(Present Day)
"Hikigaya!"
...
I collapsed on the plush material with an unceremonious plop, the coiling sounds of the springy mattress briefly reminding me where I currently was in my dazed state. I breathed out shakily as stars began to clear from my vision and rational thought once again found its way back into my brain.
The dark room around me wasn't anything particularly noteworthy or interesting. It looked like any other apartment building bedroom, with not much in the small space standing out aside from the clothes spilling out messily from the dresser, and a couple of empty bottles of cherry Vodka lying discarded on the stained carpet. The room was relatively small in size, outfitted with two currently open windows, a closet, and an adjoining bathroom that also led out into the hallway through a second door.
At first glance, it didn't seem like the anything in the apartment warranted, or even deserved a second glance. It was a pretty bland looking place - simple by design and identical to probably thousands of others in the greater Chiba area. Although, that being said, this place held a surprising amount of significance for me.
"Well, that was certainly much better," a voice breathed out in the dark.
After I had finally defaulted to a somewhat normal breathing pattern again, I turned over to my side and came face-to-face with Hiratsuka-sensei. Although the room was dim, I could see her sweaty, supple form in the vestiges of moonlight that peeked in through the ajar windows.
"Yeah…" I replied in between breaths.
She looked at me with a small smile for a second before she turned onto her back and chuckled. "Now, just because I complimented you for once, don't go getting a big head or anything." She laughed a soft laugh as she leaned over the side of the bed and grabbed at something on the floor.
My back let out a cracking noise as I propped myself into a sitting position. "Right," I responded as I rubbed gingerly at my sore neck. I idly noted that the room looked like a warzone, an explosion of discarded clothes blown every which way like dismembered limbs on a battlefield. "I wouldn't dream of it. Speaking highly of myself would be pretty out of character for me." I angled my eyes slightly towards my left to Hiratsuka-sensei's raised form. She was slipping a pair of black, lacy underwear around her ankles.
She chuckled before saying, "Hey now, I'm not saying you should be too hard on yourself," she started. "Credit where credit is due. You're improving. It might be a little slow-going, but you are."
"Uh huh. Thanks," I answered. I stared appreciatively at Hiratsuka-sensei as she stood and sauntered over to her messy dresser. She pulled out an oversized nightshirt and wrapped it around her body in a fluid, practiced motion.
"See something you like?" she asked, her back still turned to me as her fingers worked the buttons closed. I blinked once when I realized she was talking to me, though it wasn't like she could be talking to anyone else.
"Lots of things," I said.
Her fingers paused for the briefest of instants. "Cute." Although her back was still turned to me, I could hear the sarcasm in her voice. She quickly glanced at her reflection in the mirror, and I caught a glimpse of grey irises regarding me for a second. After a moment, she spoke again. "Time?"
I blinked once and turned my attention to the alarm clock on the nightstand. "Almost eleven," I answered.
I could see her head nod slowly in the mirror as she absently ran her fingers through her long hair. "Hmm," she hummed. "It's pretty late."
"Kind of," I shrugged absently. I idly noted that her voice sounded slightly off. I wasn't a bona fide expert on her behaviors or mannerisms or anything, but given how closely I'd become acquainted with her and how much time I'd spent around her lately, it seemed as if I had developed this eerie ability to detect shifts in her mood—at least when it concerned me. This was one of those instances. For reasons I couldn't quite identify, I felt a tiny annoyance prickle at me.
"Not kind of. It is." Her voice was quiet but firm. "Especially for a school night."
I stared at the back of her head. Unconsciously, my fingers gripped lightly around the cotton sheets of her bed. "If you want me to go, you can just say so."
She looked at me in the mirror again before turning around completely. Suddenly, she let out a laugh, a short one that didn't sound the least bit authentic. "Can you try not to sound so cross about it?" she asked. Her voice was controlled and her face wore a semi-amused expression as she spoke.
I regarded her for a second before answering. "I can try. I don't know how much good it would do though."
