Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Those are the words that chanted inside the mind of sixteen-year-old Hani Koshin as she stared into the eyes of her crush—Gi Geonho.
They both stood under the bleachers without saying a word. But Hani's mind was running hundred miles per hour. She had never felt this urge before. It coursed through her veins faster than blood as time slowed between them. This was it. She had been waiting for this forever. The hallway glances. The smiles. The jokes. The unspoken chemistry that her best friend Junee couldn't resist talking about. This was the moment she was going to get her first kiss, she just had to wait for a sign. Preparing herself, she had earlier put on her strawberry lip balm that not only smelled sweet but tasted good. But Geonho's focus wasn't on her lips, her eyes or even the way she dug her nails into her palms, making them bleed. It was the bandages peeking beneath the sleeve of her hoodie and wrapped up thighs. He lifted his eyes only to then notice the cut on her upturned lips.
Hani tucked her fingers behind her hair. His tense face contrasted with her smile.
"I like you!" Hani finally revealed, gripping her sleeves and shutting her eyes.
And, suddenly all his senses were clearer than ever. He could hear his own heartbeat racing with the sudden pouring rain. Her bare skin drumming against the rain drops. The sky might have been angry but it did not represent her heart at all. That was beating faster with each second that passed.
"Go inside." he took off his jacket and put it over her.
Hani pulled the jacket closer to her.
"Let's talk tomorrow...Hmm?" His eyebrows curled.
Hani stared at his eyes, hoping to see a glimpse of what could be hidden in his heart but all she saw was his dark hair strands dripping with the rain.
He turned around, walking away. The rain forcing itself through his clothes that were now clinging onto him.
"Geonho! Wait!" Hani ran in front of him, his jacket falling in between them.
Geonho's eyes moved to the jacket. He calmly picked it up and handed it to her.
"You're going to get sick." he said, his voice solemn.
"Then what about you?" she shot back.
What about you? Don't you like me too? How do you feel? Read your heart to me because I can't!
The words never passed her lips. They just stayed heavy on her mind.
"I saw you." he spoke.
"Saw what?"
"That day... at the bridge. I saw you with him."
"Him? That guy on the bridge? I was just helping him."
"With a kiss?" His voice grew stronger.
"Barely. It was barely even a kiss, Geonho."
Geonho opened his mouth and then closed it. Hani noticed it all.
"What? I fell! It wasn't on purpose!" She walked closer to him.
"Did you get those cuts with the fall too?"
His finger lingered over her lips. Deep down, they both wished it was just that, a fall.
"Your dad still hits you?"
"Geonho—."
Geonho pulled her in and enfolded her.
"I'm sorry." he said, resting his head between her shoulder and neck.
Hani tried to break free. "It's okay, really." she said, but he squeezed her even more.
"I'm really sorry." he repeated.
"Why are you saying that? " her voice starts to break.
They stayed there as their heart reached the places the rain couldn't.
That was the last time, Hani saw Geonho. The last time for what felt like years.
***
"Quiet down, everyone! We have a new student joining this class!"
The students went quiet and went back to their seats.
The girl calmly stepped inside the classroom and stood next to the teacher.
"This is Hani Koshin. She'll be with us till graduation. Welcome her." the teacher explained.
Everyone greeted her but she felt like she couldn't look them in the eyes. It wasn't like this was the first time so why did she feel so anxious?
"Why don't you tell a little bit about yourself?" the teacher asked.
"I like to-."
"Kiss people?" someone intervened. "Aren't you the famous H-girl? Pay and you might get other benefits, right?" they said, laughing in-between each sentence.
Hani's whole world stopped. She had changed schools to run away from the rumours and the bullying only to be remembered the same here. She used to let it go. Ignore all the insults. Bite down the pain. But she just couldn't anymore. Maybe, it was because she had enough of it or maybe, she knew nothing would change unless she did.
"Hey! What's wrong with you!"
"Hani Koshin! Get off of him!"
"She's crazy!"
"What the hell is wrong with her?"
"Yo, we got another psycho in our class!"
Before she knew it, she was on top of the guy. Punching him until they both laid under a pool of blood.
"Kiss-Kiss Hani sounds cute, why is she going crazy over something childish?"
Kiss, kiss?
Those are the words that rang in the eighteen-year-old Hani's mind, carving into her skin. Tearing through her veins. Screaming inside her mind as she stared into the guy's bloodshot eyes. She never felt this urge before. The urge to pull someone's eyes. If he had never seen her then this time, she would have been able to start again. Honestly, she wished she could do it to Geonho instead. If he never saw her that day on the bridge, nothing would have happened in the first place.
This time she knew it. If she ever sees Gi Geonho, her eyes will be the last thing he'd ever see.
Suddenly, someone's phone rang.
The whole classroom fell silent as the chorus of the song echoed through the room.
"Kiss, kiss, kiss~!"
This was the first day, something snapped inside Hani.