The light after the rain was soft, golden. The sun was breaking through the rare clouds, illuminating the schoolyard, still wet after the recent downpour. Drops of water glistened on the leaves of the trees, on the metal railings, and on the colorful ribbons that were hung all over the school grounds. The air smelled of damp earth, wet asphalt, and something sweet it seemed someone had already started selling cotton candy.
Everywhere hung posters with inscriptions: "Welcome to the festival!", "Graduation year!", "Dance while you're young!". There were many people, students, parents, teachers. Everyone was making noise, laughing, discussing their plans for the evening. Music thundered from the speakers installed on the stage, and its bass could be felt even in the ground.
The festival was moved forward by one day. It was supposed to start tomorrow, but because of the rain forecast, they decided to hold it today. Now everything was ready: tables with food, drinks, sweets, a stage for performances, and even a small photo zone with paper flowers.
Renji stood in front of the mirror in his room and adjusted his suit. A black jacket, a white shirt, a tie, he put on everything that his mom had prepared. He combed his hair back, although he usually walked with it loose. He looked at himself in the mirror and smiled. It seemed okay, decent. He even felt like an adult, almost like his father in old photographs.
- Renji, are you ready? Mom shouted from the kitchen.
- Yes, I'm coming out now, he replied, adjusting his tie one last time.
He grabbed the keys and put them in the pocket of his jacket. Mom came out into the hallway and looked at him with a slight smile.
- You look so handsome, she said. Just like your father in his youth.
- Mom, stop it, Renji got embarrassed. I'm just going to the festival.
- I know. But you still look handsome. Go, have fun. Just don't forget your phone.
Renji nodded, kissed his mom on the cheek, and left the house.
He quickly walked toward the school. The sun had almost set, and the evening light made everything around golden the roofs of houses, the foliage of trees, even the asphalt under his feet seemed warm and cozy. Renji walked and thought about how much had changed over this year. It seemed to him that he had become different, more mature, more serious. Although inside there still lived that same boy who was afraid of the dark and loud sounds.
Only when he was already approaching the school did he remember the phone. He had left it on the table by the bed. Renji wanted to go back, but then waved his hand: okay, I'll manage without it. He didn't want to be late for the festival because of the phone.
He entered the schoolyard. It was noisy everywhere. Music was playing, students were dancing, someone was already eating cotton candy, someone was drinking juice from plastic cups. The air was saturated with laughter, voices, and the smell of fried sausages.
Renji ran his gaze over the crowd and immediately noticed Aya. She was standing by the stage in a light dress, talking with Haruto and Raiden. Her light hair shone in the light of the lanterns. She looked calm and happy, and from this Renji felt warmer inside.
He approached them, trying not to spill the good mood that had been accumulating all evening.
- Hi, said Renji, smiling.
- Hi, Aya responded. You look great today. As always, though. Where's your phone? I called you.
- I forgot it at home, Renji spread his hands. Left it right on the table.
- Maybe you should go get it? Haruto asked. In case something important comes up.
- It can wait, Renji brushed it off. I'm here, with you. What's going on?
- Oh, everything according to plan, Raiden replied, smiling. Dancing, music, food. Too bad Genzo isn't here.
- I miss him too, Renji admitted. But he'll be back soon, I know.
- I hope so, Haruto sighed.
Renji looked around. Students were having fun all around, music was playing, somewhere younger children were laughing. He tried to be in the moment, to feel the joy, but his thoughts involuntarily took him to the past. He remembered Asura. She was found dead in the forest. They said she hanged herself. At first he didn't believe it, Asura was strong, daring, she would never have done something like that. But the facts spoke for themselves: she hanged herself. Her mother couldn't stand it and committed suicide too. This news swept through the school like a bolt of lightning. No one wanted to believe it, but everyone remained silent.
Renji felt something clench inside. No, he shouldn't think about this now. This was a holiday. He should be happy.
- Hey, are you okay? Haruto asked. You look thoughtful.
- Yeah, just all sorts of thoughts, Renji replied.
- Don't worry, Raiden smiled. Today is a holiday. We'll go all out.
Renji smiled back. Although inside it wasn't as calm as he would have liked. He looked at Aya, who was laughing at Haruto's joke, and realized: no matter what happens, he would remember this evening. Even if everything around was falling apart, these moments would stay with him.
But he didn't know that those who had not planned to dance had already entered the crowd.
At that time, eight figures approached the main entrance of the school.
They were wearing strange purple costumes and white rabbit masks with long ears. The clothes were uniform, almost like a uniform, only one of them stood out with a slightly more confident gait. She held the center, the others slightly behind, like a retinue, like shadows.
They approached two guards at the entrance. Those looked warily at the uninvited guests.
- Good evening, she said. The voice under the mask sounded slightly muffled but confident. We are a theater group. We were called to perform at the festival.
One of the guards, an elderly man with gray mustaches, frowned.
- I didn't hear about any performance, he said. We have other groups on the list.
- The organizers said they warned the security, she continued without faltering. They asked us to replace one group that didn't arrive. We're in a hurry, literally an hour ago they called.
- Who called?
- Ayako-san, she replied without hesitation, naming the teacher who was actually organizing the festival.
The guard hesitated, then nodded.
