"…"
"How long do I have to endure this shit?"
I said to myself, filled with despair and frustration—
frustration and despair born from my current situation.
I couldn't see anything.
I couldn't hear anything.
I couldn't feel anything.
I had no body, and if I did have one, I was incapable of moving it.
The only thing I could do—and still do—was simply exist.
A situation in which I have been trapped for God knows how long…
At first, I tried everything I could to escape this hell, only to realize that I was imprisoned within my own consciousness. Something, that I never thought It was possible at all..
"Hahaha, how fucking funny!"
I said to myself, remembering the story I had read before dying—a story in which the protagonist's fate at the end of the book was to me, one of the worst destinies that could ever befall a human being.
A destiny that I was now experiencing myself, in flesh and blood.
"I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream."
That was what I jokingly said when I first realized my miserable and pitiful condition and tried to scream for the first time after awakening in this state.
At first, I thought it was a dream. I refused to accept it—until I remembered what had happened moments before I "woke up" here.
I still remember how I ended up here.
I still remember how I died trying to save that child from an assailant.
I still remember the pain of the knife piercing my insides, and the cold sensation as I bled out.
I still remember that mixture of heat and cold caused by the wound and the loss of blood.
To be honest, at first, I accepted my death calmly and without resistance, because I believed that after dying, I would either go to heaven or simply cease to exist…
If I knew this would happen, I would have never saved that child.
I would have never done what I did.
I would have never sacrificed my own life for the one of an unknown child.
To be honest, regardless of whether I would have gone to heaven or not, the truth is that I regret what I did. And this is something that it will not change.
I know many people would say that saving someone is one of the most righteous or even courageous acts a person can do in their life, etc..
However, at least for me, everyone who says such things can go and fuck themselves.
Yes, saving someone is good—but at the cost of my life?
At the cost of never seeing my loved ones again?
At the cost of never seeing my friends?
At the cost of leaving all of them behind?
At the cost of never being able to hug them again or tell them how much they meant to me?
Never.
If it had been someone close to me, it might have been worth it—but a stranger I had never seen in my life?
Fuck no.
Some will say that a child's life is worth more, that I did the right thing, and blah blah blah.
But who decided that that child life is worth more than mine?
With what right can someone say that?
Would anyone be willing to trade the life of their mother, father, brother, sister, wife, or daughter for that of an unknown child?
No, right?
But forget my words—or my delusions since they were and are merely the thoughts of someone driven by madness, regret, or frustration.
"If I had another chance…"
"I would never give my life for someone else."
I said this within my mind, filled with regret and anger.
Moment in which a light suddenly appeared.
The light illuminated everything around me—and eventually blinded me completely.