(ASA)
I wasn't thrilled with his idea of playacting; we were a couple. What did that even mean? Were we supposed to snuggle and gaze lovingly into each other's eyes when in public? How would that work? He didn't even like to touch me for a few seconds, and even then, it was only if he was trying to comfort me.
"What will the ground rules be, Sir?" I asked quietly.
He frowned. "What do you mean?"
"Well, when in public, am I supposed to pretend to… adore you?"
His cheek flinched. "I don't think that's necessary. After all, it will be common knowledge that I bought you at the Auction. No one will expect us to be madly in love."
"Okay." That might work then. So long as I wasn't required to pretend to be in love with him, I could stand beside him as his omega. Temporarily.
He turned to face the fireplace, and I ran my gaze over his long, muscular legs and broad back. My dick warmed just looking at him.
I couldn't deny there was a small part of me that hoped maybe he'd change his mind about breeding me. Then perhaps I could stay put, and I wouldn't have to be shipped off to some other alpha.
While I didn't like the idea of being bred and stuck raising babies, that was the situation I was in. If I didn't do that with him, I'd probably have to do it with some other alpha. At this point, my dream of being a teacher was dead in the water. Still, I liked stability, and not knowing my future made me uneasy.
Perhaps, if we grew closer, his sleeping with me could become a real possibility. I could tell he was attracted to me. But, for whatever reason, he wouldn't sleep with me.
Then someone showed me there was more to life.
Was that "someone" the reason he refused to touch me? They had to be. There'd been a definite wistfulness in his voice when he'd said that. I was dying of curiosity but didn't want to be too pushy. But he had promised to tell me his story if I told him mine.
I cleared my throat. "You never told me your story."
His muscles stiffened, and he turned slowly. His eyes were guarded, and his face tense. "No. I didn't."
"I held up my end of the bargain."
"Yes." His gaze flickered.
I gave a coaxing smile. "I deserve to know why you find me unattractive."
"You know that isn't true."
I sighed. "What else am I to think if you won't touch me?"
Some of the tension left his features at my playful tone. "You know perfectly well you're a sexy guy."
I grinned. "Yeah."
He laughed, but then his smile faded. "I want you to know that my reticence to breed you has nothing to do with you."
I frowned. "Are you saying 'It's me, not you?' because if so, please don't."
He gave another ragged laugh. "It really is me, though."
"True." I reclined in the chair, enjoying the way his gaze ran over my body. Yes, he was attracted to me, but something held him back. "Okay. I'm all ears."
He hesitated, then he sat across from me in a wing-backed chair. He stared at his clasped hands, looking muddled. "I suppose I should just say it bluntly." He grimaced. "I lost the love of my life and will never love again."
The pain in his tone was hard to hear. There could be little doubt he was still grieving, and I wondered if his loss was recent. "I'm so sorry."
He winced. "Thanks."
"I can understand why you have no interest in other omegas. Losing someone you love, well, that can't be easily gotten over."
"No."
"Do you mind if I ask what happened?"
His entire body stiffened, but he nodded. "Lukas had a rare and fatal blood disorder. It's genetically passed down through the omega. It's the reason we were never able to have any offspring of our own."
"I see."
"But my life with Lukas was so full, I didn't need offspring to make my existence happy. Lukas made me happy." He looked teary-eyed; he was fighting it. "But then he… he died."
My heart squeezed for him. "Again, I'm so sorry."
"Yes." He cleared his throat. "It's been really rough." "
How long ago was this?"
He grimaced. "Ten years."
Surprise jolted through me. "Ten years?"
He scowled, looking defensive. "Yes."
I could see he didn't like my response, so I tried to backtrack a bit. "Oh, well, from how raw your pain is, I… I assumed it was more recent."
"There's no time limit on grieving."
"No. Of course not." While I agreed with him, it was sad that he couldn't move on. He seemed lonely. Melancholy. My father had also grieved the death of my mother for over a decade, but he'd had relationships after her death. He'd been open to falling in love again.
I winced.
Maybe too open.
"Do you plan on not having offspring? Ever?" I asked.
He shuddered. "Unless I hire a surrogate, I don't see how I could. The very idea of… breeding anyone but Lukas feels wrong."
"I see." Did that mean he'd been… celibate for ten years? What about the rut? Did they have suppression pills for alphas also?
As if reading my mind, he said, "I hire omegas when needed. We don't have full-on sex, of course. They just take care of my needs and… go away."
"Oh." All the sex talk was getting me unwillingly aroused. A frustrating predicament, considering my alpha didn't want sex with me. It was such a waste to think he'd never procreate. What a shame not to impregnate an omega with his high-quality seed.
My body warmed at the idea of being his receptacle. Jesus, what would it be like to have him on top of me, filling me full?
Fuck. I need to stop thinking about him that way. He doesn't want me.
If it were true that he didn't want me, was I expected to never sleep with anyone? I was young and in the prime of my life. The idea of never having sex was rather depressing. I'd saved myself, hoping for love, but then life had screwed that up for me.
But I wanted to experience sex at least once in my life.
"May I ask a delicate question?" My voice was hushed.
"Go ahead."
"It's an awkward topic." I laughed nervously.
"That's okay, I guess."
"If … y… you don't want me in that… way… would I be free to seek sex with another alpha? The way you do with omegas?" I grimaced. "If you don't sell me, that is, because then, of course, my new alpha would take care of that need for me if you sold me off."
"Wait… what?"
My cheeks were hot as I met his gaze. "I'm simply asking if… if you keep me but don't want to sleep with me, will I be allowed options? I don't want to die… a… virgin, Sir."
His eyes widened ever so slightly. "You mean to tell me… you've never…"