Ethan lied.
It was not his first lie, and it probably would not be his last given his… situation.
That did not mean he did not feel bad. He did, he felt awful, but he had to. There was no way he could explain his sudden need to spend the night outside without just cause, especially after the music box debacle. Alexei was less inclined to let him leave, something about waking up to find out that he had fled their home had left him traumatized. And he was even less willing to expose his little gland examination, so he lied.
He had told Alexei he wanted to visit a Spa Hotel he liked. Although Alexei kicked up a fuss about Ethan having fun without him, he was more than happy to let him go because Ethan rarely ever asked for things like this.
Irene arranged the booking.
He took a few days off work.
After the driver dropped him off, he waited a few hours until he sure Irene and the driver were gone, then and only then did he feel safe enough to sneak out. He called a cab and went straight to the medical centre.
He felt terrible, worse than he did when he was hiding his sessions with Dr. Beck. Although, those had long since tapered off to the occasional messages the older man sent to check in on him. Maybe it was the guilt that kept him up all night, or perhaps, it was the anxiety of not understanding what was happening to his body or a combination of both.
When morning came, he felt even worse. Extraction was not possible, even with stimulants. His gland could not produce the sufficient amount of pheromones. The pain of his gland being probed, injected and probed again was for nothing.
They turned to biopsy, now that truly felt like hell. He wanted to scream but thankfully, the procedure was rather quick. He was so exhausted, even with the anesthetics he had received, it hurt, like his body was being scorched over a fire pit being fueled by sulfur. Perhaps, this was his punishment for lying but somehow, he managed to fall asleep and did not wake up until late evening.
Alexei had been blowing up his phone with messages and when the messages went unanswered, they turned to calls and when the calls were unanswered, he sent threats stating that not only will he have Irene break down the door to his room but he would return immediately to drag him along on his business trip if he remained silent.
He couldn't help but wonder how he had managed to sleep through the incessant ringing. He quickly plugged in his phone into a charging port and sent a message explaining that he was asleep.
Alex: Really? Is that what you were doing?
Alex: Were you sleeping so deeply that you couldn't hear anything? That's weird.
Ethan: I was just a little tired.
Alex: If you're not feeling well, go back home and I'll have someone come over to check on you. I'll book a flight back immediately.
Ethan: No. If you do that, I'll really ignore you.
Alex: How can you be so cold-hearted 💔...
###
Ethan sighed, grateful that the man calmed down quickly. He had no doubts regarding Alexei's threats to return or sending someone to take him back. He quickly tossed aside the phone when Alexei started saying obscene things and asking for some very scandalous pictures. The man was just always full of it. After receiving several more messages, he reluctantly grabbed his phone and dragged his tired body into the bathroom. Really, since meeting that man, he found himself becoming more and more of a pervert with each passing day.
The centre worked fast.
So fast, his results were ready in three days.
Olly pondered over the results displayed before him. He looked up to the pensive Ethan and returned his gaze to the results "Exactly what class did you say your alpha was?"
Ethan was dumbfounded.
"To be able to produce perceptible pheromones, at least sixty-five percent of your glandular cells have to be actively working. That is not what we have observed, especially since there was nothing to extract. I don't think even forty percent of your gland cells are active."
"O-Olly…" he still struggled with the idea of calling him by name "…I don't understand." He gripped the edge of his chair "Am I actually recovering?" he whispered.
"Oh… Yes." Olly answered with an excited nod "Your previous biopsy showed there were no functioning cells but now, there are functioning cells and they're a little active too. " He explained with a small smile "Noelle will be happy to hear this."
He remained silent, burying his nails into his seat.
Olly took in his unhappy expression for a few seconds "Ethan, could you explain to me exactly what is going on?"
Did Ethan want his gland to heal? Not really.
In fact, he hoped it would never heal. Back then, going through treatment was just something he felt he had to do on his road to self-recovery. After meeting Alexei, he completely abandoned treatment so why was this suddenly happening?
"Ethan?" Olly called out gently.
"He hates omegas, if he finds out..." His voice trembled at the thought of what might happen "Why… why is this happening?" He began to panic.
"Please, take a few deep breaths and calm down, okay?"
Ethan obediently did as he was told but no matter how deep a breath he drew in, he could not calm his fraying nerves.
"Do you not want your glands to heal?"
Ethan shook his head slowly.
"Because your partner does not like omegas?"
He nodded.
Olly sighed inwardly "Do you understand that your partner may be a contributing factor to your current state?"
His eyes widened in disbelief.
Olly continued "It's like this, after our last session, I consulted with a few of my colleagues about your situation, and together, we managed to come up with a theory…" he took a moment to observe Ethan "…that being, although we cannot say for sure without his presence, there is a likelihood that your alpha… your current relationship… has somehow stimulated your recovery."
