Menu 26: The Outdoor Menu
On our journey to the Empire, I had jokingly forbidden Shalltear and Entoma from using honorifics like "-sama." However, the two of them had taken it far more seriously than I ever intended.
(I really meant it as a joke, though.)
I'd only meant it as a lighthearted tease, like when I threatened to reduce their ingredients, but they clearly didn't take it that way. For a while now, the two of them had been cycling through a dizzying array of facial expressions. Entoma, being an Arachnoid, normally shouldn't be able to change her expression at all, but thanks to the humanization spell I cast on her, her face was now quite mobile. It was almost comical to watch her complexion shift, though knowing it was because of my words made me feel a bit guilty.
"Clementine, how much longer until we reach the Empire?"
I had heard that the Empire was teeming with Workers. Since appearing there out of thin air would surely draw unwanted suspicion, I had opted for us to enter on foot. It served as an effective camouflage to keep us from standing out.
"Hmm, at this pace, if we camp tonight, we should arrive by tomorrow afternoon. If we push it, we could be there by tomorrow morning," Clementine replied.
She asked what I wanted to do, and I told her this pace was fine. Part of me wanted to take in the scenery, but more than that, I had prepared a specific menu for camping. There was no point in rushing and missing out on the outdoor cooking.
"U-um... Mr. Kawasakiiiiii..."
"Pff, hahah! What was that?"
Entoma had tried to call my name, but in her struggle to omit the honorific, she ended up trailing off into a long, awkward moan. I couldn't help but laugh, but Entoma's face went from pale to ghostly white. Is she really that terrified? I wondered.
"You really tried your best not to use an honorific, didn't you?"
Her effort was clear, even if the result was bizarre. I patted her on the head, telling her she did a good job. I hadn't realized that dropping a title would be such a monumental task for them.
+++
"K-K-Kawasaki... S-s-s-s... Mackerel!"
"Alright, let's just take it slow, okay?"
Watching Shalltear repeat the "S" sound like a buzzing cicada before shouting a random fish name, I realized this was a psychological mountain for the NPCs. We continued our slow trek toward the Empire, gathering medicinal herbs and wild plants along the path.
"You laughed, didn't you? Hey! You definitely laughed!"
"But I'm trying so hard..."
"No, no, no! I didn't laugh! I swear! Help me!"
Clementine cried out for help in a tearful voice, so I called her over to walk beside me.
(Are you holding up?) I whispered.
(My stomach hurts so much...)
Seeing Clementine looking so haggard, I felt a twinge of regret. Perhaps forbidding honorifics had been a bit reckless.
"K-K-K-Kawasaki... S-s-s... Salad!"
"Kawasaki... S-s-s... Sandwich!"
It had devolved into complete nonsense. I wondered if the prohibition was making them forget my name entirely. I had already distributed sandwiches for lunch.
"Ugh... if Albedo saw this, she'd never let me hear the end of her petty insults, I do declare..." Shalltear muttered.
"I... I think Yuri might actually be angry with me," Entoma added.
The two of them sat in a gloomy atmosphere, nibbling on their sandwiches. Since they were clearly trying to solve the problem themselves, I decided to stay quiet and wait for them to have a breakthrough.
"Wow, smoked meat, lettuce, tomato, and cheese! This is a seriously luxurious lunch," Clementine chirped.
"Glad you like it," I replied. To me, it was just a quick meal, but as long as they were happy, it worked.
"I-I've got it! It's the way Lord Ainz calls you!" Shalltear suddenly exclaimed.
"Mr. Kawasaki!" Entoma chimed in.
They had finally reached the compromise of using "-san" instead of "-sama." I couldn't help but give a dry smile.
+++
"Alright, let's set up camp here."
Even though the sun was still up, there was no need to push ourselves. Besides, I had brought plenty of camping gear I wanted to use.
"Mr. Kawasakiiiiii."
"Good. Well done."