- Okay, go through. But no nonsense.
- Of course, she replied and moved forward.
The others silently followed her, like a pack after its leader. When they passed the gates, the girl in the center raised her head and looked around. Behind the mask, her eyes were cold and attentive. She was looking for someone in the crowd.
It was Kaoru.
She scanned the territory with her gaze. There were many people. Music thundered from the speakers. Someone was dancing, someone was drinking juice at the counter. She was looking for Renji, but he was nowhere to be seen.
- Let's go around the corner, she said quietly but firmly.
The group moved behind the school, to an old wooden bench standing in the shade of thick trees. It was quiet there, almost deserted. Only the singing of birds and occasional shouts from the playground could be heard.
Kaoru sat down on the bench and took out a folded sheet of paper from under her costume.
- This is a map of the school, she said. I bought it yesterday in an online store. It's not just the school; before there was a slaughterhouse here. Six years ago they built this building, but the old basements remained. Over there, under this corner, there's an old storage room. No one goes there. We can use it.
She unfolded the map, and everyone bent over it. Kim whistled.
- Clever, he said. But how do we drag him there?
- We have three plans, Kaoru continued. First: we just enter the crowd, knock him out with something heavy, a frying pan, for example, and drag him away. Kill witnesses. But this plan is immediately discarded. Too many people, too risky. Plus it's primitive.
She looked around at her people.
- Second plan: Ria approaches him, asks him to step aside to take a photo together. She takes him by the hand and leads him to a deserted place. We'll be waiting there.
- And if he doesn't agree? Ria asked.
- He'll agree, Kaoru said confidently. He's polite. And especially today is such an important event for him.
- And the third plan? Kim asked.
- Third: we use Aki. Renji doesn't know him. Aki approaches, starts a conversation about something neutral, for example, asks where the toilet is or how to get to the stage. Leads him to the right place. We approach from all sides.
Aki nodded. There was not a shadow of doubt on his face.
- Good, said Kaoru. Me, Aki, Kim, Oota, and Ria go for Renji. The rest, spread out across the school if someone arrives, for example the police, then call. Then on the call everyone gathers and quietly to the storage room. I already moved the necessary tools there last night, don't worry about that. Bought them at the market.
Mina stepped forward. Her eyes were shining.
- And what about that slut Aya? She's always with him.
- We'll leave her for later, Kaoru replied coldly. If needed, we'll remove her. But first Renji.
Oota turned and asked.
- And what about evidence? There will be blood left on the frying pan, Ria especially will take him by the hand. And if someone notices us? There are too many cameras. Have you thought about this, Kaoru how do we get out afterward? He'll still be screaming. His dead corpse will definitely be found anyway.
Kaoru looked at her attentively and replied.
- We'll take the frying pan with us and Shitori will destroy it so that nothing remains of it, she's a master at this, we can just melt this cast-iron frying pan into an ordinary black lump and throw it into the sewer, that's not a problem, Ria will go wash her hands and wash everything off. We'll climb over the fence and run away along the path behind the school, as I said there's an abandoned slaughterhouse there, I always have the map and compass with me. As for the cameras, yesterday the parents asked to turn them off because they were indignant that the children were simply embarrassed that someone would watch them while they dance, the director didn't argue, and especially before the holiday why cause a scandal. No one will hear the screams, the storage room is behind the school while the festival everyone is screaming. Such a blow with a frying pan to the head gives a sound quieter than 40 dB at a distance of 5 meters. It's physically impossible to hear it in such an environment. The fall of the body even more so, and yesterday we covered everything with fabric. Let them find the corpse, that's not scary, the police won't see us.
Oota frowned slightly and replied.
- I think not everything will go so smoothly, we must run very far.
Kim grinned.
- And this Raiden? This faggot will only get in the way.
- Leave him to me, said Kaoru. If he stands in the way, I'll deal with him myself. He's just a person. All people are just people.
They dispersed. Each headed to their goal, silently blending into the crowd.
On the school grounds the holiday continued. Students danced, ate sweets, laughed. Someone was already tired and sat on benches, someone was actively moving to the music. Lanterns lit up, illuminating the area with soft yellow light. Garlands shimmered, creating a fairy-tale feeling.
Renji stood at the drinks counter, looking at the crowd. In his hand he held a plastic cup with apple juice, but he barely drank. His thoughts were occupied with something else.
He was thinking about his grandfather. A man he had never seen, only heard about from his father. His grandfather Takayama was the head of a gang who held an entire district in fear. He killed, raped, robbed. He engaged in cannibalism, practiced necrophilia. He built his empire on bones. And all this for money. For some philosophy of instincts, as his father said.
- Instincts do not lie, Renji recalled his father's words. He himself did not believe in this. After all, if instincts are so strong, why do people still choose happiness? Why don't they kill each other at every step? Renji could not find an answer.
- Hey!
Renji shuddered in surprise. He turned around and saw a girl in a white rabbit costume in front of him. She stood alone, holding a phone in her hand.
- Hi, she said. The voice was cheerful, but there was some tension in it. You're Renji, right? I saw you last week at football. You played great.
- Thank you, he replied, surprised by the compliment.