Her brow furrowed almost imperceptibly, but it was easy enough for my trained eye to detect. She stared at me for a moment before sighing out. "It's not that I'm itching to kick you out or anything, but you've got school tomorrow, and I've got papers to grade. Papers which I haven't even had a chance to take a look at yet," she said darkly. She sighed again. "Come on. Don't be a sourpuss about it. We've had our fun; now it's time to deal with real life."
I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "Real life huh?" I muttered under my breath. I knew I was being difficult, but it wasn't like I didn't have my reasons. And it wasn't like this was the first time that one of our conversations played out like this.
Her eyebrow rose ever so slightly. "Yeah, real life. You know, you going to school, me working way too hard at my woefully underpaid job, et cetera, and et al." Her tone sounded vaguely amused, but her features were stony. When I didn't answer, she continued in a slightly more serious tone. "You know, the wonderful world outside these four walls that consists of things other than fingering and banging," she said. She rolled her eyes at my blank expression. "Just because you're getting some now doesn't mean it's up and disappeared. The world we live in doesn't work like that."
I decided that I didn't like her condescending tone. I mean, who did she think she was talking to? Perhaps her words might have held some merit if I were some run-of-the-mill, stalwart youth, but as I'm sure she and everyone else knew by now, that wasn't the case. "You don't need to tell me," I started, my voice even. "I already have a pretty good idea of what the world's like. I'm the last person that needs a lecture on social obligations and the injustices of society."
Her expression grew into one of amusement. "Oh, is that so?" she asked, her voice practically dripping sarcasm. "Well mister worldly knowledge, I'd like to formally extend an apology for my vastly misinformed words then." I imagined her exaggerated hand gestures were meant to drive home the extent of her sarcasm. "In fact, maybe you can give me a lecture on the topic when your busy schedule permits," she said. One finger found its way to her chin and began tapping it in a faux absent gesture. "Then again, getting a lecture on important topics from someone who still lives with his parents and doesn't even know how to properly put on a condom might not be the most beneficial thing for me. On second thought, I'll take a raincheck on that."
Miraculously, amazingly, expectedly, she managed to make me feel like a child again. I felt my blood boil almost immediately for it. My eyes were hard and somewhere in the back of my mind I hoped that they properly communicated the extent of my annoyance in that moment. "Just keep being condescending and treating me like a kid if it makes you feel better."
She regarded me with folded arms before sighing out loudly. She rubbed her fingers against her temple for a few seconds before addressing me. "Okay, let's just drop it," she started. "I do need you to leave tonight, but I don't want you doing so with a bad taste in your mouth," she sighed. "I'm… sorry about that. I just… I guess work has me frazzled right now. I know school isn't a walk in the park for you either with exams coming up, but I'm stressed out," she breathed.
A ghost of a smile tugged at her lips. "Remember I'm not kicking you out to be mean or anything. I just… need a little time alone." Her grey eyes finally lifted to meet mine and I met her gaze. "Sorry?" she offered quietly.
Her apologetic truce caught me off guard. I sighed, and scratched at the back of my neck, deflating a little as I did so. "Yeah. It's fine," I answered. "I guess I didn't really consider how the exams have been affecting you with you having to help with counseling and grading and everything." I chanced a glance at her face. "It's been pretty busy huh?"
"It has," she answered with a small smile.
I returned the gesture and coughed once. "Uh… Alright. I'll get going then. Since it's my turn to prepare lunch for Komachi, I guess I shouldn't stay too late anyways." I sighed, feeling slightly drained.
"Right. Thanks Hikigaya," she started softly. "Again, I'm sorry to put you out like this. I'll make it up to you, promise," she added with a light voice. I nodded in response as I picked up my various articles of clothing and began slipping them on.
I felt the cool material of my shirt rub against my skin as I slipped it over my head. After finishing the buttons on my shirt and fastening the clasp on my uniform slacks, I took a moment to let my mind wander and delve into thought.
I was slightly disoriented by how fast the tone of the conversation had shifted. What had started becoming increasingly more antagonistic by the sentence, petered out as quickly as it came and died with just a few awkward apologies. I wanted to say that it was a good thing that we were seemingly able to resolve our issues so easily, but something in the back of my mind told me that it wasn't normal for a new couple to be arguing so frequently in the first place. It seemed as if the defining characteristic of our relationship was our ability to get under each other's skins—an ability that we both seemed to possess in spades lately.
