Before leaving the Kingdom, we managed to collect Brain. He came back with some surprisingly useful information.
"The Empire is hiring 'Workers,' you say?"
"Yes," Brain replied. "I heard it directly from some adventurers and Workers I know, so it's a solid lead. Apparently, there's no sign of the annual war preparations this year, either."
Annual war... Every time I learn something new about the Re-Estize Kingdom and the Baharuth Empire, I'm left wondering what the hell they're actually doing.
"Many Workers are heading toward the Kingdom, and I've heard rumors that some of the Kingdom's adventurers are making their way to the Empire. If you want to gather information that isn't public knowledge, now is the perfect window."
Brain bowed deeply. Momonga looked over at me before leaning on his staff and speaking.
"An opportunity to gather intel like this is too precious to overlook."
War season was approaching, yet there were no signs of conflict. Both sides were in a state of high alert, focused on information gathering. Slipping into that chaos to collect data was a sound strategy.
"If a war does break out, we could use it to gain fame. That would make our activities outside Nazarick significantly easier," Momonga mused.
His idea was to send people into the ranks of the adventurers and Workers to gain both information and renown simultaneously. However, sending out NPCs and Guardians always felt risky—their general disdain for humans was a massive liability.
"I have already reached a decision," Momonga announced. "I will select one of the servants of Nazarick to accompany me as an adventurer for information gathering."
A wave of murmurs rippled through the gathered Guardians and the Pleiades. Albedo called for silence, though I could see her wings twitching with excitement.
"Kawasaki," Momonga turned to me. "Will you stay here in Nazarick?"
"No."
I answered instantly. I wanted to see the outside world for myself. I was tired of hearing about it second-hand from Clementine, Lilliette, and Nigun. Honestly, I was also a bit exhausted from the Guardians and NPCs interfering with every little thing I did.
"But Kawasaki, even if you can fight in your human form, your stats are a concern. I can use Perfect Warriorto become a front-line combatant and handle any situation, but you don't have that flexibility."
"Since when is this about combat? You're going as an adventurer, so you need fighting power, but that's not my role."
Besides, even as a human, I still possessed the Cookman's absurdly high base stats. Even if I couldn't use certain skills, the self-defense techniques I'd mastered in the real world hadn't faded—if anything, they felt sharper. I wasn't looking for a fight, but I could certainly hold my own.
"Still, Kawasaki. If we consider the worst-case scenario—"
"I'm not going to war. I'm going to look at restaurants in the Empire and find some Workers worth scouting. Where's the danger in that?"
Our eyes locked. It was clear neither of us was going to back down.
"Kawasaki. I'll say it one more time. Stay in Nazarick."
"And I'm telling you: No. Don't make me repeat myself."
The atmosphere between us turned heavy and tense. I felt bad for the Guardians and NPCs who were looking back and forth, clearly terrified that the two of us were at odds, but I wasn't budging.
"Are you certain?" Momonga asked.
"Completely."
I'm just worried about you, Momonga's eyes seemed to say. I knew that, but I wasn't a child. He didn't need to hover, and he clearly wasn't going to let me go without a fight.
"You aren't just looking for a change of pace, are you?" I asked, narrowing my eyes. "You're not planning to dump all the management of Nazarick on me while you go play adventurer, right?"
"I... I would never do such a thing!"
He was totally thinking it. I let out a sigh and stared him down. If he was going to be difficult, I had my own ways of dealing with him.
"Fine. I'm not a monster. I'll give you a choice."
The room went dead silent.
"Either we settle this right now by force, or you give me permission to leave for info gathering. You decide, Momonga."
A commotion far louder than before erupted throughout the Throne Room.
+++
Wh-what should I do...? If Lord Kawasaki and Lord Ainz actually fight, it could mean the end of Nazarick as we know it!
"You want to fight? You and me?" Momonga asked, sounding stunned.
"If that's what it takes. Though I'm not planning on using violence."
I saw several people let out sighs of relief, but the tension was still high. I understood Lord Ainz's perspective—he was worried about Kawasaki. But I also knew Kawasaki was right; there were types of information that only a chef could gather.
"I want to see the world, and I have my own methods of gathering intel. You know that, don't you?" I pressed.
"I do, but if there's even a sliver of risk, choosing the safer path isn't wrong," Momonga countered.
We were at a total stalemate. The air was thick with the killing intent and anxiety of the servants. Finally, I reached into the void, pulling something from my inventory.
"You think an item can stop me?" Momonga asked.
"It can if it's this."
I pulled out a mannequin wearing a... very specific outfit. It was a purple, furry piece of "armor" that covered almost nothing.
"The Dangerous Beast costume?! I thought you destroyed that!" Momonga shouted, visibly shaken.
"I kept it for an emergency. If you don't give me permission to leave, I'm giving this to Albedo. Then, I'm going to lock the two of you in a room you can't teleport out of. You know, like one of those 'Rooms You Can't Leave Until You Do X' that Peroroncino used to talk about."
"You're a demon!"
"I'm the Cookman. Big difference."
Momonga stood up from his throne, trembling. If he didn't give me the permit, he'd be trapped in a room with Albedo wearing that.
(Wait, Albedo would definitely lose control,) I thought. It would be like throwing a lamb into a cage with a starving predator. Kawasaki was playing for keeps.
"By the way, Pandora's Actor appraised this," I added casually. "It has an 80% boost to Charm success and increases the target male's libido by 50%."
The "Dangerous Beast" was far more dangerous than the name implied.
"Why would you even have something that hazardous?!" Momonga shrieked.
I tried to ignore Albedo, who was literally vibrating with anticipation. From a servant's perspective, producing an heir for Lord Ainz was something we'd all support with both hands.
"If you agree to that, I'll stay. I'll need to start on the wedding cake and the decorations, after all."