- We're just taking photos for memory here. Today is the last day at school, and I want to capture everything. Would you like to take a photo with us? It won't take much time.
Renji looked at her. A girl in a mask, but her voice was kind, without threat. He thought: why not? After all, it was just a photo.
- For what purpose? He still asked, just in case.
- For memory, she smiled. Today is the last day of happiness at school. A photo is like a memory. You don't want to forget this day, do you?
Renji shrugged.
- Okay, let's go.
She took him by the hand and led him a little further from the crowd. Renji followed her, not feeling anything suspicious. After all, it was just a holiday. And she was just a girl who wanted a photograph.
They stopped at the back of the school, where it was quiet and almost no one was there. Here the trees grew thicker, and the lanterns shone dimmer.
- Stand here, she said, stepping back a couple of steps and raising the phone. Turn a little.
Renji smiled and stood as asked.
- You don't look like a student, he said, examining her strange costume.
- And I'm not a student, she replied. I just want to remember this day. And you.
It sounded strange. Renji frowned but didn't have time to say anything.
Oota silently slipped out from around the corner. In her hands was a heavy black cast-iron frying pan. She swung and hit Renji on the head. With a dull thud, without a cry, he began to fall.
Ria managed to catch him under the arm so that he wouldn't fall and attract attention.
- Quickly, she said, throwing his arm over her shoulder.
Oota looked at them, smiling slightly.
- The first step is done, she said quietly.
The hospital ward was flooded with soft morning light. Outside the window birds were singing, somewhere in the corridor footsteps of nurses and muffled voices could be heard. Genzo lay on the bed, staring at the white ceiling. Today was his last day here. The doctor said he could be discharged if he wanted. Genzo wanted to. He had already packed his things, put them in a small bag, and was only waiting for the moment when he could leave this place.
He had almost dozed off when the phone vibrated. Genzo lazily reached out, took it, and opened the message. From Renji's mother. Sleep vanished instantly.
She wrote briefly, but Genzo's heart skipped a beat:
- Renji went to the festival without you. I thought you knew. He really wanted you to be there. The event was moved to today, he couldn't wait. Please, if you can, come.
Genzo jumped out of bed. His heart beat fast, there was noise in his head. He looked at the phone, reread the message, then again. How so? He had told Renji he would come. He had promised. He always promised, but didn't always manage to keep his words. This was the last time. He couldn't let him down again.
- Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck, escaped from him.
He began to type a reply quickly. His fingers were trembling, he mixed up letters, but still sent it:
- I didn't know. I thought it was tomorrow. I'm coming now. Tell him to wait. I'm running.
He looked at the screen, hoping the reply would come quickly. A few seconds later, a beep.
- I didn't know it was moved. He's very upset. He waited for you all day. Please come. He misses you. He said he thought about you all morning. He's afraid you won't come back.
Genzo squeezed the phone in his hand so tightly that his knuckles turned white. He was in a hospital gown and underwear. There was no one around. He couldn't wait for someone to bring him clothes. He couldn't wait a single second. Time was slipping away like sand through his fingers.
He ran out of the ward.
In the corridor, a young nurse, a girl with dark hair tied in a ponytail, tried to stop him. She saw him and fearfully stepped back, but then tried to grab him by the arm. She shouted, there was concern in her voice.
- Genzo-kun! You can't! You haven't been discharged yet! Where are your clothes? Why are you in a hospital gown? Are you going to run away? This is against the rules! If they see you like this on the street, there will be problems! Go back to the ward!
Genzo sharply turned around, and his eyes burned with such fire that she involuntarily let him go. He looked at her; in his gaze there was despair and determination mixed with pleading.
- Out of the way, he shouted. Just out of the way. I need to get to my friend. Please, don't stop me. I can't wait. This is a matter of life and death. At least for me.
His voice broke. The nurse froze in place, not knowing what to do. She wanted to say something, but Genzo had already turned and run down the corridor, waving the flaps of his gown. The slippers loudly slapped against the tiled floor, but he didn't even feel them.
He ran out into the street. Fresh air hit his face. His legs carried him forward by themselves. The wind beat against his face, blowing the gown open. Passersby turned and looked at him with surprise and fear. Mothers pressed their children to themselves. Elderly people shook their heads. But Genzo didn't care. He was running to the school. He had to make it. He had to see Renji. He had to tell him that he was here.
When Genzo ran up to the school, he was already out of breath. His lungs were burning, his side was stinging, his legs were trembling, but he didn't stop. He ran up to the main entrance, where two guards stood. They immediately noticed his strange appearance, a white hospital gown, underwear, bare feet, wild look.
The guards exchanged glances. The first, a tall man with a short haircut, looking like a former military man, stepped forward, extending his hand in a protective gesture. The second, sturdier, with a square jaw and a wary look, grabbed the radio on his belt, ready to call for backup.
- Stop, the first barked. Where are you rushing, guy? Do you even see where you are? This is a school! There are children here! In that getup and with that look you're scaring people.
- I need to go in, Genzo exhaled, trying to pass by. Please, I beg you.
- You're not going anywhere, the second guard blocked his path, frowning menacingly. Who are you? Why in a hospital gown and barefoot? Did you escape from a psych ward? What the hell are you doing here looking like that? This isn't a circus!