After a full day, both Shalltear and Entoma were finally able to use "Mr." even if they still dragged out the last syllable. They hadn't slipped up once, which showed their incredible devotion. The "Salad" and "Mackerel" incidents from earlier were almost worth a laugh, and at least they had stopped taking their frustration out on Clementine.
"Kawasaki, should I handle the tents?" Clementine asked.
"Yeah, set up three."
Entoma and Shalltear would share one, while Clementine and I would have our own. It was a basic safety measure.
"Entoma, go gather some branches for the fire and the cooking. Shalltear, you're with me for dinner prep."
"Yes! I'm on it, Mr. Kawasakiiiiii!"
I watched Entoma dash off to find wood. I pulled various tools out of my Infinite Backpack.
"Mr. Kawasakiiiiii, what are we making tonight?"
"Beef and pork skewers I marinated back in Nazarick, and a whole cabbage soup."
I explained that there's a proper menu for every environment. Shalltear put on the gloves I'd given her during the Zy'tl Q'ae incident; without them, her skills made it difficult for her to handle delicate items without destroying them.
"Line these up on the skewers. Keep a good balance of meat and vegetables."
I laid out the ingredients I'd brought in ceramic jars and handed her the metal skewers.
"I'll do my best!"
She answered energetically. I watched with a smile as she meticulously threaded the meat and vegetables. Meanwhile, I placed a whole head of cabbage into a pot with chicken bouillon, added some sliced smoked meat, and let it simmer.
(Perfect.)
In a camp setting, rough, hearty meals are better than anything too fussy.
"Mr. Kawasakiiiiii, I've brought the wood!"
Entoma returned with her arms full. I thanked her, started the fire, and set the pot over the flames. I sat on the grass and looked up at the night sky. Cooking out in the open like this felt incredibly liberating.
"Entoma, stop only picking the meat!"
"But... the meat is so tasty!"
I smiled at their bickering as they prepped the skewers. Once they were ready, I called them over and showed them how to grill the meat properly.
"L-like this?"
"Will it burn?! Is it supposed to do that?!"
The two of them watched the meat over the grill with wide, nervous eyes. I laughed and told them it was fine. It wasn't the camping trip I'd imagined, but it was certainly fun.
"Finally... peace..."
Clementine looked so utterly exhausted from the day's stress that I felt bad for her. I gave her some cream puffs and hot cocoa I'd prepped earlier. Watching her eat with a look of pure bliss, I decided I should probably stop making up rules on a whim.
+++
Deep within the forest, a group of four was on the brink of collapse. There was a young man with two swords at his waist, a powerfully built man with a beard, an elven woman with purple hair, and a small, blonde girl. They were Foresight, a team of Workers from the Empire.
Hekkeran Termite, the light warrior; Roberdyck Goltron, the priest; Imina, the archer; and Arche Eeb Rile Furt, the magic caster.
"Are you okay? Imina? Arche?"
"I want to say yes... but I can't," Imina wheezed.
"Me neither, Hekkeran," Arche added.
Hekkeran gritted his teeth. Their mission shouldn't have been this difficult, but luck had abandoned them. They had stepped into a trap just before escaping. Imina and Arche were afflicted with a poison that even Roberdyck couldn't cure. Hekkeran's left hand was paralyzed, and Roberdyck's right leg was immobile. To top it off, monsters had stolen their food. They were starving and dying.
"We won't make it back to the Empire like this," Roberdyck muttered.
Leaving the dying women behind was out of the question. But Hekkeran couldn't fight, and Roberdyck couldn't walk. They were trapped.
(Damn it, we were so close...)
Arche was working to pay off her parents' massive debts. She was planning to take her younger sisters and flee the capital once this job was done.
"Hekkeran, if I... if I don't make it, please save my sisters—"
"Shut up! We're all getting out of this!" Hekkeran barked. He searched his mind for a solution, but their weapons were broken and their bodies were failing.