"...Hikigaya?"
Her smooth voice brought me out of my thoughts. I turned my head in her direction. "Yeah?"
"Hurry please. I really need to get to these papers."
I heard the front door click shut behind me.
Naturally, the hallways at Sobu High became incredibly packed the second the final bell rung. Students wanted to get out of the educational facilities as soon as possible, and as a result, they swarmed, pushed, and elbowed their ways through each other in attempts to get through the front gates, and subsequently to the popular shopping centers near the campus, or their friends' houses, or whatever.
Although normally I would wait a few extra minutes for the crowds to die down a little bit before I made my way out of the classroom, today was different. In what I recognized to be a rather out-of-character move, I'd decided that I wanted to get to club as soon as possible, which meant leaving for the special building as soon as I was able. As a result, I was caught in the crossfire and was currently ensnared deep within the sea of swarming students. I winced as a stray elbow found its way into my ribcage and someone stomped carelessly on my foot.
Hiratsuka-sensei had informed me that she had a meeting to get to after school, and would be busy for the rest of the afternoon and most likely the remainder of the evening as well. It was slightly disappointing to hear, but I shrugged it off and agreed that we would have a chance to see each other the next day. Although my initial plans were unexpectedly shattered, I decided that moping around would be pointless, and that the free time that I had suddenly come into could be utilized for better purposes. Purposes like actually showing up to club for once.
It had certainly been a while since I'd had a chance to attend the service club meetings. I'd stop over occasionally when I had the chance, but it was usually only for a few minutes at a time before I was called away for 'academic' reasons by Hiratsuka-sensei.
At first, Yuigahama would wait for me after class so that we could walk to the special building together, but after several days of my telling her I couldn't make it that particular day, or insisting that she go on ahead, she eventually stopped waiting altogether. I certainly didn't blame her for leaving to club without me since I was the one who told her to do so in the first place, but as I threaded through the crowds alone, I thought that the walk would definitely have been more enjoyable in the presence of company. Even if the company was that of the airheaded Yuigahama.
But it went without saying that my involvement with these activities that Hiratsuka-sensei and I engaged in often took up the majority of the free time that I would have otherwise allocated to club-related activities. Because of this, I hadn't seen Yuigahama and Yukinoshita for a while, and if they were currently fulfilling requests and taking on cases, then they were doing so without my knowing.
Though if they were, then I didn't fault them at all. In fact, if anything I should probably be thanking them for picking up my slack in the first place.
Between juggling my relationship with Hiratsuka-sensei and struggling to study for the upcoming exams, my life was pretty hectic. Neither was exactly a good excuse for skipping out on what was a mandated club for me, but I thought that if nothing else, Hiratsuka-sensei could talk to Yukinoshita and get me off the hook for my absences. Besides, I figured that if something really important did come up, they would've sent me an e-mail or a text message asking for my help. Because they hadn't, I decided that there probably wasn't anything too serious going on.
As my steps began to gradually slow, my eyes fell upon the radiance of the setting sun that was filtering in through the hallway windows of the special building. The Autumn season was truly beautiful in the late afternoon glow. Because the sun was setting so much earlier these days, it wasn't unusual for the bright rays to be a deep orange color by the time the last bell rang.
I regarded the beautiful scenery for a second before walking further into the hall. Although it was faint, the sounds of talking and laughing could be heard even through the thick, wood paneling of the clubroom door. I absently smiled a bit before I came to a stop in front of it. I briefly considered knocking for a second before I realized how unnecessary that seemed. Even if I had been absent for two something weeks, I was still a member of the club. And members didn't need to knock. So I pulled the panels open.
"Naw Yukinon! You know me, I'm like super into that kind of thing. I say we do it!"
"Hmm, if you're being sincere then perhaps I'll reconsider. However, it wouldn't be very fair if I covered all of the costs, would it? If you really want to go, I'll be expecting a reimbursement check for the price of your ticket."
"Noo! But you said they were gifts. Hence, they were already paid for! I mean, I wouldn't mind spending some money if it meant getting to spend time with you, but eh… I'd rather not if I could help it you know?"