- I need to find my friend, Genzo tried to go around him, but the guard grabbed him by the shoulder, squeezing his fingers so they dug into the fabric of the gown.
- Listen here, guy, said the first guard, leaning toward him. It's not my duty to let strangers in gowns and underwear inside. You look like a psycho who escaped from the hospital. There are children, parents, teachers here. You're scaring people. If you don't leave, I'll call the police, and they'll take you back to the same hospital, already in handcuffs. I'm not joking.
- But I need to, Genzo tried to break free, jerking his shoulder, but the grip was iron. You don't understand. My friend is there. He might be in danger. He's alone. He thinks I abandoned him. You don't understand what's happening. I have to find him!
- What danger? the guard grinned, rolling his eyes. There's a festival here, not a war. Get out of here before we call the police. I don't need problems because of some psycho in a gown.
- I need to find him, Genzo repeated, and his voice broke almost into a shout. It's Renji Asakawa, my friend. He's in danger. Please, believe me. I'm not crazy. I'm just trying to save him.
The guard frowned and looked at the second.
- Did you hear that? He says his friend is in danger. What do you think, maybe he's not lying? What if there's something serious?
- He's lying, the second shrugged. These types always come with stories. Be thankful I haven't called the police yet. Get out of here, guy, before I change my mind.
Genzo couldn't wait any longer. He jerked, rushed forward, knocking the first guard off his feet. That one lost his balance and fell to the ground, swearing through his teeth. The second tried to grab Genzo by the arm, but he sharply turned around, and his eyes met the guard's eyes.
- Just let go, bro, said Genzo, breathing heavily. I just need to find him. That's all I'm asking. I won't harm anyone. I just want to make sure he's safe. Please.
He broke free and ran into the crowd, leaving the guards behind. The first was trying to get up, the second was taking out the radio, but Genzo had already disappeared into the crowd.
Genzo ran through the crowd, trying to make out a familiar face. There were students, parents, teachers everywhere. Someone was dancing, someone was eating, someone was laughing. Music thundered from the speakers, drowning out his cries. Genzo felt his heart pounding, blood pounding in his ears, every breath becoming shorter.
He looked around, shouting: Renji. Renji. but his voice drowned in the noise.
He bumped into someone, apologized, and ran on. Faces, smiles, laughter flashed by, but he was looking for only one face. He was looking for Renji. He had to find him. He couldn't let him feel lonely again. He couldn't let him think that he had been abandoned.
He looked into every group, looked into every tent, approached the stage. Renji was nowhere to be found.
Genzo stopped, breathing heavily. His eyes darted around in search of a familiar face. The crowd around him continued to have fun, and this fun seemed alien to him. He felt lost, and anxiety grew inside. Where was he?
He thought about the fact that Renji had always loved secluded places. He often hid in the old parts of the school, where no one went. Maybe he was there? Maybe he was waiting for him there, hoping that he would come? This thought gave him strength.
Genzo opened his eyes and ran to the back of the school, to the old basement. He had to find him. He had to make it in time. Time was running out. He did not know what was happening, but he knew that he had to be next to him. No matter what happened.
He ran without looking at the road.
The wind hit his face, blowing his gown open. His feet were in blood from sharp stones, but he did not even notice it.
And suddenly he stopped. His heart was beating wildly in his chest.
He felt that he was here. Something told him he was on the right path.
The storage room behind the school was a rectangular room, once serving as a warehouse for sports equipment, but already for decades plunged into desolation. The walls, lined with rotten plywood sheets, were saturated with the smell of dampness, mold, and something metallic, rust, discord, anticipation. In the corners where the light from the single flickering light bulb could not reach, shadows accumulated, alive and breathing.
The floor was covered with dirt mixed with fallen leaves that had made their way through the cracks in the torn boards. In the center of this space, on an improvised cross knocked together from boards and rusty pipes, hung a body. The hands were nailed with nails to the horizontal crossbar; the wrists were bleeding, the blood slowly flowing down the forearms, collecting in the elbow pits and dripping onto the floor, heavy, viscous drops, splashing when hitting the concrete.
The door opened with a prolonged creak.
Eight figures entered. Kaoru was the first to step over the threshold, her steps were soft, almost soundless, as if she was not stepping on the dirt, but gliding over it. The others followed her: Aki, holding a camera in his hands, already directing the lens to the center of the room; Kim, whose breathing was audible in the silence; Ria, Oota, Mina and Yuna, and Ken, closing the procession.
- Shoot, said Kaoru without turning around. Her voice was even, devoid of any intonation, an empty space between words.
Aki raised the camera to his face. The green recording light flashed in the semi-darkness.
- Shooting, he responded. The lens was focusing on the cross, on the flowing blood, on the outstretched hands.
Kim stepped forward, looking into the camera over Aki's shoulder, and whistled:
- Wow, is he already awake? Or is he still sleeping? I want him to see everything. Every moment.
- Quieter, Ria threw, adjusting her hair. Haste only spoils the pleasure.
- Ria is right, Mina picked up, licking her lips. A good torture is like a good dinner. It needs to be savored.
Kaoru slowly approached the center. Her figure cast a long shadow that covered the body on the cross like a black blanket. She stopped a meter from Renji, tilted her head and looked at him from below.