"Hekkeran... do you smell that?"
"Smell what...?"
He sniffed the air. A rich, savory aroma was drifting through the trees. It was undeniable proof that someone else was nearby. Hope flared in his chest.
"I'll go look. I'll ask them for help."
He left Roberdyck and dragged his failing body toward the scent. If they were fellow Workers, they might help for the right price. He didn't care what he had to give; he just needed to save his team. A few minutes later, he saw the light of a campfire. It was closer than he thought.
He pushed through the brush.
"Who's there?" a voice called out.
He saw a black-haired man and a woman in light armor. But it was the two girls—one in a black dress and one in a maid uniform—that made his blood run cold. Their gaze was so sharp it felt like a physical weight. He knew, instinctively, that they could kill him in a heartbeat.
"What's wrong? Did something happen?" the man asked.
Hekkeran fell to his knees. "I am Hekkeran of the Empire's Worker team, Foresight. My comrades are poisoned! Please! Help us! I'll do anything! Just please... help them!"
He bowed his head to the dirt. The girl in the black dress scoffed. "We have no reason to help you, I do declare."
"Exactly. Isn't it just their own fault for being weak?" the maid added in a sickly sweet voice.
It's over, Hekkeran thought.
"You said you'd do anything?" the man asked.
Hekkeran looked up. "Anything!"
The man thought for a moment. "We have business in the Empire. If you act as our guides and tell us about the city and its people, we'll help you."
"Yes! I'll tell you everything I know!"
It was clear the black-haired man was the leader. The two girls immediately silenced themselves.
"Clementine, go with him. I'll prep the antidote here."
"Got it! Hekkeran, right? Lead the way."
Hekkeran thanked them profusely and led Clementine back to his group. When they returned with the semi-conscious Imina and Arche, Arche suddenly began to retch and cough violently.
"Arche!?"
"How dare a mere human perform such filth before our Master," Shalltear growled.
"Should I kill her?" Entoma added.
A crushing wave of killing intent washed over them. Hekkeran and Roberdyck collapsed, unable to breathe.
"I-I'm sorry! Please! Forgive me! I... I saw... the mana! It... it was too much!"
Arche's Talent allowed her to see the magical power of others. She had seen the infinite, terrifying mana of the two girls and her body had physically buckled under the weight of it.
"Shalltear, Entoma, stand down. ...You said you could see it? Is that your Talent?"
"Y-yes! I'm sorry for being so unsightly! Please... forgive me!" Arche begged, coughing up blood.
"Don't be afraid. I'm not angry."
"Mr. Kawasaki!?" the two girls cried out.
Kawasaki looked at Hekkeran. "You said you'd do anything. Here is the first condition: Never speak a word of what you are about to see."
Hekkeran nodded frantically. Then, the man's form blurred. He transformed from a sturdy human into a rounded, yellow-bodied demi-human.
"A... a monster—"
"You bastard! How dare you call Mr. Kawasaki that!" Shalltear snarled, stepping forward.
"Shalltear, it's fine. Step back."
"But—!"
"I said step back."
Shalltear knelt immediately. "My deepest apologies, I do declare." Her body was trembling with a mix of fury and fear.
"I'm not a monster. I'm a demi-human. Do you understand?"
Hekkeran and the others nodded rapidly.
"Good. I will save you, but in return, you will cooperate with us. You swear this on your lives?"
"We swear! We swear!" Hekkeran cried out.
Kawasaki nodded and produced a small item from the air, putting it on. "Sorry, Arche. I've put on gear to suppress my mana. That should be better, right?"
"Y-yes... thank you for your consideration," Arche wheezed.
"Don't talk. I'm making the antidote. Shalltear, Entoma, give them somewhere to sit."
The two girls looked annoyed, but they walked over to a massive fallen tree and split it in half with their bare hands.
"Sit," they commanded.