A quiet laugh rung out. "Yes, I understand. I was joking Yuigahama-san. Consider it my treat this time."
"Thanks so much Yukinon! You won't regret it!"
"It's no problem. However, I believe it would be fair if next—"
The sound of an opening door cut their conversation short. Two pairs of eyes, one blue, and one pink turned to the source of the noise and by extension, the person standing at its outset.
The eyes blinked a few times before settling. I suddenly felt a chill run through my body as an errant gust of wind blew through the windows and in my direction. "Yo," I greeted. Although I normally would have started walking to my seat immediately, the deer-caught-in-headlights looks of the two girls in front of me threw me off guard and made me feel almost like… an intruder, or something. So I waited for them to respond before making any further moves.
"Oh… It's Hikki," Yuigahama said as she blinked a few times.
"Hikigaya-kun. This is a surprise," Yukinoshita said with a slight tilt of her head. "I don't think either of us were expecting to see you here."
Although at that point I had been standing there for a while, I noticed that their slightly shocked expressions hadn't changed. "Why is that? You guys didn't vote to kick me out or anything did you?" I asked.
"Oh. No, of course not," Yukinoshita started. "It's just that it's been a while since we last saw you is all."
"Yeah, it's just… unexpected seeing you here. It's almost kind of weird actually, like some kind of rare sighting you know?" Yuigahama added with a nervous chuckle. I winced.
"…Oh. Really? I didn't know that it had been that long," I answered uneasily. I unconsciously shifted my weight back and forth on my heels as I stood in place.
"Um… it hasn't I guess. I don't know, if just feels like a while or something, heh," she said uneasily. She looked slightly uncomfortable as she spoke. "Anyways, yahallo Hikki. It's good to see you again."
"I see you in class every day," I pointed out.
"Oh, well that's different though. I mean, it's… ah," she began fiddling with her fingers as she addressed me. "Um. Why don't you sit down?"
I felt slightly uneasy looking at the two, but did as I was told. However, as I walked over to my usual spot, I noticed that where my chair normally sat, there was a bag instead.
"Oh! Sorry about that!" Yuigahama said as she stood up and moved to pick up her bag. She set it on the table. "We decided to put your chair back onto the rack because, you know…" she started. Her voice slightly drifted off as she spoke. "It was getting in the way, kinda. And we weren't..." I waited for her to finish, but she simply trailed off and never quite completed her thought.
I absently noticed that I couldn't see the sun very well from where I was standing. "I see. I'll go grab another one then I guess."
"Y-Yeah. Of course," Yuigahama said.
I sauntered over to the rack near the back and pulled out a collapsible chair. After lugging it over to the table in the center of the room, I unfolded it and set it down. I dropped my bag to the floor and took my seat. It felt slightly wrong, for some reason. Perhaps it was the fact that this wasn't the chair that I normally used, but the metal frame suddenly felt incredibly uncomfortable against my body.
As I leaned down to pull some random paperback book out of my bag, I noticed that the other two had both taken up their own solitary activities as well. Yukinoshita had pulled out her own book, and Yuigahama was looking away from me slightly while tapping at buttons on her tiny pink phone. It looked like their earlier conversation had dried up in my presence. I scratched awkwardly at my cheek as I watched the two out of the corner of my eye. Although they were sitting relatively still, I thought I saw Yukinoshita's eyes flick towards me once or twice.
I turned a page that I hadn't finished reading yet. I had come to the club with the expectation that I'd be able to get through at least forty pages of my light novel during the meeting's duration, but I found myself unable to concentrate on more than a few sentences at a time before my mind found itself struggling with other thoughts.
…Had the atmosphere of the club always been this stifling? I mean, a few weeks ago when I had made it a point to come here every day, it hadn't seemed this bad. Even when I was depressed about the whole Hiratsuka-sensei situation, the room didn't feel quite so… constricting.
I had only been sitting there for around ten minutes, but the clubroom now felt like a tomb, it was so silent. After not being able to endure it any longer, I coughed once before speaking.