Renji came to his senses gradually. First, hearing returned, the hum in his ears, similar to the sound of the surf, was replaced by the silence of the storage room. Then vision: blurry spots of light and darkness focused into faces, into the ceiling, into hands pierced by nails. He tried to move his fingers, a sharp pain pierced his wrists, passed through his arms, forcing him to exhale hoarse air.
He turned his head. His gaze met Kaoru's gaze.
- Oh, look, said Ken, pushing Yuna with his elbow. He opened his eyes. Well hello, sleeping beauty.
- Shut up, Ken, Yuna responded without malice, but smiled. Let Kaoru speak first.
Images flashed in Renji's mind. He saw her at twelve years old, standing near a tree, on the branches of which hung three small bodies, gray, soft, lifeless. He saw how she touched herself, breathing heavily, how she photographed dead kittens, how she smiled when he asked if she had killed them. "Isn't it cute?" her voice sounded in his head, ringing and light, like the strike of a bell.
He remembered the drunks in the park whom she strangled with headphone wires while they twitched limply, their faces reddened, eyes bulging. He remembered how she beat guys in the gateways, how she broke their fingers, how she drowned him himself in the toilet, laughing when he was choking. He remembered that evening when they were already older, when she offered a deal: to strangle each other and kiss, otherwise, beating. He agreed. He remembered the taste of her lips, the metal of blood and oxygen starvation, her hands on his neck.
- You woke up, said Kaoru. It was not a question.
Oota leaned toward Ria's ear and whispered, but loud enough for everyone to hear:
- He looks so... pathetic. I already like it.
- Wait, Ria replied, rubbing her palms. The most interesting is yet to come.
Renji tried to swallow, but his throat was dry. He made a hoarse sound.
- I... he began; his voice trembled, broke, like an old board underfoot. I didn't do anything... Forgive me, please, for my grandfather, for the years of suffering that he caused you.
Kaoru leaned closer. Her breath was cold, hitting Renji in the face.
- You already did, she said quietly. You exist. That's enough.
- Oh, he's crying! Mina exclaimed, pointing with her finger. Look, tears! How lovely.
- It's not lovely, Kim snorted, it's just water. When the blood starts flowing, that's when it will be beautiful.
- My grandfather... Renji coughed; blood rose to his throat. It was him... I never... caused pain to people...
Kaoru straightened up. She stepped back; her figure separated from the semi-darkness, and Renji saw her take a sledgehammer from behind her back, massive, rusty, with a wooden handle wrapped in electrical tape.
- O-o-o, Ken drawled, rubbing his hands. Sledgehammer. I love the sledgehammer.
- Shut up, let her speak, Yuna pulled him back, but she herself did not hide her smile.
- Your grandfather, said Kaoru, examining the weapon in her hands, fucked the corpse of my mother. She was lying in a ditch, and he used her while the body was still warm. And you walk. Breathe. Exist as a continuation of his gene, his rot.
- Oh, harsh, Oota commented, coming closer. In his place I would have already pissed myself from fear. But he's holding on. Well done, of course, but in vain.
- No... I'm not like him, Renji whispered.
- Yes, Kaoru replied. And today, while we gathered here, your parents were driving to a picnic with your older brother. They thought today was a good day. Sunny. Shitori helped arrange the accident. Brother in a coma, father died instantly, mother too. Exactly the same. Instantly. Without pain, unlike what awaits you.
Renji froze. His eyes widened, pupils trembling.
- You... are lying...
- She's not lying, Aki intervened, not taking his eyes off the viewfinder. I myself filmed the aftermath. It turned out beautiful. The car, smashed to pieces, glass, splashes, blood on the asphalt. Good shot. Too bad you didn't see it.
- Aki, you're such a romantic, Mina laughed. You always see beauty in the details.
- Ask him, Kaoru nodded toward the cameraman. He knows. He always knows. He films everything. For the archive. For history. To show our life path.
Aki slightly turned the camera, filming Renji's face in close-up, and added:
- I even found the perfect angle. The light falls so that your tears shine. Amazing.
- Family, Kaoru continued, is an illusion. Laws, illusion. God, illusion. I rejected all these frameworks. I went beyond. The universe begins and ends in my perception. When I look at you, you exist. When I stop looking, you will disappear. But now I am looking. And I want you to know my absoluteness through pain.
- Philosopher, damn, Kim grunted. Kaoru, you are too smart for this shit. Just hit him already.
- Don't rush, Ria rebuked him. She knows what she's doing.
Kaoru took a step forward, raising the sledgehammer.
- Please... Renji cried; tears mixed with blood on his cheeks. No... please...
- Oh, how pathetic, Yuna drawled, shaking her head. Just like that guy last month. He whined too. But then he fell silent.
- This is my favorite moment, Oota admitted, hugging herself by the shoulders. When they start begging. It's so... nourishing.
- Be quiet, said Kaoru.
She swung. The sledgehammer described an arc in the air, whistled, cutting through the silence of the storage room.
The blow landed on Renji's right leg, just below the knee. There was a crack, first muffled, then ringing, like a dry branch breaking underfoot. The bone did not crack immediately: the sledgehammer got stuck in the flesh for a fraction of a second, then broke through it, passed through, hitting the wooden beam of the cross.