Hekkeran and Roberdyck helped the girls onto the log. As they watched Kawasaki stir the pot, Clementine whispered, "You're lucky. Kawasaki is kind. He'll take care of you."
+++
Kawasaki approached with small cups of a clear, amber liquid. Up close, his expression was so gentle that Hekkeran felt ashamed for calling him a monster.
"Drink this. It's not poison."
The soup had a divine aroma they had never experienced. The moment they drank it, they felt something welling up in their chests.
"Cough! HACK!"
They coughed violently, and black, insect-like shadows flew from their mouths—the source of the curse and poison. The shadows dissolved into the dirt and vanished.
"There. That should do it. I am Kawasaki, one of the leaders of a place called Nazarick. These are Shalltear Bloodfallen and Entoma, my guards."
The two girls bowed stiffly.
"And this is Clementine, our guide to the Empire. Now, let's focus on food before we discuss details. I won't ask you to kill or die for me, so relax."
He handed out larger bowls of soup and skewers of grilled meat.
"Thank you for the meal!"
Hekkeran's group followed Kawasaki's lead in offering thanks. They took a sip of the amber soup.
"It's... it's delicious!"
It was a simple soup of leafy greens and smoked meat, yet it was far more flavorful than any expensive meal in the Empire.
"Mr. Kawasakiiiiii, this is so good!" Entoma chirped.
"It's so juicy and tender, I do declare!" Shalltear added.
"Your cooking is the best, no matter where we are," Clementine said.
Arche watched them and whispered, "I think... Mr. Kawasaki might be a god." Only a divine being could produce a meal that purged curses and tasted like heaven.
"Feeling better? Try the meat."
Kawasaki offered the skewers. Hekkeran realized they had no money to pay for this, but Kawasaki laughed it off. "I don't want your money. I just want your help. Eat up, get some sleep, and we'll talk tomorrow."
The meat was incredibly tender and packed with savory spices. For a group that had been on the verge of death, it was a miracle. After the meal, Kawasaki provided two tents—one for the men and one for the women.
"We found a good person, didn't we?" Hekkeran whispered as they lay down.
"Yeah. Whatever he wants us to do... I think it'll be okay."
They fell into a deep, peaceful sleep.
+++
"The Empire's Foresight, huh? They're a well-known team," Clementine noted, munching on a skewer. "They're strong enough to be high-tier adventurers if they wanted."
"Shalltear, Entoma, eat up. There's plenty," Kawasaki said.
"I shall partake, I do declare!"
"Yay, meat! Meat!"
As Foresight slept, the three of them shared some wine.
"But Mr. Kawasakiiiiii... why bother saving these humans?" Shalltear asked.
"They have rare Talents, and their team balance is perfect. I think they'd be great for protecting Carne Village."
I explained my concern about Lupusregina Beta. Her personality was... problematic, and her overwhelming strength might make the villagers too dependent on Nazarick.
"I want the village to be able to defend itself. We'll protect them, of course, but they need their own strength. Foresight can help them train."
"I see! Such deep insight, I do declare!" Shalltear exclaimed.
"I'll be honest, I'm terrified of leaving that 'Sadistic Dog' alone in the village," I muttered.
The two girls went silent.
"Anyway, they'll guide us to the Empire. If they want a contract, I'll give them one. I want to convince them to move to Carne Village—without threats or coercion."
The Guardians stiffened. They had clearly been planning to use fear.
"Foresight is my responsibility. You two stay quiet. Understood?"
"Yes..."
I knew these two were hot-headed, so I had to lay down the law. "Time to sleep. Goodnight."
I headed to my tent.
"Entoma, it seems Mr. Kawasaki doesn't trust Lupusregina. We must work twice as hard to ensure he trusts us, I do declare!"
"Yes, let's do our best!"
I didn't have the heart to tell them that I "trusted" them in a completely different way, but some things are better left unsaid.
***
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