"So, have we gotten any requests lately?" I asked with a tone that sounded more hopeful than I would have liked.
I saw Yuigahama flinch slightly at the noise. Yukinoshita, for her part, looked up from her book slowly, before turning her body slightly to face me. "Yes. We had a few, but they weren't difficult to deal with. Yuigahama-san and I took care of them with relative ease."
I nodded. "Oh. I see." Another silence passed over the room, and the sounds of plastic buttons being mashed echoed once again. "…How come you guys didn't tell me about them?"
Another silence.
"Well, simply put, we haven't seen you very often lately," Yukinoshita answered evenly. If her statement held any ill will, her voice didn't betray it. "Besides, like I said, they weren't difficult requests. We didn't n—" she paused slightly. "There was no point in disturbing you when we were more than capable of handling it ourselves." Her tone didn't hold any of the playful malice that I had associated it with, and instead, it just sounded calm.
"You could've sent me a mail or something," I said. I noticed that Yukinoshita had already turned her attention back to her book. "But I'm a member. Even if the request is easy, it's kind of my job to help out with everything and…" I wasn't able to effectively conclude my thought. To be honest, I didn't even know what I wanted to say. The whole situation felt sort of… off. I felt slightly guilty for whatever reason, but I also felt some other errant emotion that I couldn't quite identify as well.
"Oh, um I mentioned one of them to you," Yuigahama interjected with a slightly raised finger. "Kawasaki-san's request about the babysitting thing, but you said you were busy that day so…"
I blinked once as I vaguely recalled the situation. Oh. I did have to blow them off that time, but I was busy. Getting busy, that is. "Oh, right," I said lamely. I scratched my head as I turned to face Yuigahama. I noticed that Yukinoshita was still reading, any meaningful expression absent from her delicate features. "Uh, in the future, just text me if you need help or something," I added. "I'll try to free up my schedule. I've just been… busy, I guess."
Yukinoshita's face twitched slightly as if she had wanted to say something, but it disappeared as fast as it came and her face was neutral once again.
"Ah, the exams huh?" Yuigahama asked with a slightly scrunched up face. "I hate em' too. I studied for the math section every night last week and I still don't understand half of what's going on. It's just too hard," she said sullenly.
That wasn't quite what I meant, but right. Those. "Yeah… the exams," I answered vaguely. I sighed. "Sorry I haven't been able to make it to club though. I'll try to come here more often." In the back of my mind, I hoped that I wasn't lying.
"Don't worry about it Hikki. We understand," Yuigahama answered. Yukinoshita didn't offer anything else.
We sat in silence for a while, all tending to our own devices. The sun gradually sank lower in the sky, eventually signaling the end of club once its pink, late-afternoon rays penetrated the windows of the room. I packed my belongings back into my bag before picking it up off the ground and slinging it around my shoulder.
"Alright, I'm gonna go. I'll see you guys," I wanted to say tomorrow. "—later."
"Okay, bye Hikki. Be careful walking home," Yuigahama offered kindly. I nodded.
"Yes. Goodbye Hikigaya-kun," Yukinoshita answered, her eyes still focused on her book. Boy, that book must be jaw-droppingly amazing for her to be that wrapped up in it.
"Yeah. Seeya."
I walked slowly towards the clubroom door, and once I was outside, closed it slowly and quietly. However, I didn't immediately depart, and instead lingered near the door. I waited patiently for a second as I stood near the room's entrance, my ear hovering above the sleek wood of the folded panels. A few seconds passed before I heard something. The voice started out soft, but gradually grew louder.
"Like I was saying before Yuigahama-san, I expect that you'll offer to treat me next time since I'm paying for this outing. Perhaps I'll be in the mood for a nice steak dinner when the time comes."
"Steak dinner?! Yukinon, I'm not made of money y'know! How about a nice bowl of ramen? Maybe I can spring for pickled egg, but that's all!"
A laugh. "That'll be fine Yuigahama-san. Thank you."
My steps echoed against the linoleum as my legs carried me through the hallway of the special building.
I let out a breath that I hadn't even known I'd been holding as I collapsed onto my back against familiar, pleated sheets. As I stared up at the ceiling, I vaguely registered the heavy beats of my heart against my ribcage, and the movement of my chest as it fell in sync with my labored breathing.