Renji screamed. The scream was piercing, inhuman, bursting from the chest with such force that the veins on his neck bulged.
- Now that's a sound, Ken admired, clapping his hands. Do you hear? Pure, like a bell!
- Shut up and let us enjoy it, Yuna threw at him, but she herself smiled contentedly, listening to the scream.
But the storage room was lined with fabric, old dirty sheets hanging on the walls, which Aki and Ken had stretched in advance. The sound was absorbed, dying in the folds of the material, not going outside.
- I like how the sound dies, Aki noted, not taking his eyes off the camera. As if we are in a separate universe. Only us and his pain.
- You're right, Ria agreed. It's intimate.
Kaoru released the handle of the sledgehammer. She stood, looking at the broken leg, at the strange angle at which the foot now hung. Then she turned to the table by the wall, where the tools lay.
- We need an axe, she said.
- An axe? Mina asked again, jumping in place. Oh yes! I adore the axe! Can I hold it?
- Not now, Kaoru cut her off.
Ken came closer, picked up the axe from the floor, heavy, with a long shaft, the blade of which was sharpened to razor sharpness. He handed it to Kaoru.
- Here, boss. Sharp, like my jokes.
- Your jokes are dull, Oota grumbled, but picked up the sledgehammer from the ground, weighing it in her hands. But this is sharp.
Kaoru took the axe with both hands. The weight was familiar, comfortable. She approached Renji, grabbed his broken leg by the shin. Her fingers dug into the soft fabrics of his trousers, into the muscles beneath them.
- No! No! Renji thrashed, but the nails held tight. Blood from his hands flowed stronger.
- Look, look! Mina exclaimed, tugging at Ria's sleeve. He's twitching like a rag doll.
- Yes, Ria agreed, licking her lips. I like how he thrashes. It adds dynamics.
Kaoru raised the axe.
- You are part of the chain, she said. You are a link. And I am breaking it.
- Go on, Kaoru! Kim shouted, clenching his fists. Cut off his fucking leg!
Strike. The blade met the bone just below the knee, where the tubular bone had already cracked. The sound was different, wet, crunching, with the whistle of tearing tendons.
- Wow! Yuna exhaled, pressing her hands to her chest. That was unexpectedly loud.
- Be quieter, Ken hissed at her, but he himself watched with burning eyes.
The axe did not go through immediately; he had to pull it out, yank it, strike again. The second blow reached the flesh, the third, to the remains of the bone.
- Just a little left, Oota sang, humming some tune. One more time, Kaoru, come on!
The leg separated. Kaoru held it in her hand, heavy, bleeding, still warm from life.
- Oh god, Mina exhaled, covering her mouth with her palm, but her eyes shone. She took it. Right in her hand.
- Throw it here! Kim shouted, pointing to the floor next to him. I want to examine it closer.
Kaoru threw the leg aside. The body fell to the floor with a wet slap.
- Plop, Aki stated, changing the angle. Excellent sound. Let's record it.
Renji squealed. It was a sound that a human should not make, high, intermittent, without words, without meaning, pure physics of suffering.
- Listen to him, said Ken, closing his eyes and slightly swaying to the rhythm of the screams. This is music.
- You're abnormal, Yuna laughed, but also closed her eyes for a second.
- We are all abnormal, Ria responded. That's the fun of it.
The others stood around, watching. Ria and Oota exchanged glances and smiled at each other. Mina lowered her gaze to the floor, but immediately raised it again, unable to tear herself away. Yuna stood motionless, hands behind her back, but her fingers trembled with excitement.
Kaoru dropped the axe. It fell onto the concrete with a metallic clang.
- I need gasoline, she said, heading to the table.
- Oh yes! Mina exclaimed, clapping her hands. Are we going to set him on fire? Are we going to set him on fire!
- What else do you think they do with gasoline? Kim snorted. Pour on salad?
- Don't be smart, Ria rebuked him.
Kaoru took a plastic canister, unscrewed the cap. The smell of gasoline instantly filled the storage room, pungent, chemical, burning the mucous membranes.
- Gasoline, she said, returning to the cross. Cleaner.
- Pour, pour! Ken shouted, rubbing his hands. I want to see how he burns!
She began to pour over Renji. The liquid splashed on his suit, soaked into the fabric, flowed down his face, got into his eyes, making them sting and water. He coughed and choked on the fumes.
- Come on, Kaoru, Yuna encouraged her. Make him wet. Very, very wet.
- Shut up everyone, Kaoru said evenly, but pleasure was heard in her voice. I know what I'm doing.
Aki slightly lowered the camera, directing the lens at the stream of gasoline, and said briefly, with a slight grin:
- Pour more. More. So that everything is properly soaked.
- Do you hear? Kim picked up, coming closer. Aki said more. Don't skimp. We have a full canister.
Kaoru did not answer, but tilted the canister stronger, gasoline poured thicker, flooding the chest, shoulders, face. Renji wheezed, trying to turn away.
- And he's dodging, Oota noticed with admiration. How funny.
- Don't... he wheezed. It hurts so much... please...
