Lost…
Lost…
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
"..."
[Lior: …]
The catboy was lying on the bed, motionless.
[Akuma: Ah…]
The catboy was motionless—or rather, he couldn't move. Lior had completely collapsed on the bed; his body didn't respond, and not even his eyes blinked.
Akuma was sitting at one end of the bed, speaking his thoughts out loud. He felt fulfilled, happy, and tired.
[Akuma: Rest, tomorrow you'll have a lot of work, you know?]
[Lior: …]
[Akuma: I suppose it was your first time, right? So it's important that you recover.]
Lior's pajamas were torn from the middle, completely ripped, leaving all the skin of his back and legs exposed.
The blond-haired man was leaning with one hand on the mattress, staring at the wall in front of him and turning his head several times as he spoke. His gaze always returned to Lior's broken body.
[Akuma: You didn't last long… that always gets fixed with time. You're very useful and you have good capacity. Your body isn't a problem; your physical condition isn't the best, but it's not necessary to change it either.]
[Lior: …]
[Akuma: For next time, take care of those aspects; it's your duty to understand me. In any case, there's no rush—you'll last me a long time.]
Akuma looked at him with a smile of genuine amusement.
Lior simply didn't move, because his strength no longer existed. His pain no longer mattered, because he no longer felt anything. He was simply lying there, unable to do anything but stare to the side.
[Akuma: Tomorrow I'll let you be; I don't want you to break so soon. Or rather, I don't want you to break.]
[Lior: …]
[Akuma: You'll make me very happy these days. Chiyo couldn't anymore, so you'll do it for her.]
The master looked at his fingers as he rubbed them together, then glanced at the cat to the side.
[Akuma: Rest, okay? You're very important to me; I don't want anything to happen to you.]
[Lior: …]
[Akuma: Later you'll learn to enjoy it and to obey me properly; everything takes time. This is the first encounter of many—you're mine for a long while, so take care of yourself, all right?]
The master got up from the bed, looked around until he spotted his clothes, then walked over and picked them up.
Lior couldn't look; his body no longer received orders, his mind no longer worked. He simply stared at his sheets with vacant eyes. His face showed no emotion, since his collapse didn't even allow him to cry. The only things on his face were mucus and dried tears, along with drops that still clung to his skin.
Akuma finished getting dressed and gave Lior a quick glance. He saw the catboy collapsed and broken, sprawled face-down on the bed. His eyes said nothing; the shine they once had was completely extinguished. His limbs were stretched out as if he were dead—but Akuma knew very well that he was alive.
Akuma's eyes opened, and his lips curved into a look of calm. He felt fulfilled; all that time holding back to finally release it here had been worth it. He kept looking at the catboy, then turned back toward the bedroom door.
He walked to it with determined steps, grasped the knob, and turned it. He turned to look one last time at the catboy, destroyed on the bed. He gazed at his naked body with satisfaction, then returned to the door.
He left the room without making much noise, so as not to wake the other maids who were sleeping. Although, very likely, because of Lior's screams and moans, everyone was well aware of what had happened.
The lord of the Eidoriku house looked outside, glancing to both sides to see if anyone had seen him, but no one was visible.
He left satisfied with everything he had done to Lior; he felt renewed and confident, as if his vitality had been restored.
[Akuma: It was a great performance… but he can still improve.]
He kept thinking about his body, which put him into a state of mild ecstasy.
He walked on, toward his room…
Until, in the distance of the hallway, his silhouette was no longer visible.
"…"
…
"…"
[Lior: …]
He was tired. He wanted to die, but he couldn't. His body wouldn't let him do anything.
In fact, even his thoughts were only suppositions, because he couldn't know what he was thinking. He only felt—and at the same time, he didn't.
He was lost within himself…
He didn't recognize himself; his body wasn't his, because if that body were his, he would never have felt this.
I…
His emptiness was beyond representation; his emptiness was a bottomless pit; his emptiness was falling and falling into something the ordinary human couldn't understand.
His life…
Was he being punished? Maybe everything that was happening was a dream, or perhaps it was a divine experience meant to pay for his sins. This doesn't feel real; it would never be like this.
He…
Everything could be a lie; it could be a simulation. Maybe he had never been born and was only being mentally controlled.
[Lior: Lior…]
Maybe he was a stranger who wasn't himself, and that same self wasn't the "me," and the "me" wasn't his Lior, and that "he" was Lior but not really, because he wasn't himself and I'm not like this because I've never felt this, but I know I'm me while also not being, because Lior is someone different and I'm not Lior but Lior is him and I am me and we are all me and Lior is Lior and I am me and he is he and we're all the same but we don't know why he and I and Lior are different but…
[Lior: Lior… is sad…]
Lior is someone who isn't me because Lior is someone different, and he is Lior because I am another person, but at the same time I'm also Lior, so I am him, me, and Lior, but also I'm not them because Lior would never be abused and he would be someone different from me, and I am not me because I never felt this and Lior has never felt this or maybe he did feel it but he is different from Lior and he…
[Lior: Lior… wants to escape…]
Lior is someone alive who is with me because I am me; also Lior feels cold and is afraid, but he shouldn't have to suffer that because I don't want that, and I'm afraid because my hair hurts and my mouth hurts, and Lior's whole body hurts, but Lior can't feel because I don't know what he's feeling, because Lior shouldn't be me, and Lior should be better than himself, because I have to be better than him…
[Lior: Lior… wants to die…]
Dying is Lior, and I am Lior, so I want to die and he does too, so we want to die, but they don't want to either because dying is ugly and dying surely hurts, and I don't want to feel pain because Lior doesn't want to feel pain because I don't want to suffer and he doesn't want to suffer because I don't want to suffer and I don't want to suffer and I don't want to suffer and I don't want to suffer…
[Lior: Lior… wants…]
What Lior wants, I don't know either, but I don't know what I want because I am Lior and Lior is him, and I don't want to and I don't want to suffer, but I also don't want to live because living is suffering, but if I die he would die, and if he suffers Lior suffers, and if I suffer I don't want to suffer because suffering is bad, bad, and no, because no, and I don't want to and I am not…
[Lior: Lior… to live…]
I want to live because I don't want to suffer, because if I die I die and I suffer, but if I die I suffer, but if I live I suffer, but it's better to suffer alive than dead because if I live I suffer, but he would endure it because he is Lior and I am also Lior…
[Lior: Lior…]
To live… To live… To live…
[Lior: Lior… he is me…]
To die… To die… To die…
[Lior: I am Lior…]
But I want to live, but I am Lior, so I want to live, but everything is dark, but everything is fading, but he is leaving because Lior is fading because I am dark and I am seeing black, but…
[Lior: Lior…]
My eyes are closing, but I am Lior, so Lior's eyes are closing…
[Lior: Lior… wants…]
I am seeing nothing, I see nothing, I see nothing.
[Lior: Lior… wants…]
I want, he wants, and Lior wants…
[Lior: …]
"…"
…
[Lior: Lior… no longer wants to suffer…]
"…"
…
[Lior: Lior… wants…]
"…"
…