I was in Hiratsuka-sensei's apartment again. For less than decent activities, again. And like the many other times, she started to dress immediately after we finished.
"So, how was school today?" she asked offhandedly as she reached for a cigarette on the nightstand.
She sat on the bed after she had finished dressing, her head resting against the headboard. She was wearing an unbuttoned, satiny green nightshirt, a pair of black panties, and nothing else.
"You were there," I answered.
"Only for two periods. I meant how was the rest of your day?"
"Fine, I guess." I shrugged. "I went to club again today."
She raised an eyebrow. "Really? And how did that go?"
I shrugged again. "Well, the same as yesterday I guess… It was fine."
"Just fine huh?" she asked as she drew the cigarette to her mouth.
"Is there something wrong with fine?"
"Not particularly." She inhaled her smoke again and let it out with a practiced puff. "But you don't seem very excited about seeing your friends again after two weeks."
I raised an eyebrow at her. "They're not exactly my friends," I answered truthfully.
"Oh, is that so?" she asked amusedly. "So why the long face then?"
"It's nothing. Really."
"Come on, don't you know by now that you can't hide anything from me?" she began. "Even before we started going out I could read you like a book. And now that we are, it's like I have Hikigaya vision. I could smell you brooding from a mile away."
I sighed. I guess she was right insofar as she did always have a knack for detecting when something was wrong, or was bothering me. As we were now, I didn't know whether to be grateful that she did, or annoyed that she could see through my excuses so easily. "Dunno really. Yukinoshita and Yuigahama have just been acting a little different I guess. It's no big deal."
She raised an eyebrow. "Different? How so?"
I took a moment to think over my answer. "They seem… withdrawn when I'm around," I started. My brow furrowed slightly. "It just feels different from a few weeks ago I guess."
"Ah, a few weeks ago when we weren't together yet," she said quietly.
I started at that. "What, you think they know about us?"
She paused for a second then let out a chuckle. "Huh? Of course not," she laughed. "I was just saying."
"Oh," I nodded. "But then… why? The atmosphere's honestly gotten pretty awkward. When I'm in the room they barely talk, but the second I leave they start chatting again. I don't really know what to think."
She shrugged. "I'm sure it's nothing. Don't worry so much."
I peered at her dimly illuminated face for a second before I turned my attention back to the ceiling. In any other situation, I might have been tempted to just shrug my shoulders and tell myself 'whatever happens, happens', but this situation felt altogether different. I thought the three of us had gotten to be relatively close, and to see a distance forming right in front of my eyes, and not being able to do a thing about it made me feel rather helpless. However, the thing was, this distance wasn't between each and every member or anything, but rather it seemed isolated in that it separated me from the other two, but not the other two from each other. Like so many times in my life, I felt… alone again. And it wasn't a nice feeling.
"Shouldn't I be concerned though?" I started. "Speaking from a purely professional standpoint, I should be able to get along with my coworkers without there being any awkwardness. I feel like I should try to resolve this before things get worse."
She eyed me curiously. "Taking the proactive approach huh? That's uncharacteristic of you."
"Not really," I shrugged. "It's just that if I have to be involved in this mandated club, then I at least want to be on good terms with the other members. It's common sense." I scratched idly at my chest. "Oh yeah, and I don't know if I've thanked you enough times already, but thanks so much for forcing me to join this club in the first place. It really was kind of you to pile on more work for me in addition to all the school stuff I'm already burdened with," I joked.
I was expecting a chuckle or a sarcastic remark from the woman next to me, but none came. "You know, since I was the one who signed you up, I could take you off the roster pretty easily," she said quietly. "I'm also the club's official advisor so there wouldn't really be much room for argument on their side." Her voice and tone sounded oddly detached.
I blinked and turned to face her. "Huh? I was kidding. That's not really the issue h—"
"No, no. That actually does sound like a good idea though. You'll have more time after school for things that are more… exciting," she added. Although her tone sounded playful, she looked to be lost in thought. "The objective in the first place was to make you into less despicable of a human being, and I think you've shown that you've matured." Her eyes focused suddenly and she blinked. "I mean, being able to seduce a woman of my caliber isn't an easy feat you know, so I guess you really have grown up for the better. Which means there isn't much of a point in keeping you shackled to mandatory service anymore, is there?"