- He's begging, Ken stated, spreading his hands. Well, we are kind. We would stop... if it wasn't so much fun for us.
- Fun? Mina asked again, pressing her hands to her heart. I'm having a blast. Goosebumps all over.
- You will burn, Kaoru agreed. This is transmutation. From flesh to ashes. From pathetic existence to absolute absence.
- Beautifully said, Yuna approved. Record it, Aki. This will go into the archive.
- Already recording, Aki responded, not taking his eyes off the camera.
Kaoru took out a lighter. A simple, metal one, with a lid. She opened it. The flame flared up, small, bluish, almost invisible in the semi-darkness.
- Oh, now, now, Ria whispered, clutching Oota's shoulder. Now the most delicious part will begin.
- Quiet everyone, Kaoru commanded. Listen.
She brought the fire to the lower edge of Renji's trousers. The fabric was soaked with gasoline; ignition happened instantly, with a dull pop, with a flash of orange light that illuminated the entire storage room.
- Yes! Kim yelled, throwing up his hands. It caught fire!
- What a beautiful flash, Mina admired, looking at the fire with her mouth open. Like fireworks.
- Only the smell is better, Oota added, sniffing. Gasoline, blood, burnt meat... heavenly cocktail.
The flame crept upward. First slowly, licking the fabric, then faster, engulfing the thighs, stomach, chest. The smell changed: to the smell of gasoline and blood was added the smell of burning wool, plastic, and then, meat.
- Do you hear how he squeals? Ken asked, putting his palm to his ear. This is simply a symphony.
- He has a high voice, Yuna noticed. Unexpected for a guy. But I like it.
Renji squealed with new force. He thrashed on the cross, but the nails did not let him break free. The flame enveloped him; the skin began to bubble, blacken, crack. The fat that had melted from the subcutaneous tissue began to burn itself, supporting the flame.
- The skin is bubbling, Aki commented, focusing the lens on the details. This is my favorite stage. The texture is so interesting.
- You're a maniac, Aki, Oota laughed, but added with respect: But talented.
- And I want to try, said Mina, pulling out a small knife from her pocket and approaching the burning body. Can I?
- Go ahead, Kaoru allowed, not taking her eyes off the fire.
Mina pierced Renji's eye with her knife; it made a gurgling sound, and dark liquid flowed from the orbit, hissing on the fire.
- Oy, Mina exhaled, stepping back with trembling hands. That was... awesome.
- My turn, said Kim, approaching from the other side and starting to kick the burning legs. Hey, you little bitch, do you feel it? I'm your personal masseur.
- Don't overdo it, Yuna threw, but she herself came closer, examining Renji's burnt fingers. And his teeth are still white, look.
- Exactly, Mina picked up, already bolder. Let's pull out a couple? I want a souvenir.
She began to pull out Renji's teeth, getting a lot of pleasure from the process, and threw them on the floor, where they clinked against the concrete.
- Collect them, she ordered Oota. I'll make beads later.
- Ugh, Oota grimaced, but took a couple of teeth from the floor. But the idea is good.
Ken and Yuna stood and laughed, watching as Oota continued to hit the burning legs with the sledgehammer, spraying sparks.
- Look! Yuna exclaimed. Sparks, beautiful!
- Shut up and watch, Ken replied, not taking his eyes off.
Aki continued to film; the lens focused on the details, on the bubbles bursting on the skin, on how the flame burned through the fabric of the suit, exposing the meat. The camera recorded the sounds: crunch, crackle, squeal turning into hoarse sobs, then into silence.
- What do you think, does he already feel it? Ria asked, turning to Kaoru.
- He feels everything, Kaoru replied with a slight smile. Until the very end.
- Cool, Ria exhaled. Just cool.
The process took an hour. An hour during which Renji lost consciousness, then came to from a new wave of pain. An hour during which the flame changed color, from bright orange to blue when the internal organs burned, to white when the bones began to crack from the heat.
- Wow, said Kim when the flame became blue. Safety precautions. We arranged a chemical experiment.
- And now white, Mina whispered. I haven't seen that before.
When everything was over, an charred skeleton remained on the cross, hanging on the nails. A little skin remained on the back of the head and back, baked to the wood.
- Beautiful, Oota exhaled, looking at the skeleton. Like art.
- Now that's what I understand, Ken agreed. A real masterpiece.
The air in the storage room was unbearable, a mixture of burnt meat, plastic and human smell.
- Well then, said Kim, wiping his hands on his pants. Today was a successful day.
- Very successful, Yuna confirmed, nodding.
Kaoru stood in the center, looking at the result. Her face was illuminated by the deathly light of the extinguished flame.
She raised her hands, slowly, tenderly, as if embracing the air.
- He's dead, the son of a bitch. Finally.
- Dead! Ken yelled, clapping his hands. De-e-ead!
- Quieter, Ria pulled him back, but smiled. No need to disturb the solemnity of the moment.
Kaoru turned to Aki.
- That's it. Stop filming.
Aki moved a little, still looking into the viewfinder, and sighed.
- Too bad. Such good material. But understood.
Kaoru roughly pushed the camera with her hand. It fell to the floor with a dull thud; the lens cracked.
- Idiot, she said calmly. I said enough, fuck.