Ethan let out a cynical laugh that quickly disintegrated into a woeful sob. He pressed the back of his hand against his mouth.
"Ethan…"
"He-he… has always thought…" he shut his eyes tightly and shook his head as though his reality would change if he willed it away "No… no… no…" he wiped his runny nose "…it's not fair."
"Ethan…"
"Please calm down." he said patiently.
"I want to get rid of it."
It was Olly's turn to be stunned "What?"
"Take it out." He answered resolutely with unblinking sharp eyes.
He leaned forward, dropping his voice a few registers lower "What are we taking out?"
"My gland, I can… can I take it out?" Ethan straightened "I want to take it out."
Olly leaned back into his chair, shaking his head slowly "While it is an option, it is one I would personally advise against. Would you like some water?" he sprang out of his chair before Ethan could give an answer to retrieve a bottle of water "Your situation is delicate, but it is definitely one that can be handled." He explained as he handed the bottle to him "Your alpha, you said he's good to you, yes?"
Ethan held on to the bottle tightly but did not drink from it, offering a nod as an answer.
"Not many people describe their alpha partners as silly, well, it is not something I hear often so I imagine he is as you say."
"…yes."
"I will not ask you for the details of why you chose to hide your secondary gender, but your partner appears to care for you a lot. Taking out your gland is a big risk, it would be best to not do something you will regret."
"I won't."
"You can decide for yourself after you listen to my explanation."
"Then what should I do?"
He returned to his seat "We had to consider the psychological aspect of things, even when you were in treatment the drugs were not working but with this person, you're in a state of spontaneous recovery. Don't you find that fascinating?"
His hand tightened around the bottle. He pursed his lips but said nothing.
"I think it is and it is also something worth exploring. If the two of you have somehow managed a bond, like we suspect…" he paused for a breath "…we sourced some literature that confirmed that there have been instances of a formed bond without a physical bite. It most like-"
Ethan opened the bottle hurriedly, taking a large greedy gulp only to choke and have its contents slip all over him as he broke into an episode of hacking coughs.
"Are you quite alright?"
"…a…a bo-bond?" he whispered laboriously.
"Yes, it most likely happened unconsciously." He watched something that looked like a small smile form on his face. Was he happy about that? He handed him some tissues to clean up "You don't mind that?"
He really smiled, reservedly, but it was a smile. He shook his head shyly as he accepted the gesture. Trading the half-empty bottle for a tissue.
"…well, then I will continue, if you are okay."
Ethan collected himself "So-sorry."
"That bond may have stimulated your gland's recovery…" he took a deep breath, this was the more difficult part of the explanation "…also, your partner is probably trying to induce your heat. It was a pattern established in the other incidents, think of it as a mating call of sorts. For whatever reason, they are trying to attract you to them almost to a point of desperation and you in turn are actively trying to respond to him. I…we believe that's why he can perceive your scent."
By the end of the explanation, Ethan had made a thumb-sized hole in his cardigan. It was a lot to process. They had a bond? Wasn't forming a bond supposed to be a life changing event? It happened and neither of them knew? Or did Alexei know? Alphas can usually tell but he hasn't said anything, so he probably didn't know about it. Would he have to bring it up? How would he even do that? And they were already together, why would he be trying to attract him? No, why was he treating him like an omega?
It made no sense.
Olly tapped a finger lightly on the table "Ethan?"
"He thinks I'm a beta." He mumbled "It doesn't make sense."
"If your partner were here..." He stopped when he saw Ethan make a sour face, that was clearly not an option. "You can't take gland modulators. That is only recommended when you reach normal functioning levels."
"But if he finds out..." He trailed off, refusing to entertain the thought.
"I may not know the details of your relationship but if he feels as strongly for you as I suspect, then maybe it's worth a shot telling him."
The man pursed his lips at the idea.
Olly saw clearly, this person was stubborn. If he didn't get a solution he was satisfied with, he would most likely go to another doctor "How about this? For now, I'll prescribe modulators but the type for kids who get their heats early. It's much milder than the one for adults and you have to take it exactly as prescribed, not a milligram more. We will watch your progress and explore what options we have as time goes on. Would that be okay with you?"
He thought about it for a moment. It was too much to process "…yes."
"Taking out your gland, do you still want to do that? Your bond might be lost."
He scowled.
Olly sighed, relieved "I would recommend you also get a pheromone neutralizer…" he pulled out a note pad and a pen to write out a prescription "…to mask your scent."
Ethan returned to his bed in a rather complicated mood.
He didn't know what to think of the idea that Alexei, the man he was currently engaged to, was trying to attract him like one would an omega when he was fairly certain the other believed he was a beta. It was so strange. He checked his phone to see that the man in question had left him several messages. He wasn't even gone that long.
Ethan: Focus on work, Dawson will resign if you make things hard for him.
Alex: Why do you care about Dawson? Who is he to you? You should be worried about him overworking me instead.