"This is blackmail!"
"Blackmail? No. I'm just accelerating my friend's marriage. So, Momonga... do you want to get married, or do you want to give me the permit? Choose. And don't say 'neither,' or I might forget to make your breakfast tomorrow."
"You... you monster! You devil! Kawasaki!!"
I couldn't tell if Momonga was cursing me or just having a total breakdown. Albedo was making a strange, stifled sound of pure joy. Cocytus was already imagining the future young master, while Aura looked confused and Mare looked pouting.
"Fine! Then Shalltear will go with—"
"Permission granted! But you take two guards! That is my final offer!" Momonga screamed.
"Deal."
We spent the rest of the meeting discussing the logistics of my expedition and the security detail. I spent my time selecting the right servants for the job, but I couldn't help but wonder just how serious Kawasaki had been. Albedo and Shalltear looked genuinely depressed when the meeting concluded, likely because they wouldn't be the ones trapped in a room with Ainz... for now.
+++
As a result of the "negotiation," I was chosen as the guide for Kawasaki's journey to the Empire. I was happy about it; being protected is one thing, but as a human, the desire to see the world is only natural.
"How's the gear? Any issues?" Kawasaki asked.
I looked down at the equipment Lord Ainz had bestowed upon me. It was breathtaking.
"Are you sure I can have all this?" I asked with a smile.
I knew it was partly a reward for helping Kawasaki, but the gear was beyond top-tier. I had a set of light armor made of Adamantite, four stilettos imbued with Fire, Wind, Lightning, and Ice, and a magically sharpened knife. I also had a morning star that deployed magic circles to boost impact damage. The armor was packed with survival abilities like HP boost and auto-regeneration. Any one of these items would be a national treasure in the Theocracy.
"You can speak more casually to me, you know," Kawasaki said.
"I... I don't think I can do that."
I glanced behind him at the two "Subordinate Gods" who were staring at me with pure, unadulterated killing intent. If I spoke to their master without respect, I'd be dead in seconds.
"Don't look so scary," Kawasaki said, turning to them. "Or do you want to go home right now, Shalltear? Entoma?"
The security detail consisted of Lady Shalltear, the True Vampire, and Lady Entoma, the Arachnoid. Shalltear was arguably the strongest combatant in Nazarick, and Entoma was a bug-user who excelled at scouting and personal protection. Entoma was currently using an illusion to appear human, which apparently lowered her stats slightly, but her presence was still overwhelming.
"No, we are not going home. Lord Ainz gave us the task of guarding Lord Kawasaki... and I will even try to get along with... meat... I mean, Clementine."
She definitely just called me meat. I felt a cold sweat run down my spine.
"I shall perform my duties as a guard perfectly," Shalltear added. "I can even... tolerate... Clementine. Yes. It will be fine."
The pause in her sentence was the scariest thing I'd ever heard. I told myself it would be okay as long as Kawasaki was there, but I kept seeing things in the shadows—a mantis with razor-sharp scythes, a blur that looked like a vampire... I'm not going to get eaten, right?
"Alright, Clementine. Lead the way to the Empire. If you see any Workers worth talking to, let me know. Also, for the duration of this trip, honorifics are strictly forbidden. We speak casually."
Why does he keep adding impossible rules?! Speaking casually was one thing, but doing it in front of two terrifying monsters who worshipped him? I'd rather jump off a cliff.
"Also," Kawasaki added with a grin, "every time you use an honorific, I'm removing one ingredient from your next meal."
No! Stop! Please! The eyes of the two Guardians went dead. I could hear them muttering "impossible" under their breath.
"Lord Kawasaki, that seems a bit... excessive, doesn't it?" Shalltear asked.
"Shalltear, that's minus one ingredient."
"Wh-what?!"
Kawasaki was heartless. He actually took out a notebook and made a mark.
"Entoma, how about you?"
"I... I mean... yes. No problem, Lord Kawasaki."
"Entoma, minus one."
Entoma looked like her world had ended. Kawasaki turned to me.
"So, Clementine. Any famous Workers in the Empire we should look for?"
This was a trap. If I used an honorific, I lost food. If I didn't, the Guardians might kill me. I weighed my options for a fraction of a second...
"Hmm... I think mid-tier Workers are better than the famous ones. The big names usually have exclusive contracts already."
I choose food. The glare from the Guardians was painful, but I wasn't going to compromise on a Kawasaki-prepared meal.
"Good! Just like that. I'll even clear those first two penalties since we're just starting," Kawasaki laughed, tearing a page from his notebook and burning it.
He looked like he was having a great time, but I could already see the hellish journey ahead of us.
"Kawasaki, since jumping straight to no honorifics is hard, how about we just drop the 'Lord' and 'Lady' titles for now?" I suggested, trying to find a middle ground.
"Hmm? Yeah, maybe a sudden jump is too much. Let's start with just names, then."
I let out a sigh of relief. Asking a Guardian to drop honorifics entirely was asking for a massacre.
"Let's head out. Hopefully, we can find some useful Workers and the intel Momonga needs."
I nodded and started walking, but I could hear the two Guardians whispering behind me.
(Is it really okay not to use 'Lord'...?)
(I-I don't know... but if we don't guard him perfectly, Lord Ainz will be furious!)
Kawasaki pretended not to hear. He said he wanted to make Nazarick "friendly," but I was starting to realize how impossible that was. We hadn't even left the area yet, and my stomach was already killing me. I should have let Nigun or Brain do this, I thought with a wave of regret.
+++
"Let's go, Nabe."
"Yes, Momon-san."
At almost the exact same time Kawasaki left Nazarick, Ainz—now in his armor as the adventurer "Momon"—set out for E-Rantel with Narberal.
***
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