- Okay, okay, Aki raised his hands, stepping back. That's it, I got it.
Silence returned to the storage room. Heavy, full, absolute.
- Well, what now? Kim asked, looking into the faces of the others.
- Now? Kaoru asked again, looking around at everyone. Now we know that the world has become a little cleaner. Let's get out of here.
- And what about... Ken began, pointing at the skeleton.
- Let it hang, Kaoru cut him off. This is memory.
They went to the exit, eight figures, leaving behind the charred cross and absolute silence.
White light. Endless, merciless, pure. It was everywhere. It had neither beginning nor end. It simply existed, just like Renji. He did not know where he was. He did not know when it began. He did not know how long he had been here. Time had no meaning here. There was only this, white light. And his thoughts. His voice. His soul, which was screaming in this void.
He did not feel his body. He did not feel pain, did not feel cold, did not feel anything. Only light. And himself. And what he carried inside.
- Why? he asked aloud. The voice sounded muffled, as if he was speaking from another reality. Why can't I just disappear?
He did not wait for an answer. There was no answer. And there could not be one.
He thought about how it all began. How he first realized that his life was not life. It was simply existence. Simply waiting. Waiting for the end that never came. He was like an object. Like a thing that could be used, thrown away, forgotten. He was simply a place where people put their pain.
I never wanted this, he said. I never asked to be who I am.
He did not know to whom he was saying this. Maybe to himself. Maybe to the one who was above him. Maybe just to the void.
He thought about Kaoru. About her eyes empty, cold, indifferent. She looked at him as at an object. As at something that needed to be destroyed. And he did not know what he had done to deserve it. Maybe nothing. Maybe she was simply looking for someone who could carry her pain. And he became that someone. He always became the one to whom suffering could be passed on.
I didn't want you to suffer, he whispered into the light. I didn't want anyone to suffer because of me. But you suffered. And I suffered. And everyone around suffered.
He thought about his guilt. It was everywhere. It was in every his step, in every his word, in every his thought. It was like a second skeleton that he carried inside himself. He tried to throw it off, but it had grown to him, became part of him.
- Forgive me please.
He thought about Genzo. About how they met. How Genzo looked at him that day. In his eyes there was no fear. There was no pity. There was only warmth, warm, calm, like light. And Renji felt then that for the first time in his life he was not alone. But this feeling did not last forever. It left, like everything else. And he was left alone again. Again with emptiness.
- Why didn't you stay? he asked, addressing the image of Genzo that appeared in his head. Why did you leave? I was waiting for you. I always waited for you. And you returned. But every time you left again. And I remained waiting. And waiting. And waiting.
He did not know whether to blame Genzo for this. Maybe not. Maybe Genzo was also a victim. But it did not matter. The pain remained. It was more real than anything else.
- I will never forget that day, he said. That day when I first saw you. You were standing by the wall and looking at everyone. You were like a challenge. Like a question. You were saying: "I am here. And I don't care." And I wanted to be the same. I wanted to be like you. I loved you, Genzo, I always loved you.
But he did not become like that. He became himself, the one who could be destroyed. The one who could be forgotten.
- I tried, he said. I tried to end the past. I tried to forget everything that happened. But it did not give me peace. It was inside me. It was screaming. It was crying. It demanded that I not forget.
He thought about what life was. It was not what he had imagined. It was not joy, not happiness. It was pain, endless, all-consuming, inevitable. It was like the white light omnipresent and empty.
- I am tired, he said. I want to disappear.
He fell silent, feeling how his words dissolved in the light.
- I am tired of pain, he continued. I am tired of tears. I am tired of the fact that every day I wake up and feel only emptiness. I am tired of the fact that my life is just a series of losses. Loss of hope. Loss of faith. I can no longer believe in myself, I am not even capable of that. Powerless, unhappy.
He thought about how he tried to find meaning. How he searched for something to cling to. But everything he found was an illusion. Everything he held in his hands turned to dust. Everything he loved left. Everything he wanted to preserve disappeared.
He thought that his life was terrible, full of tears, pain and hallucinations. But it was his. And only he could choose what to do with it. Only he could decide: to give up or continue to suffer.
He made his choice. Before his birth, everything had already been predetermined: he would suffer forever, no matter where, no matter with whom. The cycle of eternal suffering had come.
He sank to the ground. It was warm and soft, as if lined with petals. He lay on his back and looked up. The light was still there. It was everywhere. But now in this light outlines began to appear. Purple roses. They grew out of nowhere, stretching toward the sky, toward the light, toward him. They were beautiful and at the same time frighteningly real. Their petals softly touched his face, as if trying to comfort him.
Renji reached his hand upward, into the endless white light. Into the endless emptiness. Into nowhere. He felt his body becoming lighter, how it dissolved in the light, how it stopped existing. The purple roses slowly closed over him, enveloping him in silence.
The light became brighter. The roses closed over him completely. He felt his consciousness slipping away, how his soul was freed from the body, how he stopped being who he was. He stopped being Renji. He stopped being anyone.
He was disappearing. Slowly. Smoothly. Forever.
The white light swallowed him completely. The purple roses disappeared with him. Only emptiness remained. And silence. Eternal, endless, merciless.
There was no more Renji.