Ethan:😒🙄 you're so full of it.
Alex: WOW 😫😫 I can't believe you! Is this really the same person that cried about wanting to be with me?
Alex: the person that chased me across country lines?
Alex: now that you have me, you don't care anymore?
Alex: that's scum behaviour.
Ethan was exasperated, he didn't even know where to start so he simply turned to a sure-fire way of making the man happy and sent a picture he was sure would be appreciated.
It was.
Very much so.
So much that it sparked a rather vivid and detailed thread of messages between the two. Looking at it, Ethan was overcome by embarrassment.
He had really become a pervert.
His mind dug up what Olly had said about Alexei trying to attract him, he couldn't resist asking.
Ethan: Do you like me a lot?
A call came in almost immediately.
Alexei chuckled "Why are you suddenly asking that?"
"I was just curious." He whispered.
He laughed again "I don't think there's a word that accurately describes what I feel for you."
"Mmmm..." Alexei's voice tickled his ear, he found himself missing him more and more with each passing minute "I like you too. I like you a lot."
"Eh? Just that? With the way you chased after me, I thought you were crazy in love."
"I love you."
Alexei only meant to tease him, but he received an unexpected reply instead.
"I am madly in love with you."
"WOW… Ethan is so cool..." He gushed after a few seconds of silence "…you just made my heart stop for a few seconds and now, it's beating wildly. I think there are galloping horses in my chest."
Ethan laughed softly "Why can't you be serious?"
"Oh, but I am. I was about to call emergency services, but I have to be strong, I can't make you a widower yet."
He rolled on to his back and stared at the unfamiliar ceiling "We're not married yet."
"Because you refused to go to the City Hall with me. I was really hurt by that, you know."
"I had to go to work, and you had a flight."
"Why is that your excuse? I could have just bought another ticket if I had missed it."
Ethan sighed and rolled his eyes. Hearing the same thing over and over was exasperating.
"Baby, I think I just heard you rolling your eyes at me."
"…when you get back..."
"Really?"
"Yes." He whispered "We'll register our marriage when you get back. Okay?"
"Yea, baby. Let's do that."
The call went on for about an hour or so before they said their temporary goodbyes and swiftly switched over to messaging.
Alexei was not joking about his heart stopping or pounding in his chest. At the time he heard Ethan say he loved him, his heart really did stop, so did his brain, which was why he was silent. He wished he had replied but it's not that there were really no words to describe what he felt, rather… there were but he was scared that if he spoke them, Ethan would feel frightened or even burdened.
He crawled into bed where the clothes he had swiped from Ethan's closet while he wasn't paying attention had been laid out. He pressed the shirt tightly against his face and took a long steady inhale.
He loved that scent.
He missed it.
He wished Ethan were right next to him.
What he felt could best be described as adoration. Reverence. Devotion… maybe even obsession.
He couldn't wait to get back, three weeks was simply too long. They were going to get married, but he felt it wasn't enough.
He wanted something more… definite.
Something more binding.
He drew in another deep breath, such a fleeting scent… he may have started to understand Gavin a little better.
Lein's life could be described as relatively stable.
He had enrolled in school for his final year. There was no reason in particular for dropping out, he simply wasn't into it at the time, so he left. Back then, Mari said he could take his time and figure it out but for whatever reason, Hank and Jason seemed to think it was a big deal.
Following the incident at the cocktail lounge, he hadn't seen Jason even once. He attempted to contact him a few times no, he wanted to, but when his father said he didn't understand why he kept throwing himself at the man's feet and asked why he wasn't more ashamed, he stopped.
Because he was ashamed.
He was overwhelmed by the feeling.
With the Bohemians, he was just having fun. It's true he had been irresponsible and inconsiderate about the whole thing, but he never asked anyone to like him or leave their partners to be with him. How was that his fault?
They didn't even care about him so why did he have to care about them?
Was the whole thing handled poorly? Probably.
He regretted, even more than anything, getting involved with them but not as much as he regretted what he had done to Jason.
So, he came clean… a second time, to both his parents. He told then everything about how he would sneak off to mess around whenever he and Jason had a fight; about how he constantly felt angsty and irritable after he had been barred from Sayer's and the drug withdrawals; about how the messages got to him and how he became an emotional wreck but Jason still stayed by his side even then; he told them about their last fight and about June. He said everything he could remember.
After his exposition, neither Hank nor Mari had anything to say. Really, what could they say? Their kid was... He had been nothing but despicable.
Did the drugs play a role? Yes.
Were those people any better? Not really, no.
But ultimately, Lein did all those things of his own volition. He could only blame himself.
Mari quietly left the room, she couldn't bear to look at her son. She had been the one most lenient and most supportive of Lein all through, so she blamed herself the most. She was angry at herself thinking if only she had been harder on him, things might have been different.