I froze. Was she really suggesting that I quit the club? That easily, and that rashly? Sure, if she had presented me this opportunity when I had first started, I would've jumped on it without a glance backwards, but now… "Slow down. What about the others? The idea of being able to laze around in the afternoon is tempting, but I can't just ditch them after all we've been through." I winced at the sentimentality that leaked out of my voice.
She turned to face me, her thoughtful expression from earlier all but gone. "Well, judging from what you said, it sounds like they don't really want you around anyway."
My breath caught in my throat, and I sputtered out a protest. "N-no. What I meant was that they just seemed slightly uncomfortable when I was there," I started. "I don't really know why, but maybe it's because I hadn't been to club in a while. You know, maybe they're just upset that I haven't been spending time with them or something. I've been busy being with you and maybe they're annoyed that our time together is cutting into club activities. I don't know."
She rolled her eyes. "I highly doubt they care whether you're there or not." I felt slightly miffed at what practically amounted to an attack on my character. And from Hiratsuka-sensei, no less. "And what, you'd rather spend time with them than be with me? Are you serious?"
My eyebrows furrowed. "What? That's not it. I'm just saying that the reason they're quiet around me is probably because I haven't been able to help with requests. If I start showing up more often, they'd probably—"
"So you want to ditch me so you can hang out with your club buddies?" she asked heatedly. She was facing me now and her expression alone told me that she was angry. Though for the life of me, I couldn't really tell why or where that anger came from. She breathed out loudly. "If I were your typical high school bimbo, I'd probably dump you on the spot for saying something like this." Her grey eyes were sparkling with anger. I reeled back an inch or two. "Just be thankful that I'm not some teenage slut. I'll let that one slip, but you need to at least try and work on your tact, Hikigaya."
I stared, dumbfounded at her outburst. Eventually, I shook my head in disbelief. "That's not even what I meant. I can spend time with you and still be at club. Why are you getting so damn angry?"
"Why am I getting angry? Because I already told you that you didn't need to go to club anymore, but you're still trying to crawl away like I'm the devil himself or something! Am I really that unbearable that you'd rather spend time with them than with me?" She leaned over to the nightstand and smashed the butt of her cigarette against the ashtray.
I paused, and took a second to look at her features. She looked angry, that was clear, but she also looked slightly hurt—but for what reason I didn't know. Did I fuck up that badly without realizing it? "No. That's not true. I wouldn't rather spend time with Yukinoshita and Yuigahama," I started evenly. "But I do have a duty to show up when I can, and help out with the requests. You were the one who put me up to it in the first place, remember?"
Her scowl remained but her features lost their menacing edge, if only slightly. "Yeah, but things are different now. And I already said that you've outgrown the reason for your being there in the first place," she frowned. "That's a compliment by the way," she added quietly.
Seeing her visibly calm down allowed me to feel more at ease. "Right, thanks," I said. "But even so, I still want to stay in the club. Trust me, this won't take much away from our time together," I continued. "It's just… I have to go sometimes. At least a few times a week so it isn't so awkward when I do finally show up again."
She regarded me for a second, her grey eyes seeming to bore deeply into me, before she sighed out. "I… alright," she said, tearing her gaze from me. It looked like she had wanted to say more, but she simply bit her lip and looked away from me. After we sat there in silence for a while, our elevated emotions slowly dissipating, she spoke again, softer this time. "I'm… sorry. About what I said," she uttered with a wet sigh. "God, sometimes I feel like all I do with you is apologize. But I'm sorry."
I watched her for a second before responding. "It's… no big deal. I think I understand now."
A breath flowed from her mouth as she spoke. "Thanks Hikigaya." Her voice was quiet and calm again. She closed her eyes for a brief second and took a breath. When she opened them again, I was rubbing her shoulder soothingly. She smiled softly at me before pulling me in for a wet kiss.
I thought I understood.