Hank did not share the same sentiment. As far as he was concerned, Lein was an adult. He made his own choices, he should be responsible for them and bear the consequences. It had nothing to do with Mari's capabilities as a parent.
If the boy couldn't tell who was bad company and who was worth befriending at that age, that was totally on him. It was not her fault.
And this sparked several arguments between the two.
The atmosphere in their home became frigid. Neither parent would speak to him, sometimes, they wouldn't speak to each other either. They didn't blame outright blame him, it's just... It was complicated. Everyone had a lot going on in their heads. After a few days, Hank couldn't take it anymore. "You go in there..." He jabbed a finger at their bedroom door "...and speak to your mother and when I get back, my wife better be back to normal." He gave him a very not-so-friendly impatient pat on the shoulder and went off to work.
Lein poked his head into the room to see his mother lying lifelessly in bed. Even at his worst, she had never reacted like this. He quietly made way to her bedside. "Ma." He called out softly as he crouched "Won't you please look at me?"
Mari remained still, unwilling to pay him any mind.
"Then, should I move out?"
She sat up immediately "Did your father tell you to leave? None of this is your fault, why would he tell you to leave?"
"Ma..."
"If I had paid more attention to you, none of this would have happened. Rose..." She shifted to the edge of the bed "...you can't go somewhere where we can't see you, okay?"
He laughed softly "Ma, you're finally looking at me. I haven't seen your pretty face in so long."
She pinched his cheek "Silly child."
"Ma, I'm the one that messed up…" he pressed her hands against his cheek, they were warm "…I hurt you and Dad. I hurt Jay, too. "
She hummed softly.
"It's all my fault, okay? I'm working hard to make it better. I'll make it up to you."
"My baby has become so responsible." She pinched him again "You're even reflecting and willing to make me feel better."
He nodded proudly.
"How will you make it up to Jay?"
"Ma..." the smile faded.
"…don't listen to what your father says."
"He doesn't want to see me anymore."
"You'll figure it out." She dropped her legs to the floor and hopped to her feet "Let's get dinner ready."
Lein followed behind, listening attentively to her rant about how and why her husband was wrong.
When Hank returned home, everything was back to normal. Well… almost.
Later that night, Hank visited his son's bedroom.
"Why does your mother think I'm trying to kick you out?"
"I dunno…" Lein shrugged "…she's your wife, ask her." He answered with a sly smile.
"I see you're still in the mood to be mischievous."
"I'll clear it up tomorrow."
"You better." Hank's eyes trailed from his son's bright face to the low humming diffuser nearby, he didn't understand why the boy still had that thing. Why is it that out of all the people that liked and chased after him, he had to pick the most obvious dangerous option? He eyed him again. Well, he wouldn't be his kid otherwise. "About Jay..."
"I know. I won't go looking for him anymore."
Hank agreed "You shouldn't. Clinging pathetically to someone who doesn't want you… think about how he feels."
Lein had his eyes fixed on the floor. He could imagine how Jason had felt… probably repulsed.
"If you..." Hank didn't like the thought "...if you ever meet him again, don't beg. Be proud like you've always been. You made a mistake..." He paused "...you made several mistakes and did many stupid things. You've owned up to it, you're getting your life together…." He took a few steps forward "…Rose, you are not the person you were before. You are not a mess anymore so please stop begging."
"Dad..."
"I don't like seeing you like that and I'm sure, even he wouldn't like it, so stop begging. That pathetic person cannot be my son."
"I promise, I won't."
He held open his arms "Come here." He wrapped him tightly in a hug "Look how far you've come, don't give yourself a hard time."
He returned the hug "…what if he never takes me back?"
Seriously, this child and his one-track mind "Then you will have learned a valuable life lesson."
The semester started.
He went back to school, Mari's indefinite leave became full retirement. She enjoyed working at the cafe so much, she decided to stay. A few new staff were hired while Lein still worked there after his classes.
He had classes in the morning, worked at the cafe at noon until evenings. Sometimes, he stopped at the gym, helping out when and where he could.
That was his life.
He also made friends or more accurately, group mates for his final project. There were also acquaintances, who hung around him for whatever reason. He didn't care for it, so he simply ignored it.
This time, he wouldn't get involved with anyone, outside school, he was a ghost.
Speaking of ghosts, he hadn't seen or heard from Jason in weeks. He was a little worried, if he couldn't show the other this reformed version of himself, then what was the point? Not that Jason was his sole reason for the change, but he certainly was an important one. He had this thought in his mind as he hurried over to the diner. He had a meeting with his groupmates to discuss their project.
"Lein!" Someone waved to him from the table the group was gathered.
He waved back in response with a bright smile.
He froze, the smile was instantly wiped off his face. His mind was definitely playing tricks on him, why else would Jason, who preferred private upscale restaurants be at a noisy family diner?